"You found someone for my room already?"

"Yes! A man from work."

"A man? Really?"

"Yes, really! His name's Kristoff, he works in IT, and don't worry, I spoke to his boss and she said he was perfectly respectable and everything. He lives with his friend at the moment but he's getting married - the friend, not Kristoff. But he has a girlfriend, he said. Kristoff has."

"A serious girlfriend? Why doesn't he live with her?"

"I couldn't ask that, could I! But yes, a serious girlfriend, he said they'd been together five years, nearly. Maria or something."

Obviously Kristoff didn't move in with a pretty, single young woman just to spite his girlfriend. That would be childish, and petty, and he was better than that. And it was his own fault, anyway; too chicken to actually say, why don't I move in with you, Maria. She had her own place, Sven was kicking him out, it made perfect sense in every way, but Kristoff couldn't bring himself to do more than hint.

"We're young, we have fun, don't we?" is all Maria would ever say when he dared to talk about the future. Five years! Was he as much of an idiot as Sven seemed to think he was?

"Doesn't she mind?"

Anna held the front door open for him as he carried in the last of his boxes. Kristoff dropped them in the bedroom that was apparently his and called back, "Sorry?"

"Your girlfriend. Doesn't she mind that you're living with me?"

Anna leant on the doorframe and watched him idly as he started to unpack.

"Why would she? She trusts me." Sort of. Ish.

"I'm not sure I'd want my boyfriend living with another woman."

"It's okay. I'm fairly sure I can resist you." Anna snorted. "And I thought you didn't have a boyfriend?"

"I'm currently between boyfriends. I'm resting."

"So your hypothetical boyfriend, you wouldn't let him live with another woman."

"Absolutely not. He'll live in the cupboard under the stairs, and like it."

"Kinky."

Anna snorted again, then twirled a piece of hair round her finger for a minute. "Tea?"

"Sure, thanks."

Isn't it late in the UK? Go to sleep, Anna

ugh I can't kristoff and his girlfriend are going at it again

Lovely. Put your headphones in?

oh they're not having sex! they're having a row

they have a row then they'll break up and he'll be all sad puppy eyes for a couple of days

then she'll turn up and beg him to take her back and he will because he's an idiot

then everything is fine for a few weeks, then we're back here, with her screaming at him

Oh dear that sounds difficult

the weird thing is he's a really decent guy? he's nice, he doesn't do anything that deserves being screamed at on the reg as far as I can tell

he's not shagging around or selling drugs or stealing from her purse

oh well none of my business I suppose

It is if you can't sleep because of it

Can't you say something to him? Not right now, obviously

his friend sven was over here the other day and I was talking to him and we agreed that maria must be really good at sex

like PHENOMENALLY good at it

oh god I can't say anything, I feel bad for him

well I have expressed the opinion that he could do better but that didn't go down well

he just said he loves her and that was apparently the end of the discussion

Well that doesn't remind me of anyone I know

what?

oh

look

that was a completely different situation

I DID love him and it WAS none of your business

The door slammed behind Maria. After all this time, Kristoff knew better than to follow her. Following her just meant the argument continuing all the way down the street, as well as denying Maria her dramatic exit, and she did love a dramatic exit. This way she could leave, go home, ring all her friends and tell them everything, then eventually calm down, ring all her friends again, then finally come back to him.

Recognising the cycle didn't make it any less exhausting. He couldn't do arguments, he'd never been able to think quickly enough; he was always left flailing and trying to keep up, agreeing with her just so she'd stop.

It was only half ten. Maybe she wouldn't go home, maybe she'd go out and drink and meet somebody and he couldn't say anything, because they'd broken up, hadn't they? She hadn't cheated on him (oh my god, Kris, I can't believe you'd even THINK that, you know I'd never cheat). But it rankled all the same.

She'd come back and it would be worth it. She always came back.

Kristoff locked the front door, and turned to see Anna peeping out of her bedroom.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I guess you heard all that."

"Kris," she said, walking out of her room with her arms folded, "You know the old lady next door? She heard all that. And she has two hearing aids. And is visiting her sister this week. In Wales."

"Sorry."

He sounded so sad. "No, I'm sorry," Anna said. "I definitely heard my name a couple of times there."

"Goodness, it's not your fault. Maria is just - a little bit insecure, sometimes."

"Is that what that was."

"I'm sorry you got dragged into it."

"Come with me, Kristofer," Anna said, leading him into the living room. "You look like you could use a drink."

"That's not my name," he said, sitting on the sofa as Anna brought through a bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen.

"I know. And 'brazen hussy' isn't mine." She poured out two glasses and handed him one.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry. She dumped me, if that makes you feel any better. Because I told her not to call you names."

"She dumped you? How many times is that now?"

"After the first dozen you stop counting."

They drank in silence for a while. Anna refilled their glasses.

"Kris, can I say something?"

"Of course."

"Just that - I've been there. You know? Not just the being dumped part, but….oh, I don't know. Relationships are hard. Why was she so upset? She thinks we've got something going on?"

"No. She thinks I fancy you."

"Really? Why does she think that? I mean, you don't."

Kristoff looked at his glass. It seemed to be empty again. "I do, though," he said.

"What?"

"Didn't tell her that, of course. Maybe I should have done. Got dumped anyway. Is that bottle empty?"

"You fancy me?"

She looked genuinely surprised.

"'Course I do. You're gorgeous."

He couldn't read the expression on her face now. She put her glass down, then looked at him again.

"Sorry," he said. "Shouldn't've said anything. Obviously I wasn't going to, or do anything, because we live together and I don't want you to be uncomfortable, and I have a girlfriend - well, I suppose I'm single right now -"

Anna took the glass out of his hand and put it on the coffee table. Then she put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him full on the lips.