Chapter 1-

As she walked away from Camp Jaha, Clarke felt as if she world was on her shoulders, the weight of everything she had done in the few short months she had been on earth was finally catching up with her and bringing her down. It had all started with Atom, her first kill, it was out of mercy yet it still haunted her every day. Then there was her first real kill, the grounder, Caliban. Then there was the 300 grounder warriors at the drop ship, killed in a ring of fire at her command. Followed by another 250 grounder in TonDC, killed by a missile because she chose not to save them. She stabbed Finn. Shot Dante. And to top it all off she killed 300 in mount weather. Children. Innocent people. All dead because of her.

She was drowning in blood, she couldn't be in Camp Jaha because she would be constantly reminded of what she did for her people. We bare it so they don't have to. Clarke didn't want to bare it, she hated it the pain she was feeling, but she had to bare it for the sake of her people.

A large part of her wanted to blame Lexa for betraying her, after all it was her fault Clarke had to irradiate level 5. Maybe if Lexa hadn't betrayed her, Clarke wouldn't have had to kill those innocent people. Her heart aches at the thought of Lexa, of what could have been, if not for the betrayal. Her mind floods with images of the kiss they shared in the tent before the battle, of Lexa's soft lips pressed against her own, the emotions that were conveyed through that one kiss.

Clarke sighed. She shouldn't be thinking of Lexa, she shouldn't be thinking of the 'what ifs,' after all, what's done is done.

Looking back at Camp Jaha for one last time, Clarke entered the treeline, leaving her old life behind, and starting a new one, alone. Without her mother, without her friends, without Lexa.

It had been a few weeks since Clarke had left her people and she was barely surviving. She didn't really think it all through, all she had left Camp Jaha with was her gun and a limited supply of bullets. For the past few weeks she had been surviving off meagre amounts of berries and little water, it wasn't enough. Clarke was malnourished and dehydrated, if she didn't do something about it she would surely die within a matter of days.

Her body was screaming for her to go back to Camp Jaha, to warmth and security, food and water, to her people.

Her back ached from sleeping on the cold, hard ground. Her legs burned from the constant travel and her stomach clenched and ached in hunger.

But still, she couldn't go back. Not now, possibly not ever. She needed time and space. To think, to forget.

Her stomach let out a load groan, disrupting her thoughts, she needed food and quickly. Nightfall was quickly approaching so she knew it would be too dangerous to attempt hunting, so once again her only hope was to find more berries.

The thought of berries made Clarke queasy, the previous night she had eaten some poisonous berries and as a result spent the night violently vomiting, the sickness lasted most of the night, and Clarke had lost a large amount of sleep because of it. Despite this, Clarke knew that she had to eat so she risked it.

As the sun was setting Clarke came across a bush covered in small red berries. They look okay. Hesitantly, Clarke picked a handful and popped them into her mouth, slowly chewing. A burst of flavour assaulted her tongue, it was sweet, very sweet. After around 15 minutes Clarke still felt okay so she decided to pick all the berries on the bush to save some for later.

As she continued to walk, she continued popping the berries into her mouth. They were really good. They made her feel good too, as time passed Clarke felt a sense of euphoria was over her. Her body was tingling and everything just seemed clear. As she moved on Clarke just couldn't help but admire her surroundings, the sunset lit the western horizon in a purple glow, the birds sang their song and the left over precipitation from the last rainfall clung to the leaves. Then reality altered before Clarkes eyes, the birds changed to angels and the sky turned green. Like Lexa's eyes Clarke thought dopily. The trees became giant mushrooms and the fairy's surrounded Clarke. Wait what. Something in the back of Clarke's mind was telling her that something wasn't right about the whole situation but she chose to ignore this feeling and instead she just lay down on the forest floor admiring the pretty colours. She lay there for what felt like hours when suddenly a shadow blocked her vision and as her eyes adjusted Clarke realised that her father stood before her.

"Hey Kiddo." Jake smiled at Clarke, he looked the same as the day he was floated, and he was even wearing the same thing. Clarke couldn't believe that he was actually here.

"Dad?" Clarke was beyond confused at her father's sudden appearance, she knew he couldn't be here, after all he was floated. Dead.

"Yeah kiddo, it's me."

"How are you here?"

"I'm not."

Clarke's face scrunched up in confusion at his words. What did he mean? He was stood in front of her. "You're in front of me though."

Jake moved closer to her and squatted down by her side and smiled sadly. "Only in your imagination I'm afraid."

Clarke up at him, she knew he was telling the truth but she didn't understand it all. "What do you mean?"

"The berries that you ate. They were hallucinogenic, everything you're seeing is a part of your imagination, including me."

"He's right." A new voice cut in, Clarke looked behind her father to see the commander, Lexa. "You need to come back to reality Clarke." Part of Clarke believed them, knew that this was all fake and part of her imagination, her dad, Lexa, the fairies. But the part that the berries had taken control of wanted this to be real, and escape from reality.

"Go back to real life Clarke." Her Dad said with a slight smile.

"Okay Dad, I love you." Fatigue suddenly washed over Clarke, and her eyes began to close, before she fell asleep she heard her father's voice quietly whisper to her.

"Love you too, kiddo."

Clarke woke up several hours later, she was still slightly out of it due to the berries but she was now aware of her real surroundings. A thick layer of sweat and grime covered her skin, and her clothes were clinging to her, she had clearly done a lot of thrashing around during her hallucinations. As she got up she made sure to dispose of the berries, in a nearby bush.

As she prepared to set off on her travels again Clarke heard a twig snap nearby, immediately she reached for her gun and held it out in front of her. Surveying her surrounding Clarke couldn't see anything as she goes to put her gun back in its holster a large black panther steps out from the undergrowth.

Oh float me.

Clarke immediately fired of a few shots at the panther, hitting in in its right shoulder. This only enraged the panther further causing it to charge at Clarke. By this point Clarke was panicking, she managed to move out of the way but the panther prepared to charge at her again. Clarke fired off more shots at the panther in desperation, she missed them all and by this point she was getting rather low on ammo.

As the panther charged this time Clarke couldn't move out of the way in time and its right claws ripped through Clarke's shirt and into her flesh. She hissed in pain and looked down to find 4 deep claw marks stretching across the expanse of her stomach.

Her breathing was becoming uneven as the pain ripped through her body, Clarke tried to shoot at the panther again and this time she managed to shoot it in the stomach. The beast screeched in pain and charged at Clarke again. Its movements were becoming slower and Clarke was able to move out of the way. As Clarke went to shoot at it again she was met with a soft click from her gun, she was out of ammo. Clarke shouted in frustration, and threw the empty gun at the panther, hitting it in the head.

She was going to die.

The only way Clarke would get out of this alive would be if she ran, it was possible the panther could bleed out.

So she took the chance and ran as fast as she could away from the panther.

Her entire body ached and her abdomen was stinging to no end. Behind her, the panther was trying to keep up but the injury Clarke earlier inflicted to its shoulder was slowing it down.

As she ran she could feel her body slowing down, the panther was quickly gaining on her.

Clarke reached a slight downhill section of the forest, as she tried to navigate safely down the incline her foot caught on a root sending her to the ground. Due to the momentum that she was running, Clarke was flung down the hill at quite a high speed, twigs and branches hit all over her body, painting scratches and deep cuts all across her body. Trees raced past and as she neared the bottom Clarkes head collided with the thick trunk of an oak tree, when she reached the bottom the last thing she saw was the panther slowly approaching her as her world quickly dissolved into darkness as she lost consciousness.