Don't Come Back To Me
Honestly, it's the not knowing that kills me. One day we'll be happy with no problems and the next she will just leave without a word. Then I start wondering if she will ever come back.
Each time she leaves, I feel that panic of if she will ever come back to me. I just sit there waiting. Wondering if the last night was the last time I will ever see her.
It's not like we fight or anything. Obviously, some nights we will yell some things, but at the end of the day, we say our "I love yous" and cuddle until we fall asleep.
We never had major problems. She is a dance instructor at the local academy and I am a lawyer. We make a good income and live in a nice house. We aren't married, but we have been dating for a while. We broke up for 4 years after high school to go to college, but immediately after, she came knocking on my apartment door. It's been 3 years since college.
At times when she's gone, I think of what she could be doing. I wonder if she's just out vacationing without me, or dancing or something. The first time I ever thought she could be seeing someone other than me was when she came home in a jacket that didn't smell like her. At first, I thought it could be a friend's or a family member's, but the more she went away, the more I thought she was cheating on me.
It's been 2 weeks. 2 weeks since I last saw her. This is a new record. Usually, she wouldn't go past a week, but I guess this is it. Every time she leaves, I have been moving on more and more. Of course, whenever she comes back I'm too happy to actually break up with her or leave or say all the things I'm feeling right now, but I can't help it. I'm so devastatingly in love with her. Or at least I was. This is probably for the best. She doesn't want to see me and I don't want to see her anymore. When she comes back (which I'm hoping for) I'll tell her all about the heartbreak she has caused me. I'll tell her how badly I want to still be with her, but she makes it impossible when she's gone. I don't want to change her mind. I want to break up with her. I'm no cheater and I want to start dating people who will love me.
I'm on my way home and as I pull into my driveway, I see her car.
She's back.
Shit.
I don't even know if I'm ready for this.
Here we go.
"Hey baby"
"Where have you been?"
"I just came back, isn't that what matters now?"
"No, you always disappear and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of us. I'm sick of you"
"What? I'm sorry okay please I don't want us to break up. I just had to do some things"
"Like what? Is it so important that you had to leave me for days without a text, note, phone call, or a letter or something?!"
"I can't tell you what it is."
"Tell me or we are done"
"Santana…"
"No. I'm so fed up with this bullshit. I thought you loved me because I sure as hell loved you. So tell me why you kept leaving or else consider us done"
"Please…I can't say pl-"
"Fine. If you can't tell me why you keep leaving me, then we're done. Over the past few months I've realized that I don't love you as much anymore. I can't love someone who doesn't love me."
"San please I do love you."
"If you loved me, you wouldn't disappear, you wouldn't have to beg me to listen that you do love me because I should know. You wouldn't keep a secret from me." Great now the tears are in my eyes. Shit. I need to finish this. She can't see me weak. No one can.
"Okay! I have been with Sam for the past few days. I just couldn't leave him like that I still love him"
"After all this I thought you were over that. I thought you would finally choose me instead of some stupid boy like you always have. I thought that what we had was great. I thought that we would finally be together without complications and be happy. I thought we would get married and have kids running around, but there you go again. Whenever I put myself out there for you…you turn around and choose someone other than me. When is it my turn? When will you choose me? When will I ever be good enough for you?"
"Ple-"
"You've said that enough times. You can pack your stuff and leave. Go back to Sam or something just gets out of my house! And Brittany?"
"Yeah...?"
"When you leave this time…
Don't come back to me."