Island in the Sky
Summary: "Cassidy. Go out with me." OneShot- Teresa, Cassidy.
Warning: BLATANT FLUFF. Well, mostly. Major warning for messed-up structure, because pure fluff can get boring. (But you will have to agree it wouldn't have been an ending the other way round.)
Set: Story-unrelated, future-fic
Disclaimer: Standards apply.
A/N: Merry Christmas to all of you! (Dez 2013)
iii. Epilogue
She entered the house and stopped so abruptly Cassidy almost ran into her.
The corridor was dark but from the library a shaft of light fell into it, illuminating a piece of floor and a wall and a dark figure waiting there.
Teacher stood in the corridor, his arms crossed over his chest, and regarded them closely. Cassidy's heart leapt into his throat at his sight. He could almost feel Reese tense under the scrutiny both found themselves under and would have liked to touch her hand - a short, brief reassuring - but he knew he couldn't risk it.
"Teacher," Reese said and dropped her bag into the corner. "What's up?" Cassidy knew her. That was why he could hear the barely contained tremor in her voice.
"I'm separating the two of you," Teacher said without preamble.
ii. Islands in the Sky
The grey-and-white clouds were islands in the sky.
It was a grey fall day and the sky was covered in clouds. But they seemed different than most days: they seemed to have a structure, as if they could be touched and felt. Washed-out heaps of something unimaginable, their edges slowly turning golden. The sun climbed over the horizon only slowly, making a point of showing that summer had passed. The sky was beautiful.
"Where are we going?" Cassidy asked, his eyes on the rear-view mirror. Teresa liked the way he drove, the calm, careful and yet not overly protective way he steered the car. The motorway stretched out before them, winding through a landscape that turned more and more beautiful the closer they came to their destination. A bridge. A small pass between two low, softly curving hills, almost too low to make a difference. And suddenly they were there, as if cut from the horizon in dark colors and shapes: the mountains.
"Does it matter?"
He smiled at her, a smile that made her heart speed up. "No."
Teresa told him, anyway. "There is a lake in a near forest I always wanted to see."
"You've never been there before?"
"I can't remember."
"Hmm."
His thoughtful not-response made her add defensively, "But it is supposed to be beautiful."
His smile was addictive. "I'm sure it is."
"There are too many people here."
Teresa shook her head in distaste and sped up. Cassidy followed her hard on her heels, so close she could almost feel his warmth. In the shadows underneath the trees, the air was even cooler. But the sun, now finally woken entirely, was warm, painting the shadows golden and the trees blood-red.
"Hey." Cassidy took her hand. Teresa shivered at his touch.
The little path uphill, thankfully, was empty except for the two of them. Away from the main tourist route (who would have known the lake was so famous) they followed the small, winding path, through the trees and into the forest. Dry leaves rustled underneath their feet.
"It's beautiful," Teresa whispered and wasn't sure whether she meant the forest, the silence or Cassidy's hand around hers. Or his smile. Nobody smiled like he did. It went right through her, every time.
"Summer is pretty," he mused, "And winter, too. But only spring and autumn have real colors."
Real colors: red leaves all around them, golden leaves at their feet. Green grass at the side of the path. The last flowers, yellow and blue dots on the ground. The magpie that passed them, screeching loudly, and her black-blue-white feathers shone like opals, sapphire and diamonds. There was frost on the grass where the sun hadn't reached it yet and the trees were covered with ice. A thousand crystals sparkled in the sun.
"I always wanted to come here."
She shivered, again. Sometimes she wondered whether she was cold because her coat wasn't warm enough or because of the way she felt. Cassidy watched her with concerned eyes, so she tried to hide it.
"Are you cold? Shall we go back?"
"No."
"I knew you'd say that."
She could hear his grin. She threw him a scornful gaze, knowing it wouldn't lead him into thinking she really was angry. They'd been through this often enough and he'd never let his good mood be ruined by her anger. On most days, it aggravated her even more. "You do know everything, don't you?"
"Well, it's my job." His grey-green eyes sparkled with amusement. "I'm the team leader, after all."
"Haven't you forgotten a tiny detail?" Teresa snorted. Cassidy grinned widely. "Oh yes, I knew there was something else! Well, there is this amazing woman who is my joint-leader… She kicks ass!"
"Okay," she shot back. "That sounds horrible. I guess I'm going to have to hammer you in training tomorrow."
"You wish you…"
Something caught her attention and she silenced him with one hand. "Ssshhh! Listen!"
The song thrush's voice was clear and high. They stood in the woods, lost in its beauty and in the warmth of their joined hands.
"Are you hungry? I'm hungry."
"You always are."
His laugh was even better than his smile. His hand hadn't left hers since they started their way back towards the parking lot with the million people and the five hundred thousand cars. Two girls passing by eyed them curiously and then continued on with their conversation. Teresa shortly thought of pulling her hand out of his but gave up on the thought as fast as it had come: he wouldn't have let her, anyway.
"You want me to let go?" Cassidy asked that second, concern in his voice and clear in his eyes, and there was hurt, as well. Normally it irked her that he could read her so well but sometimes he misread her. The curse of intelligence: double-guessing everything, even himself.
"No." Never. "I just wondered how we're going to eat using only one hand."
"That's easy. I'll feed you."
"You wish."
They emerged on the main trail again, surrounded by families and wanderers and Japanese tourists. The silence was broken abruptly, the noises of the forest swallowed by the noises of civilization. Somewhere farther up the trail, someone was selling hot-dogs. A car sped by. Children laughed. Cassidy held Teresa's hand in his tightly and still her shivers returned. The cold had started biting into her warm jacket, the shadows of the trees blocking out the sun. Going downhill was far less exhausting than going uphill, even though it taxed the muscles much more.
"Let's go somewhere warm. And more quiet."
"Yeah."
The forest disappeared behind them.
The food was delicious, hot and warm and exactly with the right amount of spices. The restaurant was tiny and empty except for the two of them. There is music playing in the background softly but she didn't pay it any attention: the sound of Cassidy's voice was so much more important.
"Let me try." Cassidy leaned over, his fork in his hand and a mischievous grin on his face.
Teresa shot him a lethal glare. "You have your own."
"Oh, come on. Let me try?" His puppy-dog face was more than she could take. But his eyes sparkled and she knew he knew she knew that he knew he could get away with anything when he looked at her like that. The sparkle in his eyes told the entire story and the result was the same as always.
"Just one bite."
Tomorrow, she would bitch at him again as soon as he tried to steal her food like this. He heaped far more pasta onto his fork than ought to have been possible and shoved it into his mouth, rolling his eyes as he chewed and swallowed. His lips curled around the food with something that made it hard for her to look away, derailing any coherent thought.
"Hmmmm. Perfect."
Trying to force her thoughts on a different path she grabbed her fork and attacked his dish in retaliation. Laughing, Cassidy made a move to catch her hand and almost succeeded but she was faster. She tasted his risotto carefully and swallowed. "Not bad yourself."
It was his turn to stare at her lips. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, she cleared her throat and stared down to concentrate on her own plate, feeling a blush creep into her face. She knew he still was watching her. His glances were waves of heat on her tingling skin.
"What?"
Her question came out a bit more forceful than necessary. Cassidy laughed, his eyes catching hers again and holding her gaze. His laugh also called on the waitress, who ogled him more or less covertly. "Do you have any other wishes?" What a peculiar choice of words, Teresa thought, and glared her down but the woman did not seem to notice, her eyes on the man across Teresa's table. Cassidy, though, barely glanced at her.
"We're perfectly happy, thank you."
Disappointed, the woman left and Teresa tried to swallow past the jealousy that had risen in her throat. Cassidy noted her expression and misread it again. "Did you want to order anything?"
Hopeless, she thought, but it was a loving thought. "You never notice it, don't you? She's staring at you."
Cassidy turned his head. "Who?"
"Don't turn around, idiot!" So hopeless. It was what made him so sweet and so bitter at the same time. "The waitress, of course."
"Oh." He dismissed the thought with a short shrug after mere seconds. "She's not my type."
His eyes bore right through her, through skin and flesh and bones and right into her heart. When he looked at her like that she did not need anything else.
Everything he did, everything he said, every look he gave her told her how much he loved her. And whatever she felt when she first noticed it – all the fear, the insecurities, the pain – everything was lost. There was no way she could not love him back: Cassidy with his awkwardness, his strange gift of observation that he could never use on himself. Cassidy with his burning emotions and his surprising tenderness. When he touched her, she couldn't help but lean towards him. When he smiled, she smiled back almost effortlessly. There was one thing she never wanted in her entire life. Teresa had seen what happened to people who lost themselves and she had vowed she would never do so herself. She would never have thought there could also be a thing she would want more than anything else. Was it worth losing her own principles?
Was Cassidy worth it?
She found herself praying.
"You're silent."
The sun had sunk lower since they left the restaurant, leaving behind an extremely disappointed waitress because Cassidy, on the way out of the door, had held it open for Teresa and had flashed her a smile so bright everything else had lost its color. Or maybe because he had kissed her over the dessert and had laughed when she blushed furiously. Now, the car's engine was a distant, steady purr in the background of her mind as fields and trees passed in blurs. Cassidy corrected himself. "Well, more silent than usual."
"So what?"
"I just wondered…" He faltered, something unusual for him that mare her turn towards him to look at him directly. His profile was halfway shaded by the sun blinds of the driver's seat. He did not turn away from the street but she saw the tension in the way his hands clamped around the steering wheel.
"About what?"
Cassidy sighed and racked one hand through his hair, a gesture so endearing to her she wanted to touch him. At the same time, it was a gesture full of distress. "Are you alright, Reese?" His tongue curled around her nickname in a way that made it sound slightly alien, strange perhaps because of his native tongue. It also made her blood run faster.
Flustered, she looked away from him. "I'm not cold, and I'm not hungry."
"You know that's not what I mean." He gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Don't make this difficult, please?"
There was no point in pretending, as she did so often. Not today. Of all days, not today. "I'm silent because I love it here."
Her honesty threw him off track and for the first time of the day she wondered why it was that he, normally so sure and confident, was insecure today as she was normally. They seemed to have switched roles. It confused her and scared her. At the same time, Cassidy being insecure was a thought so endearing she wanted to save it, frame it and hang it on the wall.
"You're not bored?"
"Cass." She never knew a name could hold so much power until she saw him blush.
"I'm sor-"
"Shhh." She hushed him, smiled and pointed towards a sign speeding towards them.
"Let's look at this town."
Cassidy took the exit.
"It's a strange concept."
Teresa looked at him questioningly, her hands wrapped securely around a cup of steaming liquid. It was almost too hot. She pulled the long arms of her sweatshirt over her hands so she could hold the paper cup without burning herself. Cassidy, at her side, stared at the creamy contents of his own cup with a mixture of rapture and thoughtfulness. The hot steam clouded his glasses she laughed, just because.
"What do you mean?"
"Coffee. I mean coffee."
"Coffee to go? Because coffee is something you have to enjoy, and running around drinking it hastily isn't a way to enjoy it much?"
"True, but not what I was thinking. I just thought there were so many different ways to prepare it, so many flavors to add, so many ingredients, that one can barely decide what to take. But everyone still sticks to the same one he's always taken. In a way, it's like life."
"You mean you live the life you always knew even though there are so many different things one could try?"
"No. Well, yeah… Something like that." He laughed, a genuine little laugh that warmed her quicker than the coffee, and his eyes sparkled.
"I mean, exactly like that. I couldn't have phrased it better."
She stared down into her cream-colored, caramel-flavored café latte and inhaled its scent. The aroma was sweet and bitter at the same time.
Cassidy stared at her cup thoughtfully. "And, in some ways, what we order shows who we are."
"You think so?" She inquired, suspiciously.
"Look at yours." She'd been right, of course: his glance was playful, his eyes hidden behind his glasses. As usual it started something inside her, something that vibrated in a song only he could invoke. It made her smile as well, even knowing he would be making fun of her soon. Only he made her feel like that and he rarely even realized. "Coffee and Caramel. Sweet and bitter at the same time."
Give him that: he was persistent. And he read her mind. She, on the other hand, was realistic. She kept him anchored to reality that way, or so she sometimes believed, at least. "Nonsense." As if for emphasis, she took a long swig of her coffee. The warm liquid added to the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. So what, she wondered, did his theory make him?
Cassidy smirked at her as if he was reading her thoughts and knew she was – against her own will – trying to wrap her mind around the concept of whatever it was he might be, as predicted by his beverage.
Hot chocolate.
She didn't say what she was thinking.
The village they wandered through was small and old and had its own charm.
Colorful sign posts pointed out the different historical sites to visit but despite the fact that the place seemed quite famous there were only few people on the streets. Most of them seemed to be locals, a few others tourists. The shadows were already growing longer, only occasionally yielding to the last golden spots of light. Cassidy and Teresa passed through the small streets lined with old houses and little shops and Teresa occasionally regretted that they had already closed.
"Look at that!" Cassidy loved historical sites, for whatever reason. Teresa could not understand how he could live in the past like that when people - like her, for example - obviously had so much trouble with simply living in the present. But this was Cassidy. "Aren't they beautiful?"
Historical sites in the United States are nothing compared to the little, precious towns in Europe and Ireland, Teresa knew, and she also knew both of them had already seen things even more beautiful. But the charms of this place was undeniable.
"It's sweet."
Cassidy stretcheed out his hand to touch the rough walls, the wooden doors and the iron railings; and his face was bright with joy. Teresa trailed behind him, content to look at everything he pointed out to her. She still felt warm from the coffee.
"It reminds me of Ireland," Cassidy suddenly said and stopped, craning back his neck to look at the roofs and the blue sky overhead. He looked back at Teresa. "Is it stupid?"
"It reminds me of France," she simply replied.
"You haven't been there for eight years."
"You came here when you where three years old. Does it change anything?"
"It doesn't, does it?"
"Of course not." She smiled again as he shook his head, deep in thought. In the shop display tiny, hand-painted porcelain houses were alight with a golden glow. They continued on, not looking at each other, but Teresa felt Cassidy's warmth and nearness.
Cassidy chuckled. "Well, at least none of us said It reminds me of home."
She shrugged. "I know where my home is."
The glance he gave her again made her want to stop time in order to conserve the feelings that were too overwhelming for her. It felt as if it would pour from her, from her eyes and her lips and her heart, because her body and her soul were not enough to contain it.
Teresa made a sport of searching for the last patches of sunlight.
"What is this?" Cassidy asked as they passed an almost-hidden little archway in a solid stone-wall. "Seems like a little park."
It was a park, in the middle of the village. The wind rustled in the trees as they entered it. Two old men with their dogs pass by, the dogs blinking drowsily. Teresa always had the habit of looking at the dogs more than at their owners. After a few minutes, they came up to something that seemed like an old building. It had no roof. "And this?"
"I don't know," Cassidy shrugged. "An old castle?"
"In the middle of a park?" She asked back, frowning. "I don't think so."
His guess turned out to not be all too uneducated. A small path lead into the ruined building. The walls were thick, the stones old and worn. Green moss covered them almost entirely. Cassidy discovered a sign on the Northern wall and Teresa followed it until they stood in front of it.
"An old abbey," he read out loud. "So it was a convent. This must have been the chapel."
He left the path, walking over the mossy, leaves-strewn grass towards the East side of the chapel.
"Hey," Teresa called after him. "What do you think you are doing?"
"Come on!" He returned over his shoulder, his eyes sparkling with curiosity. "This should be fun!"
She snorted. "Some kind of fun, getting your feet all wet in the grass." But she followed him down the path and into the ruins of something that surely once had been an old chapel. The roof was long gone and rays of sunlight streamed through the high windows. There probably once had been colorful glass inside the elaborate stone carvings but only the window frames had survived. Either way, they showed a craftmansship Teresa only knew from abbeys and churches in Europe. The chapel was small, but it exuded an air of majesty that made her catch her breath. Cassidy stood in the middle of the stone floor, turning on his own axis, and regarded the walls and windows and the sky that was visible above.
"Wow," he said, finally, his voice as hushed as her thoughts. And again: "Wow."
Teresa looked up into the sky and knew what he meant. At the peripheral edges of her vision, the proud stone windows framed an image of a scarlet evening sky. She felt a shiver run down her spine. This place… It felt like God was there. Somewhere. All around her. She leaned backwards against the cold stone wall, still looking up. Looking directly into the sun and feeling too much to think.
"Reese."
Cassidy was standing directly in front of her. Her blinded gaze scrambled to give his face features she knew by heart and still longed to see every time again. At first glance he seemed unreal, almost like an angel surrounded by the fiery halo cast by the sun. Then he became Cassidy again, all red hair and greengreengreen eyes and pale skin. Contrasting colors and pale skin and the face she loves so much. His hands are placed right and left of her face - she wonders whether he feels the body heat of hers soaking into the stone and returning to him through his hands- The contrast between his warm body so close in front of her and the cold wall behind her makes her breath hitch.
And he kisses her. The world stops turning.
"If you could keep just one memory of your life, only one, what would it be?"
The sun was setting, slowly sinking behind the dark silhouettes of the mountain range to the left. It was all red-golden-blue, a palette of colors that made her heart ache. The car moved steadily, leaving behind the lake and the forest and the village and the chapel and the last summer day of the year. Came closer and closer to the place they both called home.
"There is no curse that has this kind of effect."
"Reese." Cassidy's voice was tentative. Pleading, almost. "Just imagine."
She tried to and the answer came so quickly she was shocked into silence. The next thing she felt was burning anger. "What is this?" She questioned him, her eyes blazing. "Do you want to hear me say that I'd rather remember today than any other day with Ten, Mar, Nadia and the others?"
His face closed down completely. "No."
"So what? What do you want to hear me saying? Tell me, Cassidy!" She clenched her fists, wanting to hit something. Anything. And he didn't even look at her-
"You really want to start fighting so close to the end?" His voice was quiet, carried no trace of a challenge. The opposite, rather. If she wanted this, his voice told her, he would comply, and they would never talk about it anymore. Never. It was what they were so good in, what had brought them here in the first place. Teresa knew very well that she was a master when it came to denial and since they had every reason to, Cassidy would oblige her. That was why she hated him at the same time that she loved him: if she told him she never wanted to see him again here and now he would have accepted and left her to herself. He wouldn't fight, not ever. The thought made her physically ill and her anger left her in seconds, hot air blown from a balloon. The only thing left was exhaustion. And illness.
"Stop here."
"What-"
"Stop here."
Cassidy did, at the next possible resting place, and Teresa stumbled from the car. Walking a few steps, she tried to calm her breathing, closing her eyes and taking deep breaths. When she returned to the car she found him standing there, his hands in his pockets, his face an unreadable mask.
"Cass…"
He was close, and the memories were so vivid. His smiling face at the lake, his mischievous grin at the restaurant, the warmth of his hand. The way he seemed so genuinely happy at the sight of those old ruins. The way he watched her when he didn't think she was noticing. The way he kissed her, back in the old chapel, his body hot and right against hers, his hands in her hair, his lips on hers. Teresa closed her eyes.
"I love you."
She only heard his sharp intake of breath, sensed him jerk in surprise, but she did not open her eyes.
"And yes. If anything would happen and I would forget everything and could only remember one thing it would be the memory of today. I don't care about anything else, or anyone else, Cass. It doesn't matter. And I know it should, it has to, it is not right that Mar and Ten and all the people I should love as much as I love you don't matter when it comes to it. It is horrible to think that way. I am horrible. I am the worst. How could I…"
Her voice shattered into a thousand pieces and she finally stopped, trying to take a deep, ragged breath through the stinging pain in her throat.
"Reese. Look at me."
She yielded to his gentle tone and the feathery touch of his hand on her cheek and opened her eyes. The same anguish was written in his. Usually it was Cassidy who found the solutions to the problems, but there was no solution to this, both of them knew. It usually, too, was Cassidy who found the right words to say in every situation.
"It will be okay, Reese."
But both of them knew, this time, that this was only a temporary solution.
It was entirely dark when they returned.
The light on the front-steps was switched on, casting a pool of golden light onto the stairs.
"Mar," Teresa sighed.
"Terrance," Cassidy disagreed. "You know him. Always the worrier."
He turned into the driveway and shut down the motor. The soft, purring noise disappeared. The headlights extinguished. None of them moved.
"So," Cassidy said, casually and yet somewhat formal. "Thank you for today."
Her breath hitched. If this was all he had to say she wouldn't be able to smile when she walked into the house. "No. Thank you."
His frown made his brows disappear up into his hair, then he started laughing. It was a shaky, sad laugh but it was heart-felt. Teresa knew that much. She heard that much. She loved him so much.
"Oh, Reese. Whom are we kidding?"
So she smiled back at him weakly. "Nobody, to be exact. But, honestly, Cass… Thank you."
His hands ghosted over her cheek, cupped it, touched her hair, her lips and her nose, and she shivered as her eyes flutter closed.
"Cass…"
"You're so beautiful," he whispered, almost wonderingly. His eyes behind his glasses were dark. "And I love you."
It seemed foolish, the smile that crept into her face at his words. The happiness bubbling up inside her, warming her entire body from the inside. But this was Cassidy and she had always reacted to him in ways that were against every sense of rationality. She lost herself in his eyes until she saw a shadow moving behind the lit kitchen window.
"We have to go inside."
"Yeah."
Suddenly, no warmth was left in the car. Both of them left it in a haste. Cassidy locked it while Teresa searched for her key to the entrance door, rummaging through her backpack until she found it in the pocket of her coat. She did not dare to look at him while he stood behind her, waiting patiently, she needed to compose herself otherwise everyone would be able to read her feelings from her face like from an open book. Cassidy was a dark shadow behind her, close enough to sense his warmth but too far to see his face in the darkness. It didn't matter. She knew it better than her own face.
And why was she shaking?
The key clattered to the ground noisily. With a silent curse, she bent down to retrieve it and tried again. It took her some time to find the right key and then it refused to slide into the lock.
"Reese."
One last time, he called her by her nickname, the one only he used. His right hand wrapped around her right wrist, steadying it, while his left hand scrambled to find hers. Their fingers meet and intertwined, desperately, clung to each other for short, precious seconds. She could feel him breathing right next to her right ear, his racing heart belying his calm appearance.
The key slid into the lock and turned.
Their hands tightened one last time and then tore away in one fluid motion.
Teresa stepped over the threshold, Cassidy on her heels. The clouds were dark islands in an even darker sky.
i. Prologue
"Cassidy?"
"Yes?"
Teresa almost smiled when she saw his expression. The wariness in his eyes, his frown. The last lines of their last argument were still etched into his features, anger still plain on his face. Things - words and thoughts and feelings - were still hidden in his eyes, those sea-green, endless, piercing eyes: anger and wariness and hope and apology and resignation and desperation. He was so much more translucent than he thought he was and sometimes it scared her. For his sake. One day, someone – Teacher, Anathea, Mar – would look at him and see it all, everything he tried to hide, everything he did not want anyone to see. Everything he was. It terrified her because that day would be the end. When the corners of her lips lifted, relief washed over his face. It was not a smile, but it could have been one. And it was the best they both could manage right now. From behind his glasses Cassidy looked up at her, perched on the carpet in the living-room while she stood in the door. Ten and Mar's voices echoed from the kitchen in a funny duet they had invented and which they were singing up and down, forwards and backwards. Nadia was in the training room with Jaq and Jay, Terrance was in the garden, Teresa could see him from the window. Teacher was out, as always. It was only them, Teresa and Cassidy, as she blurted out the words she had been wanting to say for the last two hours. And for the past five years.
"Go out with me tomorrow."