Cayce's Christmas Revenge
By Janet Brayden
Christmas was coming. It was December 11 and the men of the Riptide Detective Agency were idle. Well, Nick was idle. He wasn't much into Christmas due to some bad experiences as a boy. Murray certainly wasn't idle though. The bespectacled computer genius loved Christmas. He was happily decorating every inch of the Riptide that he could while listening to his Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas tape. Cody, while not especially fond of the Chipmunks, was busy making some special cookies for a very special friend – Cayce Jillian McKenna. Cayce, sometimes known as CJ to her friends, had known Nick and Cody for many years. Her uncle, Colonel Brian McKenna, had been given custody of her when she was ten and her parents had died in a boating accident. Nick and Cody had served under Colonel McKenna when he was just a major and the threesome – Nick, Cody and Cayce – had become very close ever since the detectives had solved a mystery surrounding Cayce and her rodeo championship a few months back.
"Do you think Cayce will like these?" Cody asked Nick.
"Cody, Cayce likes everything you do," was the reply. "It's me she gets mad at."
"Oh, that's not true Nick," the blond said. "Remember how both of us teased her when she started to learn how to cook? All those disasters when she tried to take shortcuts?"
"Yeah but I'm the one who bounced her biscuits on the table." Nick's blue eyes danced at the thought of it.
"That may be true," his partner conceded, "but I'm the one who harassed her about substituting salt for sugar in that pie she made."
The two men looked at each other and started giggling. For the next few minutes if Cody stopped laughing but looked at Nick he'd start all over again. If Nick got himself under control all he had to do was look at Cody's face and he'd be the one starting it all over again.
"What's so funny, guys?" asked their partner who came into the galley carrying some red bows and candy canes.
"Oh, we were just remembering some of Cayce's disasters in the kitchen," Cody told him.
"Really?" The tall, thin man looked askance at his partners. "I thought she was rather a good cook, myself."
"She may be now," Nick started laughing again, "but she sure wasn't when she was a teenager!"
That was all it took for Cody to start again. Soon the main salon echoed with the sound as the three men moved to the upper deck to lay out the cookies on a plate and Murray finished decorating.
An hour later Cayce herself arrived carrying three large gift bags – one for each of her three adopted brothers.
"Cayce!" Cody welcomed her aboard with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "When did you get here? Did you fly down or what?"
Cayce grinned at him. Yeah, I flew in Santa's sleigh and he said to give you guys these bags of 'goodies'."
"Hi Cayce," Nick said as he kissed her cheek. "How are you honey?"
"I'm fine," she replied as she returned the affectionate greeting. "Hi Boz!"
"Hi Cayce!" Murray greeted her the same way the other two had and took her bright red jacket from her.
Winter had arrived in Southern California much as it had in Cayce's part of California, which was northeast of King Harbor and near the Nevada border. Cayce was dressed warmly against the chill in brown slacks, a bright green blouse and brown loafers.
"Santa's sleigh, huh?" Nick looked askance at her. "Since when do you have such an 'in' with Santa that you can ride in his sleigh?"
"Enough already," Cody said in a commanding tone. "Cayce, you didn't drive did you? You couldn't possibly have driven down from the ranch and gotten here in time if you left today!"
"Of course not silly," she told him. "I flew down and rented a car at the airport."
The four friends made themselves comfortable in the galley. Nick was doing the cooking although Cody had made the dessert. He needed to keep an eye on the spaghetti sauce he had simmering on the stove. Cayce sat on the table between Murray and Nick while Cody sat on the far side. All had steaming hot cups of coffee – except Cayce who had hot chocolate. She'd never developed a taste for coffee or tea although she would drink herbal teas if she were sick with a cold or the flu.
"Enough chitchat," the rancher told her friends. "It's time for presents. Murray? Would you hand me the bags I brought with me?"
"Sure." The computer whiz got up and retrieved the requested items from the main salon where she'd left them.
When he returned, a moment later, he handed the bags to her. From one she withdrew a tin filled with chocolate fudge and an even larger tin filled with decorated sugar cookies.
"Oh, look at this!" Murray exclaimed in delight when he took a cookie. "It's a donkey!"
"This one's a wreath," Cody stated as he took one.
"I've got a camel," Nick added. "Thanks, Cayce. They look good."
"You're welcome."
When each had taken a cookie and at least one piece of fudge, she handed each man a bag, which they opened to find gift certificates for a local store, Straightaway's and a western wear shop – the latter being so they could be prepared for their next visit to the Lazy M.
But she'd also gotten Murray a long-sleeved red, blue and white plaid shirt and a nice leather belt. Nick received a navy blue dress shirt and Cody a buttercup yellow dress shirt. They, too, received belts. All three men also received a pair of leather gloves.
Digging into her bag with eyes twinkling she handed Murray a gift. When he opened it he was delighted to find that it was a videotape of Dr. Seuss' Christmas Classic How The Grinch Stole Christmas.
Before Nick, or Cody, could stop them, the two youngest members of the group had launched into a fairly credible imitation of the Grinch – otherwise known as Boris Karloff – and were singing "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch"
You're
a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You're
a bad banana You're a monster,
Mr. Grinch. I
wouldn't touch you, with a Given the choice between the two of you You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch. The three words that best
describe you, You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch. Your soul is an apalling dump
heap overflowing You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch. You're a three decker saurkraut
and toadstool
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly
as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.
With a greasy black peel.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of
spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot
pole.
You're
a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You
have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr.
Grinch.
I'd take
the seasick crockodile.
You're
a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your
soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank.
Stunk."
You're the king
of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy
purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.
with the most disgraceful assortment of
deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up
knots.
With a nauseaus
super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a
crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.
sandwich
With arsenic sauce
Cayce couldn't stop giggling when they were through so she and Boz started singing it again. She couldn't help herself when she saw the aggravated looks on the faces of the other two.
"All right – enough already with the grinch," Cody said.
Taking a deep breath - and avoiding looking at Murray's face – Cayce reached into her second bag and handed Cody a small box wrapped in red paper with white snowflakes on it. When he opened it he found a chunk of black rubber with a face, and a Santa hat, on it.
"There's a switch on the bottom," Cayce told him. "His name is 'Lumpy' and he sings."
Looking askance at the young woman Cody pushed the switch into the 'on' position. The mouth began to move and it sang. Listening closely they heard:
"Jingle Bells, Christmas Smells, you're getting coal today,
Had you been nice, just once or twice it could have gone your way, HEY!
Now you're sad you've been real bad, you're getting squat today,
Cause Christmas is here so shed your tears so you and I can play
Cayce started laughing. Seconds later, she was joined by Nick and Boz.
"Which one of you two put her up to this," Cody demanded to know.
"Not me!" Murray said.
"Me either," Nick declared. "It's pretty funny though."
"I'm glad you think so Nick," Cody said. "I'll remember that when your birthday comes up."
"Never mind, Cody," their guest said. "His turn is coming."
Reaching into her bag again she handed Nick a relatively flat – but squishy package. When he opened it his partners roared with laughter. Cayce had gotten him a tee shirt with a picture of the grinch on it.
"It's a portrait of you, Nick," Cody said. "If ever there was a grinch around here it's you."
Cayce burst into giggles again which caused all three of the men to focus their attention on her. Cody and Boz started laughing and soon, in spite of himself Nick was laughing, too. Cayce definitely had a warped sense of humor and that was one of the things they loved about her.
The gifts distributed, and opened, with Cayce having received one of Nicks' harbor tour tee shirts, a pair of gloves and a copy of Black Beauty identical to the one she'd had as a child (the original having been read, and re-read so many times it fell apart) the group settled down to a nice meal.
After the meal they raised their glasses and Murray offered the toast by quoting Charles Dickens' immortal character Tiny Tim.
"God bless us every one."
Merry Christmas, everyone!