15. Silence

Four-year-old dean Winchester was lying in bed when he thought that he heard crying. He knew that it wasn't Sammy, he could see him and he was fast asleep. Dean listened and realized that it was coming from somewhere on the other side of the door. He slowly got out of bed and carefully made his way to the door, making sure that he didn't wake up Sammy. He tiptoed down the hall to the kitchen and froze when he realized where the sound was coming from; it was his dad.
"I don't know what to do anymore, Jim. If it wasn't for the boys..." his dad stopped talking and he guessed that Jim had said something. "Yeah... no he hasn't said anything to me since that night... I'm worried, I don't know what to do... but what if he doesn't, it's killing me Jim, I hate seeing him like that..."
Dean didn't know what to do. He had never seen his dad cry, and he was scared. He wanted to go see him, but at the same time, he didn't.
"If you could see the way he looks. He only smiles when he's talking to Sammy, and even then it looks forced. I just want him to be happy again..." At that point john dropped the meal he had been heating up. "Shit! Ok Jim, I'll let you go now... Thanks... Bye."
John hung up the phone and started to clean up his mess. He was almost done when he just sank to his knees and cried. Dean decided that this was a good time to go see him.
"Daddy?" he asked as he appeared around the corner.
John looked up. "Hey Dean, what are you doing up?"
"I heard crying... are you okay? Are you hurt?"

John smiled. "I'm okay buddy. Come over here." Dean went over and John sat him in his lap. "I'm sorry I woke you up."
"I'm sorry, too."
"For what?" John asked, confused.
"Not talking. I just miss mommy."
The look on his eldest's face, and the pain in his voice just made him want to hug him and never let go. "I know you do. I miss her, too. Just don't forget about her, alright? When Sammy's older he's gonna need you to tell him about her, cuz he isn't gonna remember her."
"He isn't?"
"Nope. He's too little. So he's gonna need his big brother to tell him all about her. Do you think you can do that?"
"I think so..." Dean said, and John could tell that he was thinking.

"That's my boy. How about we head to bed now?"
"Okay. I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too, son."
Looking at Dean, John knew that no matter how much pain he felt, his boys made life worth living. It was that small conversation that made John realize that he couldn't give up. For his boys, he would keep going.