I am just sitting here staring at the spot on the rocks where it happened - that spot. I am so focused on that spot that the pounding of the surf on the cliffs below is just a dim noise barely making its way to my brain. I'm cradling my knees to my chest, trying to hold myself together - knowing that I am coming apart. A familiar phrase plays over and over again in my head as I rock myself, Oh, God, what have I done?
Aeryn would never understand this - never. I don't even understand it. But, God, do I wish she was here now - had been here then. Aeryn never would have let this happen - she would not stand for it.
"Do you like this?" had been Grayza's incessant mantra. No! my heart screamed, but my body responded anyway. Maybe I did.
Oh, God - what had compelled me to kiss her in the hallway? I brought all of this on myself - no one to blame but me.