Goodbye to You
Remus would never forget that moment, waking up in the hospital wing, every inch of his body screaming in pain. Opening his eyes and slowly focusing, seeing James' tear-stained face.
"Are you ok?" He'd asked, his voice shaking.
Remus wasn't - would never be again - but he couldn't make small talk, not when he knew that something was terribly wrong. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall were stood a little way from the bed, watching him with grave expressions.
"What happened?" He asked Dumbledore frantically. "Please, I don't remember."
Dumbledore glanced at James, who was crying again, then sighed heavily. "Remus, I'm afraid there was an… incident… last night. Severus Snape came to the Shack after you had transformed."
"Is he…?" Remus couldn't finish the sentence, or the thought. If he had hurt Snape, if Snape was…
"Mr Snape was unharmed, do not concern yourself." Dumbledore said swiftly. "I have also forbidden him to tell anyone what he saw."
Remus was confused. Everything was alright, he hadn't hurt Snape, Snape wouldn't tell anyone… but why did he still feel such a painful feeling of dread?
"Remus." James said softly. "There's something you have to know. Remus, I'm so sorry. Snape found out how to get past the Willow. Remus, he was told by… by…"
"Sirius." Remus whispered and his world fell apart.
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And all the things I believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
"Sirius, please!" Remus begged. "We've been through this!"
"Then we'll go through it again!" Sirius snapped. "We'll go through it until you listen to me and believe me and forgive me!"
"I do." Remus said, very softly.
"Then why?" Sirius yelled. "Why won't you let me come near you? Why won't you let me touch you or hold you or kiss you? Why can't things be like they were? Merlin, Remus, I'm SORRY! How many times can I say it?"
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
"You don't need to say it anymore, Sirius! I forgive you, I honestly do! But that doesn't mean that things can just go back to how they were! You betrayed me!" Remus shouted, losing his temper.
"AND I'M SORRY!" Sirius yelled.
"YOU BROKE MY HEART!" Remus burst out, unable to hold in his grief any longer. For months he had tried to stay calm, to be friends with Sirius again, but Sirius wouldn't let go of what they had had and it was finally too much. "You hurt me more than anyone else ever could have! You used me! You treated me the same way everyone else does - a dangerous creature! Your little pet werewolf you can use to do your dirty work! How could you ever think we could be lovers again?"
And I said goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
"So that's it?" Sirius asked hollowly. He was very quiet now, broken down by the onslaught of Remus' words. "You just don't feel anything for me anymore?"
And I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes, you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Remus hesitated. He wanted Sirius to know that it was over - properly, truly over forever, but even now, he couldn't lie to him. Sirius saw his hesitation.
"You still love me!" He accused angrily. "You're just doing this to punish me!"
"Of course I'm not!" Remus cried. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to talk calmly. "I love you, Sirius. I always will. But I can't be with you."
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
"Remus." Sirius whispered. "You're all I have."
"I know." Remus breathed. Sirius stood up and walked over to him, backing Remus against the wall, pressing against him.
"I love you." Sirius whispered, their breath mingling from the closeness of their faces. He leaned in and, for a moment, their lips touched, until Remus pushed him away.
"It's over." Remus said. There was a finality to his voice that they both heard.
And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you, but I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything that I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
The one thing that I tried to hold onto
"I'll be here, Remus, if you ever change your mind." Sirius said, no longer pleading, but accepting.
And when the stars fall I will lie awake
You're my shooting star
"Goodbye, Sirius." Remus whispered and, summoning all his strength, he turned his back and walked away, leaving Sirius standing alone in an empty room.
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