They weren't really a couple. Not by the normal standards at least. Not anything you'd think of when you hear the word 'couple,' meaning they didn't finish each other's sentences or even snuggle in bed come the morning. Their relationship was one that was awesome, yet still not annoyingly cutesy in any way as some were- simply put, they were the opposite of Marshall and Lily, who did all of the things formerly listed and more.
They liked it that way, because it was simply them and ultimately fitting to what they desired. This was the reason that today felt truly strange, as it was the first morning that they were getting breakfast together as a couple- that word seemed so intimidating in itself.
The waiter placed the plates on their table on each side, Robin's consisting of steaming hot waffles and hash browns, whereas Barney's dish was also waffles- but rather chocolate chip and topped with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles rather than just syrup, and to the side were two well-cooked, juicy strips of bacon. He didn't hesitate to dig in, and as he took his first bite, Robin couldn't help but watch him before she ate.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, wiping his lips off with a napkin.
"Oh, no reason," Robin answered. "It's just kinda hard taking a guy seriously who's ordered chocolate chip waffles with rainbow sprinkles for breakfast. No big deal."
"And whipped cream," Barney added. "You forgot to mention that." He cut off another bite with his fork and gestured with it. "Also, Robin, come on. Be realistic here. They're chocolate chip waffles with rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream. I'm sorry, but if that's an option, there is literally no way in hell OR on Earth that I won't choose that, and I don't know why you wouldn't want to."
She took a small bite of her waffle and popped it into her mouth. "Well, we both got waffles," she stated. "It's just…man, I don't know, it's kinda weird getting breakfast with you one-on-one. Not that it's a bad thing. It's strange though. It's like…despite how long I've known you, I feel like I don't really know you enough to go out like this with you. You get me?"
He nodded as he dabbed off his mouth again, which was covered in whipped cream.
"And look at you," she continued. "See, you're all comfortable with me already, all loose and ready to have breakfast." She smiled just a little as she looked at the man she could now call her boyfriend (though she didn't like categorizing), who was rapidly shoveling bites of waffle into his mouth like a hungry child as she spoke. The level of comfort he radiated around her just felt so indescribably natural. Robin didn't feel as if she had the same effect on him.
"I understand," he told her, pausing to take a sip of his coffee. "Honestly, I really do. Look, as much as I'm enjoying this food, I gotta admit that having breakfast with someone really is a little bit intimate. I mean, what's next? Are we gonna go to some dorky crochet class together? Wear matching sweaters?" He cringed. "If it starts getting to that point, ya might as well kill me first." He took a stab into his waffle and devoured the bite quickly. "I mean, we can't ever be one of those annoying couples who get super coupley with each other, even if we are dating." With a laugh, he added, "We will never be the kind of people that wake up on Sunday mornings in bed next to each other, and smile, and say good morning, and…look into each other's eyes, none of that crap."
"Of course not," Robin replied. "We're too awesome for that."
"Far too awesome."
For the next couple of minutes, they continued eating their breakfasts in silence, looking down at their plates and withholding eye contact as they ate.
Not long after, their waiter returned to the table, holding two menus. "Would you two be interested in our after-breakfast special?" he asked them before adding, "We've got the couple's discount today. Couples get it for free with a purchase of $20 or more."
Barney and Robin exchanged glances.
Couple, Barney thought. This guy just called us that! He thinks we're a couple!
Yeah, but we could get free food out of it, Robin thought back, communicating to Barney in an exclusively telepathic way through only facial expression. Do you want to?
Barney rolled his eyes. Why not.
"We'll take it," he told the waiter. "Whatever it is."
The waiter headed off, and for a few minutes, there was a short bout of awkwardness around the table.
"Huh," Barney eventually said, clicking his tongue. "I guess we're a couple now. Officially."
"We are, aren't we?" Robin replied, watching as their waiter walked off. She turned back to face Barney. "We could have denied it, you know."
Barney took a sip from his coffee, then placed the mug down promptly. "Yeah, but could we have? I mean, if you really think about it, we're together getting breakfast."
"We both did get waffles."
"Both got coffee. Plus, you said it, why would we want to refuse free food?" He smiled his boyish half-smile as he said the words. "Maybe being a couple's not as lame as it feels." He ripped open a sugar packet and emptied the contents into his mug, then stirred it gently with a red coffee stick before taking another sip.
Robin shrugged. "Maybe not. At least not if you get free stuff out of it."
"If you can use it to your advantages," Barney added, smiling slyly. "And maybe con others into giving you more with your adorableness."
"Ah, yes," Robin said with a sigh that was almost dreamy. "And we are indeed adorable." She shook her head slowly, reflecting on all of the probable things that they could receive if they continued flaunting their relationship in public, the way that a dog begs for a treat- and often gets it.
Just then, Barney saw their waiter approaching the table.
"Quick! Pretend we're being cute, uh, pretend like you're feeding me waffles!" he commanded, and Robin did so, grabbing a forkful of waffle and whipped cream and shoving it into his mouth just as the waiter came, setting a large, round plate of brightly colored fresh slices and assortments of various fruits on their table. The minute he left, Barney spit-launched a cherry stem from the maraschino cherry atop the whipped cream onto the table, and it landed on Robin's side, so she responsively flicked it right back at him.
"Fruit?" Barney said as he looked down at the plate, a hint of disdain in his voice. "That was our after-breakfast special? Lame." He grabbed a forkful of kiwi and popped it in his mouth. It actually wasn't bad at all.
"Well, to keep up that whole 'cute couple' thing, I guess we gotta do cute coupley stuff," Robin told him. "So here." She took a large bite of strawberry and fed it to him from across the table.
"This is so stupid," he said after swallowing. "Like seriously, how dumb is it that we've gotta act all cutesy together just for free things?"
"Pretty stupid," she replied with a nod, not wanting to admit that it actually was just a little fun. "Oh, by the way, you got something here," she said, pointing to her chin.
"Where?" Barney asked, and just as he was about to wipe it off, Robin used the can of whipped cream to spray the frothy solution all over the spot. She fell back in her seat, laughing hysterically, and Barney couldn't help but smile a little himself.
"Well played, Scherbatsky," he responded. "Well played. You wanna go, lady?"
She eyed him sassily from across the table. "Oh, I wanna go."
"Do you really now?" Barney challenged, raising one eyebrow and lowering his head toward Robin. "Then let's go."
"Hand off my leg." she ordered, kicking his hand off of her knee from under the table. "Let the war start, Stinson!"
What occurred in the next few minutes was a full out food fight between the two, one that so extreme that they were both eventually removed from the restaurant. Fruit was thrown, whipped cream was sprayed, and even a plate was broken, but they both had fun, and that was all that mattered.
As they left, neither was looking worse than the other. Barney had whipped cream everywhere, in his hair and splotched all over his suit, orange slices smeared on his chest and shoulders, while Robin had strawberries in her hair and spots of chocolate smudged on her clothes and on her face.
"Wow, thanks, Robin," Barney quipped sarcastically, peeling a bit of kiwi from his arm. "Thanks for starting a food fight and getting us kicked out. "
"Oh shut up," she retorted, smacking him with the back of her hand. "It was just as much your fault as it was mine, be realistic."
Barney licked the whipped cream from his hand. "At least it tastes good," he remarked, eyeing Robin. "Y'know," he said in a smoother, quieter voice as he studied the various dessert stains all over her body. "We could go home and…lick all of this off."
"We could indeed," Robin agreed, gently picking a strawberry sliver from Barney's hair behind his ear. "Let's make a deal though. We get breakfast more often. From now on, if we continue dating, we go out for breakfast a lot. Sound like a deal?"
He nodded. "Deal."
"Chocolate chip waffles," she muttered teasingly as she walked off.
"Shut up," he responded, before adding a few seconds later, "Man, chocolate's hot on you."
"You idiot."
"Love you too, Scherbatsky."
And from that day on, breakfast became one of their most treasured traditions. Years into the future, they both found themselves at different restaurants at least one day every week, and food fights became less and less common. They never wanted to admit that they were truly a couple, but if free food was in it sometimes, they just couldn't get themselves to deny it either.
The two of them would always order waffles, above all else.