Gravitation- Lost and Alone
Author- Luna P aka Nikki
Rating- This fic is rated R for the simple reason that I am going to put a lemon in here because I like lemons. However I know there are those who don't and that is why this fic has been rated as R of course I'm only fifteen and I wrote it but I've put it as R because otherwise it will be kicked off n.n
Warning- Not only does this fic contain yaoi but it contains incest along with rape and self harm. In another words it isn't a bundle of laughs and contains a lot of mature content, if that is not your thing then it would be a smart idea to turn away now because it pretty much revolves around that.
Summary- Many secrets are hidden behind closed doors in the Fujisaki household, many sad stories and painful memories. How come no one ever noticed Suguru's suffering and how long must he live in such torment? TohmaxSuguru, incest.
Disclaimer- Oh if I owned Gravi I'd be right here reading and writing fanfiction because that's who I am and it's what I love. How corny do I sound? Still I don't own Gravitation and it's a disappointment because I love all the characters soo much n.n
A/N- Ok, this story has been sitting around on my hard drive doing absolutely nothing for ages now and when I was bored and pissed off one night I stumbled upon it and decided to put it up, I have a couple of chapters pre-written so if you like then review and I'll get them up as soon as I can.
Just so you know, I write angst into every fanfic that I write and this is no different it is also one of the darkest fics I have written, so that's my added warning. Please feel free to leave a review and your thoughts afterwards, I would appreciate it greatly…
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Chapter 1- The beginning
Normal POV
A loud scream echoed through the walls of the Fujisaki household, a blood curdling scream, a scream of suffering and pain. Then there was nothing, not a noise until that was you moved closer to where the scream had originated from. Then small sobs and whimpers could be heard echoing throughout the room. Ruffling of clothes followed by mocking laughter. Laughter that picked at the soul and stripped the young boy of any dignity that he had left. Which believe me was not a lot. No, he had been trod on and knocked down all his life, his heart and soul shattered time and time again but there was never anyone there to pick up the pieces. Never…
"Good boy, see, if you just do as you're told it doesn't hurt nearly as much does it?" He cringed at the voice, the one he knew the best. He didn't even know the guy's name for Christ's sake, just knew that he wouldn't leave him alone. The others were all one-night things, a moment of insanity and curiosity, and as they left him shaking and bleeding on his bed they always looked so guilty. It was never so with him, he never regretted what he did, hell no, he enjoyed it, loved every moment. Lived for it, he lived to torment him. Lived to torture and humiliate him, degrade him in every way and then leave him, battered, bruised and torn, laughing as he did so.
"Ahh, are you crying because I'm leaving boy? Don't worry your pretty little head, I'll be back sooner than you think. And then we can have our fun, I know you like it, why don't you just admit it?" He asked running his hand through the soft green hair of the small boy before licking the tears away from the pale skin. The boy known as Fujisaki Suguru just cringed and rolled over pulling away from the bastard. The quiet click of the door opening told him that SHE had just entered, the one who planned all of this. She called these men; told them she had a young whore at her disposal that would do anything for the right price.
"Are you finished in here Asakura-sama?" She asked with a bow, never once passing a glance at the bloodied boy that was her kin, her own flesh and blood, her son. A slow nod from the man as he stood from the side of the bed walking over to her and handing her a wad of cash.
"For tonight, he's slowly getting better and accepting me, he didn't struggle nearly as much this time." He whispered glancing back at the boy that was so obviously listening to every word that the elders said.
"Good, that's what I like to hear satisfied customers. Will you be returning again soon Asakura-sama?" She asked placing the money in her pocket before tucking her hair behind her right ear.
"No, my wife's coming home tomorrow but I'll give you a call and book in advance for my next session Naru-san, you are very lucky to have such a beautiful son." She snorted at that, she had never been fond of the boy. Had never cared or loved for him in a way she should have, had never treated him like a son and had never acted like a mother. She just didn't care enough about him, his father loved him unconditionally but he was always away on business trips leaving her with a child she couldn't stand.
"Lucky isn't what I'd call it, I'm well off because of him and selling his body but I'm far from lucky to have him. I never wanted a child I was happy as I was, it was my bastard husband that wanted a baby, then he left me with the job of caring for him. Oh I 'cared' for him, on the eve of his eleventh birthday, I believe it was, I sold him for the very first time and if I'm not mistaken it was to you Asakura-sama. I told him that he was going to play a fun little game, oh wasn't he surprised."
"You truly are a bitch Naru-san but I like the way you think" Asakura chuckled as he placed his hand on the small of the woman's back and escorted her out of the room. Hearing the door click Fujisaki didn't move, just continued to stare at the wall, he remembered that night all too well. He had been getting dressed for bed when she had come in, he had never been aloud to call her 'mother' she had always insisted upon him calling her Naru or ma'am. He didn't mind, she wasn't a mother to him anyway; she then told him that she had a surprise game for him to play in one of the guest rooms.
But when he got there she opened the door and pushed him in locking it from the outside and trapping him in there with that monster. He had been so young and it had hurt so much, now he was fearful to say it but he was getting used to the rape, the pain afterwards now was nothing more than a dull aching throb. Then again maybe he had just given up on feeling the pain. The hatred, maybe he'd just given up on life. He only wished that his father didn't go away so often, his mother had never loved him, his father did. But his father never knew about what happened to his dearest son when he was gone. And if Naru had her way he never would do.
It was strange to think that he never noticed the new cars or the designer clothes that Naru had started to accumulate since he had been going away. Never asked where the money had come from, then again Suguru was a member of 'Bad Luck' he had a lot of money coming in because of record sales and gigs and he supposed that there was always a possibility that his father believed Naru had gotten herself a job. She had been an international super model once upon a time. As she said time and time again, Fujisaki had ruined that. Cursed her body with stretch marks and a hideous scar from the caesarean.
No modelling company had wanted her after that. None of that was his fault but she believed it and she had some how made Suguru believe that everything that went wrong in her life and everything that had happened to him as a result of that was his fault and no one else's. Growling he pushed himself up from the bed, a jolt of pain exploding from his hips and then spreading upwards. It wasn't an overwhelming amount of pain, more like a dull ache, nothing more than an annoyance. Sighing and walking over to the bath he began to run the water before turning and closing the door, catching sight of himself in the mirror as he did so.
"Kuso" he muttered when he saw the gash on the side of his face, he always prayed that no harm would come to his face because that was the one part of himself that he couldn't hide. With rolling eyes he reached for the antiseptic and the bag of cotton wool. Tipping some of the liquid onto the pad before gently dabbing at the wound, it stung slightly but again the sensation was nothing more than an annoyance. Noticing that the bath was full he placed the cotton wool in the bin and the bottle of antiseptic back in the draw. Feeling the hot steam from the bath water hitting onto his skin he started to feel better and stepped into the tub, sinking down into the boiling water.
He loved the way the steaming water felt against his skin, so pure, so clean, so caring, comforting, so perfect. Still no matter how clean his body became his mind would forever be plagued. The pain in his heart of never being loved but abused time and time again always seemed so fresh and never seemed to dull. But he was used to having it there, it was almost as though it had in essence after all this time become a part of him and he would never be able to escape it.
With a deep intake of breath he submerged himself in the water, letting the liquid saturate his hair and wash any blood or dirt from the silken green locks. Emerging from the bath water he pushed his hair back out of his face and reached for the two in one shampoo and conditioner washing his hair and then rinsing it off in the water. The next thing he did was wash himself; he grabbed the soap and lathered his entire body ridding himself of any blood or semen that was still present on his skin. And after all of that was done he felt ready to face another day, well almost.
Glancing at the table to the side of the bath he caught sight of the straight razor that his father had given him as a present last year. The Ivory handle calling to him, he only ever used that razor for one use and that was to subdue his suffering, to ease the pain and stress welling up within him. Taking hold of it he removed it from the pouch and held it to his left arm, half way up the soft pale skin, and in one swift fluid like motion he sliced the skin that lay there. Crimson blood immediately escaped from the cut and he sighed as he lowered the bleeding arm into the water.
The physical pain of cutting himself was a lot easier to bare than the mental pain of remembering everything that he had gone through over the years. Or so he told himself, it was just a way to escape for a while, feeling the slight pain and watching the crimson liquid shimmering in the light took his mind off of everything else. There was that and playing keyboard or piano, he loved playing music and though he tried not to admit it he loved playing with bad luck. And the times when they had a gig that had gone on late and Tohma had decided to take Suguru back to his and Mika's because their house was closer were always really nice and relaxing…they were…normal.
You wouldn't believe it but Mika was always so nice to him and always treated him like her own son. And Tohma, well family to Tohma was the most important thing, and although they didn't see much of each other or talk a lot they did care about each other there was no doubt in either of their minds about that. Washing off the razor and placing it back in the pouch he dropped it on the table before draining the water and wrapping one towel around his waist before using another to stop the blood from escaping his arm. Stepping out of the bath and leaving the bathroom he walked into his room. Sighing he used another towel to dry off before walking over to his cupboard.
Grabbing the first aid kit from the bottom corner he opened it and removed the bandages and a cotton pad. Cutting a strip of gauze he placed the pad onto his arm over the cut and then secured it with a couple of layers of the bandages. Yawning he placed the kit back into the cupboard and started shifting through all the neatly hanging clothes looking for something to wear. Deciding on a dark mint green shirt and a pair of loose fitting black jeans, he quickly changed and glanced at his reflection. Looking in particular at the mark on his cheek, now that the blood was gone it looked ok, there was no bruising or swelling around the wound. Just an indented line that you wouldn't notice unless you got uncomfortably close to him.
He jumped when he heard his cell phone ringing from its place in the jacket he had worn yesterday and walked over to the chair that the coat had carelessly been tossed over. Glancing at the screen of the phone he saw the name of the person whom was calling clear as day, it read 'Shuichi' he immediately started to wonder what the baka could be calling about but more importantly who had given him his number. Flipping open the phone and placing it next to his ear he perched himself on the edge of his bed. Rubbing his head with his free hand and muttering.
"Mochi, Mochi"
"Yay good morning Fujisaki-san!" The younger could practically hear the huge smile and shimmering eyes. In other words Shuichi was in his super happy hyper mode, on the plus side at least they'd get work done on the negative side, Shuichi was in his super happy hyper mode. "Well I just thought I'd call ya cause Yuki, yes I said Yuki… heh heh, is driving me to NG today and I thought that we could give ya a lift. And I won't take no for an answer…mainly because we're parked outside your house and Yuki will kill me if I made him take this 'little' detour for nothin' so pleease for the sake of my life come and jump into the back of the car."
"I will, if you answer one question…how the hell did you get this number?" Shuichi giggled on the other end of the line.
"Hiro-kun told me, but he did tell me not to tell you that so maybe I shouldn't have told you." A loud thudding sound signalled that Yuki had just hit Shuichi over the head for being his overly hyper and overly stupid self. Suguru couldn't help but chuckle at that. "Itai…" the pink haired boy whimpered "I gotta go now Fujisaki-san but I'll see ya in a min k?" He asked and hit the end call button the sixteen-year-old just rolled his eyes and wandered over to the window, pulling back the curtains to see the black car belonging to Yuki Eiri parked in the driveway. Sighing and rubbing his forehead he decided that he really didn't feel like walking all the way to NG.
Grabbing his long black jacket he slipped his cell phone into the pocket and made his way downstairs. He could hear the radio on in the kitchen and so managed to slip out of the door unnoticed. After all he may have gotten out of the house but he would still have to return later on that night. Oh how he wished that he could just get away, just for a while, just long enough so that he could work things out and figure out a plan. But things never worked out for Fujisaki Suguru and he'd gotten used to that. It was, like everything else, a part of him…it made him who he was…
With a sigh the sixteen-year-old opened the side door and slid into the back, Shuichi smiled gleefully when he saw the younger and jumped into the back seat hugging his friend and thanking him for, in essence, saving his life before leaping back into the front. Suguru chuckled slightly at the elder's antics, that had been just what he needed an amusing 'pick me up' as if were. Regaining his placid outer shell he caught sight of Yuki staring at him, the all-knowing golden orbs burning into him. Staring at the elder for a while Fujisaki saw something within the eyes, it was as if… as if Yuki knew about what had happened to him. But that was impossible.
Golden eyes narrowing Yuki turned away and started the car; Suguru just stared at the back of the blonde's head wondering if some how Yuki did know. But if by some fluke he did then what was he going to do about it? Did he even care?
"Shuichi…" The pink haired boy snapped his head to face his koi, hearts appearing around his head and his eyes turning starry. "Would you like to go buy some pokey? There's a shop coming up, I'll give you the money." Shuichi's heart stopped, he couldn't believe that this was his Yuki.
"Yes, yes I would! Oh Yuki I love you and pokey…wait a minute why are you being so nice? Ah who are you and what have you done with my Yuki!" Shuichi screamed as he began poking at the elder's side, Fujisaki took a deep breath to calm his nerves. He had a pounding headache and he really didn't need Shuichi screaming in such a confined space. Pulling up outside the shop the novelist turned and whacked Shuichi in the head hoping to knock some sense in him. The other just began wailing earning him another whack. "Yuuuukiiiii don't be meeeeaaaaan!"
"Just go get some pokey I have something of importance to discuss with Fujisaki over here understand?" Throwing his wallet at Shuichi the younger giggled and nodded before diving out of the car door. Suguru couldn't believe it but he actually found himself wishing that he could go with Shuichi rather than staying in here with Yuki and talking about things he would rather not talk about. "What is it about you? Why are you so quiet? I look at Shuichi a man three years older than you and he's running around like a toddler, completely crazy and self obsessed. Then there's Ryuichi and Tohma men twice your age, it's like you've switched personalities with them or something."
"What does that mean?" Fujisaki asked his eyes locking with those of the elder man.
"It means that you should be out having fun and acting like a baka. I mean look at Shuichi over there, I've pulled up outside a library yet he's a firm believer that they sell pokey everywhere and that if he asks for long enough the librarian will give him some. It won't happen but he believes in it, hell he still believes in the Easter bunny and Santa Claus, they don't exist but he believes they do and that's good enough for him. What of you Fujisaki-san, what do you believe in?"
"What does it matter?" The younger asked turning his head and glancing out of the window where he saw Shuichi rolling around on the floor screaming for pokey at the top of his lungs. The librarian was finding it all a bit too overwhelming as she tried in desperation to stop the nineteen year old boy's tantrum. Failing miserably, he jumped when he felt the hand on his face, turning it rather sharply until he was facing Yuki. His eyes staring into those of the elders.
"Your eyes show age Fujisaki, problem with you is they show a sixteen year old with a five year old secret that has aged the soul beneath to that of double its actual age. I used to be like that…then I met Shuichi…this secret you've bared for five years Suguru it is much like one I bared all those years ago. But I was sixteen Fujisaki, the age you are now…am I correct to say that you were only eleven?" A slow nod, why was he proving Yuki right? Why wasn't he denying it with all his being? It wouldn't change anything if Yuki knew or not so why was he worrying about it?
"Are you stalking me Yuki-sama?" he asked eyes and voice void of any emotion whatsoever.
"No, everything you do screams it at me. The way you carry yourself, the way you speak, the tone you use, your eyes, your mind, your music, and finally the way you dress. Hiding the scars and bruises from prying eyes but that in itself alerts them to their existence." Growling Fujisaki pulled out of Yuki's grip no longer wishing to continue with the discussion. "Suguru…there is no shame in asking for help."
"I know…but I don't need it…" he whispered, the younger jumped when he felt Yuki's finger lightly trace the mark on his cheek. Not in a sexual way but in a kind and caring way, a way you wouldn't think Yuki Eiri would be able to do yet one in which he was doing. Odd how things like that happened.
"Everyone needs help Suguru…you just don't know who from yet…you don't know who to trust and that's understandable. But there are many people who want, and are worthy, of your trust. Remember Suguru-san, trust is a very important thing to have in your life, I know that you've been betrayed and that trust to you is just something to be broken and abused at will. But it's not, the trust you have experienced is the false kind of trust, the trust that you seek is the one provided by someone who loves you in every way for whom and what you are. Nothing more and nothing less."
"Yuuukiiii that mean women wouldn't give me any pokeeeeeeyyyyy!" Shuichi wailed not noticing the perhaps-compromising situation that the other two boys were in. Sighing Yuki reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a stick of strawberry pokey and threw it at the younger boy's head before glancing back at Fujisaki.
"Remember all of that Suguru…maybe it'll come in handy some time." The novelist explained as he turned back to the windscreen, turning the keys in the ignition and restarting the car. Fujisaki stared at the back of the blonde head for a while, unsure as to what exactly had just happened. Deciding that he just didn't care he redirected his attention to the window, watching as the world flashed past him, turning into one big blur the quicker the car went. He just felt like he needed to take his mind off of everything. Hopefully when they got to NG everything would just fall into place and he'd know what to do from here on out. Hopefully…hopefully…
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Ok, that's the first chapter, I hope that I haven't offended of upset anyone this far, if I have then I am very sorry and I didn't mean to. Ok, I promised Tohma and he will be in it in the next chapter for sure so keep your eyes open for chapter two of my 'super happy hyper fanfic' (just joking n.n) if you liked, leave a review please if not then leave me a review and tell me why not. I accept creative criticism, and of course praise n.n I also accept flames because lets face it it gives the appearance that I've got more reviews,
Thanks for reading please leave a review and I hope to see you again in the next chapter
K- You're so lame Nikki,
Nikki- true and I'm a review fiend… so please n.n