Black and Blue
By Gumnut
26 Nov 2005
When Kitt saw her for the first time the next day he felt like short circuiting himself and ending it right there and then.
"Oh, Bonnie, I am so sorry."
She looked at him, no accusation in her expression whatsoever. "It wasn't your fault, Kitt. We've been through this already."
"But, Bonnie-"
She held up a hand. "Kitt, it was an accident, that's all."
He bit back his automatic reply, guilt gnawing away at his processor, and for a while there was silence, Bonnie working quietly around him. It was only maintenance, nothing urgent, but every sensor tracked her movements, making exact calculations of her position, her probable actions and destinations. He refused to move without her asking.
And she began to notice.
"Kitt?"
"Yes, Bonnie?"
"It was not your fault."
"Yes, Bonnie."
"I just didn't move fast enough. My own silly fault."
"Yes, Bonnie."
She sighed. "Why don't I believe you?"
"I don't know, Bonnie."
She shook her head in resignation. "Open your hood."
He did so, but ever so slowly, sensors pinning her to the wall behind, making sure she was out of harm's way.
She sighed again and leant over his fender to access his laser module.
Unfortunately, this turned her side on and gave him an unimpeded view of the damage he'd done the day before. A misstep on both their parts, he'd lifted his hood abruptly and the MBS has caught Bonnie on her left cheekbone.
Her surprised cry had startled him into immobility. She'd stepped back clutching her face. An immediate med scan had revealed exactly what he had done, and his fervent apologies spewed forth. He'd called Michael in his alarm and his driver had come running, Doctor Alpert barely a step behind him. They'd taken Bonnie away, tears in her eyes, almost crying.
And the entire time she had been trying to reassure him, tell him that it wasn't his fault.
But it was.
He'd hurt Bonnie.
And now her eye and half her face were mottled black and blue. His fault.
"Okay, Kitt, lower your hood." She stepped back and gave him the room.
He complied….ever so slowly.
She sighed again.
"Bonnie?"
"Yes, Kitt."
"I hurt you. I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault."
"Regardless, I still hurt you." He paused. "I am programmed to do no harm."
"Things happen, Kitt. Not everything is within your control. Or anybody else's for that matter."
He didn't reply immediately. He had been ruminating about the incident all night, cross checking his calculations, running probability scenarios, realising exactly what his existence entailed. And it worried him.
His voice was very quiet. "I can hurt you. I can hurt people. I shouldn't…"
She stopped what she was doing and turned to face him. "Kitt?"
"I am programmed to do no harm."
Her expression became a frown…then a wince as the action pulled on sore and swollen muscles. She swallowed. "And you don't."
"But I did." His scanners sketched out in exquisite detail exactly how much damage he'd done. Broken blood vessels, injured muscle…he'd almost given her a concussion.
"You didn't do anything intentionally."
"But I still hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me. I've already told you it was my own stupid fault, Kitt. Stop beating yourself up about it."
"What happens if I 'accidentally' hurt someone seriously? What if I kill someone?" What if he hurt Michael? The mere thought jarred his processors. Could he accidentally kill his driver?
She sighed, placing a hand on his fender. "Kitt, you would never intentionally hurt anyone."
He was quiet for a moment. "But I have."
Her touch faltered on his MBS. "I know that there have been incidents during missions where you have had to intervene to protect Michael…"
Very quietly…"There have been other incidents."
She frowned. "Incidents?"
And he wasn't sure he should tell her. Michael had said not to worry about it, said he was only doing his job, but Kitt couldn't help but worry. "There have been times where I have had to defend Michael and injury to others has resulted. But there have also been other times where I have been angry enough to want to hurt those responsible. There have been times where people have hurt Michael, or you, or Devon, and I have just wanted to…" He didn't finish. The thought terrified him enough of his capabilities.
"Wanted to what?"
"I am little more than a weapon, Bonnie. I can defend Michael, but I can also hurt. I'm not programmed to hurt, but I can, intentionally or not." It was an admission that bared his soul and his sensors wandered a moment, him not wanting to see the expression on her face. Not wanting to see the disappointment.
He was a little surprised when she didn't immediately answer him, choosing instead to walk around his prow to his driver's side, open the door and slide in. His cabin sensors activated and gave him detailed information regarding the body in his driver's seat.
Her face was black and blue.
"Kitt we all have the ability to hurt."
"Not as much as I."
"No? Dead is dead, Kitt."
That stopped him in his tracks a moment and she took the opportunity to continue. "Life doesn't come with guarantees. We're given what we're given and we can only do with it what we can. I could program you with anything, Kitt, and life could always override it."
"But I-"
"We trust you." Her voice was quiet, and she reached out a hand to caress his dash. "Thought and action are two different things. We trust you."
"But what if-"
"We trust you."
He didn't say anything at that and after a while she got out of the car and continued his maintenance. The garage was unusually quiet.
What if? There were too many what ifs! He had hurt Bonnie. He could hurt Michael. He could hurt anyone. He was dangerous!
But they trusted him. Trusted him with their lives and the lives of others. They trusted him.
Not to do harm.
He only wished he could do the same.
-o-o-o-