"He's made my life more interesting. There's no doubt about that. He's made some of the worst, & some of the best, moments of my life."

"He's been around when I've been weak, & he's there to comfort me. For that I should really thank him more often."

"The experiences we've had together... I wouldn't trade them for the world."

"After all he was there when I got to face my abandonment issues, only to find out she had passed away."

"It was the first time we really got to bond with each other."

FLASHBACK

"My mother lives in Austin. Fate's brought me back here for a reason. I have to find my mother & make peace with her."

"So instead of driving down this sun-parched highway, we've now got to walk."

"Uh pretty much, yeah."

"You know what this means."

"Yeah... Hop on."

"If we want to get there before sundown, you might want to go faster than that."

"Oh, God. I swear, he's not as light as he used to be. I think I'm getting a rash where he's sitting from the friction, but I did force the driver to stop eight miles away from our newly discovered destination. Either way, once I can make peace with my mother, this will all have been worth it."

"I say, walk slower dog. My Huggies are already holed up in Box Canyon."

"You know, you could try walking. It's a good opportunity to work off all that baby fat."

"Why would I want to waste my energy when I could have a personal chauffeur down road kill highway."

...

"We loved Biscuit so much, we wanted to keep her with us always. So we had her stuffed!"

"Oh, dear God!"

"Mom!"

"I say, someone must have said a funny, because your mother's in stitches! I'll leave you to grieve."

"You deserve better than this, Mom."

"This is actually a rather elegant solution to my problem of what to do with Lois."

"Is that really necessary to say right now?"

"Shut up & help me. I'm not leaving her here."

"Fine, but can you hold the head? I don't want death to be looking me in the eyes."

"Ok."

"I should really be thankful that he's helping me at all."

...

"Say something."

"What?"

"Just say something, please!"

"Oh, for God's sake. Um uh yeah, & God said to Abraham,"You will kill your son, Isaac." & Abraham said,"I can't hear you. You'll have to speak into the microphone. & God said,"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this better? Check, check." "Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back."

"What is wrong with you? What, in any way, does this have to do about the great life of my mother?"

"Say something about my mother!"

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry. Um uh, I never knew Biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table."

"Oh dear God. Of course he takes a turn for the worst. She doesn't deserve to go out hearing this!"

"She was sturdy, all four legs the same length."

"I can't take this."

"Thanks. That's enough."

"Yes, yes. Requiem & terra pax, & so forth."

"Thank you, Mom."

"Now, we better hit the train station or we'll never make it home."

...

"Finally, we're here."

"Yes, & not a moment too soon. The train's right there."

"Oh no, it's about to not be. Let's hurry!"

"Good, now we're certain to make it home."

"Wow, look at all those stars."

"You know, I've read that starlight gives you cancer. But, then again, what doesn't these days, hmm?"

"He's done a lot for me today. It's time I thank him."

"Listen, kid, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you. It's not easy for me to say."

"Oh, God, you're not coming out of the closet, are you? Oh, God, why does everyone always come out to me?"

"Of course it's not that. It's more of a friend-to-friend kind of thing."

"I, I just wanted to thank you for everything you did today. I know this whole trip has been a mess."

"Well, it hasn't been all bad. I must admit there have been some moments that were, dare I say, fun."

...

"Did you have a nice trip with Brian?"

"Oh, yes, smooth sailing through calm seas."

"Thank the nonexistent God."

"Hey, uh, kid, listen, uh, thanks for not ratting me out. Is there anything I can do to pay you back?"

"Please say no. Please say no."

"Oh, yes. You remember that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby saved Greg's life, & Greg became his slave?"

"Yup."

"It's on this afternoon. You can tape it for me. & put a nice label on it."

"Phew, I thought I'd have to be the slave to an infant, but that's really not much to ask for after all that he had done for me. Maybe, he's not all that bad a kid."