PLEASE READ HERE!
A/N: Hey there! I just wanted to tell you that this one is my first English fanfiction, I'm Italian. I know I have to improve myself, but I had
this plot in my mind, so I was like 'okay, let's try and see how it goes'. I hope you'll enjoy it, just let me know it by a review, I'd be very glad.
Beta: Elegantly (Thank you so much again for the great job!)Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I only own the whole plot.
It was exploding. His head was going to burst into flames, he was sure.
It happened every year, but this time it was different. This time, the headache was stronger than usual. Maybe it was because of N.E.W.T.s, because of the growing need to study as exams approached, because of all the stress. Remus didn't know.
All he knew was that he couldn't go on living like this until June.
It was only the first half of December, and he would have gladly ripped his head off.
The main problem was that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't even study. How could he, when there was a hammer banging around inside his head? He couldn't focus on anything. But he had to focus; he couldn't afford not to: his parents had put so much faith in him. He just couldn't disappoint them.
And of course the nightmarish days before the full moon only made things worse. The pounding in his head only grew worse, from the moment he opened his eyes in the morning until the moment he fell asleep at night. He could't stand classes. He couldn't stand the noises in the Common Room.
All he wanted to do was lie on his bed and never get up again.
He couldn't keep living like this. Something was going to break inside of him.
And it did, one day in Potions class.
He was trying to follow the recipe for the potion Slughorn had assigned them today, a certain 'Drought of Living Death'. Remus wasn't the best at making potions- it was the only class that really worried him- and his headache didn't help at all.
So, now I should...add the Sopophorous beans' juice? Remus thought to himself. He took the beans with one hand while rubbing his temples with the other. How am I supposed to cut them? He tried to cut them with his knife, but to no success. Why do they have to be so bloody tough?
A stabbing pain crossed his head.
It felt like his brain was exploding against the walls of his skull, again and again, and every time it happened, he saw blank. Every word he read on the recipe was completely meaningless to him.
He leaned heavily against his desk. He couldn't make the potion, couldn't cut the beans, couldn't even read the stupid recipe-
He just couldn't-
He squinted his eyes, trying to suppress the pain, but it was already unbearable.
"I'm sorry, I-I can't!" he shouted, more at himself than anyone else, before leaving the room.
As the door swung behind him, James, Sirius, and Peter stared at each other in shock, as everyone in the classroom did.
This wasn't like Remus- quiet, calm, reflective, smart Remus. They knew the full moon was near, they knew that Remus wasn't exactly a genius when it came to Potions, but he had never acted like that.
There was something else going on; there had to be.
And Sirius needed to know what it was, needed to find Remus, needed to know if his Moony was all right.
After apologizing to Slughorn, Sirius left class and started to look for Remus everywhere in the castle: the common room, the boys' dormitory, the Astronomy Tower… but Remus was no where to be found. And he had taken the Map with him, so Sirius couldn't count on that to help him.
At half past seven he joined his friends for dinner, hoping to finally find Remus sitting in the seat next to his, like always.
"So?" Peter asked, raising his head as Sirius approached, his mouth full of pumpkin bread. "Did you find him?"
Sirius shook his head. "Actually, I thought I might find him here with you." Sirius sighed, sitting at the table.
James took a sip of pumpkin juice and twisted his lips, looking worried. "Dinner is almost over; he'll miss it if he doesn't get here soon. Aren't you going to eat, Pads?" he asked, seeing that Sirius had made no move to fill his plate.
Sirius took a moment to answer, then shook his head, passing a hand through his black hair. "No thanks, Prongs."
"We could go back to the common room then," Peter said, standing up. "I have to do that Charms essay, and I need your help, James."
"Yeah, sure, mate...C'mon, Pads, let's go."
Remus made his way to the dorms. The corridors were empty, as everyone was dining. When he arrived, he threw himself onto his bed. He was exhausted.
He wanted to fall asleep. He wanted the headache to end. He wanted the peace of mind he usually only got when he was on vacation from school.
He wanted complete silence.
But maybe that was too much to ask.
After a few minutes, he heard the door open and steps coming closer.
"Moony? Where the hell have you been? I looked everywhere for you!"
He didn't need to glance at the speaker; he knew that voice too well. He didn't answer, either.
Sirius sighed and sat on the bed next to Remus. "Huh?" he asked again.
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I was at Hagrid's hut..." Remus answered, his voice muffled because of the pillow pressed against his face. He took it off and stared at the ceiling. Then he sat up on the mattress, burying his face in his hands.
"I-I can't go on like this! I'm going crazy!"
Sirius frowned, not understanding. "Hold on, hold on, Moony...what the hell are you on about? I mean, I know you're not that good at Potions, but you're so talented; I'm sure you could-"
"Who the hell cares about Potions, Pads?" the other boy cut him off. "I'm talking about my head-f***-ache!"
Sirius was surprised into silence. Remus never swore. Something must be very, very wrong to cause Remus to explode like this.
"I can't stand it anymore! I can't stand classes, I can't stand studying, I can't even stand lunches and dinners! The only thing I can think about, all day long, is coming here to lay in bed and go to sleep. It's becoming the best part of the day!"
They were staring into each other's eyes. Sirius could see that Remus was about to cry. His eyes were wet and reddened, he looked tired, and his hair was way more ruffled than usual. He was a total mess...and yet incredibly cute at the same time.
Sirius felt like a shattered mirror. He hated seeing Remus- his Moony- so full of desperation, so broken and hopeless. He knew this wasn't even the worst Remus felt- knew full moons could tear his friend apart much more than this, but that didn't matter right now. He hated to see his friend hurt at all.
He felt his heart tighten. He just wanted to hug Remus with all his strength, hold him tight and tell him tha everything was all right, that he was going to be fine soon. He would have done anything to make him feel better. Anything.
He opened his arms and allowed his friend's body to lean against his own, then he held the fragile shape as tightly as he could.
"I'm so sorry Moony; I had no idea."
Remus was sobbing quietly onto his shoulder, and all Sirius was able to understand was a sort of "it doesn't matter" coming from the lycanthope's shaking voice. Sirius was gently caressing his friend's hair with one hand, while the other hand rested on Remus's back and held him.
"Shh, it's okay Remmie, I'm right here..."
Remus nodded, and soon his breathing calmed as he started to enjoy the other boy's warm body against his own.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" Sirius asked.
Remus slowly let go of him, but not all the way. He still kept him in a loose hold. He gathered what remained of his voice to answer. "W-would you-" He hesitated. "No, thank you, Pads..."
He raised his head, and their eyes blended with each other, silver melted with gold in a perfect metal alloy.
Sirius bit his lower lip, thinking.
He was ready to do anything for his Moony, right?
Yes, he was.
He was ready to let his feelings get involved- which, for him, was a hard thing to do. It might be painful after this, but he didn't care. It might work. It was worth a try, at least.
Since Sirius's hand was still resting on the other boy's back, it was easy to pull him closer until their chests were touching again. He swallowed hard, the tip of his nose beginning to brush against Remus's. Remus suddenly held his breath, his lips parting a little. He kept his eyes focused on Sirius's, whose were half closed now.
"I just...just let m-me help you, okay?" Sirius's voice cracked in the middle of the sentence, but this didn't stop his other hand from reaching out to rest against Remus's cheek.
Remus couldn't help but nod.
And in less than a second Sirius's lips were on Remus's. And Remus couldn't say if it was or wasn't perfect- he didn't know what perfect felt like- but he did know that it was good. Really, really good.
Remus wrapped his arms around the other boy's neck and Sirius deepened the kiss. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sirius registered the soft material of Remus's grey Gryffindor sweatshirt as he held him as closely as if he never intended to let him go. Remus leaned towards a little bit when Sirius's tongue caressed his own; he wanted to feel him as close as possible, as close as no one had ever been to him. He braided his fingers with Sirius's black locks- gently enough not to hurt him- and the scent of Sirius's hair invaded the werewolf's sensitive nostrils- and it was everywhere.
It was like the smell of those warm-coloured wet leaves on trees in autumn, it was like fresh snowflakes on your face on a winter day, like the sweetness of roses blooming in spring, like the perfume of a cornfield in summer.
Yes, it was like the seasons- he was like the seasons. He reminded Remus of all those scents, all those colours. The kiss had awakened sensations that didn't belong to that moment, that didn't belong to Remus.
He was like the vacation day Remus dreamed about.
And like the seasons, it ended, perhaps too soon.
They were staring at each other again, foreheads against one another, both breathing heavier.
"W-would I what?" Sirius asked, smiling.
Remus frowned, though there was a slight smirk on his lips. "Would you what, what?"
"Before, you said something that began with 'would you'...So, what was it?" Sirius's thumb was caressing Remus's cheek, and his eyes sparkled in the low light of the candle that lit the room.
"Oh, huh, yes...would y-you lie down with me for a little bit? Please?" The golden haired boy blushed a little, not looking Sirius in the eyes anymore.
Sirius smiled.
"Of course I would."