Buu: Hey, Goku! What's my name?
-Goku: Buu.
-Buu: AHHH! (Runs off screaming)
Hallowzeen!
-Goku: Alright, Goten! Let's try this house first. Ooo, don't you look scary!
-Goten: Dad, I'm dressed as a butterfly.
-Goku: Yeah. That's uh, what I mean. I'm scared of butterflies. Did I tell you about the omnipotent butterfly I fought while searching for the Kaios?
-Goten: No.
-Goku: He was invincible. Nothing could beat him, until King Kai stabbed him with a butter knife.
-Goten: Wow! That cat fish blob actually stabbed a harmless insect with a blunt object! And in front of other people, too! I didn't know he had it in him! Did the butterfly die?
-Goku: No. It got annoyed at King Kai's joke attempts and went home, but STILL, what a fight!
-Goten: Is that why I'm dressed up like this?
-Goku: No, your Mom wanted you to, and it's best not to cross her. Here's the house. Now let me show you how it's done. (Knock, knock.) Trick or treat!
-Robert: Hello. Hey, aren't you a little old for this?
-Goku: It's just a good costume. Can I have some candy now?
-Robert: Oh, alright. (Gives out some candy)
-Goku: . . . um . . . Can I have some more please?
-Robert: Well, I guess so . . . (more candy)
-Goku: Gee I don't know if that's enough.
-Robert: Gaw! You're a pig.
-Vegeta: Kakarot is so weak. He's doing it all wrong! Trunks, watch how a real trick or treater operates! (Knock, knock.)
-Mary Ann: (Opens door) Aren't you supposed to say trick or treat, first?
-Vegeta: No, I am not! And if you value your meager existence, you will never confuse me with the other weaklings around here again! Got it!
-Mary Ann: Okay . . .
-Vegeta: Now fork over the loot before I incinerate your home!
-Mary Ann: Y-yes, sir!
-Robert: I'm telling you, you're not getting any more candy from me!
-Goku: (Sobbing) Please, I beg you, I need more candy!
-Robert: Why don't you go and eat some of what you have?
(3 seconds later)
-Robert: Geez, man! You're going to make yourself sick!
-Goku: Look! I've eaten everything form chocolate covered spare ribs to wreaking tails of alien tyrants! And I'm still alive, even if I cheated a little by having buddies with time machines and stomach pumps. I'll live! Now (sob) about that candy?
-Vegeta: That's right! Hand it all over or I'll roast your ass! Hey, where do you think you're going? You haven't paid tribute yet! Get back here or I'll blast everything you own into dog-food!
-Trunks: Dad, lighten up. You're scaring the whole neighborhood!
-Vegeta: Shut up, you little brat! My whole planet was blown up before ever got to go trick or treating! My wife is dressed up like Inspector Gadget! The only pure blooded Saiyan left in existence besides me is begging that guy for Reces Cups! My only son is dressed as Zorro and has been drawing Z's on me with a fake sword since I bought him the costume! And on top of that, I'm STILL CONSTIPATED! I think subjecting an entire neighborhood to my tyrannical will is a great way to relieve stress, don't you! Now buzz off! Bwa ha ha!
-Cell: Okay, everybody got their costumes on?
-Cell Jrs: Yes!
-Cell: Got your trick or treat bags handy?
-Cell Jrs: Yep.
-Cell: Good! Then let's pillage this pathetic planet and then blow it to bits!
-Cell Jrs: Yeah!
-Murphy (Punk trick or treater): Whoa, Dude. What are you supposed to be? Spock with indigestion?
-Jack (Irate Halloween Junkie): Naw, dig the fangs, man. He's Dracula's non-depressed tree lovin' cousin.
-Al (Power Rangers Fanatic): No way! He's Zorlock, the alien bug monster in the Power Rangers Season Five Thirteenth Episode created by Lord Zed in his vengeance against the cosmos for his fall from power in Season 3, episode 2.
-Piccolo: And they ask why I hate this holiday.
(Cell and family flying over city.)
-Cell: Oh, look, this neighborhood looks interesting.
(Vegeta frags a house with a massive explosion, followed by insidious laughter.)
-Cell: Yes, very interesting! Let's go children!
-Cell Jrs: Right, Pop!
(Flys down behind a house to observe events.)
-Cell (horrified): Oh, shit! It's Goku!
-Cell Jr: But look, he's begging that guy at the door for mercy!
-Cell's Evil Thought Alarm: Broot! Broot! Broot!
-Cell: Children, I have a marvelous idea! Listen here! *whisper, whisper*
-Goku: Pleeeeeeeease! I need more food! You're the only hope I have!
-Robert: You are really pathetic! Is the only time of the year you get to eat or something?
-Goku: I'm just HUNGRY!! (Falls to the ground and bawls like a three year old) Waaaaaaaaaaah haah haaaah haaaaaaaaah!
-Goten: Hi, Trunks. My Dad's gone psycho.
-Trunks: Mine, too. Let's fuse into Gotenks and find a different neighborhood. There's no reason these geezers should have all the fun.
-Goten: Cool!
(The two fuse into Gotenks, who is dressed as a Hispanic outlaw with blue and green insectoid wings)
-Gotenks: Weeeeeee! (Flys off.)
(Flash of light)
-Washu: Oops! I got the settings wrong! We landed back on page three!
-Tenchi: (shivering) Just get us out of here, NOW!
-Ryoko: No, please let me throw her off here!
-Ayeka: Get your filthy hands . . .
(Flash of light)
-Robert: (with a unusually high pitched voice) Hey Goku, get up.
-Goku: *sniff* You mean you'll give me some candy?
-Robert: (high pitched) No no. You've, uh, eaten everything I have. But there is an old lady down the street who gives everyone lots and lots of candy.
-Goku: Really!
-Robert: (high and squeaky, with two little blue arms manipulating his face) Yeah! She, uh, has a candy factory in her basement.
-Goku: Bye! (runs down street at light speed)
-Talking Bush With a Blue Helmet: The other end of the street, you blockhead!
-Goku: Thanks! (runs to other end and breaks down the door)
(A tall woman in a white apron and a funky green hat that looks like an iron banana peal with green spots is standing in the foyer.)
-Incredibly Deep Voiced Woman: Welcome!
-Goku: Outta my way, granny! Where's the basement door?
-IDV Woman: Certainly. It's the first door on the left.
-Goku: Woo, hoo! (Bursts through the door slobbering and falls down the stairs)
-Goku: Hey, what is this! There's no candy here!
-IDV Woman: Ha, ha, ha! Prepare to meet your end, Goku!
-Goku: (Getting zapped from all directions by insanely powerful energy beams.) No way! How did you know my name?
-IDV Woman: Damn, you're really dense! Now you have fallen for my perfect trap and you will never know who it was that orchestrated your demise! Ha, ha, ha!
-Goku: Wait a minute. I only know one guy who would want to kill me and use the word "perfect" in a sentence. Dr. Gero, what the heck happened to you?
-Cell: I'm Cell, you beef-brain! Cell, Cell, Cell!
-Goku: Oh, well I knew that, of course. Why are dressed as a little old lady, Cell?
-Cell: Try a really big old lady, but that's beside the point. The point is that now you will die and I will reign supreme!
-Goku: No, you won't. My son mopped the floor most of the adult cast in this series.
-Cell: Oh. Well, by killing you, I will have taken my revenge against your bloodline.
-Goku: You already killed me once when you self destructed on King . . .
-Cell: Goku! Why are you talking! You are supposed to be experiencing a flesh- searing death scene!
-Goku: Huh? Oh, you mean these laser thingys. Thanks for pointing those out to me. They *hee, hee* do sort of tickle.
-Cell Jr: Pop, we told you this was a bad idea. Now he'll probably vaporize us before we get to go trick or treating!
-Irate Cell Jr: Plus you're a fricking drag-queen!
-All Cell Jrs: Oh, the shame!
(Goku starts blasting Cell Jrs. into little puffs of smoke. Cell starts laughing.)
-Goku: Cell! For crying out loud, I'm killing your kids, here. What's funny about that?
-Cell: I anticipated this circumstance, and accordingly fed all my children at Mi Pueblo before coming here. No, get a whiff of your eminent doom, Goku!
-Goku: *sniff* AAARRRGGGHHH! (falls to the ground in agony)
(Cell laughs, and then leaves to buy some air freshener.)
-Goku: Only Krillin can save me now, but he's at my place dressed as Steve Austin! *Gasp* Damn my luck!
-Cell Jr: (whimpering) All we wanted to do was go trick or treating.
(Sad music stars playing)
-Goku: Why didn't you? *wheeze*
-Cell Jr: Dad said we could get some candy and then obliterate the world, but then he saw you and made up this stupid scene to kill you.
-Goku: You mean you guys didn't get any candy? *gag*
-Cell Jr: Only some Jolly Ranchers from the lady on the next block.
-Goku's Good Idea Alarm: Beep. Beep. Beep.
-Goku: Quick! *Barf* Give me some of those Jolly Ranchers! *Ack*
-Cell Jr: Why the hell would we want to do that?
-Goku: Because, *Splooge* I have a plan to get you out of here! *Blaah!*
-Cell Jrs: So then we can get some more candy! Cool!
-Goku: Id'nit, though? *Vlooaaaaaaaaaag*
-Vegeta: (Standing on a pile of flaming wreckage with a barbed whip in his hand) Work, you putrid vermin! Your lives are like cotton candy in my hands! Please me, and you might see the light of tomorrow. Do not, (veins pop out all over his body as he spazzes out) And I'll sell you piece by piece to black market organ specialists! Pitiful slaves! You are at my bidding! Bow to me and then get back to work or I'll make burnt toast out of you! (Foams at the mouth while laughing. All his slaves are bringing him more candy and digging wrapped pieces out of the rubble.)
-Cell: Yes, the co-ordinates are 73 north latitude, and 31.7 east longitude. . . Yes. . . Yes that'll do fine . . .Oh, no, not a soul for miles. . .Yes, completely unpopulated except for me. . . I have a cell phone . . .Right, now when will that warhead get here? . . A few minutes you say? . . .Splendid! . . . Oh, happy to be of help, . . Thank you, . .Yes . .Yes, Goodbye. (Hangs up and bursts into maniacal laughter) A Nuke headed for this very spot! I had no idea I could trick those dopes so easily! Hey, I wonder if I can do that to Papa John's?
-Goku: Nah sho fasht, Shell.
-Cell: Goku! How did you, you . . . Why the hell do you have Jolly Ranchers shoved up your nostrils?
-Goku: Take a whild gesh!
-Cell: No, I'd rather take a picture! (pulls out a camera) Say cheese, you moron.
-Goku: Fbup auf, Behch. (Blows real hard through his nose, causing the candies to impale Cell right in the head. Due to the alien matter in his brain, he is unable to regenerate.)
-Cell: Ha, ha! Victory! (Holds up instant developer copy of Goku's pig-like pose) Wait until the guys in the HFIL get a load of this! It's better than a Fararri! You don't suppose you could chuck a Xerox machine at me while you're at it?
-Goku: If it'll get you to shut up and die, why not? (Chuck. Crash)
-Cell: Thbanp yuu, skukker. Fvaa, fvaa, urrr . . .
(Goku runs outside as fast as he can to get some fresh air)
-Gotenks: Hey, animal crackers! The chocolate kind! I could go for some of those.
-Shopkeeper: Yes, Yes! Free Animal crackers from the Saint Louis Zoo. Get pandas, elephants, tourists, and even the occasional Zoo Keeper.
-Gotenks: Huh?
-Shopkeeper: Just eat 'em kid, they're good!
-Gotenks: (After looking at one of the very scared tourist candies) Buu, you ass-hole! You mean all of these crackers were once real people?
-Buu: No, not at all! Some of them were real animals.
-Gotenks: Get ready to die you pink Arab dracula ripoff!
-Buu: 'Scuse me, but you wear the same drab, you pint sized, prepubescent prank playing punk!
-Gotenks: Say that ten times fast!
-Buu: No way, kid. It's hard enough to do when you sound like one of the chipmunks. I hate these new dubs.
-Gotenks: Yeah, me too, but getting back on topic, one of us has to die.
-Buu: No problem! (Turns Gotenks into Candy) That was easy!
-Goku: *snnnnnnnniiffffffffffffff, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh* That's much better!
-Cell Jr: Goku! Hurry! There's a big ass nuclear warhead coming this way!
-Goku: So? I'm not worried about that.
-Cell Jr: Hey, bro, you were right! This whole city's as good as fragged!
-Goku: Oh, yeah . . . (defender of the weak, which in my case means just about everybody. How'd I get that job, anyway.) Where is it?
-Cell Jr: We don't know. We just know it's coming.
-Goku: How?
-Cell Jr: All our cell phones have caller ID!
-Vegeta: (Golden Ozaru Form) RAAGUG! wait . . . RAAJIUGH! Dammit! I can't pronounce raug! Hey, there it goes! Now then . . RAAAAUG!!! (Stomps on three more houses and shoots some fireballs while the miserable citizens, in tattered cloths and soot covered faces, scurry out of the way) Candy is all that will appease me!! RAAAUGH!
-King Kai: Let's sum it all up so far! Cell is dead, again, but managed to summon a giant nuke to incinerate the area before he was killed by a Xerox machine. The 7 remaining Cell Jrs. all want to go trick or treating, but are afraid of getting vaporized. Boo, who is afraid of his own name, is turning crowds at tourist attractions into candy, and has transmuted poor Gotenks as well. Then there's Vegeta, who's just off his despotic rocker. But there is one more thing. . .
-Piccolo: Alright, just shut up already!
-Murphy: No way, man! You're Phat!
-Piccolo: FAT? ME? But . . how! I've been drinking slim fast water for years and getting plenty of exercise! I should be as trim as a phone pole! How is this possible!? HOW!?
-Murphy: I didn't mean it like that, dawg!
-Piccolo: Quiet, you freak! No one calls a Namek fat and gets away with it, even in jest!
-Murphy: Huh?
-Piccolo: All Nameks are very, very anorexic! That's because the only one of us to die and not come back was highly obese! Also, Namek wasn't ravaged by some huge storm like everybody thought! Guru went clog dancing and shook the whole planet into disaster! (Grabs Murphy's shoulders and starts rattling him at light speed) Now do you understand? I can never be fat! Never! Never!! NEVER!!!
-Murphy: B-b-b-u-t e-v-v-v-e-r-r-r-y b-b-o-d-d-y g-e-t-t-t-t-s-s f-f-a-t-t-t- o-n-n-n
H-h-h-ha-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-w-w-w-e-e-e-e-n-n-n-n!
-Piccolo: (Classic freak out scene! Piccolo's cape blows back in the wind, sky goes black with red lightening in the back ground, and Piccolo assumes the "Golly, that sucks!" position) No! That can't be! I must destroy this holiday! It's the only way to save this world from overweight, clog dancing Nameks!
-Dende: (Dressed as the Incredible Hulk at house next door) Trick or treat!
-Piccolo: NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
-King Kai: Nukes, candy people, berserk tyranny, industrial trick or treaters, and anorexic Nemekian paranoia! Bubbles, get some more pop-corn! I have a feeling Ebert's gonna love this show!
-Goku: Alright, here's the plan. I'll fly strait into the missile and detonate it, and then apply some anti-itchy cream for the rash.
-Cell Jr: Millions of innocent souls will perish in the fall out!
-Other Cell Jr: Quiet! That's what we want, isn't it!
-Goku: (blows up previous Cell Jr.) So what do you suggest?
-Cell Jr: I have an elaborate scheme, but it involves a laser sharpened box cutter and a skillet.
-Goku: You're WAY too intelligent for this program. (Blows up that Cell Jr.) Any other ideas.
-Cell Jr: Let's catch it and then chuck it into space!
-Goku: (Blows up that Cell Jr., too.) Nice, but I won't be shown up by a blue lollypop kid!
-Vegeta: (Lying exhausted in a crater.) Man, I'm tired! I must have eaten too much sugar or something!
-Piccolo: Dende, stop! Don't eat that Reces cup!
-Dende: *gulp*
-Piccolo: Ghaghh! Why, Dende? Why? You've doomed us all! Don't eat any more! I beg you! No . . . No you can't be serious! Not a Baby Ruth!
-Dende: *gulp* Mmm.
-Piccolo: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
-Vegeta: Heh, heh! The Namek's gone A-wall! I'd better check this out! Too bad I didn't listen to Bulma when she told me to bring a video camera! (Flys out of crater and goes to the houses that he conveniently missed trashing)
-Dende: All right! A Snickers!
-Piccolo: Don't do it, Dende! You'll destroy the world!
-Dende: What?
-Piccolo: Once you've eaten enough of that stuff, you'll get a sudden urge to go clog dancing, and that'll be the end of the human race!
-Dende: You're too paranoid, Piccolo. (Flips the candy into his mouth)
-Piccolo: NOOOOO!!
-Dende: Gosh those are good!
-Piccolo: Dende, I didn't want to have to do this, but now I must!
-Dende: What's up, then?
-Piccolo: In order to protect this planet, you must die!
-Dende: Huh!?
-Piccolo: (Charging up his ultimate blast) I can't allow to load up and wind up killing everybody! How did you get to be the planet's guardian, when you don't even care enough about the Earth to watch your weight! For this crime, you must be destroyed!
-Dende: W-wait!
-Vegeta: Coooooool!
-Commercials: Yup! This is a perfect place to jump in! In fact, we should just end it right here and never make a sequel, but that would just be rude, wouldn't it. Now, we think that you should buy this Jack the Ripper Chili Maker! It slices and dices your whole family, and anyone else on the block! But it also makes a fabulous chili if properly restrained. And then we have . . .
-Grand Kai: Hey, turn the show back on!
-Commercials: No way!
-Grand Kai: Yes, way! I wanna see where the heck this is going!
-Commercials: Look, you. You're only the Grand Kai.
-Grand Kai: What do you mean by that?
-Commercials: We represent the producers of this whole damn network! If you don't give us our time, we'll start screwing around with the script until there's nothing left of your show but bad ratings!
-Grand Kai: Try it if you can, chumps! These guys make their livings by chewing up pompous air bags like you!
-Commercials: We'll see about during the next random break, spooze wad. And now, back to our program!
-Dende: W-wait!
-Vegeta: Coooooool!
-Slave: There he is!
(Piccolo, Dende, and Vegeta all whirl around to face a savage mob of Vegeta's Slaves, standing against the back drop of flaming rubble and all welding heavy, painful looking objects.)
-Slaves: There's the guy who wrecked my house; Mine too!; Mine also!; Is there anyone here who's house this guy didn't destroy?; *silence* ; Let's get him!; RAAAG!
-Vegeta: Harrrr, harrr. I'm afriad! Yeah right.
-Mr. Satan: (dressed as himself) Yeah, they are right! (For those of you who don't know, which I hope are few indeed, Mr. Satan is called Hercule in the U.S.A.)
-Vegeta: Oh, I was wondering when you would show up. A clown like you wouldn't miss a holiday where he can pretend to be tough and get away with it!
-Another Mr. Satan: (Dressed as Hulk Hogan) Hey, what's going on?
-Vegeta: Uh . . .
-First Mr. Satan: Moon Cosmic Dream Action!
(Vegeta gets blasted into the angry crowd)
-Grand Kai: What the hell was that!?
-Commercials: A cross over! We told you you'd pay!
-Grand Kai: But you can't mix a shojo cartoon with a WWF style man-ime.
-Commercials: It sucks to be you, doesn't it! Ha!
-Goku: I'm on my way to blow up the war head. Now I think that this is as good a time as any to talk about me feelings as a super hero. I know lot's of people look at me and say "Hey, there's the universe's toughest dumb blonde!" I get it a lot. But I'm not just this demented powerhouse who likes to kill bad guys all the time. I'm a real person, with real thoughts and real dreams! I'm not just an action figure or a cartoon! I have a soul, too!
-King Kai: Goku . . .
-Goku: I mean, did you ever see "Last Action Hero?" I identify with Jack Slater. I want to be seen as a real person, and not as just some roman gladiator style lunk head.
-King Kai: Goku! . . .
-Goku: Do you know what my dream was when I was growing up? It wasn't to be the strongest fighter on earth! It wasn't to save the universe! All I ever wanted was to become a veterinarian! A veterinarian for all those dinosaurs! And that brings up another point! Dinosaurs also get hurt in their every day lives! Dinosaurs also have feelin . . .
-King Kai: GOKU!! No one cares! You get paid to make things go boom! Not to rant about your own feeling of insecurity! Just to blow shit up! If you don't like it, we've got Ast
-Goku: Buu.
-Buu: AHHH! (Runs off screaming)
Hallowzeen!
-Goku: Alright, Goten! Let's try this house first. Ooo, don't you look scary!
-Goten: Dad, I'm dressed as a butterfly.
-Goku: Yeah. That's uh, what I mean. I'm scared of butterflies. Did I tell you about the omnipotent butterfly I fought while searching for the Kaios?
-Goten: No.
-Goku: He was invincible. Nothing could beat him, until King Kai stabbed him with a butter knife.
-Goten: Wow! That cat fish blob actually stabbed a harmless insect with a blunt object! And in front of other people, too! I didn't know he had it in him! Did the butterfly die?
-Goku: No. It got annoyed at King Kai's joke attempts and went home, but STILL, what a fight!
-Goten: Is that why I'm dressed up like this?
-Goku: No, your Mom wanted you to, and it's best not to cross her. Here's the house. Now let me show you how it's done. (Knock, knock.) Trick or treat!
-Robert: Hello. Hey, aren't you a little old for this?
-Goku: It's just a good costume. Can I have some candy now?
-Robert: Oh, alright. (Gives out some candy)
-Goku: . . . um . . . Can I have some more please?
-Robert: Well, I guess so . . . (more candy)
-Goku: Gee I don't know if that's enough.
-Robert: Gaw! You're a pig.
-Vegeta: Kakarot is so weak. He's doing it all wrong! Trunks, watch how a real trick or treater operates! (Knock, knock.)
-Mary Ann: (Opens door) Aren't you supposed to say trick or treat, first?
-Vegeta: No, I am not! And if you value your meager existence, you will never confuse me with the other weaklings around here again! Got it!
-Mary Ann: Okay . . .
-Vegeta: Now fork over the loot before I incinerate your home!
-Mary Ann: Y-yes, sir!
-Robert: I'm telling you, you're not getting any more candy from me!
-Goku: (Sobbing) Please, I beg you, I need more candy!
-Robert: Why don't you go and eat some of what you have?
(3 seconds later)
-Robert: Geez, man! You're going to make yourself sick!
-Goku: Look! I've eaten everything form chocolate covered spare ribs to wreaking tails of alien tyrants! And I'm still alive, even if I cheated a little by having buddies with time machines and stomach pumps. I'll live! Now (sob) about that candy?
-Vegeta: That's right! Hand it all over or I'll roast your ass! Hey, where do you think you're going? You haven't paid tribute yet! Get back here or I'll blast everything you own into dog-food!
-Trunks: Dad, lighten up. You're scaring the whole neighborhood!
-Vegeta: Shut up, you little brat! My whole planet was blown up before ever got to go trick or treating! My wife is dressed up like Inspector Gadget! The only pure blooded Saiyan left in existence besides me is begging that guy for Reces Cups! My only son is dressed as Zorro and has been drawing Z's on me with a fake sword since I bought him the costume! And on top of that, I'm STILL CONSTIPATED! I think subjecting an entire neighborhood to my tyrannical will is a great way to relieve stress, don't you! Now buzz off! Bwa ha ha!
-Cell: Okay, everybody got their costumes on?
-Cell Jrs: Yes!
-Cell: Got your trick or treat bags handy?
-Cell Jrs: Yep.
-Cell: Good! Then let's pillage this pathetic planet and then blow it to bits!
-Cell Jrs: Yeah!
-Murphy (Punk trick or treater): Whoa, Dude. What are you supposed to be? Spock with indigestion?
-Jack (Irate Halloween Junkie): Naw, dig the fangs, man. He's Dracula's non-depressed tree lovin' cousin.
-Al (Power Rangers Fanatic): No way! He's Zorlock, the alien bug monster in the Power Rangers Season Five Thirteenth Episode created by Lord Zed in his vengeance against the cosmos for his fall from power in Season 3, episode 2.
-Piccolo: And they ask why I hate this holiday.
(Cell and family flying over city.)
-Cell: Oh, look, this neighborhood looks interesting.
(Vegeta frags a house with a massive explosion, followed by insidious laughter.)
-Cell: Yes, very interesting! Let's go children!
-Cell Jrs: Right, Pop!
(Flys down behind a house to observe events.)
-Cell (horrified): Oh, shit! It's Goku!
-Cell Jr: But look, he's begging that guy at the door for mercy!
-Cell's Evil Thought Alarm: Broot! Broot! Broot!
-Cell: Children, I have a marvelous idea! Listen here! *whisper, whisper*
-Goku: Pleeeeeeeease! I need more food! You're the only hope I have!
-Robert: You are really pathetic! Is the only time of the year you get to eat or something?
-Goku: I'm just HUNGRY!! (Falls to the ground and bawls like a three year old) Waaaaaaaaaaah haah haaaah haaaaaaaaah!
-Goten: Hi, Trunks. My Dad's gone psycho.
-Trunks: Mine, too. Let's fuse into Gotenks and find a different neighborhood. There's no reason these geezers should have all the fun.
-Goten: Cool!
(The two fuse into Gotenks, who is dressed as a Hispanic outlaw with blue and green insectoid wings)
-Gotenks: Weeeeeee! (Flys off.)
(Flash of light)
-Washu: Oops! I got the settings wrong! We landed back on page three!
-Tenchi: (shivering) Just get us out of here, NOW!
-Ryoko: No, please let me throw her off here!
-Ayeka: Get your filthy hands . . .
(Flash of light)
-Robert: (with a unusually high pitched voice) Hey Goku, get up.
-Goku: *sniff* You mean you'll give me some candy?
-Robert: (high pitched) No no. You've, uh, eaten everything I have. But there is an old lady down the street who gives everyone lots and lots of candy.
-Goku: Really!
-Robert: (high and squeaky, with two little blue arms manipulating his face) Yeah! She, uh, has a candy factory in her basement.
-Goku: Bye! (runs down street at light speed)
-Talking Bush With a Blue Helmet: The other end of the street, you blockhead!
-Goku: Thanks! (runs to other end and breaks down the door)
(A tall woman in a white apron and a funky green hat that looks like an iron banana peal with green spots is standing in the foyer.)
-Incredibly Deep Voiced Woman: Welcome!
-Goku: Outta my way, granny! Where's the basement door?
-IDV Woman: Certainly. It's the first door on the left.
-Goku: Woo, hoo! (Bursts through the door slobbering and falls down the stairs)
-Goku: Hey, what is this! There's no candy here!
-IDV Woman: Ha, ha, ha! Prepare to meet your end, Goku!
-Goku: (Getting zapped from all directions by insanely powerful energy beams.) No way! How did you know my name?
-IDV Woman: Damn, you're really dense! Now you have fallen for my perfect trap and you will never know who it was that orchestrated your demise! Ha, ha, ha!
-Goku: Wait a minute. I only know one guy who would want to kill me and use the word "perfect" in a sentence. Dr. Gero, what the heck happened to you?
-Cell: I'm Cell, you beef-brain! Cell, Cell, Cell!
-Goku: Oh, well I knew that, of course. Why are dressed as a little old lady, Cell?
-Cell: Try a really big old lady, but that's beside the point. The point is that now you will die and I will reign supreme!
-Goku: No, you won't. My son mopped the floor most of the adult cast in this series.
-Cell: Oh. Well, by killing you, I will have taken my revenge against your bloodline.
-Goku: You already killed me once when you self destructed on King . . .
-Cell: Goku! Why are you talking! You are supposed to be experiencing a flesh- searing death scene!
-Goku: Huh? Oh, you mean these laser thingys. Thanks for pointing those out to me. They *hee, hee* do sort of tickle.
-Cell Jr: Pop, we told you this was a bad idea. Now he'll probably vaporize us before we get to go trick or treating!
-Irate Cell Jr: Plus you're a fricking drag-queen!
-All Cell Jrs: Oh, the shame!
(Goku starts blasting Cell Jrs. into little puffs of smoke. Cell starts laughing.)
-Goku: Cell! For crying out loud, I'm killing your kids, here. What's funny about that?
-Cell: I anticipated this circumstance, and accordingly fed all my children at Mi Pueblo before coming here. No, get a whiff of your eminent doom, Goku!
-Goku: *sniff* AAARRRGGGHHH! (falls to the ground in agony)
(Cell laughs, and then leaves to buy some air freshener.)
-Goku: Only Krillin can save me now, but he's at my place dressed as Steve Austin! *Gasp* Damn my luck!
-Cell Jr: (whimpering) All we wanted to do was go trick or treating.
(Sad music stars playing)
-Goku: Why didn't you? *wheeze*
-Cell Jr: Dad said we could get some candy and then obliterate the world, but then he saw you and made up this stupid scene to kill you.
-Goku: You mean you guys didn't get any candy? *gag*
-Cell Jr: Only some Jolly Ranchers from the lady on the next block.
-Goku's Good Idea Alarm: Beep. Beep. Beep.
-Goku: Quick! *Barf* Give me some of those Jolly Ranchers! *Ack*
-Cell Jr: Why the hell would we want to do that?
-Goku: Because, *Splooge* I have a plan to get you out of here! *Blaah!*
-Cell Jrs: So then we can get some more candy! Cool!
-Goku: Id'nit, though? *Vlooaaaaaaaaaag*
-Vegeta: (Standing on a pile of flaming wreckage with a barbed whip in his hand) Work, you putrid vermin! Your lives are like cotton candy in my hands! Please me, and you might see the light of tomorrow. Do not, (veins pop out all over his body as he spazzes out) And I'll sell you piece by piece to black market organ specialists! Pitiful slaves! You are at my bidding! Bow to me and then get back to work or I'll make burnt toast out of you! (Foams at the mouth while laughing. All his slaves are bringing him more candy and digging wrapped pieces out of the rubble.)
-Cell: Yes, the co-ordinates are 73 north latitude, and 31.7 east longitude. . . Yes. . . Yes that'll do fine . . .Oh, no, not a soul for miles. . .Yes, completely unpopulated except for me. . . I have a cell phone . . .Right, now when will that warhead get here? . . A few minutes you say? . . .Splendid! . . . Oh, happy to be of help, . . Thank you, . .Yes . .Yes, Goodbye. (Hangs up and bursts into maniacal laughter) A Nuke headed for this very spot! I had no idea I could trick those dopes so easily! Hey, I wonder if I can do that to Papa John's?
-Goku: Nah sho fasht, Shell.
-Cell: Goku! How did you, you . . . Why the hell do you have Jolly Ranchers shoved up your nostrils?
-Goku: Take a whild gesh!
-Cell: No, I'd rather take a picture! (pulls out a camera) Say cheese, you moron.
-Goku: Fbup auf, Behch. (Blows real hard through his nose, causing the candies to impale Cell right in the head. Due to the alien matter in his brain, he is unable to regenerate.)
-Cell: Ha, ha! Victory! (Holds up instant developer copy of Goku's pig-like pose) Wait until the guys in the HFIL get a load of this! It's better than a Fararri! You don't suppose you could chuck a Xerox machine at me while you're at it?
-Goku: If it'll get you to shut up and die, why not? (Chuck. Crash)
-Cell: Thbanp yuu, skukker. Fvaa, fvaa, urrr . . .
(Goku runs outside as fast as he can to get some fresh air)
-Gotenks: Hey, animal crackers! The chocolate kind! I could go for some of those.
-Shopkeeper: Yes, Yes! Free Animal crackers from the Saint Louis Zoo. Get pandas, elephants, tourists, and even the occasional Zoo Keeper.
-Gotenks: Huh?
-Shopkeeper: Just eat 'em kid, they're good!
-Gotenks: (After looking at one of the very scared tourist candies) Buu, you ass-hole! You mean all of these crackers were once real people?
-Buu: No, not at all! Some of them were real animals.
-Gotenks: Get ready to die you pink Arab dracula ripoff!
-Buu: 'Scuse me, but you wear the same drab, you pint sized, prepubescent prank playing punk!
-Gotenks: Say that ten times fast!
-Buu: No way, kid. It's hard enough to do when you sound like one of the chipmunks. I hate these new dubs.
-Gotenks: Yeah, me too, but getting back on topic, one of us has to die.
-Buu: No problem! (Turns Gotenks into Candy) That was easy!
-Goku: *snnnnnnnniiffffffffffffff, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh* That's much better!
-Cell Jr: Goku! Hurry! There's a big ass nuclear warhead coming this way!
-Goku: So? I'm not worried about that.
-Cell Jr: Hey, bro, you were right! This whole city's as good as fragged!
-Goku: Oh, yeah . . . (defender of the weak, which in my case means just about everybody. How'd I get that job, anyway.) Where is it?
-Cell Jr: We don't know. We just know it's coming.
-Goku: How?
-Cell Jr: All our cell phones have caller ID!
-Vegeta: (Golden Ozaru Form) RAAGUG! wait . . . RAAJIUGH! Dammit! I can't pronounce raug! Hey, there it goes! Now then . . RAAAAUG!!! (Stomps on three more houses and shoots some fireballs while the miserable citizens, in tattered cloths and soot covered faces, scurry out of the way) Candy is all that will appease me!! RAAAUGH!
-King Kai: Let's sum it all up so far! Cell is dead, again, but managed to summon a giant nuke to incinerate the area before he was killed by a Xerox machine. The 7 remaining Cell Jrs. all want to go trick or treating, but are afraid of getting vaporized. Boo, who is afraid of his own name, is turning crowds at tourist attractions into candy, and has transmuted poor Gotenks as well. Then there's Vegeta, who's just off his despotic rocker. But there is one more thing. . .
-Piccolo: Alright, just shut up already!
-Murphy: No way, man! You're Phat!
-Piccolo: FAT? ME? But . . how! I've been drinking slim fast water for years and getting plenty of exercise! I should be as trim as a phone pole! How is this possible!? HOW!?
-Murphy: I didn't mean it like that, dawg!
-Piccolo: Quiet, you freak! No one calls a Namek fat and gets away with it, even in jest!
-Murphy: Huh?
-Piccolo: All Nameks are very, very anorexic! That's because the only one of us to die and not come back was highly obese! Also, Namek wasn't ravaged by some huge storm like everybody thought! Guru went clog dancing and shook the whole planet into disaster! (Grabs Murphy's shoulders and starts rattling him at light speed) Now do you understand? I can never be fat! Never! Never!! NEVER!!!
-Murphy: B-b-b-u-t e-v-v-v-e-r-r-r-y b-b-o-d-d-y g-e-t-t-t-t-s-s f-f-a-t-t-t- o-n-n-n
H-h-h-ha-l-l-l-l-l-l-o-w-w-w-e-e-e-e-n-n-n-n!
-Piccolo: (Classic freak out scene! Piccolo's cape blows back in the wind, sky goes black with red lightening in the back ground, and Piccolo assumes the "Golly, that sucks!" position) No! That can't be! I must destroy this holiday! It's the only way to save this world from overweight, clog dancing Nameks!
-Dende: (Dressed as the Incredible Hulk at house next door) Trick or treat!
-Piccolo: NNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
-King Kai: Nukes, candy people, berserk tyranny, industrial trick or treaters, and anorexic Nemekian paranoia! Bubbles, get some more pop-corn! I have a feeling Ebert's gonna love this show!
-Goku: Alright, here's the plan. I'll fly strait into the missile and detonate it, and then apply some anti-itchy cream for the rash.
-Cell Jr: Millions of innocent souls will perish in the fall out!
-Other Cell Jr: Quiet! That's what we want, isn't it!
-Goku: (blows up previous Cell Jr.) So what do you suggest?
-Cell Jr: I have an elaborate scheme, but it involves a laser sharpened box cutter and a skillet.
-Goku: You're WAY too intelligent for this program. (Blows up that Cell Jr.) Any other ideas.
-Cell Jr: Let's catch it and then chuck it into space!
-Goku: (Blows up that Cell Jr., too.) Nice, but I won't be shown up by a blue lollypop kid!
-Vegeta: (Lying exhausted in a crater.) Man, I'm tired! I must have eaten too much sugar or something!
-Piccolo: Dende, stop! Don't eat that Reces cup!
-Dende: *gulp*
-Piccolo: Ghaghh! Why, Dende? Why? You've doomed us all! Don't eat any more! I beg you! No . . . No you can't be serious! Not a Baby Ruth!
-Dende: *gulp* Mmm.
-Piccolo: NOOOOOOOOOO!!
-Vegeta: Heh, heh! The Namek's gone A-wall! I'd better check this out! Too bad I didn't listen to Bulma when she told me to bring a video camera! (Flys out of crater and goes to the houses that he conveniently missed trashing)
-Dende: All right! A Snickers!
-Piccolo: Don't do it, Dende! You'll destroy the world!
-Dende: What?
-Piccolo: Once you've eaten enough of that stuff, you'll get a sudden urge to go clog dancing, and that'll be the end of the human race!
-Dende: You're too paranoid, Piccolo. (Flips the candy into his mouth)
-Piccolo: NOOOOO!!
-Dende: Gosh those are good!
-Piccolo: Dende, I didn't want to have to do this, but now I must!
-Dende: What's up, then?
-Piccolo: In order to protect this planet, you must die!
-Dende: Huh!?
-Piccolo: (Charging up his ultimate blast) I can't allow to load up and wind up killing everybody! How did you get to be the planet's guardian, when you don't even care enough about the Earth to watch your weight! For this crime, you must be destroyed!
-Dende: W-wait!
-Vegeta: Coooooool!
-Commercials: Yup! This is a perfect place to jump in! In fact, we should just end it right here and never make a sequel, but that would just be rude, wouldn't it. Now, we think that you should buy this Jack the Ripper Chili Maker! It slices and dices your whole family, and anyone else on the block! But it also makes a fabulous chili if properly restrained. And then we have . . .
-Grand Kai: Hey, turn the show back on!
-Commercials: No way!
-Grand Kai: Yes, way! I wanna see where the heck this is going!
-Commercials: Look, you. You're only the Grand Kai.
-Grand Kai: What do you mean by that?
-Commercials: We represent the producers of this whole damn network! If you don't give us our time, we'll start screwing around with the script until there's nothing left of your show but bad ratings!
-Grand Kai: Try it if you can, chumps! These guys make their livings by chewing up pompous air bags like you!
-Commercials: We'll see about during the next random break, spooze wad. And now, back to our program!
-Dende: W-wait!
-Vegeta: Coooooool!
-Slave: There he is!
(Piccolo, Dende, and Vegeta all whirl around to face a savage mob of Vegeta's Slaves, standing against the back drop of flaming rubble and all welding heavy, painful looking objects.)
-Slaves: There's the guy who wrecked my house; Mine too!; Mine also!; Is there anyone here who's house this guy didn't destroy?; *silence* ; Let's get him!; RAAAG!
-Vegeta: Harrrr, harrr. I'm afriad! Yeah right.
-Mr. Satan: (dressed as himself) Yeah, they are right! (For those of you who don't know, which I hope are few indeed, Mr. Satan is called Hercule in the U.S.A.)
-Vegeta: Oh, I was wondering when you would show up. A clown like you wouldn't miss a holiday where he can pretend to be tough and get away with it!
-Another Mr. Satan: (Dressed as Hulk Hogan) Hey, what's going on?
-Vegeta: Uh . . .
-First Mr. Satan: Moon Cosmic Dream Action!
(Vegeta gets blasted into the angry crowd)
-Grand Kai: What the hell was that!?
-Commercials: A cross over! We told you you'd pay!
-Grand Kai: But you can't mix a shojo cartoon with a WWF style man-ime.
-Commercials: It sucks to be you, doesn't it! Ha!
-Goku: I'm on my way to blow up the war head. Now I think that this is as good a time as any to talk about me feelings as a super hero. I know lot's of people look at me and say "Hey, there's the universe's toughest dumb blonde!" I get it a lot. But I'm not just this demented powerhouse who likes to kill bad guys all the time. I'm a real person, with real thoughts and real dreams! I'm not just an action figure or a cartoon! I have a soul, too!
-King Kai: Goku . . .
-Goku: I mean, did you ever see "Last Action Hero?" I identify with Jack Slater. I want to be seen as a real person, and not as just some roman gladiator style lunk head.
-King Kai: Goku! . . .
-Goku: Do you know what my dream was when I was growing up? It wasn't to be the strongest fighter on earth! It wasn't to save the universe! All I ever wanted was to become a veterinarian! A veterinarian for all those dinosaurs! And that brings up another point! Dinosaurs also get hurt in their every day lives! Dinosaurs also have feelin . . .
-King Kai: GOKU!! No one cares! You get paid to make things go boom! Not to rant about your own feeling of insecurity! Just to blow shit up! If you don't like it, we've got Ast