Story 1, Chapter 1: Devil In Disguise
Nani pounded mercilessly on the bathroom door even though she was halfway certain her cries would be drowned out by the sound of water pounding on the plastic floor of the tub. Nani rubbed her eyes as they made their usual stubborn effort to shut closed after waking in the early hours of the morning before having her first taste of the caffeinated nectar of the gods. "Lilo, we talked about this! You take your shower before bed and I take mine before work! We have a system!" Hearing no response her patience, already frayed from being awoken by an obnoxious alarm-in the middle of a nice dream involving chocolate, whipped cream, and David -was pushed to its limits and she kicked open the door. Or tried anyway as the door opened right in mid kick leaving Nani flustered and trying to catch her balance as her right heel slipped on the bathroom tile only managing to stop just before doing a complete split. Nani rubbed her sore thighs as she regained her proper footing. She glanced forward to see a familiar shaped experiment "oh hey, Stitch, I…" she trailed off. It wasn't the fur color that tipped off her sleep deprived mind, it wasn't the antennae which she was vaguely aware were over twice the size of Stitch's antennae and he only rarely showed them anyway. No what tipped Nani off to the true nature of the experiment residing in her bathroom was the foam of toothpaste. Nani snapped into her momma bear mode because even if she and Stitch weren't terribly close and had a tendency to argue and fight whenever the subject of hygiene (or rather Stitch's lack thereof) came up he was still ohana. "Okay, you're not fooling anyone with that disguise, whoever-you-are, everyone here knows Stitch wouldn't be caught dead brushing his teeth!" With the clanging of plastic shower curtains on the stainless steel bar that held them the shower curtain opened to reveal the aforementioned fuzzball dripping wet with his fur matted from the water, he himself held aloft a toothbrush with the tell-tale foam dripping from the corners of his mouth. This one could not be anyone else but Stitch even if everything in front of Nani defied the expectations of rational minds. "Lilo! I think Stitch is multiplying!"
After Lilo groggily made her way downstairs after being rudely awakened, she explained everything, "This is Angel, you didn't see her when she was first here 'cause you were working overtime."
"But why does she look like a clone of Stitch?" Nani asked hands outstretched to the heavens in exasperation.
"That's really more Jumba's thing, you'd have to ask him."
"Okay but what's her power? Making mule-headed experiments practice bathing and teeth brushing?" Stitch mumbled something in his weird alien language while glaring at Nani.
"No, Jumba didn't say anything about performing miracles just turning experiments evil."
Stitch stood defiant, "Naga du meesh ma!" His defense was, however eloquent and impassioned in his native tongue, completely lost on the humans who just shrugged.
Nani glanced at Angel approvingly, "okay you gotta let me in on your secret, the last time we tried to get Stitch to bathe he ate the curtains."
Angel smiled sweetly, "bata fip boocheeboo stara noctu." Noticing the look of confusion on their faces Angel decided a more hands on approach was necessary to demonstrate her point so she cupped Stitch's face with her hands, stared deeply into his eyes, and when his head turned sufficiently red she said, "boocheeboo, water ja biy, ana." Stitch unthinkingly fetched a glass of water complete with miniature umbrella that Nani was certain she never saw in the house before that day. Angel sipped deliberately from the cup, Stitch never failing to keep his gaze on her. Nani suddenly nodded her head as she remembered some of the crazy, silly, and ultimately profoundly sweet gestures David would occasionally do for her, "I guess love-struck men are the same no matter the species." Lilo, however, was far more interested in returning to bed since she slept in on the weekends and so said, "welp, mystery solved…I guess" she waved her hand in front of Stitch's face but as if a spell was on him Stitch didn't even blink. "Creepy, he's like a wasp-mummy love zombie!"
"Yeah, totally unlike a certain someone I know who doesn't move or change expressions for minutes on end while she daydreams about a certain boy."
Lilo rolled her eyes, "I'm not THAT bad."
Nani smirked and whispered into Lilo's ear, "Keoni." Lilo suddenly imagined herself and a boy just slightly taller than her in a bright, blue shirt and brown shorts with fiery red hair and chestnut eyes. The two of them sat idly on a hammock as the sun drifted beneath the waves occasionally sipping from a milkshake with two straws. Keoni looked deep into Lilo's eyes and slowly moved forward, her heart racing as the distance between them shortened and finally he spoke, "One minute." Lilo's fantasy came to an abrupt end and when she gazed upon reality she discovered Nani standing over her with that absolutely infuriating smirk that said "I told you so". Lilo begrudgingly accepted defeat and turned to see Stitch fanning Angel with a branch from a pineapple tree. Her look turned into befuddlement, "when did he get that?"
"No idea. The little guy moves fast when no one's looking. Anyway, I was so not looking forward to giving Stitch his monthly bath tomorrow," she grumbled under her breath, "though I could have sworn it was your turn," her voice returned to normal volume, "so it's nice to see the little guy with a positive influence for once."
"Hey! I'm a positive influence!" Lilo protested.
"Remember that time that you tried to make mud pies out of real mud and you filled up the fridge and freezer with them?"
"Okay maybe I'm not that good."
"Buck up, Stitch is happy, I'm happy, and hopefully we won't have to replace the bath tub and showerhead 6 times a year and we'll save so much money now that Stitch doesn't just eat the toothbrushes." Nani gave Lilo a hug as she departed the house later that day a smile on her lips and springs in her steps as she thought, no more of Stitch's nasty breath, no more funky odor after two weeks without a bath, all we'll have to worry about is the visit to the vet and what to do when they have a litter of pups. Her step lost a little of its spring after that last one. A litter of pups. Her smile faded. Litter. Her face twisted into a look of horror as images of dozens of miniature Stitch- like creatures of different hues appeared in her imagination. Pups. Now the Stitch-esque creatures were demolishing her home. A bright orange one devoured her sofa in a single bite, a red furred one picked up the fridge and shook its contents loose into its stomach then took a bite out of the fridge, a magenta one hung onto the ceiling fan like a monkey on a tree branch while another two trailed toilet paper across the house even on the ceiling. Her daydream came to an abrupt end and she stomped back into the house in the direction of Jumba's makeshift lab in his second floor room. "Uh, Jumba can I ask you a few questions?" The obese Kweltikwan turned vaguely to the native Hawaiian woman more fixated on some oblong metallic object in his hands.
"Don't you be having to work soon?"
"Yeah, but this is life and death…well not death but if it's as bad as I think it could be I'd rather die." Jumba's puzzled look bade her to explain. "Okay, so while I wasn't home apparently Stitch got a girlfriend and well…I was wondering about…y'know?" She gestured wildly as the awkwardness of the discussion got to her and she couldn't bring herself to explicitly reference the sex life of an alien she couldn't quite unconsciously decide was a pet, an adopted brother, or a foster son to its father/mother/mad scientist progenitor.
"Tapeworms?" Nani shook her head she swaddled her arms under her belly. "Food supplies?" Nani let out a frustrated growl and formed a motion with her hands as of rocking a cradle. "Algourian folk dancing?"
"What? I don't… I'm talking about kids." Nani spat out. "What happens when all their lovey-dovey results in a pack of wild hoodlums with super strength?"
Jumba guffawed while Nani stared intently, "not to be worrying all experiments are infertile I am not so lacking in foresight as to actually give my creations the ability to procreate. Besides is better for them, all the fun none of the worry and poopy diapers!"
Nani's face fixed itself into an impassive stare as she digested the information…somehow it was everything she wanted to hear and exactly what she did not want to happen. "Do…do they know…about…?"
"No, I designed them to feel nothing but destructive impulses so it never mattered."
"But they can feel something other than destructive impulses."
"And what is point?"
Nani thought back to Stitch's doting affection and wondered how the two might react to that bit of news but it was cut quickly when she realized that she had been talking for ten minutes. "Well, see' ya' gotta go bye before the boss man gets angry." Jumba waved as well as he could with his current invention in progress in hand.
Lilo meanwhile was still looking forward to sleeping in, "well, Stitch I'm going back to-" Lilo glanced around the empty room in confusion, "wow, it's like being in love turned Stitch into a ninja." Lilo languidly stretched her arms and proceeded up to her room to return to the peace of sleep.
In direct contrast to everyone Stitch and Angel were energized for a new day. So much so they decided to the leave the house on their own- well Angel decided Stitch just followed her like a lovesick puppy. Holding hands was such a new experience for both of them: Angel would smile at the comforting, strong presence beside her and Stitch would blush at the attention. They wandered aimlessly for what place was more romantic and special for a first date than Kauai. Eventually they crossed paths with Dupe and Slushy making their rounds selling shaved ice. Sensing an opportunity Stitch placed an order but when Slushy stretched out his hand the flaw in his plan reared its ugly head, "eheheh, cousin yuuga suche ohana?"
Slushy was unmoved, "paying customers only".
Stitch looked at Angel, she wasn't particularly agitated but she did eye the desert as it was carried along by various passersby hungrily, while she wasn't looking he dropped to his knees and pleaded, "Please! Meega need only two of then never ask favor again!" Slushy was surprisingly warm hearted considering his element and relented after only a few moments of Stitch's puppy dog stare.
"Only once and you owe me favor big time." Slushy handed him two snow cones but they couldn't decide on a particular flavor for Angel so her particular snow cone was an obnoxiously bright, pastel rainbow with a black stripe representing soda. He sauntered behind Angel and tapped her right shoulder with one of his retractable arms. She turned around and cooed when the icy concoction came into focus she eagerly took a few licks and gave Stitch a small peck on the cheek for his efforts. Stitch was so enamored by the kiss he barely noticed that the top of his cone fell on the ground. Everything was so sublime nothing could take his focus away from the radiant beauty next to him and nothing could ruin the day.
"Ugh! Weirdlo's ugly dog has been multiplying or something." Correction-almost nothing could ruin his day but Mertle and her posse: Yuki, a dark, straight-haired Japanese girl; Elena a blonde, blue eyed girl with pigtails; and Teresa a curly haired brunette of Native Hawaiian descent – all of which Stitch was halfway convinced were either automatons or some strange gestalt pseudo-human – could spoil milk with their presence. Mertle stepped forward between Stitch and the shaved ice dispenser her posse following in almost lockstep. "At first I thought, 'I must be seeing things' because if it was you I would have smelled you before I saw you."
"Yeah!" Mertle's posse inanely shouted in unison- not unlike either a pre-programmed response or hive mind Stitch mentally noted. Absent-mindedly, Stitch crushed his frosty dessert in irritation.
"Eeuch! How can something so pink be so ugly?" Stitch looked toward Angel whose expression transformed from contentment to one that was utterly ineffable in a split second. Making like a rabid dog he used all four (well four of six if you don't count antennae and spines and 4 of eleven if you do) appendages to leap and bark at the irritants who screamed and fled in terror. His job well done and the day saved from callow, pestering brats he wrapped his left arm around Angel with a smug, serene smile plastered on his face.
"Ignore them, ika patookas from hula class." Angel didn't budge for a moment but before Stitch could worry too much about her state of mind she nestled against him and finished her rainbow plus soda snow cone.
Inevitably they returned home and the moment they did Angel darted to her room. Stitch was left confused but Lilo broke him out of his stupor, "there you are, Stitch, I was wondering if you'd be on time for Hula." Stitch was downcast, "don't worry, I'm sure Angel can come too."
"Ih!" Stitch took off so fast the rush of wind made the grass skirt rustle. Angel wasn't in her room, though, so a confused Stitch checked the upper floors. He finally found her in the room he shared with Lilo perusing their book of reformed cousins. "Boocheeboo!" Angel jumped and hurriedly hid the book as Stitch wrapped his arms around her waist. "Boocheeboo, hula time!"
Angel's mind raced to find an excuse but just settled on, "naga now, maybe meega see you there later?"
Stitch was downcast, "okay, the address should be on business card on fridge if you change your mind."
"Taka, see yuuga soon." Stitch unwound his arms from Angel's waist and slumped his way to Lilo. Angel retrieved the book labeled "cousins" from its hiding place. Resuming where she left off one particular experiment caught her eye, "bootifah!" her lips spread into an evil grin.
"Stitch, it really isn't that big a deal. So she isn't interested in hula now, I bet once she gets her first taste she'll be hooked for life and you two will have something special to share." After fifteen minutes waiting for Angel Stitch had practically given up hope she would appear. He was so preoccupied over Angel he muddled up his hula lessons and with one step right rather than one step left he hooked his foot on Lilo's. He realized something was off and attempted to correct. He hadn't realized, specifically, that his leg was interlinked with Lilo's and his sidestep back on course started a chain reaction: Lilo went toppling into Mertle, who toppled into Elena, who proceeded to knock over Yuki, whose futile attempt to use Teresa as a balance only succeeded in pushing Teresa down and the entire class was splayed out on the floor in a mere fifteen seconds.
"Weirdlo!" Came the screeching, grating voice of Mertle. "Could you please keep your dog from spacing out?"
"Yeah!" Stitch was not in the mood for Mertle's petty little insults and unthinkingly growled, aggressively walked over to the inane clown posse with such menace that they actively moved back. Stitch was impulsive but never so impulsive as to actually maliciously hurt someone. Fortunately, Mertle didn't know that so Stitch always counted it as a point in his favor that could always shut the bullies up with a meager bit of grandstanding and they were so weak and pathetically fearful they backed off every time…though there were occasions he fancied ideas revolving around more permanent solutions.
Unfortunately, hula instructor Moses was in about the same boat as Mertle when it came to predicting Stitch's actions. "Lilo, please get control of Stitch or send him outside before he hurts someone!" Not soon afterwards a stream of water landed on the back of Stitch's head and he flinched as the cold liquid made contact with his skin. He took the hint and grumbled under his breath. Suddenly, his mood lifted considerably as the slight sound of a very familiar song caressed his ears. Acoota chimeeto…Igata no moota… a very, very familiar song. The warmth faded as the implications set in.
"Stitch are you okay?" Lilo asked. Stitch sniffed the air.
"We need hairspray." Lilo looked askance until a beige furball unceremoniously landed in the middle of the stage. It unfurled to reveal two big, seemingly pupil-less eyes, scissor like claws, and a pink bow tie. As if guided by a mysterious force it eagerly homed in on Mertle's head. The girl screamed and when Clip was finished with Mertle , she jumped on the head of Mertle's Japanese friend Yuki, Elena pulled Clip off completely perhaps with too much gusto as Clip went flying through the air and landed on Teresa. After a few snips Clip jumped off and cornered Elena.
"Stitch, we have to do something!" Lilo shouted.
"Ih! Definitely!" Stitch had a smile on his face ever since the shock of the events transpiring had passed. "Definitely do something… later." Lilo none too unamused by the situation herself nonetheless stared at Stitch, tapping her toe impatiently. "Oketaka." Stitch grumbled under his breath. Lilo ran to Mertle's backpack and procured a can of hairspray. Stitch jumped on Elena's shoulders and pried Clip off of her head only to miscalculate Clip's reach and end up with the lower half of his body fur missing. Stitch, embarrassed, accidentally dropped her in a bid to cover up his nether regions. Before his poorly thought out impulse could bear fruit a spritz of Lavender scented "Strong Hold" hair spray stopped Clip's rampage in its tracks.
Mertle and her posse were unharmed except for their hair. Mertle was completely bald, Teresa's long, flowing hair had been reduced to a buzz cut, Elena had only a single ponytail the rest of her hair missing, and Yuki was now sporting a Mohawk. Naturally, they freaked and ran straight to their homes in pure embarrassment. The peals of laughter guided Stitch (and Lilo following close behind naturally) to the pink, koala-esque culprit herself. Angel was guffawing so hard she occasionally paused for breaths between laughs and even the stern expressions of Stitch and Lilo couldn't dampen her mood. Seeing Stitch almost completely au natural (relative to his standards, anyway) stoked a fire in her mischievous heart. Ignoring his attempt at a glare she sidled next to him, smiled at him sweetly, and innocently wrapped her arm around his waist and pinched his right cheek. The shock made Stitch jump...approximately ten feet straight up. When Stitch made landing back on Terra Firma he was far too flustered to do anything but smile dumbly and blush. Angel pushed farther, "bootifah patooka, morcheeba!" Lilo sighed, she'd seen enough movies to know that she had to be the spoilsport…then again maybe just this once she could chalk it up to Mertle's karmic comeuppance.
"Well, since Moses cancelled hula practice maybe I can teach you a few basics. Would you like that, Angel?" Angel yawned purposefully her gesture of opening her mouth exaggeratingly prolonged until she noticed a slight, agitated tic in Lilo's wishful expression, "naga, beach time!" Angel took hold of Stitch's hand and together they made their way to the beach.
"Okay, maybe next time." But the lovebirds were already out of sight already.