Come On Get Higher, a supernatural fanfic

A/N: Set after Point of No Return. Spoilers. This one has been running through my head for awhile. I'm still not sure it's as good as I'd like it to be. There are just so many strong emotions involved that I'm not sure I did them justice.

Warning: Destiel (but not graphic or anything)

Disclaimers: How I wish I owned them but I don't...they belong to the CW and Kripke.

Come On Get Higher

Matt Nathanson

No one knew where he was…if he was. He had charged into that warehouse full of Holy Righteousness and vengeance. He had offered himself as the sacrificial lamb. After everything they had been through…he had stood by their sides and chosen to believe in who they were and what they could do… together.

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water,

If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe,

I'd make you forget

He couldn't believe that any of this had happened. He couldn't believe that he could have lost the one person he was finally able to admit he loved. He couldn't believe that he had wasted so much time, so much precious time… Closing his eyes to a truth he was too afraid to accept. Refusing to hear the perfect purity of love that was in every word spoken to him.

Was it only this morning that he had finally given in? Could it really have been mere hours ago that he felt, for the first time, what it was to be honestly, passionately and unconditionally loved? God, he'd never thought anyone could, would, love him as much as his brother did. He didn't deserve even that love but now… Now he knew the error of his ways. He knew that there was someone out there, somewhere, please let him be somewhere, who wanted nothing more than for him to find peace.

What he wouldn't give right now to hear the sound of rushing wings. He craved the familiar feeling of that energy that invaded his personal space and yet felt as if it belonged there, as if it was part of that space…part that was missing now. He needed to breathe in the sweetness that was everything that made up the perfection of him. He died a little at the thought of never hearing the sound of that voice, speaking his name, as it had so many times before.

So come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

He'd fought against everything for so long. It was the way of his life to fight, the only way he knew how to survive. Nothing comes easy in this life that he had chosen and he knew that. So, when he began to see the possibility that was being offered to him, he fought…on pure instinct, he fought. Until today… he fought.

This morning he knew he couldn't fight this any longer. As he stood there, knife in hand, preparing to cut into the tender, fragile flesh that encompassed the purity of that soul he knew better than his own. This could very well be the last chance they had, he had. This could be the last moment he ever had to express how much everything had meant to him. How he had restored the tattered pieces of his faith by the sheer will of his own.

I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water,

If I could tell you what's next,

I'd make you believe,

I'd make you forget

Just yesterday he had done the unthinkable. He had pushed away the last soul on earth that had believed in him. He deserved every bruise, every aching muscle, every cut that he had received. He deserved so much more. He had tried, one last time, to fight against any possibility that this could become something more, and in doing so, had almost lost everything. He had been the cause of the first real love and now the first real pain that he had ever experienced.

He would give up everything right now to have even those moments back. To hear the anger and pain in that voice. To feel the agony of both his physical abuse and the emotional ache that came with every strike. To see his own blood on those hands…that had been strong enough to pull him from the deepest depths of hell. But now…he might never see those hands, hear that voice…again.

So come on get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

He could still feel the softness of those lips meeting his. He could still remember the clean, light…right taste that was his angel. If he closed his eyes he could almost hear the soft sighs that escaped each time he touched that skin. Feel the sensation of their bodies melting together, perfectly molding to one another, heart calling to heart, soul speaking to soul…

There were no words to describe the perfection of that moment of total submission, each to the other. There was no fight for dominance, no need to overpower, only the feeling of completeness that comes when two halves are finally reunited and become whole once again. In that one moment he knew the true meaning of Heaven. In that moment he found the only home he would ever need again. In those arms he found peace.

Come on get higher, loosen my lips (It's all wrong)
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips (It's all wrong)
Just pull me down hard and drown me in love (It's all right)

So, come on, get higher
Come on, get higher
'Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms

Now everything was gone. He might never know the strength that his love had provided. The strength that had allowed him to stand and fight in a battle that he had thought had already overpowered him. That it had been his courage that had inspired him to rise above his own fear and doubt and once again find the will to fight. In a single flash of light he was plunged into darkness.

He no longer cared if it was right or wrong. He didn't care about what others might think. He only cared that he had found something that he knew he couldn't live without. He only wanted to have back the world that had opened up to him in the moment that his walls had shattered and he had given himself, so completely, to the only light in the darkness that had overwhelmed him. He needed to believe that, somewhere, somehow, he was out there…waiting for him…to find him. Somewhere there was the safety of those arms waiting to encircle him and once again bring him peace.