Geeking Out
Episode 1
"Ugh, Franny, do we have any tequila and cream cheese? I'm serving cantaloupe upstairs and I don't really know what goes with that. I'm kinda shooting in the dark here." Roger Smith, the diminutive extraterrestrial harboured by the all american family, the Smiths. Today, Roger was wearing his Cousin Phil outfit.
Francine Smith, the matriarch of the Smith Family, was currently working at a boiling stove, dressed in a frilly pink apron. She looked up from her saucepan to face Roger.
"Roger, you ate all the cream cheese two days ago! I tried to buy more when I went shopping but you also ate all my change!" Francine explained.
"I was worried I had a nickel deficiency!" Roger whined defensively, throwing his fists to his hips and stamping his foot. "And who uses change at the store anyways! Get a damn card already!"
"I have a card!" Francine said, and she reached behind her back to reveal it. It was made from construction paper, and had a very crude drawing of Francine in crayon. "I made it myself!"
Klaus, a former german olympic ski-jumper who was now imprisoned within the body of a fish as the smith family's pet/prisoner, turned to face Roger.
"Ja Roger. You seemed to be increasingly omnivorous in the last few days? That ist vith you?"
Roger sighed and pulled up a chair.
"I dunno, I feel bloated, I'm listless, I'm leaving highly mutagenic puddles everywhere, I'm tired..."
"Vait! VHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"I'm leaving mutagenic puddles everywhere? I assume that's what you meant even though it's not LITERALLY the last thing I said before you said 'Vhat did you say', it's just clearly that's the most unusual..."
"Yes, that's what he meant!" Francine snapped in alarm. "Roger, if you've left puddles of extra terrestrial goo all over my house I will slit you from mouth to anus and wear you like a JACKET!" Francine snapped, holding up a steak knife.
"Relax Franny. I make sure to collect the goo and I always dispose of it in a safe location that nobody would ever thing to look for a million years."
"What do you think it is?"
Steve Smith, the youngest child of the Smith Household, stood outside a hole in his backyard with his three friends, Snot, Toshi and Barry. The hole was deep and glowing, and made a pulsating noise.
"Maybe it's candy!" Barry shouted. Barry was morbidly obese and mentally slow, so his opinion was rendered worthless.
"Maybe it's you're dad's C.I.A. stuff!" Snot suggested.
"Perhaps it's something to do with your alien?" Toshi muttered in japanese.
"Toshi's right." Steve said, not understand a word Toshi had said. "Somebody SHOULD go down and look."
"That's not what I said." Toshi said indignantly.
"Toshi, no, I won't let you go down there alone!" Steve insisted. "Take Snot with you!"
"Yeah, take...wait! WHAT?" Snot protested, but Barry had somehow snuck behind both him and Toshi, and shoved them both into hole.
They fell with a shriek, and landed with massive splash.
"Ewe! This is disgusting!" Snot's voice rang from beneath the earth.
"Snot! What's down there?" Steve asked. This provoked a grumble from beneath the hole.
"It's candy Steve. Lots and lots of candy." Snot bellowed sarcastically. This sparked a glimmer of joy in Barry's eyes.
"Candy?" He muttered. In sheer jubilation, he grabbed Steve by the shoulders, and lifted him of the ground, the scrawny boy no match for Barry's might. "CANDY STEVE! THERE'S CANDY!"
And with that, Barry jumped down the hole, dragging Steve with him. There was a sickening splash.
"Dumbass!" Toshi muttered.
"So Franny, in short, their is no way that anybody would ever ever EVER accidentally stumble across my mutagenic excretions." Roger explained firmly. Francine and Klaus were smiling and nodding along.
"Wow. I vasn't convinced at first, but the way Roger spelt it out just made so much sense." Klaus nodded.
"I agree. For once, I think Roger knows what he's talking about." Francine smiled, satisfied with Roger's answer.
Just then, Steve and his three friends barged into the kitchen through the back door, covered in pulsating blue slime.
"ROGER!" Francine snapped, instantly turning to the disguised alien, who threw his arms up in terror and hid under the table in terror. Francine turned back to the boys. She knelt down, grabbed a kitchen towel and placed it on Steve's shoulder, then placed her hand on Steve, careful not to touch the slime.
"Boys, let's get you cleaned up. Stand in the garden, I'll fire up the hose."
While Francine herded the boys out of the kitchen, Klaus swam to the edge of his bowl and looked down at Roger, still cowering under the table.
"So, Roger, tell me, is Steve going to die?" Klaus asked.
Roger poked his head out from beneath the table.
"That depends, do you have Francine's level of maternal attachment to Steve?"
"No."
"Then yes! It's very likely he will die!"