Breathe no more
Author: Simitar
Pairing: Alexander/Hephaestion
Rating: R
Genre: romance/angst
Summary: Alexander mourns the man he loved; he's haunted by his memories and he learns that without his other half of his soul he can't even breathe. Story set on the song "Breathe no more" by Evanescence.
Disclaimer: Although the characters belong to history, this work is based on the story line developed in Oliver Stone's movie "Alexander".
You're alone now, you sent the slaves away and you decided to fight the hot summer night, resting in the water pool. You don't feel anymore the sweet smell of jasmine that envelops every inch of your battered body. In fact you don't want to feel anything. The wine stopped doing his mischievous effect long ago, practically you can say your immune to it's effect, still you long for numbness that can make you forget…that's it forget…you want to forget…forget the pain, the emptiness you can no longer endure. Your soul is wounded , you finally lost , not on the battle field but you lost in fact your greatest treasure , truth be told you lost all reason to be. He's dead, you have to thick, saying it it's too painfully, the words fail to leave your mouth. It's like a part of your mind refuses to accept reality. He's gone, you took part at his funeral, you watched his pyre burn, you watched and watched and all you could thick was to throw yourself in the fire. You realized your eyes could no longer retain the tears that streaked your cheeks. You couldn't care less about the view you showed to the audience. You couldn't even handle yourself. Your lover, the reason you woke up each day, the most intriguing creature you were blessed to know and love, was dead and now was becoming a pile of ashes. That soft skin, tanned by the sun, that skin you loved to caress and memorize with shaking finger tips, was being burned. The soft coppery hair you loved to stroke and cling in the throws of passion were destroyed by the flames…You were asked by duty to assist as the body of the man you held each night , the body that brought the most exquisite pleasure was destroyed. The pyre was slowly becoming a pile of ashes, the ashes of your lover…. that's all you had now…Perhaps you got down on your knees at some moment , since his death , time lost relevance to you , you just stood, the tears you shed with fury, pain and despair stopped from coming, you truly died right then and there. Your soul was being ripped by an unknown force and your heart was shattered to pieces….
"I've been looking in the mirror for so long…
That I've come to believe my soul is on the other side.
All the pieces falling, shatter..
Shards of me
To sharp to put back together…
To small to matter
But big enough to cut me into so many pieces...
If I try to touch you…"
Now you're alone with the memories that haunt you each minute of this cursed life you live now. You pray to all the Gods to see him in your dreams, the dreams that come so hard right now.
You're troubled, you're lost, you're all alone and now there's no one to pick you up and scream gently that he's beside you, that he loves you, that he would die for you. You thick you hear him sometimes:" Alexander, my Alexander". His voice shatters into a million pieces…
"And I bleed…
I bleed…
And I breathe,
I breathe no more…"
Do you feel physical pain anymore? You crave to feel some sort of pain, something to remind you, you're still alive, if alive is what you are now. You closed yourself in his quarters each night, you wrap yourself with his cloak and inhale its scent. You look hopeful towards the balcony. Maybe, just maybe this is just a bad dream, a dream you will wake up soon, and Hephaestion will be right beside, cradling you and whispering in your ear the words you only believe when they came from his mouth. Again you close your soared eyes and release your pain. Clutching harder and harder your arms you try not to scream your frustration. You're sick and tired of the dozens of servants that rush to be at your side to answer to your request and mend your sufferings. They can't do anything to help you.
You truly believe that you're attending at the border between sanity and insanity because you see his frame everywhere, you can swear you hear his voice…you could care less about your empire, your duties, your wives , the child you will sire within months. All you're plans were destroyed. You were supposed to see your children grow up together, and you two grow old and retell your lives, you were supposed to be together…till the end…
"Take a breath and I try to drawn from were my spirits dwell
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me.
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this will make sense when I get better
But I know the difference
Between myself and my reflection..
I can't help to wonder,
Which of us do you love…"
You try to stand up and reach for a cup of wine. You bring the cup to your parched lips and drink it's content. See..it wasn't that hard…."If you were to fall Hephaestion, even if Macedonia were to lose a King, I will follow you into the House of Death." You will soon hold to this promise you made to each other before each battle.
"So I bleed,
I bleed
And I breathe…"
A sharp pain creeps to your chest and you try not to oppose it, you drop the cup from your hands and stumble to the wooden floor. Although you're paralyzed by this pain you're glad. It finally begins…
"I breathe no…
Bleed
I bleed
And I breathe…"
"Wait for me Hephaestion, I'll be with you soon my love, don't give up on waiting for me, I'm coming, it won't be long now." You made you're choice, now your life awaits for the Moirés to cut it's final straw, and then there will be no ore pain and no more tears. You will be back in the arms you long to feel, and you will gaze into the cerulean orbs no mortal ever held…soon…
"I 'll breathe no more."
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