Summary: "No more lies," JJ said as she rested her head against her husband's shoulder. But when her blue eyes met Emily's brown she knew that this would never really be true.

Pairing: Emily/JJ

Rating: T.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters.

Chapter 1

Prologue

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

~The Beatles - Blackbird

~()~

She stepped out into the cool evening air and her lungs eagerly sucked in the fresh air. The music and the voices coming from inside the bar could still be heard in the alley. Her back slumped against the wall and she felt the cold creep through her jacket into her bones. Her eyes fluttered shut. Inside her chest her heart seemed to slowly crumble into pieces so small she wasn't sure she could ever fit them back together again. Coming back here brought back so much more than just the memories.

Why did she do this to herself every single time?

Emily Prentiss turned slightly to look back at the door through which she had left the bar. Inside lay the reason she had escaped off into the night for a moment of peace. She needed the silence. As much as she loved the people inside the bar, being around them suffocated her at the same time. It was almost as if there was a weight resting on her shoulders, slowly crushing her.

There weren't many places where she could find silence. Her life wasn't exactly the kind of place that knew quiet moments. Working for Interpol had changed a lot for her, most of all the way she lived her life. It had changed the way she viewed herself and the world but most of all it had given her an escape from something she knew would destroy her eventually.

The creaking of the door announced someone else had left the bar. Emily's breath hitched as the sound of soft footsteps found its way into the alley and she kept her eyes fixed on her feet. From the corner of her eye she saw the shadow move before a slender figure appeared from the shadows. In the dim light of the streetlamp JJ's features didn't look as tired and broken.

"Hi," she said softly as she stood next to Emily, her own back resting against the alley wall too.

Emily didn't look up immediately. "Hey."

JJ huddled a little deeper into her jacket. "I knew I'd find you here."

Emily couldn't help but smile as she shot JJ a sideways glance. "We seem to have that habit," she said. "We always find each other somewhere."

JJ managed to catch and hold Emily's gaze. "I know."

"Jayj…."

JJ just shook her head as she took a step closer to Emily. Her fingers grazed across the brunette's abdomen and the tip of her tongue wet her bottom lip as she pushed Emily further into the shadows. If anyone left the bar now they wouldn't be able to see them unless they walked down the alley. Their gazes locked and Emily watched as JJ's eyes darkened several shades, suddenly reflecting something she hadn't seen for so long.

Emily was aware of the position they were in. Inside the bar JJ's husband was talking to their friends. Friends who had become like family, their family. They didn't know. They would never know. Not even now, after all of this, after what had brought them to this moment, would they know.

Emily's hand shot down to cover JJ's wrist when she felt nimble fingers play with the hem of her shirt.

"Don't," she breathed, feeling slightly intoxicated by the scent of JJ's hair as the blonde rested her head against her shoulder. Emily relaxed into JJ's body, her fingers slowly slipping away from her wrist as JJ's arm snuck around her waist. "Not after what you've just been through, JJ."

"I've missed you."

JJ's words almost got lost into the chilling wind that whipped around their faces and Emily's arms protectively closed around the younger woman's back, pulling her closer. She buried her face in JJ's blonde locks. She smelt of spring scented shampoo. It was a smell that would stay with her for as long as time allowed it.

"I know," she sighed, fighting back the bitter tears that were now burning behind her eyes. "I've missed you too."

JJ lifted her head up enough so that she could look into Emily's eyes. Moments like this were rare. It had been too long. Too long since she'd looked at her, held her, too long since she had seen her eyes and felt the way she did right now. There would never be a safer place. Days had turned into weeks and weeks had faded into months.

"Are you sure you can't stay?" she repeated the question she'd asked earlier in the bar.

Emily shook her head. "I'm due back in London the day after tomorrow, Jennifer." She let her fingers run through the other woman's hair. She'd forgotten how beautiful such a simple touch could be. "I really wish I could stay longer."

JJ rose to the tip of her toes and her lips brushed softly against Emily's. Her heart had been yearning for this moment since she laid eyes on the brunette and now that she was finally in her arms, she felt at home. Her eyes fell shut when she felt Emily lean into the kiss and the grip around her back tightened as Emily pulled her closer, pulling firmly at the jacket JJ was wearing.

When they parted they were both hurting.

"Stay," JJ breathed against Emily's cheeks. She felt the tears that slid across the other woman's face. This was the woman who had changed her life and who had saved her life. "Please. Stay."

Emily swallowed hard but the lump in her throat didn't move. Her voice sounded broken and her eyes found JJ's. She had come so close to losing her tonight, to losing her forever. But she knew she would have to lose her all over again. "I can't."

"Why do we keep doing this?" JJ wondered softly. "Why do we live our lives like this? These stolen moments…" She hesitated. "I can't keep living like this, Emily."

"I know. But we don't have a choice." Emily cupped JJ's cheek and smiled gently as the feel of the other woman's hand being pressed against her stomach. She could feel the shape of JJ's wedding ring even through the fabric of her shirt and it left her feeling hurt inside.

"This is what we promised each other." Emily's voice was even. The memory still lay fresh in her mind although it felt like a lifetime ago. Paris had changed both their lives in ways neither of them could ever quite put into words. "This is what we said we would have. Each other, whenever time allows it."

JJ's blue eyes slowly trailed up. "But what if I want more than what time offers us?"

Emily almost couldn't hear her; JJ's voice was so soft. The music coming from the bar reminded her that they weren't alone. The pain in her chest only grew stronger as JJ's words sank in. She had dreaded ever hearing them because she knew what her answer would be. She had always known and she knew JJ knew it too. They would always come back to this moment and eventually they would always walk away from it too.

"You know what that means," she whispered. Her fingers ghosted across JJ's forearm, gently pulling at the leather of her jacket. "You know what you'd have to give up." The corners of her lips curled up into a sad smile. "What we would both have to give up."

JJ looked down. "I know."

"Then you know the answer to your own question," Emily answered as she let a strand of JJ's blonde hair run through her fingers. She hoped she could remember this moment for as long as possible. It seemed to be harder every single time.

"You've got to leave, right?" JJ sensed the change in the other woman's body language. She didn't let go. She was reluctant to step away, to let Emily break free from her arms. She wasn't ready. Not after all of this, not after tonight. Not after she had come to her rescue, had been the one to find her. She wasn't ready to see her leave again. Everything had changed and she wasn't sure if she could face those changes without her.

Emily's voice was thick with tears. "My plane leaves in just under two hours." She looked down, at her own hands holding JJ's. "I have to go."

JJ's breath chocked in the back of her throat. "Why does this hurt more every single time?"

"Because every time we realise there may not be a next time."

"Will there be a next time?"

The echo of hope in JJ's voice broke Emily's heart, ripped it to pieces. "I don't know."

Her honesty was the most heart-breaking thing. Not the fact she would have to watch her walk out of her life all over again. That wasn't the most brutal part. The most brutal part was not knowing if she would see her again. This was how they had chosen to live their lives. From moment to moment. This was what they had promised each other. It was better this way.

They spoke on the phone, once a week, at a dedicated time and in a dedicated place. Nobody knew. Nobody would ever know. The calls were below the radar and in those few minutes they would sometimes only listen to the other person breathing. It created a closeness not even distance could destroy. The sound of a single breath, the memory of a single heartbeat, could overcome even the toughest test of time.

"I don't want to let you go," JJ admitted. She was somewhat surprised by her own confession. She needed Emily more than ever right in this moment. "Not after this, not now. Not tonight, not ever again."

Emily carefully placed a kiss on JJ's jaw, her eyes blinded by her own tears. "You have to."

JJ reluctantly stepped away from Emily, her arms falling down her side. The aching of letting her walk away, the emptiness, washed over her as Emily pushed herself away from the wall and walked past JJ into the alleyway, towards the street. She turned around, her face lit by the streetlamp, and their eyes found each other. Loneliness reflected in both their faces.

Emily's voice was only a whisper, so faint that the words almost got lost in the wind. "I love you, Jennifer."

JJ brushed the tears off her cheeks as she watched Emily walk away. "I love you too, Emily."

She looked on as Emily walked out of her life all over again. Until the next time their paths crossed. Until the next moment they would find each other, if only for a few moments.

She just didn't know when this was going to be.

TBC