Age Six Racer

by HollyRose31523

Severus is anxious. He has a most difficult task to fulfil - a task with severe consequences for everybody - and he is not sure if he can do what is expected of him and how to do it. This is the sequel to "Flying Dream 143", "It Takes Two", "Three Times A Lady", "Friend Is A Four Letter Word" and "Five Years", set in 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince'.

Disclaimer:
I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, including Severus Snape, which grieves me greatly, but I like having them run around in my sometimes twisted little world.

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Age Six Racer

Panting, Severus sat up in his bed.
"Aragorn?" he called out and waited for a reply, but he didn't receive a proper answer – except for the soft sound of ruffling feathers.
It was all the answer Severus wanted. There was no need in turning on the light. All was well – at least as far as it could be.
With a sigh, Severus let himself fall back into his pillows and closed his eyes.
Why was he having the same nightmare over and over again? And why did it have to feel so real? As if he had actually sent away Aragorn and involuntarily split up with Cathy. The thought alone made his stomach turn. But the truth he was facing wasn't much better. In fact these nightmares had started the night Dumbledore told him, that Severus was supposed to kill him.
As if he could! Yes, he did promise, but secretly Severus had hoped to find a loophole. He had even asked Cathy to find a healing potion for Dumbledore's hand to stop the curse that made it decay, but as clever as Cathy was, she had not been successful.
There was no use in going back to sleep now. Severus was wide awake now, so he got up quietly, so he wouldn't wake Aragorn, and walked to his office, where he sat at his desk, contemplating his options. Truth was he didn't have many. Try as he might he couldn't think of a way to avoid the inevitable. In the beginning, he had actually believed that by some weird coincidence the Dark Lord would have been defeated before Severus had to prove his loyalty to him. Unfortunately, luck had not been on his side once again.
Severus sighed and as if Aragorn had guessed his troubles, the bird suddenly landed on Severus' desk. It was remarkable how well he found his way in the dark. Then again, he was an owl, a bird of the night. Still Severus was not, so with a snap of his fingers he lit the candle on his desk.
"Hey," he greeted Aragorn, petting the owl's head. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"Hoo," Aragorn answered, indecisively.
"I'm sorry," Severus mumbled. "I'm not sleeping that well, lately."
"Hoo," Aragorn said, understandingly.
"You don't want to know what I am dreaming of, though," Severus added, dully.
"Hoo!" Aragron contradicted.
"Believe me you don't!" Severus assured.
"Hoo!" Aragorn insisted.
Severus sighed.
"Well, alright, maybe you do," he admitted. "But I'm not telling you."
Aragorn inclined his head and gave Severus a glance that was unmistakable. Normally Severus would have joined in that staring contest, but today he was not in the mood.
"Will you do me a favour?" he asked, instead.
"Hoo," Aragorn agreed.
"I would like you to deliver a message …"
"Hoo!" Aragron said, excitedly.
"No, not to Cathy," Severus replied, regretfully. "To Professor Dumbledore."
"Hoo?" Aragorn asked.
"The headmaster," Severus explained. "You know him, I'm sure. Elderly chap. Long white beard …"
Aragorn looked at him, expressionless.
"Anyway," Severus continued "I need to talk to him. I have made a decision. And I need to inform him about it."
"Hoo," Aragorn answered.
Severus nodded, then he took a piece of parchment and scribbled down a few lines.
"Headmaster," he wrote. "May I have a word with you, preferably before tonight? In private, of course, concerning you-know-what. Please, send your reply as quickly as possible. Thanks in advance."
He didn't sign it. Dumbledore knew his handwriting and in times like these it was better not to give too many information. Severus trusted Aragorn, but he had to be carefully anyway.
Tightly, he rolled up the piece of parchment and sealed it.
"There you go," Severus said, handing Aragon the note. "Be careful. Not all wizards are good."
"Hoo!" Aragon confirmed, miserably.
"You probably don't remember what happened two years ago, do you?" Severus said, feeling a chill running down his spine. "It took you three weeks before you were out of danger after the attack on you and three more to recover completely. And without Cathy's help …"
Severus shuddered.
"Let's just say, I'm not sure if I could have nursed you back to health again."
"Hoo," Aragorn said gratefully.
"I did my best, though," Severus added. "I was the first to leave the Yule Ball. Dumbledore was not amused. He called me a …"
He stopped, pursing his lips.
"Hoo?" Aragorn pressed.
"A party pooper," Severus admitted, reluctantly. "A spoilsport. A kill-joy. A stick-in-the-mud, whatever that means."
He rolled his eyes.
"Must be a foreign expression he picked up on one of his travels," Severus mused. "Anyway, Dumbledore didn't spare me any insult. But I truly hope he will spare me tonight."
He looked at Aragorn.
"That's why this message is so important," Severus pointed out. "I have been through enough. The last thing I need is another murder weighing on my mind."
"Hoo?" Aragorn shrieked, alarmed.
"Did I say that out loud?" Severus gasped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Now, go and take my message to Dumbledore. Maybe he takes mercy on my soul."
Aragorn squinted his eyes and regarded Severus for a moment, then he hopped over the desk, before he took flight and quickly, Severus got up to open a window for his owl.
It was pitch black outside, but then Severus remembered that it was always darkest before the dawn.

Severus waited all morning for a reply, but apparently Dumbledore was too busy to answer straight away. However, the letter Aragorn brought back in the early afternoon was utterly disturbing.
"There is nothing to talk about," it read. "I will not change my mind, but if you are determined to have a tough time of it with me come to the Astronomy Tower at five o'clock."
Finishing his classes unusually early for a Monday, Severus decided to pay Cathy a visit. Maybe she had found a solution for the dreadful curse that was threatening Dumbledore's life after all. It was a fool's hope, but a hope nonetheless.
When Severus entered the Poison Pit, Cathy's small apothecary, it was a quarter after three in the afternoon and unfortunately, Cathy was busy serving a customer. Only shortly, she looked up and gave him a smile.
"Professor Snape," she just said and continued with her work.
The customer on the other hand turned around.
"Severus?"
"Narcissa," Severus greeted her, curtly.
"What are you doing here?" Narcissa asked.
"I could ask you the same thing," Severus retorted.
"Well, I'm …"
Narcissa hesitated.
"I'm …"
"Yes?" Severus prompted.
"Nothing," Narcissa said with a sigh.
Then she turned to Cathy, who was just labelling a small bottle containing a maroon coloured potion, which Narcissa had obviously demanded.
"Are you quite finished?" Narcissa asked, impatiently. "I'm in a hurry."
"Less haste, more speed, Mrs Malfoy," Cathy replied in a calm tone of voice. "As Professor Snape can assure you, good things take time."
"I don't have any time!" Narcissa snapped. "Time's running out!"
"Too true," Severus agreed, but neither Narcissa nor Cathy paid attention to his words.
Instead, Cathy looked at Narcissa, curiously.
"It's none of my business, Mrs Malfoy …" she began. "But are you in some sort of trouble?"
Narcissa hesitated and Severus stepped closer, so he could see her face. She didn't look good. She was still pretty, though, but there was something in her eyes that Severus couldn't decipher.
"You're quite right," Narcissa said after a moment of silence. "It is none of your business."
Cathy nodded.
"Fair enough."
"Can I have my healing potion now?" Narcissa demanded.
"What do you need a healing potion for?" Severus asked.
Narcissa glared at him.
"It's none of your business, either," she said icily.
"Very well," Severus replied, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "But don't you think you can ask me a favour ever again!"
"All I ask of you is to fulfil the promise you already gave me!" Narcissa snapped. "Otherwise I'm fine!"
"Indeed?"
"Yes," Narcissa hissed. "I really don't need your advice, let alone your clever opinion, thank you very much!"
There was a long silence. Then Cathy put a small paper bag on the counter, in which she placed the potion flask, and shoved it towards Narcissa.
"Here is your healing potion, Mrs Malfoy," she said, friendly. "And can I perhaps interest you in this?"
She held up another small bottle, which wasn't labelled at all, but contained a Russet brown liquid.
"And what is this?" Narcissa asked, confused.
"It's a visitor repellent," Cathy answered. "It just came in, so to speak."
"A visitor repellent …" Narcissa repeated, thoughtfully.
"Yes," Cathy confirmed. "If you have, say, an unwanted guest you wish to be rid of …"
She gave Narcissa a meaningful glance, which wasn't lost on Severus and alarmed he decided to cut in.
"I think you don't need this, Narcissa!" he said, but unfortunately, Narcissa was already too intrigued to listen to him.
"How does it work?" she asked, ignoring Severus' advice.
"Easily," Cathy answered. "You just slip a few drops of the potion into your guest's drink and …"
She grinned.
"Well, let's just say, he'll pretty soon decide that he has to leave, possibly never to return."
"It doesn't work," Severus said, casually, but again, Narcissa chose to overhear his warning.
"How soon?" she demanded instead. "Within a day?"
"That depends on the amount of drops you add to the drink," Cathy replied. "The more, the sooner … but don't overdo it!"
"It doesn't work!" Severus repeated, louder this time.
Narcissa blinked and looked at him.
"Doesn't it?" she asked, disappointed.
"Of course it does," Cathy assured.
Narcissa turned to her.
"Really?" she asked, hopefully.
"No!" Severus contradicted. "It doesn't."
"Yes," Cathy insisted. "It does."
Severus pursed his lips. He had half a mind to simply destroy the small bottle Narcissa was ogling at, but then he decided rather to respect private property than using violence.
"Alright," he agreed. "Maybe it does work. But, Narcissa, you really don't want this."
"Why?" she demanded.
Severus inhaled deeply.
"You just can't … afford it."
Narcissa blinked.
"Is it that expensive?"
"Yes," Severus replied.
"Free sample!" Cathy cut in, which earned her an angry glare from Severus.
Narcissa bit her lips.
"Well, if it's free …"
"Narcissa," Severus said, trying to sound calm. "Believe me, you really, really don't want this."
"But I do," Narcissa said, weakly. "I …"
She took a deep breath.
"My house has been invaded by … certain people," she explained, "They are robbing us blind and they won't leave! There is nothing I can do. Lucius is still in Azkaban, Draco is at Hogwarts and I am stuck with these …"
Narcissa exhaled, closing her eyes for a second.
"It's my punishment …" she then added silently.
"Says who?" Severus demanded.
"He did."
"Who is he?" Severus replied. "Lucius?"
Narcissa's lips began to tremble.
"You know who," she then answered and it sounded as if she would burst out in tears any moment.
Severus inhaled deeply.
"I see," he said, understandingly. "But do you honestly believe he can be fooled so easily and that you will get rid of him simply by spicing his drink?"
"It's worth a try, don't you think?"
"No, actually, I think this 'try' will end in 'error' and it will cost you your life," Severus retorted, dryly.
"Well …"
"And your husband's," Severus cut in, even before Narcissa could finished her sentence. "Possibly even your son's."
Narcissa's eyes filled with tears. It was obvious that she needed help, but there was nothing Severus could do – except save her from a major mistake.
"You don't want this potion if you value your family's well-being," he said slowly. "Take my word for it."
Narcissa's face began to twitch, when she turned to Cathy.
"Thank you," she said, weakly. "But no, thank you."
"Good girl," Severus muttered under his breath.
Cathy on the other hand didn't seem pleased at all, but she accepted the decision.
"Have a good day then, Mrs Malfoy," she said, simply. "And give my regards to your house guests."
Narcissa's face paled even more, then nodded and gave Severus a pitiful glance, before she left the apothecary.
"I'm sorry," Severus apologized when he was alone with Cathy again. "I know you are very talented, but your potion wouldn't have worked."
Cathy didn't answer. Determined she drew out her wand and for a second Severus feared she might hex him. But to his relief she only flicked it and the door locked while at the same time the sign reading 'OPEN' changed into 'CLOSED'.
"What do you think you are doing?" Cathy then snapped at him.
"I just saved the Malfoy family," Severus replied.
"Why are you meddling into my business?" Cathy asked, angrily. "Have I ever meddled into yours?"
"Didn't you hear what I just said?" Severus asked, ignoring her question. "I just saved the Malfoy family, because in this case your potion wouldn't have worked!"
"Of course it would have worked!" Cathy insisted.
"Not with the Dark Lord, it wouldn't have!"
Cathy pursed her lips.
"You don't have any confidence in my concoctions, do you?"
"I do have confidence, but the Dark Lord can't be tricked by some silly potion."
"None of my products is silly," Cathy contradicted. "I have tested each and everything in my shop thoroughly. Especially this potion. Why do you think I serve some of my customers a cup of tea? That Moody person two years ago, for example. You don't honestly believe that I got rid of him just by flapping my eyelashes at him, do you?"
Severus blinked.
"You spiked his tea?"
"Duh!"
"And it actually worked?"
"Like a charm," Cathy retorted. "He couldn't leave fast enough, claiming he had some urgent business to attend to."
She smiled.
"Believe me, I only sell top-notch products," she affirmed. "Potions, pills and poison. And occasionally balms."
"Wait a minute," Severus said, alarmed. "You also sell poisons?"
"Sometimes," Cathy answered, evasively. "My shop isn't called 'The Poison Pit' for no reason."
"Are you quite certain that this is legal?"
Cathy chuckled.
"Rest assured, Severus, that I sell the dangerous stuff only to very old and trusted customers."
Severus raised an astonished eyebrow.
"You have old and trusted customers?"
"Yes, actually, I do," Cathy confirmed, not without pride. "Well, one. He is not old, though, but very trustworthy."
"And who is that?"
"I am not going to reveal my customer's identity to you," Cathy said dignified.
"But I tell you about my students, too."
"Yes, but always without mentioning their names," Cathy added for consideration. "I do the same. It's as simple as that."
"And you really sold that trustworthy customer some poison?"
"Not yet," Cathy admitted. "But I would if he demanded it."
"Do you know what he wants it for?"
Cathy sighed.
"Obviously, he wants to kill somebody."
"Whom?"
"Himself," Cathy answered, darkly. "He told me that he thought about this … option."
Severus frowned.
"You do realize that you could be persecuted for assisted suicide, right?"
"I don't care," Cathy replied. "He is worth it."
"So he must be a pretty special guy," Severus snarled.
"Are you jealous?" Cathy asked.
"No."
"You sounded jealous."
"I am not jealous."
Cathy smiled.
"Yes, he is pretty special."
"And handsome?"
"No, not at all," Cathy answered. "In fact, his face is horribly scarred. When he first came in he demanded some lotion. I asked him, what for, exactly, and he told me that he had a serious accident some years ago in which his skin got heavily burned. Apparently, his entire face and his hands were covered in blisters. He is better now, at least his hands are, but he still wears a hood over his head and hides his face behind a scarf."
"So you haven't even seen his face?"
"No," Cathy answered. "But I have seen his eyes and I have heard his voice."
Severus crooked an eyebrow, when suddenly someone was knocking at the door.
"Speaking of the devil," Cathy said with a smile and drew out her wand.
Then she flicked it towards the door, which instantly opened, and a new customer walked in.
"Miss Hamilton," he greeted Cathy, who smiled at him, broadly.
"Mr Cue," she replied, shaking her head. "How many times do I have to ask you to call me Cathy?"
"At least once more, Miss Hamilton," Mr Cue answered.
Cathy chuckled and somehow it made Severus angry. Why was she so friendly with this guy? What was so special about him, anyway?
"Have you come to fetch your Burning Bitterroot Balm?" Cathy asked.
The mysterious Mr Cue looked at Severus, momentarily, then he approached the counter.
"I have," he confirmed, reaching into his pocket. "And I am here to settle my bill from last time."
With that he dropped some golden coins on the counter and for a second Severus could glimpse his hand. Cathy hadn't exaggerated. The skin looked quite unnatural, like a rubber glove, stretched tightly over the naked bones.
Severus shuddered and turned around, trying to ignore the conversation Cathy had with her customer.
How kind she was to him and how patiently she explained to him how the Burning Bitterroot Balm should be used! Inwardly Severus thought there was not much need to explain, for Mr Cue's skin would probably always look abnormal, but Severus still admired the passion Cathy had about her products. They were neatly labelled in Cathy's perfect handwriting and they even carried a name tag for the customer – or at least Mr Cue's sample did.
After about 45 minutes Mr Cue was finally ready to leave, not without paying Cathy a compliment, which vexed Severus immensely.
"You're so very kind, Cathy," Mr Cue said, silently. "So, I was wondering …"
He hesitated, but Cathy smiled at him.
"Yes, Mr Cue?"
"Well …"
Mr Cue took a deep breath.
"I was wondering if I might invite you to dinner some time …"
Severus gaped and for a second he considered lunging at this stranger and beating the living daylight out of him, but then he forced himself to stay calm and await Cathy's reply instead.
But Cathy only bit her lips.
"Well, that's very sweet of you," she answered after a short pause. "And I am really very flattered …"
"Don't say that!" Mr Cue demanded.
Cathy frowned.
"Why not?" she asked.
"Because that is what girls like you say to guys like me before they refuse them."
Cathy averted her gaze and gave Severus a quick glance. But Severus only squinted his eyes and pursed his lips, waiting for Cathy to slag this Mr Cue off instantly. But Cathy hesitated.
"Actually, Mr Cue," she began eventually. "I would love to accept …"
"Really?" Mr Cue gasped, hopefully.
"Really," Cathy confirmed and for a moment Severus thought there was something wrong with his hearing.
Was she out of her mind? Was she actually trying to provoke a scene in public?
Severus contemplated his options, but two murders in one day – Mr Cue's and Dumbledore's – would be at least one too many, so he waited for Cathy to continue, which she did.
"But," Cathy added quietly. "I guess my boyfriend would probably disagree with that."
Now Severus couldn't help but smirk, while Mr Cue remained silent and just nodded.
"I see," Mr Cue finally replied. "I should have known that you are seeing someone. What a lucky guy."
"I'm very sorry," Cathy said, apologetically.
"That's alright," Mr Cue assured, but it didn't sound as if he was alright at all. "I asked you an honest question and you gave me an honest answer. And at least for a short moment I had the glimpse of hope. I wouldn't want to miss that for the world."
Severus rolled his eyes. This strange Mr Cue was disgustingly pathetic and if this wasn't a public place Severus would have vomited. Instead he just cleared his throat noisily, which made Mr Cue look up and with a simple nod he bade his goodbye.
"Until next time, Mr Cue," Cathy replied, as she took him to the door, which she opened to him. "And please don't take my refusal personally."
"I won't," Mr Cue said, congenially. "Actually, I feel quite honoured that you didn't slag me off straight away … or threw me out of your shop."
"As if I would ever do that," Cathy snorted with a dismissive gesture. "You are, after all, my favourite customer."
Mr Cue sighed.
"I bet you say that to all of the guys …"
"No, she doesn't!" Severus growled and Mr Cue looked at him.
"Of course not," he then said to Cathy. "You are too kind for being dishonest. I'm sorry for implying deceit on your part."
"I am not as good as you imagine me to be," Cathy contradicted, silently. "You're probably even a much nicer person than I could ever be …"
"Thank you, Cathy, that's quite enough flattery for today," Mr Cue cut in. "I really must be going now. Have a good afternoon, Cathy."
Then he looked over his shoulder at Severus, who just inclined his head, curtly.
"Severus."
Severus snorted something in reply, which could easily be interpreted as a goodbye, but he didn't care to be overly friendly – especially not to Cathy's favourite customer, who had just hit on her.
"What a loser," Severus mumbled as soon as Cathy had closed the door behind Mr Cue and turned the sign around again. "And he is your favourite customer? Don't be daft!"
Cathy frowned.
"Why do you always have to be so unkind?" she asked. "What did Mr Cue do to you?"
"He just asked you out!"
"And I declined," Cathy established. "However, that's not what I asked! I want to know what he did to *you*?"
Severus inhaled deeply.
"Nothing," he then admitted. "But his compliments and his sucking up to you … that's disgusting. As if he wants to make up for his looks by good manners. Really, this guy gives me the creeps."
"At least he has good manners," Cathy replied.
"You mean, contrary to me?" Severus snapped, but Cathy was clever enough to ignore the accusation.
"It is not his fault that he is so scarred," she went on instead. "It must have been a terrible accident."
"Whatever," Severus mumbled. "I just didn't like him."
"You don't even know him."
"I don't need to," Severus replied. "There is definitely something fishy about him, I can feel it. Something was very odd. I just cannot tell what it was."
"You're imagining things," Cathy said, dismissively, as she walked back to the counter. "Apparently, you are under a lot of stress lately."
"I am," Severus agreed.
"Will you tell me about it?"
"That's why I came to you in the first place," Severus replied. "But I couldn't tell you as long as you had customers. First Narcissa Malfoy, then this Mr Cue …"
Cathy sighed.
"I really don't like the way you say his name, Severus!"
Instantly, Severus froze.
"That's it!" he whispered. "That's what struck me as odd."
"What do you mean?"
"He called me 'Severus'!"
"So?" Cathy said, shrugging. "That's your name, isn't it?"
"Yes, but how did he know that?" Severus replied. "We haven't been officially introduced, have we? And yet he knew who I was!"
"Maybe he has seen you before and picked up your name."
"No one except you calls me by my first name," Severus pointed out.
"Your colleagues do," Cathy added for consideration and it was then that it finally dawned on Severus.
"He was," he whispered. "He once was a colleague of mine."
"Who?" Cathy asked. "Mr Cue?"
"Yes."
Cathy frowned.
"Why didn't I recognize him, then?" she mused.
"Because he was there before you."
"Hmmm," Cathy said, unconvinced. "But don't you think he would have mentioned it to me that he was once a Hogwarts teacher?"
"Not if he is presumed dead," Severus replied.
"I don't understand," Cathy admitted.
"You call him Mr Cue, right?"
"Yes," Cathy confirmed. "But that's because I cannot remember his proper name. It was very unusual, so I abbreviated it and he didn't seem to mind."
"But you abbreviated it wrongly," Severus established. "You call him 'Mr Cue', spelling it C-U-E. I saw it written on the name tag on his Burning Bitterroot Balm. However, it should be 'Mr Q'. With a 'Q'. Q for Quirrell."
"Yes!" Cathy exclaimed. "That's his name! Now that you mention it …"
Severus felt a cold shiver running down his spine. So he was right – and for once he wished he was not. Quirrell was supposed to be dead and gone and forgotten – not alive and kicking and hitting on Severus' girlfriend …
"Do you know him?" Cathy asked, tearing Severus out of his thoughts.
He narrowed his eyes and instead of an answer he let out a growl.
"Yes!" he hissed.
"Is he a friend of yours?" Cathy enquired, curiously.
Severus glared at her.
"I don't have any friends!" he spat. "And if I did, Quirrell wouldn't be one of them."
"But he has a brilliant mind," Cathy insisted. "Brilliant and beautiful."
"He is a giddy git!" Severus exclaimed. "He is not worth breathing! By rights he should be dead as a doornail!"
"But he is not," Cathy pointed out. "So, apparently, someone helped him survive."
"Yes, and I know who that someone is," Severus mumbled.
"Give him my thanks," Cathy said, cheerfully. "As I mentioned before, Mr Quirrell is my favourite customer."
"Yes, I heard you the first time!"
"And he is always friendly and he never complains …"
"Lovely," Severus said, sarcastically.
"He is indeed!"
"Oh, really?" Severus snarled.
He didn't know where this sudden rage came from. It was unhealthy, but the thought of Quirrell still being alive made his blood boil.
"Well, why don't you marry him, then?" Severus added.
Cathy looked at him.
"He hasn't asked me, yet," she replied, calmly.
"I bet he would have asked you later on if you had accepted his invitation."
"Possibly," Cathy agreed. "But I didn't accept his invitation, did I?"
"I wonder why …"
"Because, I'm with you, that's why!"
Severus scoffed.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Cathy demanded.
Severus hesitated. He wasn't quite sure what he meant, exactly, but he was too proud to apologise for his outburst.
"Alright," Cathy agreed. "Are we finished, then?"
Severus felt a chill running down his spine.
"What?" he whispered, when flashes of his nightmare crossed his mind.
"I mean, I'd like to open my shop again," Cathy explained. "It's already half past four and the usual crowd will swamp the place soon …"
"I see," Severus said, relieved. "Yes, well, I need to get back to the castle, anyway. I have got an urgent appointment."
"Will you turn the sign on your way out?" Cathy asked, sweetly. "Thanks."
Severus pursed his lips. Then he flipped the sign around and automatically the door unlocked.
"I'll see you later," he bade his goodbye, looking over his shoulder.
"Why?" Cathy asked, innocently. "Do you need to check if I stay at home this evening?"
"You always stay at home in the evenings," Severus retorted. "Except on Fridays, when you go out with me. So why would I need to check?"
Cathy grinned.
"Maybe because you are afraid I might change my mind and accept Mr Quirrell's invitation after all …"
Severus inhaled deeply.
"I'll just pretend I didn't hear that," he replied, dignified.
Cathy nodded.
"Right-o," she said and with that she turned to her shelves.
Severus sighed, then he opened the door and walked out of the apothecary.

It was one minute to five when Severus finally arrived at the top of the Astronomy tower. Dumbledore was standing at the banister all by himself and slowly Severus approached him.
"You have to speak quickly," Dumbledore said, without turning around. "I am expecting young Mr Potter soon. We have some urgent business to attend to."
"Potter," Severus repeated. "I saw him in Defence Against the Dark Arts class today. He barely speaks and hardly looks at me. And when he does it feels like daggers shooting out of his eyes."
Severus sighed. He thought of Lily and the way she had looked at him after he had called her a 'Mudblood', oh, so many moons ago, and now her son, the boy Severus had sworn to protect, behaved exactly the same.
"He hates me," Severus established. "From the bottom of his heart."
"Can you blame him?" Dumbledore retorted, quietly. "He thinks that you deliberately killed his godfather."
"Oh, please!" Severus snorted. "I wasn't even near the Ministry of Magic that night! In fact, I immediately tried to prevent Black from putting himself into danger after Potter conveyed his message to me."
"That's not how Harry sees it."
"That cannot be helped," Severus said, shrugging. "It is the truth."
"The truth lies in the eye of the beholder," Dumbledore replied. "And in Harry's view …"
"… I am the villain," Severus finished the sentence. "Yes, I know. I always have been and I always will be. He never gave me a decent chance."
"Did *you*, Severus?" Dumbledore asked. "Did you ever give him a decent chance?"
Severus pursed his lips. Dumbledore did have a point. Still …
"I am not here to discuss Potter," Severus changed the subject. "I am here to speak to you about another matter."
"I imagine," Dumbledore said, casually. "But my answer, I'm afraid, is still no."
"You haven't even heard my question."
"I don't need to," Dumbledore replied. "I know what you are about to ask."
"Do you?"
"You want me to release you from that promise you gave me," Dumbledore established. "But I will not."
"Why?"
"Do I really have to explain?"
"Yes!"
"Because I do not wish to die a most horrible death," Dumbledore said, firmly. "Is that a good enough reason for you?"
Severus exhaled audibly.
"If you hadn't tried to destroy that Horcrux by yourself …"
"We already had this conversation, Severus," Dumbledore interrupted. "And we made a decision."
"*You* made a decision!" Severus corrected.
"And you accepted it," Dumbledore reminded him. "Case closed."
"All I am saying is that you have to bear the consequences of your actions," Severus pointed out.
"And so do you."
Severus frowned.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, you gave me a promise and I will hold you to it."
"I don't care what I once promised you, Headmaster," Severus said, determined. "I will not do it."
"You have to, Severus."
"Says who?"
"The Unbreakable Vow you gave Narcissa Malfoy, for a start."
Now Severus was stunned.
"How can you possibly know that?"
"So it is true," Dumbledore established.
"It is," Severus confirmed. "But why do you sound so relieved about it?"
"Because it means you will definitely do what I asked you to do."
Severus pursed his lips again.
"You seem to expect that Draco will not be able to do what the Dark Lord has demanded of him."
"Yes," Dumbledore confirmed. "Almost as much as I expect that you will do what I demand of you."
"Which basically is the same thing."
"Basically, yes."
Severus sighed.
"I wish there was another option," he admitted. "Actually, I did everything possible to turn the table. I even asked a friend of mine, who runs a successful little potion shop in Hogsmeade, to help me invent something, but … no luck there, either."
"Hmmm…" Dumbledore mused. "That's interesting …"
"What is?"
"That you confide in someone else."
"I never said that I did," Severus hurried to say. "All I said is that I asked someone for help."
"Then you must be very desperate, Severus," Dumbledore established.
"Yes, actually I am," Severus admitted. "I am at the end of my rapidly receding rope."
"Not literally, I hope."
"Not yet," Severus said, darkly.
"Well," Dumbledore chuckled. "I believe Cathy would hurry to your rescue in a heartbeat."
Severus gaped.
"How do you …" he began, but Dumbledore's persistent smile made him stop.
"I know everything, Severus," Dumbledore declared. "You are seeing her for nearly four years now. And when you are not seeing her, you are sending her letters. By the way, Aragorn is a lovely owl. Very trustworthy."
Severus looked at Dumbledore.
"And who is Aragorn?" he asked, innocently.
Dumbledore gave Severus a warning glance.
"Do not insult my intelligence."
Severus sighed.
"Alright, I'll admit it," he said, defeated. "I do own a pet owl and yes, I even have a … girlfriend."
To his surprise Dumbledore smiled.
"I am very happy for you," he said. "You need someone you can rely on. Especially in times like these."
"You are not angry with me, then?" Severus asked.
"Why should I be?" Dumbledore replied. "I believe that you never actually told Cathy anything about your role as a double agent."
"True," Severus confirmed. "She figured that out all by herself."
"Clever girl," Dumbledore praised. "I knew she was something else when I interviewed her back then. That's why I gave her a chance here at Hogwarts in the first place."
"May I take the opportunity to thank you for that?" Severus asked.
"Thank me?" Dumbledore repeated, surprised. "Why? Do you think I might have set her up for you?"
"No, of course not!" Severus cut in quickly. "But, if you hadn't accepted her I would never have met her."
Dumbledore chuckled.
"What is so funny?" Severus demanded.
"You almost make it sound as if *you* picked *her*."
"So?"
"Well, you didn't," Dumbledore answered. "*She* picked *you*."
"Yes …" Severus mused. "But ultimately I allowed her to."
"No," Dumbledore contradicted. "All you did was not being stupid enough to deny her the choice she made."
Severus remained silent. He didn't like to be called stupid, but he wasn't in the mood to contradict.
"She is a very charming girl, that Cathy," Dumbledore said, thoughtfully. "Talented. Witty. I dare say one day she might indeed save you."
Severus blinked.
"What do you mean?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"I have no idea," he answered. "But you will find out in time."
Severus frowned.
What did Dumbledore know that he didn't? Maybe Cathy had found a solution to his problem after all and suddenly Severus remembered that he never even asked her about it this afternoon.
"You have to go now, Severus," Dumbledore dragged him out of his thoughts. "You have a very important task to fulfil tonight."
Now Severus was confused. Did Dumbledore indicate just now that there was another way? Or did he misunderstand?
"I rely on you Severus," Dumbledore added, seriously. "Keep to your promise or you will destroy us all."
"Beginning with you, you mean?"
"Yes."
Severus inhaled deeply.
"Have you ever considered that you ask too much, that you take too much for granted?" he added for consideration, clutching at his last straw. "Has it ever crossed your brilliant mind that I don't want to do this anymore?"
"Whether it has or hasn't is irrelevant," Dumbledore replied. "I will not negotiate with you, Severus. You agreed. Nothing more to discuss."
Severus clenched his teeth and with a determined gesture he flipped around his cloak and turned, only to glimpse Potter standing on top of the stairs.
For a second he was baffled. How much had the boy overheard? And would he hold it against him some day? Then he remembered that he didn't really care and strode towards him, meeting Potter halfway on the spiral staircase. For a moment their eyes locked, but before Potter could say anything, Severus turned away and hurried down the staircase.

It was half past nine when Severus made his way into Hogsmeade again. He could have come earlier, but he didn't care to run into too many people, nor did he want to observe Cathy serving her customers again. Who knew how many favourite customers she had – beside Quirrell.
Quirrell. The thought alone made Severus half-mad. Why didn't he mention this to Dumbledore earlier? Why didn't he confront him with that? He would have loved to hear Dumbledore's explanation – and contradicted to each and every excuse Dumbledore would probably have made. From where Severus was standing, there were no excuses. Quirrell should have died that night in the underground chambers. But no! Dumbledore in his great wisdom had decided otherwise. Damn those second chances he always granted!
Severus knew from experience that the only second chance the likes of Quirrell got was the chance to make the same mistake all over again. Quirrell would be in no way different from Sirius Black. Severus only hoped he would live long enough to see Quirrell fail!
Angrily, Severus kicked a rock that was lying on the ground and the clatter of breaking glass was the result. For a second he thought about checking out what he had broken, but then he remembered that Hogsmeade was a wizard's village and everyone living here was perfectly capable of repairing a broken window themselves.
Sternly Severus walked on, pressing his lips together until he suddenly heard some noise behind him. Quickly, he flung around, drawing out his wand, but then he recognized a familiar face.
"You!" he exclaimed.
"Hoo!" Aragorn replied, landing softly on Severus' shoulder.
"What are you doing here?"
"Hoo," Aragorn answered.
"Of course," Severus mumbled. "The same as me – visiting your girlfriend!"
"Hoo!" Aragorn said, proudly.
Severus frowned.
"By the way, did you tell Dumbledore by any chance that you are my owl?"
"Hoo," Aragorn admitted.
"Great, thank you," Severus snorted. "Now he certainly thinks I have become soft."
He sighed.
"Well, maybe I have," he mused. "I am running to my girlfriend for advice how to avoid killing my mentor. That is sort of pathetic, isn't it?"
"Hoo," Aragorn affirmed.
"You are so kind!" Severus mumbled and decided not to continue the conversation.
Otherwise he might change his mind altogether and run off to a far, far away place, where neither Dumbledore nor the Dark Lord would find him. But there was no such place, was there?
Severus mood sank and by the time he arrived at Cathy's place, he was actually desperate. Quietly, he knocked at the door and it took a long time before Cathy opened.
"It's you," she exclaimed.
"Why the tone of surprise?"
"Normally you nearly knock down my door," Cathy explained. "And today you just tap. That's unusual."
"Well, obviously, I am not myself lately."
"Yes, I noticed this afternoon."
"That was different."
"Alright, why don't you come in?" Cathy suggested. "We don't need my neighbours to overhear our quarrels. People will think we are an old married couple."
"I don't think I will ever grow old," Severus said, darkly as he entered Cathy's flat. "Actually I think I might die tonight."
Cathy raised an eyebrow.
"Why?" she demanded, closing the door.
"Because I have an appointment with someone."
"I know."
Cathy grinned.
"With me!"
"No, not with you," Severus corrected. "Or do you intend to kill me?"
"Not tonight," Cathy replied.
"How sweet," Severus said, sarcastically. "But when I meet my destiny later, I will certainly die."
"Ah," Cathy said. "So, Destiny wants to kill you?"
Severus nodded.
"Yes."
"Why don't you sit down and have a cup of tea?" Cathy offered.
"No, thanks."
"I also have biscuits," Cathy added, looking at Aragorn, who happily flew up to land on Cathy's shoulder.
"You should keep him tonight," Severus suggested. "Just in case I might not return."
Cathy looked at him.
"That sounds serious indeed," she established. "Look, why don't I give Aragorn and Arwen some biscuits, so they are kept busy and meanwhile you sit down and tell me all about your destiny."
Severus sighed. Then he slumped down in one of the chairs, closed his eyes and waited until Cathy had fixed tea for the two of them and some biscuits for Aragorn and Arwen.
When she finally returned, she sat down opposite of him and Severus looked at her.
"Now, tell me," Cathy demanded, pushing one cup of steaming hot tea towards Severus. "What happens to be the problem?"
Severus scoffed.
"I don't even know where to start!"
"Well, it is best to start at the beginning," Cathy suggested. "And most importantly, be honest with me. Otherwise I won't be able to help."
"Alright," Severus agreed, leaning forward to grab his cup of tea. "Truth is I must kill Dumbledore."
He took a sip and looked at Cathy over the rim of his cup, waiting patiently for her to be shocked. But to his surprise she just looked back at him.
"When?" she asked, simply.
"Tonight."
"How?"
"That is irrelevant," Severus replied. "As long as the result is the same."
Cathy nodded.
"To be honest, I feel quite awful," Severus admitted, putting down his cup.
"Well, you are about to do a most awful thing," Cathy replied.
"I don't think I can do this," Severus said with a sigh. "Killing the man who was always there for me, who always trusted me, who gave me a home …"
"A home?" Cathy repeated. "I didn't have the impression that Hogwarts was a proper home to you."
"It was all I ever had."
"Yes, but did you have friends or a family?" Cathy added for consideration. "And what about your colleagues?"
Severus didn't answer.
"No, Severus, Hogwarts was not your home," Cathy contradicted. "Because home is where your heart is."
Slowly, Severus nodded.
"Where is your heart, Severus?" Cathy asked, gently.
Severus hesitated.
"Not at Hogwarts," he finally replied. "You are right. Hogwarts is just a place to live at, nothing more. But Dumbledore …"
"You know perfectly well that Dumbledore is not that good a man that you imagine him to be," Cathy interrupted, sharply. "Think of all the bad things he did in his life. So, when you kill him don't do it out of pity or because You-Know-Who demands it. Do it for …
"For what?" Severus asked, impatiently.
"For all the gentle put-downs," Cathy answered. "For every point he ever gifted Gryffindor … For every time he praised Potter … For every knowing twinkle in his eyes … For every reproof … For never stepping in when Potter's father and his gang made your life a living hell … For allowing Sirius Black a second chance … For keeping you as his pet traitor these past 16 years … For risking your cover with his compassion …"
"Enough," Severus demanded. "Thank you, that's quite enough."
"But there is more."
"I don't need to hear it," Severus refused. "I am not going to do it, end of story."
"You will have to," Cathy added for consideration. "Or is there another option to appease You-Know-Who?"
"Not really," Severus admitted. "Draco will fail. He is not cut out for killing people."
"But you are," Cathy established – it wasn't even a question.
"I'm not sure …"
"You are not sure?" Cathy repeated. "I thought you said you did kill people before."
"Please, can we not talk about the past," Severus asked. "It's the future I am worried about. I know Draco will not be able to kill Dumbledore and if I don't do it in his stead, which I am reluctant to do, there will be consequences."
"I imagine," Cathy mused. "You-Know-Who will kill you."
"Only if my breaking the Unbreakable Vow doesn't kill me first."
"Unbreakable Vow?" Cathy repeated. "What are you talking about?"
Severus sighed.
"I sort of swore to Narcissa Malfoy that I would protect her son in case he needed it."
"Sort of?"
Cathy threw a laugh.
"There is no such thing as 'sort of' when it comes to an Unbreakable Vow."
"Yes, I know that!"
"Then why are you saying it as if it was nothing?"
"Because …"
Severus stopped, hesitating to admit that he was scared. Scared of what he had gotten into and where it might lead him, but it turned out that he didn't have to finish the sentence, because Cathy already knew.
"You're scared", she whispered and Severus nodded – it was all he could manage.
There was a moment of silence, until Cathy finally sighed.
"So it has to be done," she said, decisively. "Killing Dumbledore I mean."
"Yes," Severus agreed. "It has to be done."
"By you," Cathy added.
"By me."
"No loop hole?"
"Not really", Severus said, regretfully. "Even if it wasn't for the Dark Lord or the Unbreakable Vow …"
"Explain."
"I …" Severus began. "I gave Dumbledore my word that I would kill him."
"You did what?"
"When he got his hand cursed," Severus added. "I promised him I would spare him a most horrible death. There is no cure for it, because it is Dark Magic. And like all Dark Magic it's irreversible."
He inhaled deeply.
"I did what I could", Severus continued. "I fed Dumbledore one potion after the next, but there was nothing to be done. Not even with foolish wand waving and silly incantations."
"That hardly ever works!" Cathy said, dismissively.
"My words exactly," Severus agreed. "When I told Dumbledore that he was doomed, he asked me to kill him when the time was right and I said yes, because I had hoped the day would never dawn. But it did. And today is the day. And I don't know what to do now."
"I think I do."
"Really?" Severus asked, hopefully.
Cathy nodded.
"Please, tell me you have a potion that will cure Dumbledore's hand after all," Severus whispered. "Please!"
"No, Severus, I have not," Cathy replied. "Ever since you asked me about it I researched night and day, because I figured you were in trouble if I didn't come up with something. But try as I might I didn't find anything. You were right from the start. There is no cure. Not to that sort of curse anyway."
"Then I am done for," Severus said, gloomily.
"Not necessarily," Cathy replied.
Severus raised an eyebrow.
"Explain."
"You could hex Draco Malfoy," Cathy suggested. "Put him under the Imperius Curse, so he will kill Dumbledore."
Severus stared at Cathy. For a second he thought she was joking, but then he realized that Cathy actually meant what she had said.
"I can't," Severus admitted.
"Why not?" Cathy asked. "I trust you are perfectly capable of casting the curse without anyone noticing it."
"I cannot condemn a student to become a murderer and lose his soul."
"What about your soul?"
Severus snorted.
"My soul is already lost."
"Then there is your answer."
Cathy leant back in her chair.
"Stand by your promise," she instructed. "Do what Dumbledore wants you to do."
"You mean …?"
"Yes," Cathy confirmed. "Kill him. Kill him in cold blood. Don't reminisce about the good stuff he has done for you. Think about the bad things. Remember that he is practically condemning you."
"Hmmm," Severus mused. "I wouldn't say that he is exactly condemning me …"
"Oh, really?"
Cathy snorted.
"But he consciously demands of you to commit a crime," she explained. "He probably even expects you to use an Unforgivable Curse, which would earn you a one way ticket to Azkaban! Or do you think he has left anything in writing to ensure you will be requited once the war is over?"
Severus shook his head.
"He doesn't care one bit for you, Severus," Cathy added. "You are nothing but a pawn in his game. He only uses you. And what's worse, he deliberately takes chances that you die in the end."
She squinted her eyes.
"He doesn't even consider you might live to tell the tale."
Severus swallowed hard.
"Do not feel pity for a man who jeopardizes your life so recklessly," Cathy concluded. "Kill him! Kill him in whatever way you see fit."
Severus didn't respond. He knew that Cathy had a point, but he was not sure whether he would be able to do what was expected of him.
"Don't worry," Cathy said, softly. "You will find your strength when you get there."
She smiled, confidently.
"More tea?"

Slowly, Severus ascended the stairs to the Astronomy tower and he felt awful. The heavy weight that pressed on his shoulders was not easy to bear. The cowardly part of him wished he had taken some potion that erased his conscience but no such potion did exist. He would have to do what he had come for …
From upstairs Severus could perceive Draco's timid stuttering and Bellatrix Lestrange's shrill voice, urging the boy to kill Dumbledore. The ruthless part of Severus wished Draco would find the strength to do it, but judging from Draco's whimpering, Severus figured the boy would fail. Severus would have to do it himself after all. Draco was just not cut out for killing.
But he was. Severus knew he could do it, but did he really want to?
"Stand by your promise," Cathy had said. "Do what Dumbledore wants you to do."
As if it was as simple as that. How should he do it? Severus wondered. Of course, seeing that it had to be done on top of the Astronomy tower he could simply push Dumbledore over the banister. But that was pathetic.
No, the Death Eaters would expect him to use the Killing Curse – the Unforgivable Curse … And if he did that, there would be no redemption. Even if anyone would ever find out that it was a mercy killing – the Unforgivable Curse was still unforgivable and it meant Azkaban.
Severus shuddered. He would rather kill himself than going to Azkaban. He knew what the place did to people. He had seen Black after thirteen years of imprisonment – and it hadn't been a good sight. Maybe in the end Black had regained some of his strengths but Azkaban had changed him. Severus didn't want to be changed and even now he still hoped that some sort of miracle would happen – that someone might turn up at the last moment and do the job for him …
Severus hung his head and stopped abruptly, when he suddenly glimpsed Potter, standing below, staring at the scene that presented itself on top of the Astronomy Tower. He looked pale and with his wand drawn out, he seemed to be ready for action.
The hero of the wizarding world. The Boy Who Lived – but no! Severus had promised Dumbledore to keep Potter safe, so he put his finger on his lips when Potter flinched as he saw Severus, indicating the boy to be silent. Almost imperceptibly Potter nodded and Severus walked past him. Slowly, he went up to the platform, trying to hold his wand steadily, so no one would notice how afraid he was.
"Go away, Draco," Severus said, forcing himself to stay calm, as he looked at the old man, standing near the banister.
This was the perfect moment for one of the Death Eaters to lose their nerve and kill Dumbledore. Part of Severus wished someone would be stupid enough to prove a point and take the burden off of him. But all eyes were fixed on him.
Draco had already, lowered his wand, shaking like a leaf. Yes, it was cold up here, but Severus knew that the shaking came from fear. Draco had failed and now Severus had to fulfil the task in order to keep the Unbreakable Vow he gave to Narcissa. There was no way out.
But he couldn't. He couldn't do it. Not yet, not yet ….
"Severus …" he suddenly perceived Dumbledore's voice.
It sounded like a plea for mercy and suddenly Severus heard Cathy's voice as well.
"Do not feel pity for a man who jeopardizes your life so recklessly," it said. "Kill him! Kill him in whatever way you see fit."
Severus clenched his teeth. He had to think about the bad things, not reminisce about the good stuff …
"For all the gentle put-downs," he told him. "For every point you ever gifted Gryffindor … For every time you praised Potter …"
"For every knowing twinkle in your eyes …" Cathy's voice in Severus' head added. "For every reproof …"
"For never stepping in when Potter's father and his gang made my life a living hell …" Severus remembered. "For allowing Black a second chance …"
"For keeping you as his pet traitor these past 16 years …" Cathy's voice continued. "For risking your cover with his compassion …"
"Please," Dumbledore said, silently.
Severus took a deep breath, then he raised his wand and pointed it at Dumbledore, hoping this one last time Dumbledore would also read his mind as he always did.
"For showing mercy to Quirrell …" Severus thought, bitterly. "For letting the traitor survive, while condemning me forever!"
For a second there was a glimpse of astonishment in Dumbledore's eyes, but Severus didn't wait, until it would rouse his pity.
"He doesn't care one bit for you," he heard Cathy's voice loud and clear. "You are nothing but a pawn in his game. He only uses you. And what's worse, he deliberately takes chances that you die in the end. He doesn't even consider you might live to tell the tale."
Cathy was right. There was no turning back anymore. The time of innocence was over and with just two words Severus did what he had to do and sealed his fate.