Tell me, Dean! (part 1)
This was unbearable for Castiel. He was new to all this and these new found feelings were like a powerful punch to his brain. He couldn't explain that to himself, but it seemed that humans felt everything in a different way, more…painful. He was human now too, and this thought made him extremely sad. He was overreacting to everything…these feelings made him go insane, and he was really scared about the way he saw everything now.
He remembered what Dean told him not that long ago - even though so many things had happened since then – by the time Zachariah sent him into the future. Dean said that in that future Castiel was a broken human. He was stoned basically every moment of the day and tried to restrain his feelings by drinking and organizing orgies. He didn't want to end up like that human Castiel! But he just couldn't understand it. Being a human changed his point of view. He was seeing everything differently and was amazed by this new perspective. But what worried him the most was that he was seeing Dean different.
Every time he and Dean would talk he couldn't help but stare at his face, his pale skin, the green eyes that seemed to change their contrast depending on the mood he was in, and the fresh looking hair with blond glows. Even this morning as Dean was explaining him where they were headed he didn't hear him, he just stared at his pink and soft looking lips moving in a way that made all those new feelings explode. And there was something different about the voices too. He found Sam's voice quite grating, while Deans' voice was sending chills down his spine and made his heart fasten its rhythm.
But all these thoughts were too much for him right now, so he began to listen to the radio. There were the three of them in the Impala, heading to some other town where the boys found some strange activity or something, he wasn't sure, he couldn't focus on what they were talking. Now he was decided to listen to the radio and try to escape all those feelings for a while. The man that was talking on the radio just announced the next song and with a sweet and relaxing guitar noise the song began.
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to Heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't want to go home right now
But as he was paying more and more attention to the words he realized he was about to burst into tears – the words that were sung now seemed to be his, only that somehow he didn't want to go back home, and also, it was impossible – and after taking a long breath of air he continued listening to the song.
And all I can taste is this moment
and all I can breathe is your life
and sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
The feeling he had before disappeared, he couldn't relate to these words anymore, but the first ones were pretty much exactly the words that tormented him since he decided to stay on Earth together with the Winchesters.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
The last words made him tremble.
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
This was way too painful now. These words were making him remember the time he was working with Crowley, and Dean told him he could help fixing it…he remembers screaming at him that it is not broken…he passed a trembling hand over his face and moved in the leader seats of the Impala to sit more comfortable. He was now concentrating on the new song that was aired, this one was a little happier, even though they were singing something about Heaven being a girl. He fell asleep.
oOoOo
He woke up as the engine stopped. He looked outside the window and saw it was night now and they were in a parking lot in a cheap looking motels' yard. Sam got out of the car and entered the door with a shinny led text "Reception" on it. Dean was still in the car. He turned to face Cas, and with a fake big smile told him to get out of the car.
It was a pretty cold summer night; the stars were shining on the cloudless night sky and the full moon was sending its silver rays down on Earth. Dean was taking their bags from the trunk; one of them – the bigger one – was full with weapons. Cas saw the door with the led letters open and Sam coming out of there with two keys with big key rings in his hands.
"Ok. So, we have a room with a single bed and one with two beds." Sam said with a resigned voice, and then he hastened to add that they will decide about who takes which room as they get there.
They entered the hallway and Sam stood between the two doors that assured the entrance to their rooms.
"So…" he started explaining while holding the two keys up in front of him "…the room at my right is the single bed one" and leaning to Dean "that I'll take" and handing him the other keys "and the room with the two beds will be yours".
Deans' face morphed into an expression of hatred as Sam lowered his voice and explained him that Cas needed to be watched, as he might not deal well with his situation yet. Dean took the keys from Sam and opened the door with a sight.
Then he whispered to Dean as he bent over to take his bag "Besides…you two seem to share a more" and now in Castiel's voice "profound bond" and entered his room with a mean satisfaction grin on his face, while Dean stood amazed in the hallway with his brows raised and his hand on the door knob. After Sam entered his room Cas heard a laughter coming from the room and then the creaking of the bed…then silence.