Hey everyone! I don't know if this should be a one shot or a multi chapter story… can you guys give me your thoughts? Since this week's episode might not be very Nick and Jess centric I decided to jump ahead a little bit. Thanks in advance for your feedback. I don't own New Girl in any capacity.
He swallowed a lump of anger and regret as he watched Jess grab her phone, send off a rapid-fire text, and slip into the hallway. This isn't happening; I'm not watching the past few weeks swirl down the drain and disappear. Her parting words still rang in his ears. "That's how you lost your virginity Nick? On a dare? That's the least romantic thing I've ever heard, I can't believe you." Nick's pride was wounded by her self-righteous tone and he prickled at her words. "Oh forgive me Jess, sorry my story didn't involve candles and a million pillows and romance for days. I was 16 years-old, give me a break. Some of us didn't feel like waiting until we were 22 and the stars were perfectly aligned." He knew he'd gone too far before he even saw Jess' face fall. She was hurt, but she collected herself quickly and rearranged her features into a passive mask. "Well, silly me, I guess," she said. "It doesn't matter, Teddy's downstairs."
Winston, Cece and Schmidt had gone back to drinking and didn't even notice when Nick grabbed his keys and followed Jess out the front door. She was jamming her thumb on the elevator call button at regular intervals and turned away from him when he approached. She looked tiny silhouetted in the dim hall light, but Nick felt even smaller when he took in her slumped shoulders. You did that, his inner voice chided, why do you always ruin everything?
"Jess, please, I'm sorry," Nick pleaded. "And also, uh, I lied."
Jess turned to face him, her curiosity piqued, but she didn't say anything.
"I didn't lose my virginity on a dare in high-school, ok? That's just the story I've always told, and I really didn't feel like outing myself in front of Winston tonight. I know I'm being a complete baby, but I just wasn't in the mood for getting ragged on."
Jess frowned, but stayed put when the elevator opened in front of her. "So what really happened?"
Nick slid down the wall to sit and Jess did the same. His heart leapt when the elevator closed again and Jess made no move to stop it.
"So, that story, the one I told tonight? It's true up until the end. I had psyched myself up to go for it with that girl back in high-school, but when the time came to, um, seal the deal… I just couldn't go through with it."
Jess raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
Nick rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "You know, it's like what you were saying. It just didn't feel right. I didn't know this girl very well and I, well, I just couldn't see how it would be right to cross that line with someone I didn't care about. So there you go, 16 year-old Nick didn't have a lot of swagger, just like 31 year-old Nick doesn't." He buried his face in his hands, embarrassed that he had lied in the first place, humiliated that he was putting it all out there now.
Jess reached over and pried the heel of his hand off his eyes. He relaxed and looked into her face, into those blue eyes that always seemed to see past the first layer and land on what was true deep inside him. She unnerved him completely, but she also made him feel alive. These past few weeks with Jess had been intense and full of possibility, but now, for the first time, Nick saw how vulnerable he really was. It was scary and exhilarating.
"So when did it happen for you then? You owe me the real story Miller," Jess coaxed. "C'mon we can both handle it."
"Ok," Nick said, as he blew out a shaky breath. "It was the summer after I graduated high-school and I had a really fun job at a community center in the city. I worked the snack bar, played games with the day campers and did a little bit of office stuff and paperwork. It was a good gig, not too boring and everyone who worked there was my age with the exception of the bosses."
Jess nodded, "I think I know where this is going," she grinned.
"Yeah, yeah, tale as old as time," Nick muttered. "Anyway I was madly in love with this girl named Charlotte who worked there. She was pretty and really funny and down to earth. The campers were crazy about her and she was friends with everyone and we kind of hit it off. So we flirted at work a bunch and I took her for ice cream and to the movies and even sprung for a couple of nice dates, which was a stretch for not-quite-19-year-old Nick."
Jess laughed and bumped his shoulder with hers, urging him on.
"So towards the end of the summer, I knew she was the one for the big moment and I was really excited because she was going to NYU in the fall and I was heading to Syracuse, so I figured we could make a go of it, you know? So the night came and it was super awkward, but it meant a lot to me and I was certain that Charlotte and I would be coupled up for a long time. But, after it happened, she started acting standoffish so I thought maybe she was shy or something or maybe she was worried that we'd rushed things, so I tried to be understanding. I asked her to go to lunch with me the next weekend and gave her this whole speech about how much I respected her and how I was crazy about her and how I couldn't wait to visit her at NYU next year. When I finished talking, she looked at me like she pitied me and said, 'Nick, I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I thought we were just hanging out. I really can't go to college with a boyfriend, that's just not my style.' So yeah, that story isn't really one I felt like debuting before the entire loft audience tonight."
Jess's eyes were wide and she covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh Nick, that must have been the worst."
Nick let out a hollow laugh. "Yeah, it was. It kind of crushed me." Nick looked down at the place where his knees, crossed Indian-style, touched Jess'. "And I'll be honest with you Jess," Nick started, his voice ragged. "If you go downstairs and have some little re-connection moment with Teddy, that's gonna crush me too."
Jess looked surprised. "What do you want me to do?" she breathed.
"You've got your phone, text him. Say something came up, lie. I don't care; just don't get on that elevator."
Jess blinked at him twice, then wordlessly reached for her phone and tapped out a message. Nick's chest tightened and his heart fluttered. I guess honesty really is the best policy.
Later that night when the loft common space was quiet and empty, Nick tip toed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He was startled, but pleased to see Jess sitting in the semi-darkness nursing a mug of tea. "Chamomile?" he asked. "Decaf peppermint actually," she laughed.
He sat down next to her and sipped his water, trying to will the pounding of his heart to settle down.
Jess cleared her throat. "So, I really appreciate you coming clean with me earlier. Honestly, your first story bothered me because it didn't sound like you. Thanks for telling me the truth."
Nick shrugged, "No big deal, I owed you some honesty. Plus, it stopped you from having an encore with Lisa-Loeb-loving Teddy, so it paid off."
Jess rolled her eyes. "Stop saying his name like it's a pharmaceutical side-effect. He's a perfectly nice guy."
Now it was Nick's turn to roll his eyes. "Sorry Jess, you're not going to convert me."
Jess giggled. "So, when you and Charlotte, uh, got down to business, was it romantic?"
Nick laughed. "Well, romance is a hard thing to lasso when you're 18. I did scatter petals from my mom's silk peony arrangement across the bed. I bought some strawberries and lifted two Zimas from my Aunt's house. Oh, and Charlotte said her favorite song was 'The Way You Look Tonight,' so I made this ridiculous mix tape with different versions of that one song on loop."
Jess cracked up. "Oh my God, how many versions did you find?"
"I think seven or eight," Nick laughed. "But the good news is, when you're 18, sex doesn't last through a lot of songs, so she probably only heard two."
Jess wiped her eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Oh man, that was some good stuff. Don't be too hard on yourself Miller, I'm sure you've refined your technique in the years since," Jess teased.
"Oh I most definitely have," Nick flirted, his voice dropping an octave. "I can promise you that."
"Oh really? Maybe you should prove it," Jess blurted.
Suddenly the light banter that had swirled around them was gone and all the air had been sucked out of the room. Jess was flushed and her eyes were dark and Nick had no doubt he looked exactly the same. Slowly, and with baffling deliberation, Nick put his glass on the table, and took Jess' mug out of her hands. He deposited it next to his glass, grabbed Jess' chair with both hands and pulled it as close as he could to where he sat. She knew he was going to kiss her again, but before he did, he wanted to be sure of something. He brushed her hair off her shoulder and leaned close so he could speak softly into her ear. "Jess, this isn't going to go away. And I don't want it to. Are you ok with that?"
He pulled back slightly so he could see her face and was rewarded with a shocked little intake of breath and her fast, deliberate nod. "Yes, I'm ok with that," she murmured.
He didn't need to hear anything else, so he closed the gap between them with lightning speed. He kissed her hard and fast and the roar of excitement in his ears was amplified when Jess wound her hands in his t-shirt and yanked him flush against her. In tandem, they stood up from the kitchen table and clumsily staggered toward the hall between their rooms. When they had kissed their way to Jess' door-frame they broke apart for the tiniest fraction of a second. Nick had never felt so sure about anything in his life, so when he looked into Jess' face and saw nothing but strangling desire, a breathless invitation, he didn't even hesitate. They disappeared into her bedroom and the loft was quiet again; the scattered kitchen chairs and half-finished drinks on the table the only evidence it had even been disturbed.