TITLE:
"Breaking down the walls" - 1/12 - Rated PG - B/A Angst, series 6
predictions
AUTHOR: Charlie/Selwyn29
EMAIL: selwyn29@ntlworld.com
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, they're Joss's.
But if they were mine I give them to Duck's for safekeeping
PAIRING: B/A, and loads more
TIMELINE: After end of series 5 Buffy, series 2 Angel
SPOILERS: Anything is possible... say all, up to B5/A2
SYNOPSIS: My take on series 6 and what should happen
FEEDBACK: Definitely wanted, its my first attempt.
RATING: PG CONTENT
DEDICATION:
To Trammie and AlwaysLuv my two Beta readers and Duck's who without her epics I
would never had started this one.
Also
to the Babble Board posters, who have been an inspiration for some storylines
"Let me say it, I want to say it!"
Sounds of laughter and chattering came across the lobby;
shadows of a group of people appeared outside the doors, which were pushed open
by big strong hands. Figures stepped into the lobby in front of her, she
couldn't tell who they were, her eyes glazing with tears as she looked up.
"There's no place like…Willow."
The voice made her stand up, she could barely make out his
face, but she knew he was the one she had come to tell.
"What's, what is…" Cordelia's voice broke through the
silence. She couldn't complete the
sentence. But Angel could, one look
into the familiar redhead's tear streaked face and he knew.
"It's Buffy." he practically whispered it. Willow just looked at him, the pain in her
eyes mirroring the pain that was crashing through his soul.
"Buffy? The
Slayer? Does she need us?" Gunn asked in the background, trying to
understand what was going on in all the silence.
"She's dead." Angel could barely get the words out, if he
didn't say it it wouldn't be true, but life didn't work like that. It was written all over Willows face, pale
and drawn in front of him.
Cordelia reached out to touch his arm as she began sobbing,
to try and give him some comfort.
"Angel," Willow whispered, "she's gone." The small girl crumpled and broke down
sobbing on the lobby floor. Wesley
gently pulled Cordelia away from Angel's arm into his own, she sobbed quietly
on his shoulder.
"We're so sorry." he whispered. He motioned for Gunn and Fred to follow him as he helped Cordelia
upstairs, allowing the two friends to comfort one another in peace.
As Wesley pulled Cordelia away, Angel crossed the floor, and
sat down next to where Willow lay weeping.
He pulled her tiny frame into his arms and held her, her tears soaking
the front of his clothes. She clung to
him, crying, murmuring over and over again.
"Why did she have to die?
Why does it have to hurt so much." And Angel sat there, holding her,
staring into the distance, remembering the night of Joyce's funeral when he had
sat in the graveyard in Sunnydale, with Buffy, holding her in exactly the same
way while she grieved for her mother and cried all the tears that she couldn't
let the others see. He gently sniffed
Willow's hair and remembered the way Buffy's hair had smelled of vanilla, he
remembered the way her body had felt curved into his. Not like this, not like Willow felt, she felt comfortable and
made him think of the past. But Buffy,
she made him feel like he was on fire, like he was going to lose his mind every
time he looked into her eyes. Just the
slightest touch from her skin could make him feel alive again, like he was a
whole person and when they had kissed on that long night, it had brought
everything flooding back to him, everything he had tried to repress while Darla
had been around. The moment she had
asked him to stay forever had almost made him cry, cry for the fact he had
tried to lose himself with another woman, tried to end all the pain and the
suffering, and cry because he had realised that he wanted to stay with her,
more than ever.
Willow shifted slightly in his arms. He looked down at her tear streaked face, he
couldn't cry, not yet. He had grieved
for so many people in his life; his family, his victims, Jenny, his little
sister, but this time it was different, he felt like his life had stopped the
minute the words 'she's dead' had come out and now he was in limbo, couldn't
cry, couldn't grieve.
He stood up and gently lifted Willow to her feet, he half
carried and half walked her over to the lobby couch she had been sitting on
when they came in. They sat on the seat
and Angel slowly started piecing together everything that had happened.
Wesley came down the stairs into the reception area at 5 am,
when he heard the front doors close. He
saw Angel standing at the Hyperion's front entrance, helping Willow into a
taxi.
"Angel?"
"Its all right Wesley, I know, dawn is coming, I'm coming
inside." He watched the man's face as he walked across to the stairs. He had thought of it, as he stood by the
doors and saw Willow get into her taxi, just one step and he could be with
Buffy, just one step and he could be complete again. But as that thought came into his head, Willow wound down the
window.
"She used to talk about the work you were doing here all the
time, she was so proud of what you had done, of what you had become, and she
understood in the end, she did understand why you left…" her voice broke off,
tears welling up once more.
Angel nodded at her and an unspoken understanding passed
between them. They both had loved her,
in their own ways.
Angel walked up to where Wesley stood on the stairs.
"How's Cordy?" he asked.
"She's sleeping, she managed to call Xander earlier and she
spoke to him. Angel, do you want to…"
Angel cut him off before he could finish.
"I'll be in my rooms Wesley, if anything happens."
Wesley watched the vampire climb the stairs to his
apartment, each footstep heavier than the last. His heart ached for his friend who had come so far in LA, who had
made a family and a life, but whom he knew had never forgotten his mate. Wesley walked across to the reception desk
and began to do some filing, it was menial and senseless but it helped.
Angel pushed the door to his apartment open and walked
inside. The heavy curtains were still
pulled across the windows, so an eerie gloom fell across the room in the dawn
light. He could hear sounds of the city
waking up outside, cars moving about, people beginning to fill the
streets. He shut all the sounds out as
he sat on the bed. He reached into the
bedside cabinet and pulled out a picture that was buried in the drawer. It was a pretty silver antique frame and
inside was a picture of Buffy, laughing in the sunlight. Xander had taken it one day and she had had
it framed and given it to him, so he could always see her in the sunlight. He touched her face, lovingly, on the
photograph.
"I love you so much, Buffy.
You are my saviour. I've always
known that. I don't know what I'm going
to do without you. Even when I left, I
knew you were always there, always around.
And after the funeral, after everything with Darla, the first thoughts I
had were of you and what you had given me.
I was going to come back to you. I was going to come back and tell you
how much I loved you, how you filled my thoughts, how we had lived without one
another for long enough, but then we got called away and I never got a chance
to tell you." Angel took a deep breath
and looked deep into the smiling eyes of his beloved. He reached down within himself and did the one thing he had
dreaded since the words had left Willow's lips. He reached down and found that small place within himself that
could sense her, that place that tingled whenever she was anywhere near. He had pushed it away when he had come to
LA, only satisfying his need to feel her every now and again when he was alone,
but he found it now, and reached across space to feel his love. His entire being called out to her…and as
the harsh hollow of nothing came back, his non-existent heart shattered into a
million pieces and his soul cried out a heart-wrenching cry for its mate that
reverberated around the hotel. His eyes
closed on the photograph, trying to block her image out, but it was embedded on
the darkness inside his eyes, where he saw it every night, and finally Angel
wept for the love he had lost.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Buffy opened her eyes and looked around her. The place she was in seemed
indescribable. Like a huge white room
that seemed to go on forever, there were no doors or windows, nothing but white
space. She tried to remember what had
happened. Had she been taken by
Glory? By someone else? She closed her eyes and tried to think. Images came rushing into her mind, the top
of the tower, Dawn bleeding and the void opening up beneath her, Dawn crying and
begging her, and then 'Summers' blood'.
That phrase echoed into her head as she relived the dive from the
tower. She remembered falling through
the sky like she was flying, closer and closer to the shimmering void. She remembered thinking of Dawn, and her
mother, of Giles, Willow, Xander and the other Scoobies, of Riley, far away in
the jungle. And at the last moment, before she hit the gate opening, she
reached down into the place inside her where she had buried her feelings for
Angel, that tiny place that tingled whenever he was near. She opened herself up across the link and searched
for him, and she remembered, as she hit the gate and a blinding flash of light
hit her, that she had felt nothing.
As she opened her eyes, she saw a figure in the far distance
of the room. As it walked closer she
knew exactly where she was. She jumped
up and rushed towards it.
"Mommy." She
whispered.
"Buffy, darling."
Joyce replied, and wrapped her arms around her daughter. Buffy sank into her mother's embrace, tears
of joy running down both their faces.
"Mom, I can't believe I'm seeing you again." she whispered
into Joyce's hair.
"I can't even begin to understand what you did." Joyce said,
holding her daughter's head in her hands so she could look into her eyes. "You gave up everything to save Dawn. Do you have any idea of how proud I am of
you."
"A little?" Buffy quipped back, wiping the tears away with
the back of her hand.
"So this is it then, this is heaven, kinda quiet. Thought there'd be more clouds and angels
with harps really."
"It's their day off, we had a big session here last night,
the angels were rocking away with some of the others, and they opened up the
chocolate river." Joyce replied.
"A Chocolate river?"
Buffy asked, eyes wide at the thought.
"I'm kidding darling, this is the end, peace and
serenity. What everyone should be
allowed at the end of their lives."
"So where is everyone else then?" Buffy asked, looking
around the white space.
"Well, this is kind of hard to explain." Joyce said, as she
sat down on the ground with her daughter.
"This is a kind of meet and greet room, where you come when it first
happens, to acclimate yourself to things.
People who you know and recognise who have – passed over – come and meet
you to prepare you to move on."
"So what's past this room?" Buffy asked.
"Well, that's a little harder to explain. It's kind of like you are there, but you're
not. Oh, don't look scared, it's not
scary. Time just moves differently. When you are needed and wanted by the people
left behind, you will just 'be'."
Buffy looked a little confused.
"Let me explain this better and then I might be able to show
you. Something happened on the night of
my funeral that no one knows about, didn't it?"
Buffy's eyes turned up to look at her mother.
"You sat at my graveside, and you cried so hard. I wanted to reach out and touch you, but I
could only watch. Everyone else had
left the graveyard and you were alone, but not for long. I saw Angel walk up to you and take you in
his arms and hold you close to him. I saw you relax into him, and let
everything go, all that responsibility and pressure you had kept held up inside
of you since the night I left. I saw
you turn from the adult mature Buffy who could cope with anything, into my
little girl once more. And Buffy, I was
glad he came, I was glad he was there for you."
"So you see, when people think of us, or need us, we are
there, we can watch over them and we can see them heal and we can watch their
lives continue."
"But we can't talk to them, or hold them?" Buffy whispered.
"No, sweetheart, we can't.
People would never move on with their lives if we could and we have to
let that happen."
Joyce's face suddenly spread into a smile and her eyes
misted over.
"What is it?" Buffy asked.
"Here, I can show you what I mean."
Buffy looked at her, confusion in her eyes.
"Its Dawn, she's thinking about us."
Joyce took hold of Buffy's hand, and suddenly they were in
Giles' condo, but in a room that Buffy hadn't seen before. But then she remembered, she had seen it, it
was Giles's spare room, that he once had filled with boxes and junk, but now it
was a bedroom, with a beautiful ironwork bed that she recognised as her's from
the house on Ravello Drive. In the bed there was a form under the covers,
shaking a little with sobs escaping every now and again.
"Dawn." Buffy whispered,
as she could see her sister's face come out from under the covers.
"Mom, can't we do something? She's crying…"
"Just wait, I know it's hard, but you'll see."
Buffy stood there and tried not to run to her sister and
throw her arms round her. Her resolve
had almost weakened when a soft knock came at the door.
"Dawn, may I come in?" a refined voice said.
Dawn shifted a little and sniffed and then sat up in her
bed.
"OK."
The door opened and Buffy saw her Watcher walk into the
room.
"Giles took Dawn in after everything happened. He has legal guardianship of her now."
Buffy looked in amazement as Giles came across the room and
sat on Dawn's bed. Dawn sat under her
covers sniffing.
"Was it another nightmare?" he asked.
"I just miss them so much."
Dawn sobbed and threw herself into the Englishman's arms. Giles looked stunned for a second and then
wrapped his arms around the young girl and let her cry it all out.
"They're good for one another." Joyce whispered.
"Giles can give her the love and understanding of a parent,
and she fills the hole that you left in his life. They are carrying on, using each other to lean on."
"Doesn't it make you sad?"
Buffy said through the tears.
"It did at first," Joyce said, "but nothing can be done, and I am glad that they can take care
of one another. It does get easier."
Buffy felt a shudder go through her and she appeared back in
the room again.
"You can't see everything."
Joyce explained, "Just enough so that you know that things will be ok."
Joyce took Buffy into her arms and held her close.
"I have to go now, for a little while."
Buffy held her tight, "Will I see you again?"
"Of course," Joyce replied, "I'm always here if you need
me."
Joyce walked off across the room, Buffy watched her until
she was the tiniest dot, and then she disappeared.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Giles could hear the shrieks of laughter at the bottom of
the stairs as he started up to the first floor of his condo. He followed the noise down the corridor and
carefully balanced the tray of tea and orange as he opened the door where all
the racket was coming from. The scene
that lay before him brought a brief smile to his tired face.
Dawn stood on top of a rickety stepladder attempting to
paint the ceiling with Spike holding onto her legs, so she couldn't fall. Tara sat on the floor, cutting tiny silver
stars out of tin foil, and then handing them up to where Willow stood, carefully
sticking them onto the navy blue walls.
Xander and Anya were on the other side of the room, applying the last
coat of the paint to the walls, mostly applying it to one another. Giles put the tray down and watched the
group interact with one another, comments and quips flying from side to side,
laughter and giggles ringing out every now and again, along with screams when
paint hit places it shouldn't. He
leaned into the wall and smiled to himself, who would have thought that this
would have happened. He never intended
to have children, to attend parents' evening and help with homework, and this
had never been planned. Dawn and Buffy
had turned to him after Joyce's death and he had accepted them with open
arms. After Buffy had gone, Dawn had
moved in with him, and he had become her legal guardian and if he was honest,
he was enjoying the company and the liveliness of having a young teenager in
the house.
Xander looked up and saw Giles standing in the doorway
watching them all.
"Hey Giles, what do you think of Dawnie's new wicca room?"
Giles surveyed the area and put on his best 'parent' voice.
"Well, I think it's very…interesting."
"Awwww, poor Giles, he wanted it all beige and booky." Willow called out in a baby voice.
Giles shot a look across the room and Willow giggled.
"Tea everyone, and then let's go over last night's
patrol." Giles changed the subject
quickly, before they asked him to comment any more on the dramatic makeover of
his previously proposed study.
"Well, Xander and I were attacked by two vampires while we
were in the graveyard having sex."
"Anya, what have we said about sharing in front of people,
especially Dawnie!" Xander looked over
to where Dawn now sat on the floor next to Spike; she was beaming straight back
at him, which made him flush red.
"We were attacked when we were looking for clues on the
ground, Anya." he corrected.
"OK, but I don't think you found many clues inside my
dress." the ex-demon sulked.
"Quite, and how about you two?" Giles turned to Willow and
Tara.
"A few demons, and a vampire or
two. Kinda quiet on the big bad scary
monsters stuff." Willow replied.
"Willow made up a new spell that can freeze bodies for a few
seconds which has really helped." Tara
looked over, proudly, at her girlfriend.
"And Spike?" Giles asked.
"Coupl'a vampires, hit on a few big demons, checked out
Willie's bar for a while." Spike
noticed the look on Giles's face, which was the disapproving 'that's an excuse
to get roaring drunk look' and saw Dawn's innocent expression.
"Err, yeah, getting information on what's happening underground
at the moment."
"Yes, thank you, Spike." Giles ended the vampire's
explanations before things could get any worse.
"Oh, I did hear something though. Something about a trio of magic guys, messin' around with some
spell or something, down at the site, you know, down at the tower where the
Glory stuff all happened."
The room went quiet at this sudden harsh reminder of what
had happened those weeks ago. Dawn's
voice broke the silence.
"Why, why would anyone want to do anything there?"
Spike immediately turned to the young girl.
"Don't worry, L'il Bit, ain't nothing going to happen to you
with everyone here. They'd just be a
bunch of drunkards who heard some funny stories."
"But what if they bring Glory back?" the little voice asked.
"Dawn, Glory is gone, no-one can bring her back, I promise
that." Giles said, reassuringly.
"I wish Buffy was here." she whispered.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Buffy sat back in her white room and tears welled in her
eyes at the scene that had just unfolded with her friends. It was so hard seeing them again, and seeing
Dawn looking so sad. The only relief
had come from knowing that her extended family had adopted Dawn into it so
overwhelmingly.
"How long have I been dead?" she sobbed into the white
silence.
"I'd say about four weeks, give or take a little."
Buffy looked up at the newcomer. She recognised the face, but couldn't quite place it.
"Ah, what's a pretty girl like you messin' up her face for
with all those tears?" he said, in a lilting Irish Brogue and sat down next to
her.
"Doyle." she said.
"Aye, that's me.
Ex-assistant of Angel, holder of the painful visions and the will of The
Powers That Be."
"So you died too."
"It would appear so.
I like to think of myself as between jobs."
"I don't understand it here." Buffy whispered, "This is supposed to be it, heaven, the end,
total happiness, but I don't feel it."
"It's only the beginning here, your feelings will
change." Doyle replied.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything for a pretty girl."
"Is…is Angel here?"
"Now why would you be asking me that?"
"Because, when I fell, from the tower, I tried to reach out
to him, into the place where I could normally feel him and I couldn't. So I guess he's either dead or he's…"
"Moved on?" Doyle finished her sentence for her. "Buffy there are many things in this world
that will never happen, for myself, giving up the drink, and for Angel, truly
giving up his on true love."
"So why couldn't I sense him?"
"Well, now you see, that would be a more complicated
answer. Before you, well, left, our
Angel went into another dimension, on a bit of a jaunt to help some people win
their own kind of war. I guess, that
this link of yours might not have stretched quite that far."
"But he is alright?"
"In a way, yes, he's still down there."
"Could I see him?"
Buffy asked.
"Are you sure you want to?"
Doyle questioned.
"Yes."
Then Doyle whispered the three magic words, "Close your eyes."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Cordelia and Wesley gently pushed open the door to their
friend's apartment. Darkness met them, the
curtains were drawn against the windows, the floor was littered with half empty
blood bags that they had been leaving outside his door for the past few weeks,
music was playing quietly from the sound system. The smell of unwashed sheets permeated the air, along with a
sweeter, sicklier smell.
"Whiskey." Wesley whispered, as he moved over to the bed
where an unidentifiable mound lay.
Cordelia moved closer to him and gently shook the blankets.
"Leave me alone." the slurred phrase made the two jump back
a little; it had come from an armchair in the corner of the room.
"Angel, we just want to help."
"Then get me more whiskey and leave me alone."
"Angel please," Cordy begged, "it's been four weeks and you haven't left this room. We're worried about you, we were all just
beginning to work together again, please don't let it all go again."
"We're a family." Wesley added, "We can deal with this
together, help you, we all thought highly of Buffy, we can help each other."
"I love her!" he snarled back at them.
"We know you do Angel.
Please let us help you get through this. Sitting in your rooms, isolated from everyone, drinking and
listening to, God what is that, Celine Dion?"
Cordy exclaimed.
"Listen." Angel
responded.
Cordelia and Wesley strained to hear the words reverberating
around the apartment.
I figured it out
I was high and low and everything in between
I was wicked and wild, baby, you know what I mean
Till there was you, yeah, you
Something went wrong
I made a deal with the devil for an empty I.O.U.
Been to hell and back, but an angel was
looking through
It was you, yeah, you
It's all because of you
You are the reason
You are the reason I wake up every day
And sleep through the night
You are the reason, the reason
In the middle of the night
I'm going down 'cause I adore you
I want to floor you
I'm giving it up
No more running around spinning my wheel
You came out of my dream and made it real
I know what I feel
It's you It's all because of you
You are the reason
You are the reason I wake up every day
And sleep through the night
You are the reason, the reason
"Don't you get it?" he asked. "She was my reason, she was my
reason for being, for not walking into the sunlight every dawn, for getting up
each and every night and patrolling.
She was the reason I came here, the reason I set all of this up. And each and every day I have worked here
she has been the reason I have tried so damn hard. She may have done what I asked, moved on, found a normal life,
but I never stopped loving her, not for a second. And I let her die. I
wasn't there, after all the times she has saved me, I wasn't there. Nothing is worth it anymore. Not redemption, not shanshu, none of it is
worth it without her. So leave me the
hell alone."
"No!" Cordelia
yelled into the darkness.
"Do you think you are the only person in this world who has
lost the person that they love? Angel,
have you really forgotten Doyle, and what happened such a short while ago? I loved him, I didn't have long with him,
but I loved him and he left and all I had to remember him by was one kiss and
these mind-crushing visions. I wanted
to curl up and die too that night, and for days afterwards, but you wouldn't
let me. You made sure I got up every
morning and that I came into work and carried on the things that he had
sacrificed himself for. You were by my
side and helped me through all of that and I'll be damned if I'm going to sit
back and let you crumble."
She stormed over to the window and tore back the
curtains. Angel flinched visibly and
then relaxed at the sight of the moonlight streaming in.
"Look at you, you don't even know what time of day it
is!" Cordy looked over at him and saw
the hollow face, the thin body, dressed in black pants and nothing else.
"I know you loved her, God, I went through three years of
the greatest tragedy on earth back in Sunnydale with the pair of you. But do you think she would have wanted it
all to end like this? Don't you think
she would have wanted you to carry on?
Willow was right, maybe not in lifestyle choices, but with what she
said. Buffy was proud of you and of
what you had achieved here. Don't you
think you owe it to her memory to carry it on?"
Silence fell across the room once more. And then a broken voice came through the
darkness.
"I just love her so much."
Cordelia walked over and sat on the arm of Angel's chair,
hand resting on his arm.
"I know you did."
Wesley sat down on the edge of the bed.
"We're all here, Angel, you can get through this." he
reiterated.
"Why do these things have to happen? Why take her now, when I wasn't there. I went to see her, a few weeks back, on the
night of her mother's funeral, and we sat in the graveyard all night, just
talking about Joyce and our lives. She
told me about Glory and about the plans to open the gates into hell, and she
told me about Dawn and about Riley leaving.
I decided that night, when she asked me to stay for forever with her,
that I wanted to, that we had spent too much time apart. I was going to try and work something out. But then, we were sent to Pylea, and she
faced Glory alone, and now she's gone.
I miss her so much."
Cordelia rested her head against his.
"I know you do, but let us help, it does get easier. I still miss Doyle but it does get easier."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Buffy looked up at Doyle again.
"He loved me, he was coming back."
"He did."
"How can you stand it, just watching all the time. How can you bear not being able to reach out
and touch them, comfort them?"
"It's hard, it definitely is. Especially in the first few weeks, God, when I watched Cordy
crying herself to sleep, night after night, I just wanted to hold her in my
arms and make everything all right again."
"So how did you cope?"
"Well, I have to let you in on a bit of a secret. I have managed to find a little bit of a
loophole with the entire 'stand back and don't meddle' scenario. You see, Cordy has a bit of a strange
apartment, that's a little bit haunted by a bloke called Dennis. And you see, having a lost spirit down there
is a handy thing to have. Every now and
again, I kind of take over his patch.
Just borrow his essence on earth a little. I get to spend a night, watching her sleep, and maybe touching her
hair, or her beautiful face, just gently, not enough so she wakes up, just
enough so that she thinks she is dreaming of me, and it gives us both a little
peace."
"How can I do something like that? How can I get close to Angel and Dawn again, and help them?" Buffy asked desperately.
"Its not so simple, young Buffy. You see, this chance I have is a gift, from The Powers That Be
for the work I did for them during the latter part of my life and for the
sacrifice I made, so that their warrior could continue their work. Now, to be honest, I would have made the
sacrifice no matter what, but the reward is good. But not everyone gets rewarded."
"Shouldn't I be able to do something? Let me go and see them! I lost my teenage years to their will and
their whims. I was their Slayer! They owe me something!"
'Now then, that's where I should have started on this
conversation. You see, the reason
you're in this room and not moved on yet, now, four weeks after the 'event' and
the reason that I am, in fact, here with you at all, when you didn't really
know me from Adam, is that I'm here to bring you before them."
"The Powers That Be?"
"Yep, the one and onlys, they want to see you."
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Chapter 2
