Summary: Marissa has to make a difficult call.
Background Info: Third season, up to the End of Innocence. Takes place a few months afterwards.
A/N: This story might be a little confusing. It flashes back and forth between the "present" and the End of Innocence. I've never written anything like this, so I hope it turned out okay.This is a oneshot, just to let you know.PLEASE review. Pretty please?
P.S.--I want to apologize for not updating Less of a Mother. And don't get mad at me for putting this out. It was already sitting on my hard drive--I just finished it.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the O.C. I do, however, own the story. Do not steal and do not copy.
The numbers were in her mind, the punching of the keys automatic. So why was it that she couldn't remember the last number?
"You sure you wanna do this? 'Cause we've done a lot, but… not this."
She looked down at the numbers on the screen, counting them silently and straining to remember the last one.
"Did you do all this?"
Logically, she could have simply looked in her phonebook just two screens back. Marissa, however, was not thinking logically.
The buttons slipped through her fingers as his blue eyes burned into hers. Already his breathing was heavy; Marissa could only imagine what it will be like in a few minutes.
Maybe she should have called Summer first. Talked it over with her. There is no way Marissa can do this, at least not alone.
"What, you weren't gonna even try and stop me?" "Oh, you are so not funny." "I'm kinda funny."
What would Summer do if she was in her situation? Knowing Summer, she would march right up to Seth and come right out with it.
She wondered if Ryan was nervous. She doubted he was. Didn't he used to do this sort of thing all the time?
Then again, Summer had never had any problem talking to Seth. Probably because Seth never had any trouble talking to Summer. Hell, Seth never had any trouble talking to anyone.
"Do you like it?" "Yeah I like it. You wanna know how much?"
Marissa thought about all the times they had almost done it. She wasn't quite sure why the hell she was thinking about it, but she was.
Ryan's hand expertly found its way to her bra clasp. He traced patterns on her skin, drumming closer to the front of her chest.
There was Valentine's Day, of course. Marissa cringed just thinking about it. Then there was the time they had gotten back together. They had come so close, but in the end they had decided to hold off. Maybe if they had done it then, she wouldn't be in the predicament now.
His hand was moving up and down her sweater, gripping her closer and making her shiver.
Not to mention all those times they had just barely been able to hold off their urges at bay. There were a lot of those times. In the pool house, on the beach, in her room. They were numerous.
He was simply staring at her, unblinking and not saying anything. "What?" she asked sheepishly. Her shirt and bra lay in a heap by the entrance "You're just so beautiful," he replied.
Oh, God. What was she going to say? How was he going to take it?
"Come on!" "No, not yet." "I can see." "No, you can't." "Yes, I can! Seriously, come on."
Marissa didn't understand how it had happened. Well, she understood how, just not why.
His head lay on her shoulder, their energy spent. Softly, he planted kisses on her collarbone, making her laugh. "I love you," she whispered into his neck.
She should have just put him on speed dial. In her head, she laughed cynically. Here she was worrying about speed dial.
"Wait. I'm sorry, but I can't do this. I have to go."
It had taken her a while to realize. She had tried to ignore the signs, writing them off as stress.
She gasped and Ryan pulled back, aghast. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, his face panic stricken. Marissa shook her fervently.
Things had been going great in their relationship. Even going to public school was okay, if only because Ryan went too.
His breath hitched in his throat and she hadn't even gotten her sweater off. She took his face in her heads and kissed him deeply.
What was she going to do about school? She wasn't even done with high school. College was just around the corner, something she had been waiting for.
She ran her hands over his toned body. God, she loved his body. His six pack and his biceps. She loved everything about him.
Ryan had been thinking about college too, but only because Marissa had insisted he keep his options open. No one in his family had ever gone to college; she knew he had what it took to succeed.
The candles filled the hut with a scent that she couldn't put her finger on. Honeysuckle probably. That was her favorite fragrance.
He would give it all up for her, she knew. But she didn't want that. She wanted him to be happy, to pursue his dreams, not be stuck with her faded ones.
His tongue found hers and wrestled with it. She pushed him down onto the blanket and planted a kiss on his jaw.
Dammit, this was hard. She didn't know if she was ready. But she also knew she wasn't ready to just give up.
"You know it's going to make it that much harder for you to leave." "I know."
It was a good thing she hadn't left for Hawaii. This would have been even harder to do over across an ocean.
She didn't know when she had fallen asleep. It seemed like one moment she had been engaged in a heavy make-out session, and the next her cell phone was ringing and the sun was out. It was not how she had imagined the morning going.
9. That was the last number in his phone number. With a shaking hand, she pressed in the number. She hesitated over the send button.
"Open your eyes, babe," Ryan said. "Let me see those beautiful blue eyes."
Telling herself not to be such a wimp, Marissa hit send and brought the phone up to her ear. The ringing seemed to last for eternity.
"So, there's something I want to show you." Marissa smiled at his mystery and took his hand.
"Hey!" Ryan said, his voice cheerful as he answered the phone. All of a sudden, Marissa couldn't breathe. She couldn't do this, bring his entire world down and mess him up for the rest of eternity.
"I love you," Ryan whispered in her ear. Sleepily, she snuggled closer. She loved him more than he would ever know.
"Marissa? You there?"
A sob escaped her lips.
"What's wrong?" Ryan asked worriedly.
"Ryan, I'm pregnant."
FIN