1 Her Life I Missed
This is dedicated to my friend's mother, who died conceiving his 4th sibling. I only wish that I will meet him again because he moved away and the news arrived by a friend that I moved away from. And don't sue me because I don't own Digimon, except this story I made.
"…we are gathered here today, to…"
I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry.
My mother had passed away while she conceived a 5th family member.
And it was my fault.
Every last bit of it.
It all started when my mother came from the doctor and told the good news. It wasn't to me. She said they were expecting another family member. I was filled with rage. We already had 4 brothers and sisters including me. Why was there someone else to take a bite out of my parent's budget. They can hardly even afford just half of this family. I heard the news and didn't say a word. Later that night, before I slept, I wished that we won't have more family members again. Then it happened, it happened so fast I couldn't detail the events. It was a few minutes after five. I woke up to get a glass of water. My mom, dad, and my older brother were getting some baggage. Then I found out. They were leaving for the hospital. I woke up my other siblings and told them about it. We didn't go with them because we might slow them down. I waited and waited and waited. I wasn't sure was happening or what was going to.
I woke up. I guess I must have dozed off waiting in the living room. There, I heard the phone ring. I picked up and heard my dad's voice on the other side of the phone. My other brothers and sisters were all close by, listening intently to my father's speech. Did something happen? And then, I started to cry. My brothers and sisters were wondering why I was crying. My dad hung up the phone and so did I. I told everyone what happened. My mother had died. The baby was alright but we didn't care. Our own mother had just died. I went to my room crying all the way. My older sister went after me and comforted me. I told her my wish, but she said that your wish isn't true. It was just a coincidence. I knew it wasn't true. I know it was me. I killed my mother because of some stupid, childish want.
No one in the family never really knew my mother. Sure, we knew her past and all that stuff, but we never really knew her. The real her. The person that brought us to life, the person who helped us realize our goals and achievements. We never really knew.
I was in the church. It was her funeral. I never we had a small family outside ours. There were probably only 20 people who were relatives. Ken was trying to comfort me. He didn't want me to cry too much. Davis was with Kari both of them crying, though Davis doesn't show it. Cody had moved. He couldn't come because he lived too far away. TK was on vacation to China. Tai couldn't come either because of the soccer finals. He asked his coach and said he declined. Matt and Sora were somewhere behind me. Izzy and Mimi were on the opposite side of my bench. Joe was there too. I guess a doctor can have his time too. There were probably 50 people in the church. After the funeral, I left for home in my dad's van with my family. I have to go on in my life but my mother's death is my fault. My fault. SNAP OUT OF IT. I broke off my trance. We had reached home. I prayed for a bit and thought about it. Will I ever get through this?
Five months have passed and Yolei still has the guilt of her mother's death. It is summer and right now, she is at the park, sitting by the shade of a tree. She was looking at the bright sun, and how it made her feel queasy inside. It was strange. The guilt she still covers deep inside her soul made the sun look like it was scorning her, with its radiant glare. Life has been hard for her after that horrible event. Her father had mentioned a few times that she could just be going through a phase. She wasn't the cheerful Yolei she used to be. Everyone had noticed that. Especially Ken. "Hi Yolei." Ken was behind Yolei. Small world, she thought. She turned to face Ken. "So how are things going?" he asked. "Fine… I guess." She gloomily answered. "Are you still feeling sorry for yourself about the accident?" Ken replied. Doesn't she get it? It's not her fault… Ken thought.
"Its not that easy." Yolei said.
"Well, let's talk about it."
"But I've gone through therapy and stuff and still no answer."
"Well, I have something they don't have."
"What is that?"
"Experience. The feeling of losing a family member."
"Oh. Do you mean…"
"Yes. My brother."
Yolei began to look down. Maybe Ken really can help me.
~Yolei's POV~
For the last few minutes, I told Ken about every event, and my feeling toward them. "I see…" was all Ken could say everytime I stopped. I couldn't go through my story without shedding a few tears of sorrow.
"Yolei, one question? Why do you feel so sad?"
"Well, that was a dumb question. It's because of—of—I have no idea." "See. It's just that you feel sad. Look at me. I wished my brother would go away. And it happened. I thought it was all my fault. You can't let the past bother you. What's happened has happened. You can't change it. Look, if your mother was here what do you think she would say to you?"
"Be good, and eat your vegetables?"
"Besides that."
"Well, she would tell me that her death doesn't need more mourning." "See? Even you agree with it. You have nothing to do with her death. It was just plain coincidence. If it wasn't I bet your mother has forgiven you. She's forgiven you in a lot of things didn't she?"
"Well, yeah. Oh thank you, Ken!"
"No problem. I just hate it when you look sad. It's just not like you. You're better when you smile."
"Thanks again, Ken! I have to meet everyone else!"
"Uh, you forgot your bill."
"Haha, Ken."
"C'mon, I'll walk with you."
"Ok."
My life changed. I headed to a phone to call everyone. Ken sat on a bench, looking at me then looked at the sky. My life definitely changed. I was back to my old self!
This is dedicated to my friend's mother, who died conceiving his 4th sibling. I only wish that I will meet him again because he moved away and the news arrived by a friend that I moved away from. And don't sue me because I don't own Digimon, except this story I made.
"…we are gathered here today, to…"
I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry.
My mother had passed away while she conceived a 5th family member.
And it was my fault.
Every last bit of it.
It all started when my mother came from the doctor and told the good news. It wasn't to me. She said they were expecting another family member. I was filled with rage. We already had 4 brothers and sisters including me. Why was there someone else to take a bite out of my parent's budget. They can hardly even afford just half of this family. I heard the news and didn't say a word. Later that night, before I slept, I wished that we won't have more family members again. Then it happened, it happened so fast I couldn't detail the events. It was a few minutes after five. I woke up to get a glass of water. My mom, dad, and my older brother were getting some baggage. Then I found out. They were leaving for the hospital. I woke up my other siblings and told them about it. We didn't go with them because we might slow them down. I waited and waited and waited. I wasn't sure was happening or what was going to.
I woke up. I guess I must have dozed off waiting in the living room. There, I heard the phone ring. I picked up and heard my dad's voice on the other side of the phone. My other brothers and sisters were all close by, listening intently to my father's speech. Did something happen? And then, I started to cry. My brothers and sisters were wondering why I was crying. My dad hung up the phone and so did I. I told everyone what happened. My mother had died. The baby was alright but we didn't care. Our own mother had just died. I went to my room crying all the way. My older sister went after me and comforted me. I told her my wish, but she said that your wish isn't true. It was just a coincidence. I knew it wasn't true. I know it was me. I killed my mother because of some stupid, childish want.
No one in the family never really knew my mother. Sure, we knew her past and all that stuff, but we never really knew her. The real her. The person that brought us to life, the person who helped us realize our goals and achievements. We never really knew.
I was in the church. It was her funeral. I never we had a small family outside ours. There were probably only 20 people who were relatives. Ken was trying to comfort me. He didn't want me to cry too much. Davis was with Kari both of them crying, though Davis doesn't show it. Cody had moved. He couldn't come because he lived too far away. TK was on vacation to China. Tai couldn't come either because of the soccer finals. He asked his coach and said he declined. Matt and Sora were somewhere behind me. Izzy and Mimi were on the opposite side of my bench. Joe was there too. I guess a doctor can have his time too. There were probably 50 people in the church. After the funeral, I left for home in my dad's van with my family. I have to go on in my life but my mother's death is my fault. My fault. SNAP OUT OF IT. I broke off my trance. We had reached home. I prayed for a bit and thought about it. Will I ever get through this?
Five months have passed and Yolei still has the guilt of her mother's death. It is summer and right now, she is at the park, sitting by the shade of a tree. She was looking at the bright sun, and how it made her feel queasy inside. It was strange. The guilt she still covers deep inside her soul made the sun look like it was scorning her, with its radiant glare. Life has been hard for her after that horrible event. Her father had mentioned a few times that she could just be going through a phase. She wasn't the cheerful Yolei she used to be. Everyone had noticed that. Especially Ken. "Hi Yolei." Ken was behind Yolei. Small world, she thought. She turned to face Ken. "So how are things going?" he asked. "Fine… I guess." She gloomily answered. "Are you still feeling sorry for yourself about the accident?" Ken replied. Doesn't she get it? It's not her fault… Ken thought.
"Its not that easy." Yolei said.
"Well, let's talk about it."
"But I've gone through therapy and stuff and still no answer."
"Well, I have something they don't have."
"What is that?"
"Experience. The feeling of losing a family member."
"Oh. Do you mean…"
"Yes. My brother."
Yolei began to look down. Maybe Ken really can help me.
~Yolei's POV~
For the last few minutes, I told Ken about every event, and my feeling toward them. "I see…" was all Ken could say everytime I stopped. I couldn't go through my story without shedding a few tears of sorrow.
"Yolei, one question? Why do you feel so sad?"
"Well, that was a dumb question. It's because of—of—I have no idea." "See. It's just that you feel sad. Look at me. I wished my brother would go away. And it happened. I thought it was all my fault. You can't let the past bother you. What's happened has happened. You can't change it. Look, if your mother was here what do you think she would say to you?"
"Be good, and eat your vegetables?"
"Besides that."
"Well, she would tell me that her death doesn't need more mourning." "See? Even you agree with it. You have nothing to do with her death. It was just plain coincidence. If it wasn't I bet your mother has forgiven you. She's forgiven you in a lot of things didn't she?"
"Well, yeah. Oh thank you, Ken!"
"No problem. I just hate it when you look sad. It's just not like you. You're better when you smile."
"Thanks again, Ken! I have to meet everyone else!"
"Uh, you forgot your bill."
"Haha, Ken."
"C'mon, I'll walk with you."
"Ok."
My life changed. I headed to a phone to call everyone. Ken sat on a bench, looking at me then looked at the sky. My life definitely changed. I was back to my old self!