Disclaimer:
This is a Gundam Wing alternate universe fic that was written off a
Yahoo! Club RPG I once took part in.
San was the character I played, and is completely mine. Janus was created by my friend Phil, and
Tetra by my friend berz. They
allowed me to integrate them into my fic once I got past the first half, which
is primarily made up of the RPG posts that I drew into a story form to allow San
a satisfactory ending. I use their
ideas with permission. The only
true Gundam characters contained within are Treize Kushrenada and Quatre. Please R&R as feedback to a writer
is like water to a dying man in a desert.
Thanks much!
Enjoy
Conflicts of the Spirit
By
Stargazer Nataku
San Mizuhara straightened her uniform before exiting the transport plane
that had just arrived at the Oz base on the Southern coast of France. She stood for a moment in the doorway of
the plane, surveying her new command, her brown eyes burning with
intensity. The young Japanese
woman's hair was cut short, so it hung about chin length, and whipped about her
face in the wind. Reaching out, she
placed a slender hand on the railing to the stairs and descended, looking down
to see a young soldier waiting. The
instant she looked at him, his hand snapped up into a crisp salute, which he
held until she was directly in front of him.
"Lieutenant Commander Mizuhara?
I've been sent to give you a tour of the base and give you needed
information."
"Thank you. What is your
name?"
"Larousse, sir."
"Are you my second in command?"
"No, sir, I am not."
"Who is?"
"His name is Lieutenant Janus Sors Immanis, sir."
"Why is he not here to meet me?" No annoyance in her voice, merely a
questioning tone.
"Because he is out on patrol."
"Very well. Now tell me,
what are my men and I equipped with?"
"We have standard MS's.
Aeries, Leos, Pieces, Cancer.
And then there's Valkyrie."
Together they had come up to a large building that stood huge over
them. The man stepped over and
provided the passwords to open a small door in the side of the building, passing
the two guards there with no questions asked. San followed him in and, in her
amazement, raised her eyebrows when he flipped the lights on.
Standing before her was a large, heavily armored mobile suit colored
mainly navy blue, with aspects of white and red. For a moment she was speechless. She took it in, noting the details on
the suit before daring to ask the question that had formed in her mind the
instant she saw the mobile suit.
"Is that a Gundam, soldier?"
"Yes, sir it is. Her name's
Valkyrie, and she's yours."
"Fitting name for it, is it not?"
"Sir?"
"The Valkyries collected the souls of the dead from the battlefields in
old Norse mythology. A lesser known
myth has them as the ones who choose the souls to be taken." She took several steps forward.
Larousse spoke again. "You
have quite a reputation as a skilled pilot, just like your late husband. He was a good man. I served with him years ago, just after
he graduated from the academy."
"He was," San acquiesced, turning back, "Is it based on a standard mobile
suit?"
"It is."
"I should have no trouble learning to pilot it then." San paused,
glancing over her shoulder again at the Valkyrie. "But there will be time to learn about
it later."
"Of course," Larousse said, "Allow me to show you to your quarters."
"That would be fine, thank you."
Stepping back out of the hangar, the light was shut off, obscuring
Valkyrie in the shadowy darkness.
Once in her quarters, San placed the one bag she was carrying down on the
bed. The quarters were sparse, but
she had neither been expecting nor wanting more. There was a small bed, a nightstand, a
small closet, and a chair. The
walls were white and bare, and the floor was a cold grayish tile.
She unpacked quickly, hanging her two extra uniforms in the closet with a
business-like attitude. There were
only a few more items in the bag and she removed them quickly. She pulled out some comfortable clothes
for sleeping and refolded them, putting them on the top shelf of the
closet. Then, she took out the last
item in the bag, her only true personal item. It was a framed photograph of a young,
smiling Japanese man in an identical Oz uniform. She looked at it for a moment then set
it down on the bedside table and turned away, drawing the drapes and lying down
on the bed to rest.
She lay there for an eternity it seemed, staring at the ceiling, willing
sleep to come, but it remained as elusive and untouchable as the smiling man in
the photograph. Her thoughts
meandered as she lay, wide awake, on the bunk, and after a moment, she rolled
over, her eyes falling onto the picture.
'I'm not a weak woman,' San told herself softly, 'I've never had that
luxury. I have too much to prove
and too much to fight for.' She
sighed, and turned away from the picture, feeling as though his smile was
burning into her back.
The next morning, San appeared on the command deck, no traces of her
sleepless night appearing on her face.
The soldiers there snapped to attention, and she waved them back to their
jobs. Walking over to the one who
was obviously in charge, San spoke softly yet firmly. "Has Lieutenant Sors
Immanis returned yet?"
The young man hesitated for a moment before speaking. "No, sir."
"When was he due back?"
"Almost twelve hours ago, Commander."
"Have you attempted to contact him?"
"Yes, sir. No
response." San paused.
"There's been no communication at all?"
"No, sir."
"Very well. Send four Aries
out to find him and bring him back here.
If he is able upon his return, send him to my office. I need to speak with him."
"Sir."
San was putting her office in order almost four hours later when she
heard a knock on the door.
Straightening herself, she spoke firmly, "Enter." The door slid open and a young man with
silver hair and green eyes entered the room, his face emotionless. Yet still, with closer observation, she
noticed a burning intelligence in his eyes. Intrigued, San spoke first. "Lieutenant Sors Immanis, is it?"
He nodded. "You wished to
see me, sir?"
"Yes I did. Please, have a
seat." She motioned to the chair
facing her desk, watching as he sat, guarding his silence. San moved around the desk, standing
directly in front of him, then leaned against the edge of her desk, brushing
several wisps of stray black hair out of her face and meeting his sea green eyes
with her own grey ones. She stayed
silent a long moment, regarding him frankly, before speaking. "In case you weren't informed, my name
is Commander San Mizuhara. I am
your new superior officer, and there are a few things that I need to make
clear. To begin, orders are to be
obeyed. You are to return from your
missions by the set time from this point forward, unless an emergency has taken
place, in which case you are to report in immediately. Consider this your first and only
warning. If this ever happens
again, you will be taken off of long-range patrols.
"Secondly. I'm expecting
cooperation from you as I work to get into routines here. I'm going to need your help, and I
expect it. Don't make this any more
difficult than it already will be.
Do you have any questions?"
"No, sir."
"Good. You're dismissed to
your duties then." As he turned to
leave, she spoke again.
"Oh, Lieutenant. One more
thing." He paused, not turning to
face her, and San continued, her eyes boring into his back. "I heard about the damage to your
Leo. It was interesting. Must have been quite a battle."
His eyes narrowed slightly, "It always is."
"Of course. Well, in the
future I suggest you be more cautious, Lieutenant. You wouldn't want to get into trouble,
would you?" San raised an eyebrow,
waiting patiently for his reply.
"I will be more careful, sir.
Is that all?"
"Yes Lieutenant, that's all," she paused, "For now. You're dismissed."
He took a step, getting ready to leave. San fought down a smile. She could almost tell what he was
thinking. A normal officer would
never have considered that he had damaged his own mobile suit, yet she had
called him on it without punishment.
There would be time for that later, should the need arise.
Janus was just about to leave the
office, pondering, when a frantic Oz soldier ran in. The harbinger hastily saluted before
giving his news.
"Sir, there's been a Gundam sighting. Actually, there might be multiple
Gundams!"
"You don't know how many there are?" Janus asked.
"No, sir," the man paused a moment and took a deep breath "because the
carrier that spotted them has been completely destroyed." Janus inhaled sharply, glancing over at
San who was standing now, looking at the man with a neutral face and composure
even as her grey eyes betrayed her concern. "I'm sorry, sir, but that's all we
know." They both looked to San, and
she looked back, eyes narrowing, knowing that this was her first real test of
leadership.
"Orders, Commander?" Janus asked her. San turned around to look out the
window, feeling the need to distance herself for a moment. She drew upon her reserves of strength
and spoke.
"This is an interesting twist of fate. I was informed of the Gundam
assault, but I had no idea it had come this far this quickly." She paused for a long moment, staring
out the window at the base, before turning back to the two men.
"Where is the battle taking place?"
"Just off the coast to the south of us, sir," the soldier informed
her.
"Very well. We are the
closest base then."
"Yes, sir."
"Fine. Soldier, send a message informing the higher ups of our
situation. Tell them we're sending
a squad out to investigate and gather data."
"Sir." The soldier turned and left the room at a run to follow her
orders. San waited until he was
gone then spoke to Janus.
"I haven't had time to prepare to pilot my own mobile suit. Besides, I think it best we not show our
ace in the hole yet." She
paused. "Prepare six Aries. Find five other pilots to accompany you
out to the battlefield." She turned, meeting Janus' eyes firmly. "Do not engage
the Gundams in battle unless you are attacked first. You need to go in, get as much
information as you can, and get out.
The info's no good if you can't bring it back.
"Maintain strict radio silence unless you need backup and stay
sharp. I don't need to tell you the
importance of your mission. If
we're to do well in this war, we need the data. Do you have any questions,
Lieutenant?"
"No, sir," Janus told her, leaving the room without being dismissed and
heading for the hangars.
After Janus left her office, San headed straight for the hangar. She crossed the compound, deep in
thought, barely responding to the salutes of her men. 'Things are happening too quickly. I had
no idea the rebels were this advanced in their preparations. There is no time for delay now.' She arrived at the hangar and entered,
climbing into the cockpit of Valkyrie.
'Hm. Layout is similar to an Aries.
This won't be as difficult as I was expecting. Good.' In the darkness of the hangar,
Valkyrie's eyes flared green, and it began to move, allowing San to prepare for
the battles she knew were coming.
She had been there for an indeterminate amount of time when suddenly, she
felt an explosion rock the hangar.
Instantly, she activated Valkyrie's comm. system, connecting to the
command center. "This is Commander
Mizuhara. What's going on?"
"We're under attack! It's a
Gundam!" The young soldier sounded
panicked, and she calmed her own voice in an attempt to reassure him.
"All right, soldier. Contact
Lieutenant Sors Immanis and get him back here right now. Scramble the other pilots and get them
into mobile suits. If it can fight,
I want it manned and into battle.
Also, contact main headquarters and give them a report. Let them know
exactly what's going on. In the
meantime, I'm taking Valkyrie out."
San cut the connection and hurriedly opened the hangar door, bursting out
into the bright light of the Provence day.
Quickly checking her readouts, she saw the enemy Gundam straight ahead
and launched Valkyrie at it, face set in confident concentration. "Lets see what you can do Valkyrie."
San drew the chain whip and charged it quickly, swinging it down towards
the enemy Gundam. The other Gundam
twisted so San's whip wrapped around the other mecha's arm harmlessly. San jerked back on the whip, trying to
free it, but it stuck and she looked up just in time to see the whip the other
Gundam carried flying towards Valkyrie.
It wrapped itself around Valkyrie's neck, and San found herself trapped
two places, unable to back off to recover from this initial defeat. She was about to throw the Valkyrie
backwards in an attempt to free herself, but it was too late. The rebel Gundam's fist came flying
towards her, and knew she didn't have time to react. Eyes narrowing, she steeled herself,
waiting for the blow from the other Gundam's fist.
There was nothing. San watched as the fist froze midswing. For a long moment, they stood frozen,
Gundam staring at Gundam, until there was a bright flare as a Leo fired at the
rebel.
The other pilot seemed to be shocked out of the moment, and pulled away
from San's whip, drawing back with her own. In a second, the pilot pushed Valkyrie
down and took several steps backward, heading at a run towards to the ocean.
San herself did not move for a long moment and watched, shocked, as the
rebel Gundam disappeared into the ocean.
"Why…why did that pilot stop short?
They could have finished me here and now…" A beep startled her back to
her senses, and San quickly gathered her thoughts as she watched her soldiers
racing forward, following the retreating Gundam. Keeping her voice level, San turned on
her communicator and spoke. "Break off the
attack and return to the hangars.
It's gone."
They returned to the hangars, yet San remained, staring out over the
ocean from the cockpit of Valkyrie.
A while later, San left the Valkyrie in its berth and walked to the
command center of the base in a bit of a dream, shrugging off an offer of
medical attention. She entered the
room and everyone instantly snapped to attention. "At ease," she ordered, "Has the battle
data been compiled?"
"Yes sir," the young officer in charge told her, offering a small stack
of papers. San took it silently,
skimming it briefly before speaking.
"Thank you." She turned to
address the whole room. "You all
did well. Reaction time was as good
as I could ask for. You're to be
commended."
She turned and walked out of the room and down the hall to her
office. Sitting down in the chair,
she cast the report onto her desk and instead of analyzing it, pulled open the
top drawer of her desk, removing a framed photograph, looking over the faces of
the six people within. There was a
fairly youthful Japanese couple with four children, two boys and two younger
girls. She was still staring at the
picture when she was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Laying the picture back in the drawer and shutting it quickly, she looked
up and spoke. "Enter." The door slid open and her second in
command stepped in, meeting her gaze.
"Lieutenant Sors Immanis reporting for debriefing." San cleared her mind and set it back
onto the task at hand, removing it from the past.
"Come in Lieutenant." He
entered, standing before her desk.
San did not rise, nor did she ask Janus to sit. "Its good to see you back in one
piece. Did you get any
information?"
Janus cleared his throat and began to speak. "Yes, we gained some information. There is at least one more colony Gundam
active in the area, besides the one you fought here." He tossed a disk onto her desk. "Those
are the specs. It was all we could
get before it disappeared. It's not
much. I apologize that we could do
so little."
"You brought back needed information and got all your men out in the
process. I hardly call that little,
Lieutenant. In my opinion, it was a
highly successful mission. Now, I
know you understand this but the higher ups wanted me to make this extremely
clear. We've been ordered to keep
these incidents as quiet as we can.
Information on the Gundams and their pilots, should we come by it, is
strictly classified. You're not to
discuss this with anyone except myself.
Do you have any questions for me, Lieutenant?"
"No sir, I understand completely," Janus said.
"Thank you. You're
dismissed." He left the office, and
San turned back to the reports she had to review.
After a few minutes of silence, a beeping from the comm. system
interrupted San as she sat reading.
Reaching over, she hit the button in front of the panel on her desk,
causing the screen to flicker to life, showing one of the soldiers in the
command center. "Commander
Mizuhara? Incoming message for you, sir."
"Very well. Please put it
through to my console."
"Yes, sir." The screen went
black for a moment, and when it lit up again, San saluted the General there.
"Commander Mizuhara."
"Sir."
"I've just finished reviewing the information collected from your
base. You took Valkyrie out."
"Hai, General, I did."
"This says that had the Gundam not
retreated at the last minute, you would not have survived the encounter. May I remind you that the Valkyrie is
not a toy? Oz depends on that mobile suit to win this war."
"I realize that sir."
"Now, you are absolutely sure you
have no idea why the Gundam stopped attacking after it was clear he had won the
battle?"
"Iie. No idea, sir."
"That's strange."
"Hai." The man's eyes
narrowed, and San knew he thought that it was her own fault that the Gundam had
retreated, that she had connections with the pilot somehow. It was ridiculous; San had never given
anyone reason to doubt her loyalty to Oz, and yet here it was, happening all the
same.
"Fine," he said finally, annoyed.
"Lets move on to other matters, I assume you have heard about the recent
Gundam attacks on several of our other bases?"
"I have been informed, General."
"Three bases in less than a week have been completely destroyed by the
rebel Gundams. We're going to have to retaliate soon. When that happens, you will be called
upon to fight using Valkyrie. Its
obvious you're not ready for that."
"I have spent every moment of free time these last days preparing myself
for the battle to come, General. I believe that given two more days, I will have
conquered Valkyrie sufficiently to use in battle. I am and always will be ready to serve,
sir."
"Oh, is that so?"
"What are you questioning, sir?
My abilities or my loyalty?" San was sure to keep her voice very close to
neutral, with only a touch of annoyance.
"Your abilities have never been questioned by most, Commander, Lord knows
why, after seeing your performance yesterday. But your loyalties are a different story
entirely. People like you can't be
trusted, especially not with a post of this importance. But that young fool Kushrenada thinks
you walk on water, and there's nothing the rest of us can do except share in his
folly."
"With all due respect, sir," San began, in a tone that was anything but
respectful, "I have done everything possible to serve OZ to the best of my
ability. I have never given anyone any reason to question my abilities or my
loyalty."
"Time will tell. When you
are needed, you will be contacted."
The screen went black.
San remained seated, staring at the wall, grey eyes burning
with fevered intensity as she attempted to control her anger.
Three days later, San stood in her office, skimming over a report a
soldier had given her. The young
man remained before her, standing at attention, waiting for her orders. When she had finished reading it she
smiled, looking up. "Good
work. Thank you." A pause and she walked around her desk,
picking up another sheet of paper.
"New orders have come down from headquarters. We're to remain at combat readiness at
all times. I want every pilot to
spend at least an hour per day training for battle. Otherwise, previous orders stand."
"Yes, sir."
"You're dismissed."
The soldier snapped a salute and exited her office to put her orders into
effect. A few moments later, San
followed. She headed straight for
Valkyrie to follow her own orders, her thoughts racing like wildfire as they
always did when she had no work to occupy them.
Entering the hangar, she climbed up into her Gundam and activated all
systems. When everything checked
out, San had the hangar doors opened, taking the Valkyrie out into the large
inner compound of the base. Already
there were men out in Mobile Suits, following her orders to train for
battle. She stayed there a moment,
watching her men in action.
'They're good, but not good enough…' she told herself, 'they'll have to
do better if we hope to defeat the Gundams.'
At that moment, the communication device beeping in her ear interrupted
San as she stood there. She
activated it. "Hai?"
"Commander Mizuhara, its good to see you out among the men," she heard
Janus say over the comm unit. She
pinpointed where the transmission was coming from: a purple Leo just to her
left. "Our last commanding officer
was rather detached from the unit.
That attitude did not serve him well when stragglers from the former
Earth Sphere Alliance attacked."
Janus paused, letting the implication sink in. His Leo stepped forward towards the
Valkyrie. "Commander, if I may say
so, I know you must be a skilled pilot for you to be assigned to Oz's only
operational Gundam; however, you have had little time to grow accustomed to
Valkyrie's controls." Adopting a
defensive position, the Leo pulled out a small cylinder, which flared brightly
as the beam saber was activated.
"Perhaps would be a good time to practice our skills and show the men
proper piloting technique." A smile
curved across San's face as she drew Valkyrie's beam saber.
"Very well then, Lieutenant.
I accept your challenge. And
you, along with the men, will see a portion of what a Gundam can do." San launched the Valkyrie towards Janus'
Leo, realizing the importance of even this short training battle. As her saber struck Janus', she spoke
softly. "Victory must be
mine…there's too much riding on the battle for anything less."
Fiery plumes of plasma arched through the air as Janus parried San's
strike. "Only a portion of what a
Gundam can do?" Janus spat contemptuously, "Don't you believe in crushing your
enemies?" Twisting to reach behind
the booster of his mobile suit, the Leo's fist clamped down on a second beam
saber, which he sung at the Valkyrie with all the mobile suit's strength. San dodged the crimson flame, but the
heat from the saber slightly curled the armor of her Gundam, bleeding the blue
and white together into the color of sky.
"Tell me, is what I did dishonorable, or do the ends justify the means in
battle?" The Leo charged Valkyrie
again, slashing with both of its sabers.
San answered quickly. "One must guard personal honor even when
honor becomes useless in the struggle.
If the enemy is dishonorable, you must meet their dishonor with
honor. Honor should not be
sacrificed on the battlefield. It
is the heart of battle. Mr. Treize
believes that, as do I."
San dodged both sabers, eyes burning with intensity, yet her voice
remained calm as she spoke back to Janus.
"And when I said a portion of what a Gundam can do, I merely meant that I
do not yet have the experience the rebel Gundam pilots obviously have. Holding
back in battle can be lethal and I have no intention of dying in this war, at
least not until I've proven myself to those who doubt me and revenge myself
against those who have taken all I loved!"
She struck back and, hitting a button on her own saber, extended a second
beam going the opposite direction as the first. Striking at Janus, she blocked each of
his sabers with one side of hers and then kicked at him with Valkyrie's foot,
knocking the Leo over. She attacked
again with the beam saber, and as she swung it downward towards the Leo, Janus
spoke again.
"Ego? Revenge? Are these your only reasons?" Janus
yelled back at San, disregarding the fact that she outranked him. "You're no better than the others,
you're nothing!" Janus screamed as he activated the booster pack of the
Leo. Vaporizing most of the limb,
Janus used the Leo's left arm as a makeshift shield as he flew into the air,
blocking San's attack and knocking the beam saber from Valkyrie's hand. The Leo hovered over Valkyrie's head,
just out of reach. "Must everything
be razed to the ground? Can't you hear the cries of the dead, hear the mourning
of those left behind?" Janus
redirected the thrust of the boosters and the Leo swooped down upon the
Valkyrie, its remaining beam saber aimed for the cockpit.
For the first time, San allowed her anger to flare, as she dodged his
attack; diving for her saber, she grabbed it from the ground. "Damn you!" Armed again, she turns to face Janus,
immobile. "How can you possibly
understand? This has nothing to do
with my ego! If I can't prove
myself I won't keep my position and I can't help destroy those thrice damned
rebels!" She took a breath and continued angrily.
"I understand more than you might think about the pain of this war…Nearly
everyone I've ever loved is dead because of it. I hear their screams and understand the
mourning of those left behind because it's happened to me countless times. My parents, my husband, friends…
"Don't ever accuse me of not caring about the people involved in
this war! I care more deeply than
you will ever know or see. I was
born in the colonies. They are my
home and their residents my people.
I will do what I have to in order to protect them, and to do that, I must
remain the pilot of this Gundam. I
must stop those who caused all this pain so they will no longer cause pain for
others. To do that means
battle!"
San ignored the tears that had come to her eyes and attacked Janus
viciously, swinging her beam saber towards him without mercy, knocking one of
his sabers away, out of reach. She
continued her attack, slowly overcoming the Leo as her anger improved her
concentration and fighting skills.
Janus attempted to evade the onslaught, but his efforts were in
vain. The Valkyrie was too fast and
too strong for his outdated Leo. The boosters flared as his mobile suit
leapt away from the oncoming beam saber, but it was too late. The wave of plasma crashed into the Leo
at waist level, melting through the armor and servos. His suit fell to the ground, its legs
attached only by a few threads of half-melted titanium.
Inside the damaged cockpit, Janus tried to right himself as he spoke,
hearing the faint sound of repressed tears over the open comm. "I'm sorry, sir…I didn't know. If your goal is to stop the pain and
suffering once and for all, then I will stand by you no matter what
happens."
San muffled her crying and brushed the tears away with practiced
persistence, wiping her face with steady hands. Valkyrie's eyes flared, but the suit
remained motionless as she spoke to Janus.
"Its not common knowledge.
Some know of my husband; he was an Oz pilot and a good man." San sighed. "The rest I've been forced to keep
hidden, as if being a colonist was shameful. Being a colonist doesn't bring much
confidence from many in Oz. I'm up
against so much, and I can't lose what I have. I can't stop fighting. I can't allow what's happened to me to
happen ever again.
"His Excellency understood that when no one else could. He knows why I fight, and he supports
me. His support is the only thing I
have beside myself that I have to count on now. He is an honorable man." San sighed and Valkyrie stepped back
towards the hangar. "Perhaps, once
I have accomplished this, I can find true peace." Another few steps, and she spoke her
final words before returning to the hangar. "I appreciate your support,
Lieutenant. I will need it
soon. Not only is my future rushing
to face me, but also my past."
San remained in the hangar, checking over Valkyrie herself for
damages. She had been there for a
long time, fixing simple damage, when she was interrupted by a beep of the comm.
system, signaling an incoming message.
Climbing into the cockpit, she tapped a button. "Hai?"
"Commander, there's a message coming in for you. Its from headquarters in
Luxembourg."
"All right. I'm going to my
office." San ran to her office,
straightening her uniform as she went.
She arrived after her sprint, calmed herself, and ordered the message put
through. Treize Kushrenada's face
appeared on her screen, and San bowed.
"Excellency."
"Commander Mizuhara. I hear
you have been doing well."
"Hai, Excellency. I thank
you for this opportunity."
"I knew you could handle the job.
However, Commander, as I'm sure you know, there are those who do not
share my confidence in you."
"I know that well, sir."
"Then you will understand how important this next mission is. We've discovered the identity of one of
the Gundam pilots. We need you to
be sure this person is isolated from the colonies. Understand, however, that I personally
do not want to give you this assignment, but there are others here who demanded
it."
"Very well, sir. The name of
this Gundam pilot?" Treize paused,
and his blue eyes met her grey ones.
She recognized the emotion there; he did not want to give the coming
order, and even felt sorry for her.
'Sorry for me? Why?'
"Tetra Rowen."
San's heart sank, and for a long moment she was startled into
silence. "Tetra Rowen," she stated,
pushing back the emotions that were overwhelming her, keeping her face a mask of
neutrality. She took a deep,
calming breath, and the nodded slowly.
"Very well then, Excellency.
I won't fail you or Oz."
Treize nodded simply and solemnly spoke three simple words.
"I'm sorry Commander." The
screen went black, and San collapsed into her chair, trembling as thoughts and
emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
She now understood why she had seen those emotions in Treize's eyes. He realized, as San herself did, the
sacrifice she would have to make to fulfill his orders. "Tetra Rowen," she said again. "When did
we end up on different sides?" She
reached into her desk and pulled out the picture hidden there, of the parents
and their children, touching the faces of the two smiling girls gently. "Tetra…" San pushed the tears away, and
began to slowly work through the raging emotions in her heart.
Calling up information on where and when the Proteus had been spotted by
Oz crafts, facts that were few and far between, San had decided on the Gundam's
destination: a Japanese Leo production facility on the nation's northernmost
island. Within hours, her plan was
set, the base in Japan was on standby for attack, and there was no longer
anything to do in Provence except wait.
San stood in the command center, listening to the soldiers around her
going about their daily business, waiting, feeling the oppressive silence in the
area immediately around her as if it were pressing into her ears painfully, like
a knife in the side. She stared out
the windows, looking towards the ocean, justifying her actions in her own mind,
waiting as if on edge for news she did not want to hear. For once in her life, San Mizuhara
wished she could be wrong.
That was not to be. A young
officer came running over to her, snapping a quick salute. "Sir, the base in Japan is being
attacked just as you predicted!"
Where San would normally have felt a rush of elation that she had chosen
the path to come, she felt emptiness and sorrow. She spoke, her voice neutral, with a
slight added tremor of excitement she did not truly feel.
"And they know the battle plan?"
"Yes, sir."
"Good. Tell them to put the
plan into action." San watched as
the man relayed her orders and did not speak again until he had finished. "Bring the battle scene up on the
monitor." In a moment,
the screen flared to life, showing Proteus attacking the production
facility. As she watched, the Leos
backed off from the Gundam's advance, just out reach of Proteus' weaponry, and
continued attacking. Each time,
Proteus advanced, the Leos retreated just out of reach.
San watched this act repeat itself time and time again, each withdraw
bringing the Proteus that much closer to the complex. Each time the Gundam managed to take out
a Leo, another would take its place, and the process of advance and retreat
would begin over and over again.
Yet the Leos were quickly running out of ground and the final one hit the
side of the building, nowhere to run or escape to, as the Gundam quickly
approached. Drawing its buster
rifle, Proteus opened fire, incinerating the Leo and blowing a Gundam sized hole
in the wall of the large building.
It advanced into the facility, intent on destroying it from the inside
out, when suddenly there was a huge explosion. San watched as the missiles went flying
up towards space and she smiled slightly, putting on the act for her men. "Gotcha…" she whispered as she began to
hear voices over the link from Japan.
"The Gundam's fired missiles into space! We can't do anything! Someone respond!"
"Get that Gundam! I want the
pilot alive!"
"Rodger that base. We have
the situation taken care of. It
won't hit the colonies…"
Several minutes passed in silence.
On screen, Proteus had disappeared into the ocean to hide. The partially destroyed base was
silent. Then, over a crackling of
static, San heard the same voice that had spoken the third time. "Missiles were detonated off the
mark. I repeat, missiles did not
hit their targets."
"Good." San smiled the first
true smile she had worn all day, a smile that was quickly replaced in her heart
by a rush of sadness. "Yet now, the
second act begins," San whispered to herself.
Several days later, after a hard day, San left the command deck and
headed for the hangar. Her heart
was heavy and had been since the battle in Japan. The silence of the hangar where Valkyrie
stood alone pressed down like a wet woolen blanket in the act of slowly
suffocating her. She walked over to
the Gundam and looked up at its head, silhouetted in the darkness, as she
pondered words that she could say that would break the oppressive silence.
Not finding any, San climbed up into the cockpit, sitting down on the
edge so her feet hung over to the floor below. "I knew when I chose this path it would
not be an easy path to walk, but I was prepared for that. I had those I could share the burden
with, even after I lost everyone in space." San sighed, her hand running up and down
the cool Gundanium beneath her.
"Can I hope to aid in the creation of a new world, a place safe from the
immense pain of this era, if I can't even be sure my actions will be justified
by the outcome? Must there always
be more questions than answers?"
"No one can be sure of that, Commander." Startled, San looked down to see
Lieutenant Sors Immanis below her, on the floor of the hangar. "Its sad that such burdens must be
placed upon your shoulders."
"I did what I had to do," San answered simply. "His Excellency knew exactly what he was
asking of me. Yet he knew, as I
did, that this was something I had to do in order to prove my loyalty to
OZ. Even though he believes in my
dedication to the cause and my ability to pilot Valkyrie, there are those who do
not.
"I swore when I left home that I would do everything in my power to end
this war. What I didn't realize
then is that in order to stop the pain, one must first create pain by
fighting." San sighed. "That Gundam pilot and I, we knew each
other once, years ago, when we were young.
In her eyes, I have betrayed her, and there is no doubt that she will
come here to face me. If I had a
million years, I could never prepare for that. Yet I only have a few days at
best." The words San did not speak
hung in the air, heavy with their implications. San sighed, hand moving across Valkyrie
as if seeking to gather comfort from the cold, unyielding metal.
'Its so much like my fate…' San thought. She sighed, just as a huge explosion
rocked the hangar.
Darting into the seat of the cockpit, San closed it and activated the
communication unit to hear a familiar voice. "San Mizuhara! Come out and explain your
actions to your sister!" Another
explosion. "Or are you afraid? Afraid to try to explain what you've
done to me?!"
There was another beep, and a young man's voice came over the speakers,
replacing Tetra's forceful words.
"Sir! A Gundam's attacking!
We're launching Leos!"
"Belay that order, soldier.
I'll face her in Valkyrie."
"But sir!"
"Are you questioning my orders?" San demanded, her voice hardening as she
ordered the hangar door to open.
"No sir."
"Good. Now, evacuate as many personnel from the base as you can. I don't want to have to worry about
their well being while I fight."
San cut off the communication and looks out to see Proteus in the
distance. Activating the Vernease
engines, she jetted towards the attacking Gundam, drawing her heat whip and
using it to stop Tetra's mid-swing before it could hit another of the base's
buildings. She activated her
communicator and spoke to Tetra directly.
"Enough. I'm the one you
came for. Fight me, and leave them
alone."
"Damn skippy, you are!" San heard Tetra's voice reply. "What the hell did you pull? You fired on our home, sister
dear!" Proteus opened up
with its shoulder vulcans, firing on Valkyrie point blank. San fired her engines, flying straight
up and dodging the blast. Thoughts
fired through her head at rapid speeds.
'Those vulcans will be a challenge…. I don't have anything to
compare. I have to get close and
put myself in range to use the heat whip or the beam saber, and my small guns
won't even dent that Gundanium.'
Even as she was thinking, she spoke calmly to Tetra. "It was the only way. I did what had to be done to follow the
orders I was given." She attacked
viciously with the whip again, dodging shots from the Proteus as she went.
Proteus backed up a few steps, avoiding Valkyrie's chain whip
nimbly. Tetra pointed the vulcans
up and shot at San again. "But you
followed those orders! Any soldier
who follows orders like that is just as responsible!" As Valkyrie came down at her again,
Proteus moved aside and worked the space between the two Gundams with its own
chain whip, wrapping Valkyrie's whip hand in its snake-like grasp. "They killed mom and dad and Ketto! And now you work for them! You've become them! How could you? WHY could you?"
San pulled back her hand, keeping Proteus' whip taunt. "I don't deny this was my
responsibility, and even though I believe my actions justified, history may
judge me differently. I accept
whatever is to come because that too is a soldier's lot." Valkyrie's other hand whipped out her
beam saber and activating it, San swung it towards Proteus. "And you're wrong. If those rebels hadn't taken action that
day, and if the ALLIANCE hadn't been there to put them down, there would have
been no battle, no deaths. They
would still be alive. Maybe you
can't understand, but what I'm doing is justified."
Proteus shook free its chain whip and pulled it back, blocking the blow
of Valkyrie's beam saber by bringing her beam cannon up to block. "They wouldn't have had to fight if OZ
and the Alliance hadn't attacked in the first place!" Proteus beam cannon went off with a
resounding boom as it was pointing into the ground. Its recoil pushed Proteus away from
Valkyrie and Tetra chose to take the fight to the air, thrusting up with the
Vernease. She pointed the beam
cannon down at Valkyrie.
"The Alliance troops were the only ones there that day. OZ defeated the Alliance. Now, only the rebels remain to
defeat." San watched Proteus bring
the beam cannon to point at her and she abandoned the conversation, shutting
down the communicator and concentrating on the battle. She waited, Valkyrie standing at
attention, until the cannon went off, and then as fast as she could, moved the
Valkyrie out of harm's way.
Jetting straight forward, she hoped Tetra had not seen the move. When it became obvious she had not, San
jetted upwards towards the Proteus; igniting her beam saber again, she cut off
Proteus' arm, causing it and the beam cannon to fall to the ground.
She did not waste any time in attacking again, this time with the heat
whip, not allowing Tetra to get a blow in edgewise. With one hit, Proteus' Vernease went out
and the mobile suit fell, hitting the ground hard. Another blow, and the Gundam's
electrical equipment failed, leaving the mobile suit disabled.
San sighed, putting her weapons away. She turned on the comm and spoke softly
to Tetra. "Maybe you don't realize
it, sister, but that was the most difficult thing I've ever done. I'm sorry."
San's voice broke on the last words, and she fought to keep tears from
coming to her eyes as she stood over the fallen Proteus.
Later, San walked down the hallway towards the cells, her soul still
troubled. One of the soldiers
accompanying her opened the door to the cell and San stepped in to see Tetra
seated there, conscious. She turned
back to the soldiers.
"Leave us. Shut the
door." They saluted and left. San turned back to Tetra, her face
grave, unsure of what to say.
Tetra, however, spoke first.
"Happy now?"
"No."
"Didn't think so." San
nodded.
"I am not trying to rid myself of the responsibility my actions carry,
but I will say I wish that it didn't have to be this way. I know you believe that what I'm doing
is wrong." Tetra stared at her hard
for moment, then staggered to her feet, favoring her left side.
"So, what are you going to do now?
Send me off to the head monkey, Kushrenada?" San's anger flared, and her eyes
narrowed.
"Mr. Treize is a good man."
Tetra took a painful step toward San, glaring at her.
"He's a murderer and you know it!
Even he knows it!"
"And what are you then?" San shot back. Tetra started and for a moment said
nothing.
"That's not fair!"
"It's the truth. The truth
isn't always fair."
"I do what I do to protect our home!"
"Does that make the killing any less wrong?"
"Look who's talking, Miss I-Shot-Four-Missiles-At-The-Colonies!"
"Did those missiles hit the colonies? Did they, Tetra?" Tetra stood there, stupidly for a
moment.
"You…set up your own sister…and…you knew! You knew it was me didn't you?"
"I don't deny it." Tetra
balled both her hands into fists.
"Then tell me why!" She took another step forward but stumbled and fell,
feeling her broken rib shift in her side.
"Because I believe in what I'm doing, same as you do. Because I'm a soldier and His Excellency
gave me orders." Tetra remained
kneeling on the floor of the cell, holding her pain-ridden side.
"No need to tell you to pick a side, huh? Great…so now we're both
betrayers of our home…what would Jeddan say, San? You have to know he hates you, don't
you?"
San felt tears beginning to come, but she pushed them away with
ferocity. "I do. I know you hate me too."
"So, now you're hiding the guilt in your heart just so you can get by and
live with yourself? You might as
well leave! I have nothing more to
say to you Onei-CHAN."
"I don't feel guilty for anything I've done because I've never done
anything I didn't think was right.
I'm sorry if you can't understand that. I'm sorry you hate me and I'm sorry he
hates me. I'm sorry lives have to
be lost to bring this war to an end.
But that doesn't stop me from continuing to do what I think is
right. I have to follow my own
heart, same as you follow yours.
Maybe in time, if we both survive this war, you can forgive me. Maybe not. But at the moment, neither of us can
change what we are." San
paused.
"Then leave me alone. Looks
like I've been since I was born anyway."
San tried to hide how hurt she was by the last statement. "I'm glad you can dismiss everything we
once shared that easily. It will
make it easier for you in the end."
San turned to leave. "For
what its worth, I'm sorry this had to happen."
San stepped out of the room, tears coming to her eyes. Back in the cell, Tetra's eyes also
filled with tears.
San returned to her office quickly, shutting and locking the door behind
her. With a sigh, she collapsed
into her chair and yanked open the drawer where she kept the picture, looking at
it for a long moment. "I've been a
fool," she said aloud to the empty office and to the younger version of herself
and Tetra smiling with their family from inside the frame. "I was wrong to think that after this
was over, I could go home, that I would have a place to go back to. I'll never be able to go back. Not after this. Tetra will clear her name and I'll be
the betrayer, even more so than I already am in their eyes." San shook her head, putting the picture
back into the drawer and closing it slowly. "Forget about hell. This life is damnation enough."
Several days later, San was in her office, going over war reports and
memos from other OZ bases when the computer beeped. Activating it, she found a text only
message there.
Send the prisoner to Luxembourg for debriefing. New pilot being
trained for rebel Gundam.
It was short and sweet. San
took a moment to authenticate the signal and then rose with a sigh, casting a
glance down to the final report on top of her desk—a maintenance report on the
Proteus, informing her the Gundam was once again completely operational.
San headed for the prison cells.
Minutes later, she arrived at Tetra's cell, ordering the soldiers
stationed there to open the door.
"We have to transport the prisoner to Luxembourg on His Excellency's
orders. Give me those
handcuffs."
"Sir." They opened the door
quickly, and San stepped into the darkened cell, standing before Tetra
silently.
"What is it now?" Tetra demanded.
"You're being sent to Luxembourg.
Your Gundam's going to be working for OZ now, as soon as we get a pilot."
San yanked her to her feet roughly and turned her around, leaning her up against
the wall and attaching the handcuff to one hand, leaning in and speaking softly
to her sister in Japanese.
"Iite o kudasai." Get going. [1] Tetra started after hearing San's
command. Her eyes narrowed for a
moment, and she spoke.
"Doushite?" Why? [2]
She didn't wait for an answer, instead thrusting an elbow back into San's
stomach and twisting around, bringing a fist down on the back of her head. San's grip relaxed as she collapsed to
the ground and felt darkness overcoming her as she slipped into
unconsciousness.
"Why won't you let me?
I'm willing, and I have the strength! I know I could be anything you
needed me to be!"
"Listen, you're nothing but a kid!
We can't accept you!"
"I am not a child anymore!."
"Stubborn bitch! Even if you
were old enough why…"
"Soldier, what is going on here?"
San looked up to see a tall young man with ginger hair and blue eyes
looking down at her.
"This little girl seems to think that we have need for the likes of her
in the Specials, sir."
"Is that so? What's your
name, young lady, and how old are you?"
"San Rowen, sir. And I'm
sixteen."
"And you want to join us?"
"More than anything, sir."
San remembered the feel of his eyes in her own; as if he could see and
recognize the burning desire she had held within.
"Very well. Come with me."
"Sir?" the first man had said, shocked.
"Enough." He had stretched out a hand to her. "You're too young to go to the Academy
yet, Miss Rowen, but perhaps we can make arrangements for next year." San had felt, in that moment, for the
first time in a long time, as if someone had cared about her fate, yet as she
turned away, her one thought was of those she had to leave
behind.
'Jeddan…Tetra…"
"Miss Rowen?" Looking down from the branch of the tree where she sat
looking at the stars, she saw the same ginger haired man below
her.
"San," she said simply, turning back to the night sky.
"San then. How are you
adjusting to life on Earth?" A sigh.
"Fine, Mr. Treize."
"Simply Treize is sufficient."
"No," she had replied.
"Very well then." There was a pause. "Do you miss them?"
"Yes," San answered, her eyes searching out her home colony, shining
bright as a star in the sky above.
"You can go back."
"No, I can't. Not
yet."
"San?" San stirred sleepily,
raising her head slightly to look at the man who lay beside her, leaning on his
arm, looking at her with serious eyes.
"Hai?" she asked softly, reaching out to caress his bare shoulder
gently.
"Why are you here?" Drawing
herself to consciousness, she rolled over onto her back and sat up, looking down
at him with concern in her own brown eyes.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Why are you here," he repeated, "With me. Why?" San smiled, her hand moving up to run
through his thick black hair.
"Because I love you, of course."
"You could have had anyone you wanted."
"I wanted you."
"Why?"
"Raiden…"
"Seriously, San. What does a
girl like you see in a guy like me? You're beautiful, and intelligent—first in
our class, so much better than I am.
Why me?"
"Because you love me, Raiden.
Because you care about my present and not my past. Because being with you makes me forget
the pain of that past and allows me to look to the happiness of the future…OUR
future, Raiden. I don't want to
share that with anyone else. I want
to share it with you."
"I don't understand."
"Is that necessary? You know
I love you more than anything, right?"
"Yes."
"Then why do you need to understand my reasons?"
"I…I don't know." San
smiled, leaning forward to kiss him gently as his hand reached up to twine into
her short black hair.
"Then lets leave it at that."
"RAIDEN! RAIDEN, NO!" It was a scream of agony that she barely
recognized as her own. The
brightness of the explosion seemed burned into her eyes, just as the silence
raged mockingly in her ears. "No…"
A whisper this time, full of disbelief and pain, as she launched her own Leo
forward, anger raging like a wildfire in her soul as she attacked the enemy
again and again and again, tears streaming from her eyes.
"War is cruel. After his
death, I didn't even have a body to bury, to mourn. There was nothing but
ashes…"
"Lieutenant Mizuhara was a good man, sir."
"Yes, he was."
"Why?"
"Because I believe in what I'm doing, Tetra, same as
you."
"You're a fool, San."
San awoke with a slight groan, her eyes fluttering open. She sat up in bed, the sheet slipping
down to pool around her waist, as she reached a hand up to rub the back of her
neck. "Damn," she swore softly,
shutting her eyes briefly, pushing the memories away in order to face the
present.
"Commander?" San opened her
eyes and her hand dropped to her lap.
"Doctor."
"How is your head?" He
walked over and shone a light in each of her eyes, watching as the pupils
dilated and then went back to normal when he removed the light.
"Fine," she told him simply, "How long have I been unconscious?"
"A few hours," he answered, "I just got out of surgery."
"What happened?" she demanded.
"Lieutenant Sors Immanis was shot in the shoulder by the Gundam pilot
during her escape," he told her, "He will be fine, although he is out of active
combat until further notice."
"Obviously," San commented.
"The rebel got away then?"
"Yes sir."
"Damn," San said in fake frustration.
"Yes." A pause. "You still need rest, commander."
"All right," San said, lying back as the doctor stepped out of the
room. Instead of resting, however,
she remained wide-awake, staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts came quickly as she
pondered the situation. What have I done? I've failed Mr. Treize by doing this. I
know he'll see right through it, but yet I couldn't do it. I couldn't turn her
over to them for execution. I would give my own life for Oz and for Mr. Treize
without hesitation, but hers…
How far am I willing to go for victory? If the difference between victory
and defeat is Tetra's life, am I willing to take it? I have to be. I swore my loyalty to Mr. Treize and OZ
and she is their enemy, so she is mine as well. But Tetra…Sister…
San was sitting in her office
almost a week later when suddenly, her communications system beeped. She punched
the button, laying down her report with a soft sigh. "Yes?"
"Commander, we just received word that his Excellency
is on his way!" Startled and concerned, San tried not to let it show in her
voice.
"How long until he arrives?"
"Three hours at most." Three hours! God…
"All right.
Start preparations immediately."
"Yes, sir. I know what to do."
"Good."
San shut down the communicator.
"Damn." she said aloud, then turned to her thoughts. If his Excellency is coming here, I'm
sure it's not just a pleasure visit. I'm sure he'll have words for me. San sighed. I did ask for this, and I
will accept it. With firmed
resolve, San rose and exited her office, going to oversee the preparations for
Treize's visit.
San stood on the command deck, receiving reports from several soldiers at
once, when she heard the door slide open.
She turned just enough so she could see Janus, his arm hanging in a pure
white bandage, enter out of the corner of her eye. He walked up to where she was standing
and waited until she dismissed the men.
"Commander Mizuhara, is there anything I can do to help?" San turned to him with a slight, wry
smile.
"Keep him from coming," she
suggested dryly. With only a short pause afterwards, she spoke again, handing
him a thick packet of papers. "If
you could go and make sure that his quarters are set up correctly, it would be
appreciated. I can handle things here."
"Sir," Janus said, exiting the
command deck.
San stood straight on the runway
as the plane taxied towards them, Janus standing beside her, and a fairly large
contingent of the men lined up behind. She waited, her short black hair whipping
in the strong wind that was blowing, and waited as the plane slowed to a stop
and her men pushed the movable stairs up to the hatch.
Another few minutes and then the
door opened to reveal Treize. He paused at the top of the stairs, surveying the
base, and then made his way down them, two soldiers remaining a step
behind. He walked straight to San
and she straightened and saluted crisply.
"Welcome to Provence, Excellency."
"Its a pleasure to see you again,
Commander Mizuhara. We have much to catch up on."
"Of course. Sir, this is my second
in command, Lieutenant Janus Sors Immanis."
"Excellency," Janus said
softly.
"Lieutenant." There was a brief pause before Treize
spoke again. "Perhaps we could go somewhere to speak, Commander. I think there's
much we need to discuss."
"Of course, sir. Lieutenant, if
you could get His Excellency's men settled in. Perhaps we can go to my office,
sir."
"Of course, Lieutenant. Lead the
way." San briefly met Janus' eyes before walking back towards the main buildings
toward her office, Treize beside her.
Treize and San both stood in San's
office, Treize off to the side staring out the window, San directly in front of
her desk, holding herself rigidly at attention as she stared straight ahead. The
silence stretched out for a long moment before Treize spoke, still looking out
the window. "I expected more from
you, Commander." There was a pause as San took a deep breath before speaking
"I know sir. I was weak. I failed
you."
"So it seems."
"I accept any action you feel is
just, Excellency." There was a long silence.
"Soldiers must understand their
emotions in order to fight, but they must not allow them to get in the way of
the battle. I gave you the Valkyrie because I believed you could do what had to
be done. You had never failed me or Oz before." Here, Treize made a lengthy
pause while San said nothing.
"Yet now you have." Treize said
simply as he turned to look at her. She did not turn her head, keeping it held
high and forward. "The logical decision would be to remove you from active duty
as Valkyrie's pilot."
"I understand..." San began, but
Treize raised his hand and stopped her mid-sentence.
"I did not, however, say that was
the action I was going to take Commander." San hid her surprise well; only a
slight start was visible in her demeanor. "Valkyrie needs a strong pilot, one
who can fight the battle ahead with courage. Over the years, you have proven
yourself to be such a person." He
turned to look back out the window.
"However," Treize began again, "I
need your word that this will never happen again, even if you are placed in the
exact same situation. I can cover this up once, but next time, suspicions will
be impossible to assuage." San
stood still for a long moment, one hand clenched and trembling as she thought
over her answer. She knew she could make only one choice, and that was to give
her word. Not only did she owe so much to Treize, but OZ was the path she had
chosen and had to follow to completion.
But Tetra... San sighed almost inaudibly.
"I know what I'm asking." Treize
said firmly, "But I also know that I can't allow you to continue piloting
Valkyrie unless I know you have no doubts of your own mission. That Gundam pilot
is our enemy, and you have to be ready to fight her and possibly kill her. If
you give me your word, I will trust it, because you have not broken your
promises to me in the seven years I've known you."
San took a deep breath and then
spoke. "You have my word, Excellency."
"Good. Now, if you would please
show me to my quarters. I would like to rest before we discuss our strategy for
the coming battles."
"Of course, sir." He exited the room first, and San
followed.
The next day, San and Treize were
once again in her office, seated, thinking of plans of action, reviewing reports
and discussing the best path for the future to take. "Five Gundams have been confirmed,"
Treize said, "And in the past three weeks we've had no reports of any
sightings."
"They couldn't possibly have
stopped their fight," San assumed, "They haven't carried it through to
completion."
"No, they've simply gone into
hiding. It is my opinion that they
have returned to space."
"That is the most logical
assumption, based upon the reports we have."
"It will be easier to fight them
there," Treize stated. "As soon as
I can get a replacement for you here, you and Valkyrie will follow them." There was a long pause. San rose and walked over to the window,
looking out across the base, sitting peaceful in the sunny summer
afternoon. Treize watched her for a
moment, catching the slight lowering of the head, the minute look of confusion
in her eyes. "Isn't that what you
wanted, Commander? To return to
space?" San straightened. "At sixteen, it was all you could think
of. What was it you would do? Climb up into that large oak tree in the
back garden? You would sit there
and stare at the stars for hours on end.
It was all could think about then, just after I brought you here to the
Earth. My mother thought you were
crazy."
"You're right, Excellency." San allowed a small, sad smile to slip
onto her face. "But it was because
I didn't know then that space would not welcome me upon my return. They can't understand my decision to
join OZ and they will see me as the enemy, even when all I've ever wanted to do
was protect them. All the same, I
have no regrets, sir. I will do as
you order. I believe in this."
"Very well, Commander." Treize rose and San turned to face
him. "Have preparations made to
transport yourself and Valkyrie to outer space."
"Sir," San said with a salute, and Treize turned and left the room. San walked over to her desk, sat down,
and gave the orders, feelings of joy and sadness washing over her in
intermingling waves.
She was going home.
The days passed quickly for San in a whirl of training and
preparations. At the end of three
more weeks, everything was finally in order. San's replacement was en route, Valkyrie
was prepared, and San herself had packed and said her goodbyes. She walked alone to the shuttle that was
waiting, her single bag slung over her shoulder, her black hair whipping in the
wind. It was a warm day, and sunny;
there was not a cloud in the sky.
She had been commander of the air troops here for only four months, and
the time had passed quickly. She
took a last glance around and then stepped onto the stairs leading to the
shuttle. Without looking back, she
boarded the shuttle.
As the shuttle broke the atmosphere, San's mind whirled. The violence slowed to a stop; the
darkness of space enveloped them, just as San remembered. The silence, the stillness outside; they
were like old friends, pressing around the shuttle relentlessly. The stars seemed brighter than they had
been on Earth; the moon as well was a bright white light in the darkness.
San felt a smile stealing across her face, yet still she thought back to
the seven years she had spent on the Earth. Images floated in the dimness of memory;
the Kushrenada Estate where she had spent the first year, her friends at school
there; going to Lake Victoria and her friends there; her first glimpse of her
husband, Raiden… San sighed as she
recalled his sudden death in battle; saw again in her mind's eye the flames that
blew from the damaged mobile suit.
"Sir?" A voice interrupted
her thoughts of Provence, and she turned away from the window to look at the
young soldier standing beside her.
He looked nervous as he saluted.
"Yes, soldier?" she asked calmly, erasing the emotions from her face and
putting up a neutral front.
"We just received word that your mobile suit arrived safely."
"Thank you." He saluted
again, and walked away quickly. She
turned back to the window and the task at hand.
Valkyrie had arrived on the colony without incident. The critical part of the transfer was
over; Valkyrie would wait safely until San herself arrived. Then, they would lay down their
trap. Hopefully, none of the Gundam
pilots would have caught wind of the transfer; the only way to be sure of having
an edge in the battle was the element of surprise.
San was tired. She leaned fully back in her chair and shut her eyes,
enjoying the silence as she waited for sleep to come.
Sometime after midnight, standard earth time, her shuttle docked with L1,
and as she stepped off, San was relieved that it was not her home colony. She was escorted immediately to her
quarters, after being assured that Valkyrie was safe. She thanked the soldier who had escorted
her, then entered the room and turned on the light, listening to the door slide
shut behind her.
This room was almost exactly the same as the one she had left. Not tired after her long sleep on the
way from Earth, she opened the bag and began to unpack, setting up her few
belongings in the exact same manner as the room on Earth she had left behind.
Once done, she changed into a pair of cotton pants and tank top, getting
into bed and lying there, staring at the ceiling, willing sleep to come; yet San
knew it was far away.
All she had ever wanted was to defeat those responsible for killing her
parents and brother. Treize
Kushrenada had offered her a way to do that, taking her to Earth and offering
her a place in OZ. He had
understood, when no one else had, her need to fight this battle, and he had
aided her whenever he could. She
had fought with Oz to crush the Alliance because of her deep-rooted loyalty to
Treize and to make those responsible for her parents' and brother's deaths pay
dearly for the crime.
The Alliance was gone, destroyed by Oz, and part of San's soul was
relieved. The battle was halfway
won. The Alliance, who had caused
the series of events that killed her family, was gone, but the war still raged
on.
Her situation, San realized, had become much more complicated since the
early days, when the decision to be made had seemed simple. The Alliance had been defeated, and that
left San only one enemy: the very people she had loved as a child. Most on the colonies hated Oz, seeing it
as only a replacement for the Alliance, but San believed in her heart it was
different. She had believed in what
she did, and she had been sure her family would accept her judgment. They hadn't. San had given her word that she would
kill Tetra if she had to…the choice was not black and white anymore, if it truly
ever had been.
San was disturbed the most by the last thought. Had she simply been to naive to
understand completely what she was choosing? She would never know, and that was
enough to keep anyone awake at night.
Still, San knew the present choice was clear. Since the choice had been made, she had
to follow that path until its completion.
And for some reason, San understood that it was almost over. The path she had chosen would end, for
better or for worse.
Rolling over onto her side, San pressed her eyes closed, falling into a
troubled sleep.
The next morning San was taken to Valkyrie, which was already stowed
inside a shuttle. San smiled when
she saw the Gundam and pushed all other thoughts away except checking over
Valkyrie to be sure the Gundam was ready for battle.
System after system checked out, and San knew there was nothing to do
except wait for their plan to be put into motion. The information had already been spread
about the transport of this colony's space Leos to another colony, supposedly
for a coming attack. What had been
keep quiet, however, was San's presence with Valkryie. Hopefully, only one Gundam would come
and they would be caught off guard by San's appearance. It was a long shot, but San was
confident enough to know that she could be victorious.
The final check done, San leaned back in the pilot seat, her hands
remaining on the joysticks as she relaxed.
As it always did, being in the cockpit of a familiar mobile suit made her
feel like she was at home, at peace, for there was only the black and white of
combat and war there. There were
enemies and allies, right and wrong, black and white. Anything she was beyond a soldier or
pilot was left outside the cockpit.
At least it had been this way before. San reflected that this would most
likely change with the next battle, as it had for the battle previous. Yet she remembered her promise to
Treize, and with a firm glare that centered upon herself, she told herself that
no matter what, this battle would be no different than those before. San knew who her enemies were, and it
was not her fault that Tetra had chosen to become one of them. There was no room for sympathy or
compassion in battle.
San let her hands drop from the controls into her lap, and she closed her
eyes, allowing herself to indulge in her memories for a time.
An insistent beeping wakened San an indeterminate amount of time
later. She opened her eyes and sat
up straight, hitting the button to activate the communicator. It was the OZ commander of the
garrison. "Commander Mizuhara,
everyone is in place. Its time to
put the plan into effect."
"All right. Launch
shuttles. Keep a close eye on the
radar. Give me the word as soon as
a Gundam appears."
"Of course," the officer replied, and cut off communications. After a moment, San felt her own shuttle
lift off. She waited as the minutes
passed by slowly, one after another, clearing her mind until nothing remained
except thoughts of victory. It was
all she could afford.
She sat patiently until there was a beep, and the same commander's voice
came over the loudspeaker. "We have
an unidentified object approaching your coordinates. We believe it's a Gundam."
"All right. When it is
confirmed, launch Valkyrie."
"Right." Silence again. A few more minutes passed, and then San
felt the jolt as Valkyrie fell backwards into space. She steadied herself as she immediately
began scanning the battleground.
Her eyes sought out and found the rebel Gundam.
It was the Proteus.
San's heart stood still for the briefest of instants, and then she
remembered her promise to Treize, and in her heart remembered what he had done
for her. Somehow, she translated
those memories into strength and she launched her Gundam forward, heat whip
brandished as she hurtled towards the other Gundam.
Proteus saw her coming just in time, and whirled the heat whip around,
blocking Valkyrie's own. There was
silence over the communicator, and San knew Tetra understood the same thing:
that they were beyond words; in the dark space between them there was now only
room for war. With the other hand,
San drew her beam saber and activated it, swinging it down towards the left arm
of Proteus, which held its buster rifle.
The rifle came up and blocked her strike, as Proteus' left arm pushed San
away violently.
San's eyes narrowed as she paused a moment to take stock of the
battle. The transports were already
away, leaving Valkyrie and Proteus alone in the deep night of space. There was silence in Valkyrie's cockpit,
a deep soul striking silence that bored into her being, only interrupted by her
soft breaths as she pondered her next strategy.
Proteus rushed forward after that momentary pause,
and San raised her heat whip and fired her shoulder vulcans, dodging a blast
from Proteus' beam cannon. What
Proteus had in firepower, San realized with a slight smile, Valkyrie made up for
in speed and maneuverability. It
made the battle even, and judging by Tetra's actions, the two pilots were almost
evenly matched. The winner of the
battle was uncertain, a fact that caused the adrenaline to sing in her veins,
heightening her resolve to win for OZ, even as her heart cried out for her to
stop, to pull back, to die before harming the other Gundam and her sister
inside.
There was no choice. Turning back was impossible, decisions
had been made that could not be reversed.
With tears threatening in her eyes, San launched herself forward to meet
Proteus' attack, and was lucky enough to knock away the beam cannon, leaving
Proteus her small guns and heat whip alone. It still did not deter the other Gundam,
and in a moment where San was distracted by the guns, Proteus swung the whip so
that it wrapped itself around Valkyrie's left shoulder. With a blast of the engines, Proteus
darted backward, and in doing so took Valkyrie's left shoulder with it so the
Gundam's left arm was hanging by mere wires and strands of metal, completely
useless. Another blow while San was
off balance, and the right arm was struck with the whip, and there was a pause
as neither Gundam moved.
In the cockpit of Valkryie, San
Mizuhara sat stoically, her heart pounding. The battle was over. Even if San could have moved her useless
left arm, the right would have been severed with one yank of the whip. In one last ditch effort, San began to
raise a leg to push Proteus away, but the other Gundam suddenly darted
backwards, and San's effort to free herself was made useless as the second arm
was ripped ruthlessly away.
Time seemed to slow, as Proteus
darted forward, striking Valkyrie's chest.
San was thrown forward in her harness, her head striking the panel in
front of her with a sharp crack.
The edges of her vision went red as blood poured down her face as she
struggled to remain conscious, struggled to live, to fight back, but the
Valkyrie kept jolting and shuddering as she was thrown from side to side, before
finally, her abused mind surrendered to the darkness.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
San's eyes opened slowly. The first thing she was aware of was the
throbbing pain in her temples; the second were the general throbbing aches she
had all over; and the final was that she was staring up at an unfamiliar
ceiling. "I'm not dead." She said it aloud, almost in
amazement. Turning her head
slightly to the side, she recognized her location as a medical facility. Her eyes fell closed again as her
thoughts whirled in a maelstrom of emotion in her troubled mind.
"Commander?" There was a new
voice, and she opened her eyes to see a doctor she didn't recognize hovering by
her bedside. "You're awake."
"No kidding," San said, sitting up with a slight groan.
"You've been unconscious for three days."
"Three days," San stated.
"Yes."
"What about Valkyrie?"
"Being repaired as we speak, but Commander, you can't worry about combat
just yet. You took quite a
beating. We were afraid you would
never wake up."
But I did… San told herself.
And I lost. His
Excellency will not be pleased…I failed him again. "Damn it," she said aloud, pain
welling up in her soul. Tetra had
survived, but with her life San's goals were surely shattered. The doctor, who had been checking her
pulse, spoke again.
"His Excellency wished me to tell you that you fought a valiant
battle."
"What?" San demanded, eyes jolting open.
"He was monitoring the battle, and when he spoke to me about your
condition he told me he was quite pleased with the way you fought, even though
you were defeated. He said it was a
valiant effort." San shut her eyes
slowly and as a pain she could not understand welled up in her heart. It was an untouchable, profound
bewilderment. San knew she would
need the time convalescing to even have a hope of understanding it.
A week passed, and San was released to oversee final repairs on the
Valkyrie. Time was passing quickly,
and the White Fang was rising. The
tension that was drawing all of Earth and space forward was running higher as
the portents pointing towards the final battle became more and more evident and
impossible to ignore. Everywhere,
it was as if the people were holding their breath, waiting for the conclusion of
the battle. What it would bring, no
one could be certain, but it seemed that anything to relieve the terrible
tensions would be a blessing, not a burden.
San herself was preparing to fight again, ignoring the pains in her body
successfully, but guarding the pains of the soul as the driving force behind her
actions. Valkyrie was repaired
meticulously, perfectly, standing alone in its cradle as engineers and mechanics
crawled over it like overzealous ants, eager to begin the bloodshed anew.
San was not so eager, as she watched and aided their repairs. She stood in silence against the wall of
the hangar, standing straight and solid, as if the tension running through
everything began in her own soul.
"Commander?" For the first time in almost an hour, she turned her head
and recognized Larousse from the base in Provence.
"Yes?"
"Are you all right?" She
answered his question with silence, waited for him to walk away. He did not, remaining by her side for
several long minutes before he let out an almost inaudible sigh. "I apologize if I have been to forward,
I merely thought that you were troubled, Commander. Excuse me." With a crisp salute, he went away
quickly, leaving her once again to her own troubled, solitary thoughts.
Later that night, San lay on her bunk in the silence of her room, a piece
of paper before her, as white and as pure as snow. Her pen hung suspended over the paper as
she pondered its purity, wondering whether she wanted to taint it with the
ink. She finally did, something
within forcing her to write as words spilled onto the page, dark blue against
the beautiful white, and they seemed to her impure, dirty as she wrote them
without thinking about them, without realizing what she was writing.
"Having the Valkyrie, that was important for Oz. Being Valkyrie's pilot, belonging to
that Gundam…it was important for Oz.
But I never cared about the power or the prestige it brought. All I ever wanted was to end this
God-forsaken war and help bring about peace before returning home to live out
the rest of my life among my people.
Instead, the war is still going on, and I'm going to die far away from my
home colony while those there, who I loved as a child, hate me as a
traitor. All I ever wanted was to
help them, and towards me they hold nothing but contempt, even my own
family. I could have done so much
better. Made better decisions, done
better things, ended before I began…. I always did what I thought was best, but
the best wasn't good enough. Maybe
it never is."
Here, her pen paused, and San stared at the page as if the words were
alien rather than having been written in her own hand. She moved to add something on to the
page, to put her name to the words, to claim them as her own, yet the pen
scratched against the paper, leaving scarcely an indent and not giving any
ink. San paused, regarded the pen
detachedly, then laid it aside, staring at the paper again, reading the words
repeatedly, time after time, until she felt they had been scarred into her brain
by their forcefulness.
"Maybe it never is," San whispered, lying back onto the bed, her muscles
relaxing their hold. The paper
fluttered to the floor, forgotten, as her eyes closed slowly.
Alarms were blaring as San jolted awake. Throwing on her uniform top, she was
halfway out the door before it was fastened; she straightened her pants as she
ran towards the hangar, brown eyes holding little emotion except a slight
shimmering which might have been tears lurking their depths.
She arrived breathless and clambered up into the cockpit. It slid shut silently behind her as she
activated all systems and scanned the information that had been uploaded to
Valkyrie's computer. A pair of
Gundams was attacking; one was the Proteus, the other a Gundam that San had
never faced before. From the data
she had been given, it was Gundam 04, the one they believed was called
Sandrock. She realized all this in
only seconds before activating her vernease engines, hurtling towards 04 as she
drew her heat whip. Sweat poured
down her face as she swung the whip, her brown eyes carrying an almost frantic
insanity in their brown depths as her brow creased in concentration. I must win for Mr. Treize…I
must! San told herself
resolutely as her heat whip struck his scythe and wrapped around it
tightly. She swung with her fist
towards the other Gundam's head, but was deflected by a well-timed blow from
Sandrock's arm as she jerked the whip back and away.
Suddenly, there was an urgent beeping and she turned Valkyrie's head just
in time to see Proteus raising its beam cannon from her left side. Her breath caught in her throat, and she
activated her engines, jetting backward just as the shot went off.
Tetra… Something inside of her cried out. Her brown eyes looked from Sandrock to
Proteus and back again, eyes narrowing only slightly before widening again, her
pupils dilating and returning to normal slowly.
With an animalistic scream, she launched herself towards Sandrock just as
both Sandrock and Proteus activated their engines. Her breath came in quick gasps as she
pulled her beam saber and fired some of her smaller guns. With wild, erratic swings, she attacked,
the green glow of the saber flashing in her eyes.
San's mind was wild as she swung and parried blows,
activating the engines as needed, attacking Sandrock and defending against
Proteus. She was completely silent
except for an occasional untamed cry that seemed to tear from within her; the
only other sound were the muffled explosions from the many hits Valkyrie was
taking and her fierce, unchecked breathing.
With a rattling strike, Valkyrie's right arm was
severed completely; by which rebel, San could not tell. With something akin to horrified
acceptance, she watched as her beam saber went spinning off into the void.
The battle paused, each Gundam floating motionless in
space, staring at the others. San
checked her readouts carefully, never removing her sight from the rebels as she
did so. With a trembling hand, she
called up the damage readouts, noticing there was a forty-seven percent drop in
power. Maneuverability was down
almost thirty percent, and her only remaining weapon was the heat whip that hung
suspended from Valkyrie's left arm.
She steadied her hand and gripped the maneuvering
control tightly in her fist, tightening the other hand as well. Miniscule shivers ran through her body
as she contemplated the situation.
She flexed her fingers, narrowed her eyes, and with no sound, launched
Valkyrie towards Sandrock, bringing the whip up to bear.
In a move that she could have blocked had she not
lost maneuverability, Sandrock threw a scythe. It came hurtling forward towards her,
and in that last second her eyes narrowed as she attempted to throw the Valkyrie
to one side.
The scythe cut through the Gundanium in Valkyrie's
chest as if it were paper, cutting fuel lines and wires, leaving a gaping hole
in the side. With a final lurch, power was lost completely, and the cockpit
plunged into darkness.
Outside, she could see both rebel Gundams, not
moving, watching as Valkyrie lost momentum. She could see the stars too, shining
brightly, a sight that she welcomed as familiar, much more familiar than the
muted stars seen from the Earth.
She allowed her muscles to go limp in the silence as she felt the shudder
of a small explosion from Valkyrie's side, then another.
Maybe that's why I came home, San thought,
I came to die.
With a final huge shudder, what remained of
Valkyrie's fuel ignited and, in an explosion brighter than the stars around, was
reduced to ashes and scrap metal, drifting silently in space.
Epilogue
The wind blew softly over southern France and what had once been an Oz
military base. Now, the structures
there stood empty, deserted of all habitation, standing silent watch over
thousands of white monuments that stood out brightly against the green of the
grass surrounding it. Even in the
brightness of the autumn sun, it was a meadow dedicated to war and death. On each small pillar, a name had been
immortalized, dedicated to men and women, mostly young, who had given everything
in the war of AC195.
In front of one of the pillars that stood among many, a young man knelt
and laid down a small bouquet of red roses. Janus straightened, looking down at how
the flowers stood out as if bloody against the small monument. He read the words there, already knowing
what they would say.
Lieutenant Commander San Mizuhara
Born August 10, AC171
Died December 22, AC195.
It was a simple
monument. It said nothing of the
inner struggles that she had fought towards the end, struggles that he assumed
had torn her apart. "For you,
Commander," he said softly, "I think death was the only way to keep the promises
you made."
"Perhaps it was," a voice said from behind him. He turned quickly to see a young
Japanese woman, perhaps about his age, carrying a single white rose. She came forward with a quick stride,
staring down at the monument for a long moment before laying the rose beside his
red ones. "She should never have
left home."
"She believed in what she did," Janus said firmly.
"Yes," the woman said, "She did.
And I hated her for it. I
still hate her for it."
"Is that true?" the woman whipped her gaze to him with a heated
glare. "If it was, you wouldn't be
here." He gave her a nod, turned
and saluted the monument, then walked away, leaving the young woman standing
there alone.
She stood there for a long time, staring at the white marble and the
simple words chiseled there.
Finally, she looked away, lowering her head for only a second, before
raising it again to look at the marble.
She spoke softly. "You
betrayed us, San. I can't
understand it or forgive you. Not
yet." There was another pause. "Goodbye, Onei-chan."
Without looking back, the woman walked away.
