Breathe and Smile
By LockedSoulsAM
A/n: At the Toronto convention Lana mentioned that she had asthma her entire life. That sparked an idea in my head. This is set some time after the curse breaks.
I hope you enjoy =)
Sometime in Enchanted Forest Land
Panic. Pain. Discomfort.
The tightness of her chest terrified the small brunette as she sat alone in her room. Her curtains are drawn with the only sliver of light coming from the opening between them. The aching of not being able to breathe plagued young Regina as she assumed fetal position. Her sole focus was to keep on breathing. "In and out." She whispered. "In and out." Her big brown eyes trying to focus on whatever they could to keep her grounded. She tried to count the seconds while keeping her breathing regular but that turned out to be futile. Regina blindly reaches for her doll. Her fingers skim around the bed aimlessly until she can feel the plastic of her favorite toy. She quickly pulls it to her chest and holds it tightly.
"Toys are for good little girls." Regina could hear Cora's voice in her head. Always telling her that everything she did was improper or wrong.
Under normal circumstances she would call the guards that waited by her door every night. Sadly, her life was anything but normal. She was a princess by birth but that didn't mean anything to her mother. Her father, Henry, was born fifth in line for the throne. Mother wanted more for her. Mother wanted things that eight-year-old Regina wasn't sure she wanted for herself. Cora Mills wanted her daughter to be Queen. Even if that meant primping and prepping her at such an early age.
Regina squeezed a little tighter to her doll and continued her mantra. Any second now her nanny, Eleanor, would be in to wake her. Not that Regina could sleep when her lungs were being deprived of air. Regina really didn't want to leave her bed but she had no choice. It was the same schedule every single day; school lessons for three hours, riding for two, tea time, and more lessons before it was time for supper. Rarely did she ever have time to play, not with other kids at least.
"Regina?" A voice filtered through her door followed by a soft knock. Regina couldn't respond but simply waited for the perpetrator to enter. She already knew whom it was and she couldn't be more thankful. A head full of blonde hair peaked into her room and smiled brightly at her. When Regina didn't greet her with her usual excitement, Eleanor frowned.
"Why are you still in bed?" Eleanor quickly steps around the bed so that she's standing in front of Regina. "Your mother will be expecting you to be in attendance for breakfast."
Regina simply whimpered and burrowed her head into her pillow. If no one understood her Eleanor would.
"Are you ill?" Eleanor reached out a hand to feel Regina's forehead.
"S-o-rry." She wheezed. She didn't know how much longer a person could go without breathing. It felt like an eternity but truly only ten minutes had passed.
"No, my sweet girl, don't be sorry." In an instant Regina was in Eleanor's arms. If Cora were to see Regina being so friendly with the help there would be hell to pay. Only on special occasions was she allowed to find comfort in her. It was unbecoming of a royal. Regina liked to pretend that Eleanor was her mother. She sure treated her like her own. Eleanor showed her more compassion than Cora probably had in her entire body. She was the one to look after Regina since forever.
Regina didn't attempt to speak again. This had happened before; this sickness. She didn't know what to call it in the Enchanted Forest. Didn't know if any other children or adults suffered from the same disease. A disease, that's what it was to Regina. It was the one thing keeping her from being perfect for her mother. Regina wished all the time that she could be cured. She was quickly learning that wishes don't come true for people like her.
"Are you having trouble breathing again?" Eleanor laid her hand on Regina's chest. She could immediately feel that Regina's lungs were working overtime to keep her alive.
Spring Allergies they could be called. That is what usually set off her breathing problems. Other times they didn't know. For extreme cases of Regina's illness, they would call a doctor. This wasn't too extreme and Eleanor could help Regina before Cora caught wind. At least she hoped so.
"Can you breathe with me, sweet girl, in and out." Eleanor turned Regina so that her back was against her chest. Regina nodded and found comfort in being held. Eleanor continued to whisper to her as she breathed. Soon enough she was calm but her lungs continued to feel constricted. "Can you bring tea? Quickly?" Eleanor ordered one of the servants waiting on the other side of the room.
The young girl nodded and left without a word.
"Regina, I need you to tell me." Eleanor brushed her long dark locks from Regina's face. Regina took Eleanor's hand in her own and squeezed. "How much does it hurt? On a scale of one to five. Can you show me that?"
Regina nodded and counted three of Eleanor's long and slender fingers. Eleanor nodded and continued to hold Regina against her. In that moment, she thought Cora should be here with her daughter. Cora should be the one holding and comforting this little girl. It wasn't lost on the servants of their estate on how Cora treated the girl. Never letting her play, not allowing her to eat what she wanted, depriving her of a childhood. All so she could grow up to be royalty.
Eleanor had been taking care of Regina since she was two years old. The tot used to be so curious back then. Always wanting to explore around the estate with those big brown eyes, always touching things and finding unfamiliar places to hide. As Regina got older, Cora became stricter. Henry would try and object but in the end Cora had the final say. She would critique the way Regina spoke to the way she dressed. Everything about her needed to be perfect.
Eleanor thought that Regina was perfect in every way. She knew the girl more than her own parents did. Regina was always polite and loving. Always willing to listen and learn. She loved horses and dolls and everything an eight-year-old should. Even if her own mother didn't recrognize her efforts.
"Ma-ma, will be angry." Regina struggled. She considered Eleanor's green eyes and frowned. She should really be getting dressed.
"Shh, don't speak." Eleanor kissed the side of her head. "I will deal with your mother when the time comes."
"Why do I need to be dealt with exactly?" Cora Mills stepped into the room interrupting the semblance of comfort Eleanor had built with Regina.
"Lady Mills, Regina is ill again." Eleanor didn't raise her voice or panic. She stayed calm and confident. Cora instilled fear in many people but not her. Regina admired that about her. "It's her breathing again. Don't worry I will have her up and out in no time."
Cora considered the way the two were holding onto each other. She looked down her nose at the way Regina was so comfortable in this woman's arms. She felt nothing, not even a hint of jealousy at the way Regina would always cling to this woman. This maid. Glorified babysitter. Whatever you wanted to call it.
"I don't understand why my husband won't let me use my magic to fix her." Cora drawled. Cora turned so she could leave. "It would do her some good. It would possibly give her a chance to be something. No prince will want a defective woman to marry. Don't worry though, we have plenty of time to rid you of that illness. I'll inform her school teacher that her lessons for the morning are cancelled. She better be out of bed by noon."
Without another word, Cora exits the room.
"Mama, do-es not li-ke me." Regina whimpered.
"I don't think that's true Regina." Eleanor didn't release Regina from her arms. "I think your mother doesn't know how to love very well. That means we must show her. Can you do that?"
Regina shrugged. It made sense but it didn't seem like it could be so easy. Not when Cora did everything in her power to push her away.
Their comfortable silence was only broken by one of the handmaiden's setting Regina's tea on her nightstand.
"Let me help you drink the tea." Eleanor got Regina into a comfortable position. She sipped the tea and sighed at the feeling of heat traveling through her chest. Regina drank half the cup before she pushed it away from her lips.
"No more." She curled back into Eleanor and closed her eyes.
"Sleep for a little longer." Eleanor encouraged. "I will handle your mother if she comes."
Regina fell asleep comfortably as her breathing calmed more. She still was not able to function normally for a few more hours but she was able to leave her bed. With the help of Eleanor, she was almost good as new.
Eleanor was only with Regina for two more years before she died of an illness. At that age, Regina wasn't too sure that her mother did not have a hand in Eleanor's death. No one had ever treated her the same way her favorite nanny did. She was lost for most of her life until Daniel came along. Losing the people she loved the most shaped how she became the Evil Queen.
Storybrooke Maine – after the curse is broken
"Mom!"
"Mom!"
Henry's voice filtered through her dreams as she woke up from her deep slumber. Regina groaned as he incessantly pulled at her sheets.
"Henry?" She lifted to settle on her elbows. "What are you doing?"
"Mom, it's time for school, remember?" Henry raised a brow at her. It wasn't often that he was the one waking her up. Every morning Regina would be waiting for him with breakfast already prepared.
"Yes, school." Regina was still disoriented as she looked over at her alarm clock. Very rarely did she use it but it was always set for times like this. Regina took deep breaths and realized just how bad she really felt. The familiar feeling of breathlessness filled her chest and she could feel the remnants of a morning attack coming on.
Asthma is what they called it in this world. After her many attacks as a young child, Regina's mother, Cora, finally whipped up a potion to cure her from the ailment. She'd lived her whole life without it and even forgot she had it for quite some time.
"Why don't you go down and make yourself breakfast." Regina suggested. She didn't want Henry to know that she wasn't feeling well. Not when the Charmings were so heavily on her back. She didn't need them finding reasons to deem her as an unfit parent.
Henry furrowed his brows. His eyes scanned Regina's face for any indication of a lie. She never let him make his own breakfast. He didn't give her time to change her mind as he slipped out of the room.
Regina sighed and attempted to take a few deep breaths. After dropping Henry off she would need to pick up her inhalers from the pharmacy. Which meant leaving her bed when she absolutely did not want to. The joys of adulthood. With one final shaky breath Regina lifted her torso and sat up straight. What was she going to wear ?
"I want you to have a good day at school and to behave." Regina kissed the top of Henry's head. His school bus had arrived and he was preparing to leave. She didn't notice the few other children at the bus stop give them the side eye. Henry did but he no longer cared. He realized his mom loved him and he didn't care what anyone else thought about her. She had done horrible things in her past but she was still his mom. She was good and he now understood that.
"Mom, I can have Emma pick me up from school if you're not feeling well." Henry finally spoke up. She seemed off today and if it was anyone that could tell it was him. "Or I could walk home."
Over Regina's dead body. She would never allow him to walk home alone after everything that's happened. They didn't know what Evil was lurking in town and she wouldn't take her chances. Regina had too many enemies and she would be damned if she ever let Henry in danger.
"I am fine, my little prince." She ran her fingers through his hair. "You do well in school and I will be here to pick you up."
"Okay." Henry said reluctantly. He took his place in line to ride the bus. Regina waited for him to take his seat. She watched the doors close and the yellow bus pull away.
Stuffing her hands in her pockets, Regina decided to go to her office to pick up a few things. She had not been overthrown as Mayor just yet but she was expecting for the day to come soon. She suspected a reason why was that Snow and Charming did not actually know how to run a town. Much to her delight. This was her town that she'd built and took care of for twenty eight years. Broken curse or not. She refused to allow them to tear down her system.
She took her time walking down Main Street. A few onlookers watched but Regina didn't give them a reaction. She had put fear into the hearts of many and she would not show weakness. Not even if these people watching her made her nervous. Her magic was wonky and she probably shouldn't be out but she had to get to her office. Besides people had been laying low for quite some time and she could only guess that this was due to the Savior.
Emma Swan. Regina's lip curled at the idea of the woman. She was infuriating and idiotic and yet so beautiful. Regina would never admit the thought out loud. Once Regina reached her office she turned the key and took a deep breath. She need to be in and out so that she could get her inhalers. She wouldn't dare keep taking a chance and missing refills. The only pharmacy in town had been hesitant to serve her before but this wasn't something she could put off.
Her asthma was unpredictable and at any given moment she could have an attack. She needed to be ready and prepared.
Rehia was sifting through file after file looking for what she needed. Being the mayor of a town for twenty eight years had its flaws and that was the amount of paperwork. She could at least get these done at home.
"Regina, we need to talk." Emma Swan barged into her office. She stepped up to Regina with absolutely no fear. Regina raised a brow and inspected Emma's choice of dress. Her usual denim and white tank.
"What a surprise." Regina rolled her eyes. She knew what this was about.
"Everyone has decided that it is best for you to step down as Mayor." Emma got straight to the point.
"Well it's about time." Regina snorted. The constricting in her chest was nagging her but she ignored it. "Was Dear Snow too much of a coward to tell me herself ?"
"Don't talk about her like that." Emma spoke darkly.
"Did I hit a nerve ?" Regina goaded. "You people disgust me. If you think for one second I'm going to let you come and take over my town you have it all wrong. Ms. Swan I suggest you leave my office."
"This town is rightfully Snow and David's." Emma folded her arms. "Regina let it go. After what you've done I am surprised I don't have people trying to strike you dead. Especially after the mob at your door."
"Ms. Swan I don't know if you were dropped on your head coming out of that wardrobe but you are highly mistaken if you think I'm giving things up to you so easily." Regina stepped from around her desk to stand face to face with Emma. "I will burn this place to the ground with everyone in it before I ever let you take what is mine."
"I don't think Henry would be so accepting of that now would he?" Emma challenged. She saw the way Regina's face hardened and the vein in her forehead popped. "You're lucky we let him stay with you."
"You're lucky you let my son stay with me ?" Regina asked incredulously. "I raised him for ten years."
"You know Regina, you keep saying that but it all goes to shit when you poisoned him." Emma pointed out. "That lost you a couple of brownie points. Not to mention cursing his grandparents and an entire kingdom. You're all tapped out Madom Mayor."
"It was meant for you." Regina shoved Emma. This woman managed to get under her skin like no one else could. "Don't you dare try to question my love for Henry. You may have broken the curse and you may be the Savior but dear, I am the Evil Queen. I don't take too kindly to threats. Leave my office or you will be sorry."
"Yeah well neither do I." Emma set her squared her shoulders and refused to budge. It was her job as sheriff to keep the town safe but she also had to keep true to Henry's request. How the hell would she keep Regina safe if the woman kept being so damn stubborn
Regina opened her mouth to speak but instead found herself in a coughing fit. Her earlier signs of an asthma attack coming full force as her hand flew to her chest. Turning away from Emma her body racked with cough after cough as she began to wheeze. Dammit, not in front of Emma Swan. She couldn't show weakness.
Regina stepped around to grab her purse as she threw item after item out. She was sure her emergency inhaler still had a few pumps left in it. She finally found it and quickly grabbed the top off of it. Emma watched in concern as Regina pushed the inhaler between her lips and pumped. She tried a few more times but nothing seemed to come out
Regina looked down at the inhaler and realized it was empty. She cursed under her breath and dropped the container back into her purse. Her wheezing was harder now and while panicking she was quickly losing air. She should have gone to the pharmacy way before this. Not that she had the time to what with angry mobs and such banging at her door .
"Regina, are you okay?" Emma stepped up to her. She laid a hand on Regina's shoulder to get her to look at her. Regina turned to her with wild eyes. She was now having an anxiety attack on top of her panic attack. Her anxiety was making it so much harder to breathe. "Holy shit, Regina, are you asthmatic ?" Emma grabbed the inhaler and inspected it. "Shit Regina we have to get you to the hospital if you're breathing like this."
"No- no hospital." Unless Emma could guarantee that she would make it out of that hospital alive she refused to go.
"Regina you're having an asthma attack" Emma tried to get her to reason. "I promised Henry I would keep you safe and I can't do that if you're about to die on me."
Regina shook her head one final time before gasping. She really hated this entire situation. She cursed herself for being so vulnerable. Emma watched but quickly acted. She brought Regina into her arms as they sank to the floor. Regina protested but Emma's firm grip never waivered.
"Regina, you have to breathe with me or this won't work." Emma whispered to her. "I need you to calm down so that you will be able to breathe a little better. Cooperate with me since you refuse to go to the hospital."
Regina was losing air fast as she gasped for air. She shook against Emma as she held onto the other woman's arms. With her back pressed firmly against Emma's front Regina tried to calm herself. She began to sweat profusely and panicked more. Tears welled from her eyes as this was quickly becoming one of her more harsh attacks.
"Regina, please, listen to me." Emma whispered firmly into her ear. She could feel how tightly wound Regina was and it was doing her no good. "Listen to my voice and focus on my breathing. In and out."
Regina struggled desperatly but tried to listen to Emma's voice. Under normal circumstances she would find it annoying but right now it was calming and assuring. She relaxed into Emma's arms a little more as she tried to zone in on her breathing.
"You're doing great, Regina." Emma kissed the side of her head. She knew Regina would give her hell about that later but right now she knew the woman needed it. She was in pain and probably terrified. "Breathe in though your nostrils. Out through your mouth. Just like I am."
Regina's lungs constricted before she fell completely lax in Emma's arms. She listened to her voice and did as she was told as she was finally able to calm her anxiety. She still had trouble breathing but she felt more calm. Once her breathing was manageable she finally noticed how quiet the room was.
"Emma." She finally whispered. Her voice cracked and she hated showing this side of herself. It was weak and embarrassing.
"Shh, Regina, don't talk." Emma simply held her. Much like Eleanor would when she was a young girl. "You really scared me."
"Sorry." Regina whispered. She listened to Emma's heart beat and closed her eyes tiredly.
"There's nothing to be sorry about Regina." Emma shook her head. "You had an anxiety attack and an asthma attack rolled into one."
"No." Regina shook her head against Emma's chest. She sniffles before lifting her head. Brown eyes meet green as Emma looks at her questioningly. "I'm sorry. For everything."
Emma searched Regina's eyes for a like. It reminded her of Henry in that moment. Emma found no lie with her superpower and she gave Regina a small smile.
"We will deal with that when the time comes." She simply said.
Regina couldn't wrap her head around what happened this morning but it had shifted something between them. Forever.
A/n: so this has actually been in my folder since early this year and I only recently discovered it. I hope you enjoyed. I have two other full blown potential swan queen fics that I wrote but was too afraid to post. Would you be interested in them ? Thanks for reading.
-LSAM