Dear Arthur ( Clotpole )
Hey Arthur, how are you? If you are watching or wondering, Camelot is doing okay. With Gwen running, much hasn't much changed but the war did take a toll though. Many knights have died and crops are damaged but with the band of magic lifted, magic has been helping and Leon is recruiting knights. Gaius is getting older if you haven't noticed but he helps what and when he can. Oh, I forgot to mentioned that I've been promoted to Court Warlock of Camelot. There is so much paper work, i wonder why you always complain and groan about them being boring and how there's too much, but hey, you had help, I don't.
Oh! I almost forgot, during the meeting of my first, there wa this council member Lord something what's his face, was commenting on how 'I'm not of noble birth' or 'He doesn't know what he's talking about' or like how, 'I'm a bastard son' and all that fun jazz. But there was one comment the neither Gwen, Leon, nor I let it passed. He said exactly this, 'He's a magic user, he shouldn't be trusted! Just like the late king did, and it led to his downfall. The king was a fool if he tru-' and stopped there. Gwen interrupted him and said...some things I shouldn't repeat and I let my magic crackle under pressure and the windows were shattered but repaired again till Gwen commanded me to stop and Leon's face turned red and escorted him under command from the Queen. The rest of the meeting was shortly dismissed. But I do have to say, Arthur, you have a lot of patience for these stuck up, snobbish prats. I also wonder why you kinda slouch when they comment or talk, or look at me in the eye begging me to make an excuse for to get out. Plus all that hunting and complaining too.
Percy has been quiet a lot more than usual. I know why, maybe you do too? Because of Gwaine, he's not hardly himself anymore. Maybe Gwaine explained how he died to you because Percy explained it to me when I cornered him with a little magic for help. Arthur, he broke down. I cried with him for losing a friend, a brother...To tell you the truth, nothing is the same without Gwaine with his stories, Elyan and his little comments, Lancelot with his laughter, and You. Gwen hasn't been really herself since the news of you died came to her. And Leon has been training harder than before and training later in the evenings and I be there with hot tea that I brew for him to relax, and as for Gaius, he lost a son but he's he's doing okay than before like the others.
I'm not complaining or anything, and I do like to help everyone, but I've been picked up a roles as someone to carry their burdens, sorrow, and anger, and then give them advice to them and It makes them feel better afterwards. Even Gwen, Leon, Gaius, and Percy come to me for anything or me just being there….But what about me? No. I can't be selfish. I can't. The others come first, then Camelot, then the magic, and lastly me. Arthur, everyone misses you, including me prat.
Your Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
He died, Arthur. Percy died. And It was my fault that I couldn't save him. There was a raid when taking the goods to a nearby village. The bandits jumped out of nowhere like usual but they had almost the same amount of people like us but add fore more of them. Percy and the others struck them down with a little help from my magic but as Percy slay the last, he turned around, a victory in his eyes till I saw the arrow coming towards his throat. I screamed and the last man fell to his death. I thought we killed them all but I was wrong. I scrambled to his side and the tears just fell. Arthur, I'll never forget what he said. I tried to save him, I truly did but it just wasn't enough.
I went back to Camelot with his body as I told the other knights to go ahead of me to the village. Gwen was there and she stood with a strong look. Leon ordered to get everything ready as Gaius and I cleaned him up. I took him where Avalon is with everyone and we sent him off.
After a week, everyone came to me for counseling again but I kept my burden deep within me. I can't burden no one. Arthur, please make sure he's happy again.
Your Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
It's been a year since I last wrote to you, huh? You're probably mad and demanding everything for me to write to you again. Well, anyway, winters here and my mother finally came to live here in Camelot. She is still sadden for me and everyone else though, she has brighten everything a little more now. She's even mothering Leon and Gwen and that was a funny sight you should've seen or maybe you already have.
Gwen took it upon herself to make her a court lady so the nobles can't say anything ugly (in a nicer way of putting it) behind her back. I even made one noble's hair gone and voice a lot more girly, too because of what he said about my mother. You know, Gwaine would've laugh at that, I know everyone did in the living…
Hey, I forgot to ask, how have you been? Did Percy and Gwaine confess to each other yet? I can bet if they did, Gwaine would have been flustered, blushing madly, and didn't know what to say for once and Percy would have that determine look while Lancelot, Elyan, and you, Arthur, would sit there, laughing and watching the scene play out and commenting how Gwaine looks like a flustered maiden and can't wait to tell the others about this. That's what I think you guys would do and relaxing and everything. You're lucky you have a time off, you dollophead.
I wanted to let you know everyone still misses you still like everyone else that's with you but you'll always come first. Gwen's doing okay, so is Gaius. Leon is a tiny bit relaxing more because of mother but he's getting better and so is mother and the whole kingdom. I still miss you and the guys more though. Nobody don't seem to notice this but, I'm breaking a little. But that's all I can say for now, I can't say the rest….not yet a least. Plus, I'm still helping the others are coming first still before me. I...I miss you greatly, Arthur. I wis-No, never mind. Don't be a too much of a prat up there, clotpole.
Your Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
It's been one month of winter after fall was over and already, there's a war coming. We're against the saxon's. I thought...I thought we destroyed them with Morgana's army! I was sure of it, but I guess we didn't...I told Gwen that she needs to stay because she's Queen of Camelot and wow, she almost threw a tantrum like Morgana, she's stubborn. But Leon also remind her of her role. I told her that Leon and I would go with the other knights but I gave Leon, Gaius, Gwen, and mother a protection charm for the upcoming war. Gwen didn't like it and you and the others wouldn't either but hey, I want to protect them as much as you guys if you and the guys were still here.
We wish that all of you were here, but that's how destiney works. That's how she works, unknown when fate will hate, doesn't care who dies...or lives.
Leon's here now so I got to go and prepare everything and put up a force field around the kingdom and villages. I miss every one of you and you, Arthur. Talk to you soon, bye.
Your Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
I woke up from a coma after the war. I guess getting stabbed in the stomach and magic combine don't work together, hahaha...hah...It's just Gwen, mother and I now.
I remembered all of it now. After I used my last resort, I pushed my magic into the ground and the saxon's were now losing but I felt a sharp ting in my heart and I knew that the protection charm was broken on Leon. I had to save him as I let out my magic, I was stabbed. Well from there it was blurry. I felt someone carrying me and saw a bunch of wounds on the person. Bruises, scratches, cuts, and deeply wounds. I let my magic heal the shallows so the person won't die and was knocked out then and there.
When I woke up, Gwen and mother hugged me to death, and I felt tears drip on me. I asked what was wrong and mother explained it to me. Leon carried me back, deeply wounded and couldn't be saved but he held on to make sure I was alright. After Gaius said I'll live...Leon told Gaius to give me a message when I wake, he said, "I'm sorry I won't be here anymore. I'm sorry you're suffering alone inside of yourself. I want you to know, Thank you, and I'll tell them what you've been doing and that I love you, always." That...that's what he said and he died after that. Then Gaius told mother just in case he won't be there If I woken when he's checking on everyone else.
After Mother told me that, I had another bad news. While Gaius was taking care of me by himself a little help from mother and once in awhile, Gwen will help, Gaius caught a cold but didn't tell anyone. It went from a sniffle to his death. Mother said she found him gone by my side holding my hand. It was two days before I've woken. I also felt the pain of ting in my heart to even let me know Gaius was gone when I started to woke.
Arthur, I don't wanna lose anyone anymore. It's cold, dark and lonely. All I have left is Gwen and mom. The rest of the roundtable are there with you including Father, Gaius, and Freya and sometimes I wonder if Morgana is with you too, the good Morgana. And your gone too, Arthur. I'm falling into something or someone…. I don't want to change. Nothing I do will never change, that's how life works. I miss you all.
You Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
I saw a Unicorn in the forest today near the druids. It was weird though because somehow, everything was quiet around us, it was like if we were the only ones in the whole world. It walked up to me and yes, Arthur and Gwaine, I'm a virgin and no, Freya was the only girl I ever loved, I do prefer men but anyway, it let me touch the main of it's hair.
The unicorn and I,it felt like we had a connection of some sort and it was magical. I froze when the unicorn's head bent down and the horn touched my forehead, a light surge into me, locking away the anger, the sorrow, the burdens I carried lock away inside me only, it will reopen if the unicorn dies. I felt such calmness, and relief I haven't felt for years since Kilgharrah called me and the only time I ever felt these things is when I can sit there, watch you guys train, and Morgana and Gwen would sit there with me watching or gossip the latest gossips in the castle.
But now, everything, even the most beautiful things have to come to an end, you know that? Anyway, I thanked the unicorn and walked away, back towards the castle.
I felt the lock inside me, and it warms my being, but the only thing that the unicorn didn't lock was the fear of losing someone else. I guess that's my punishment for failing you and everyone else.
Oh I almost forgot, how is everyone? And how are you, Arthur? Is Leon okay now? Gwen's breaking down less now the my mother is here to help her and mother is feeling she lost another son but she's getting better though and so is the other knights. There is a knight who was trained under Leon who can best him a little and he's in command but I forgot the name. I have taken the role of Physician of the kingdom that use to belong to Gaius but not anymore. I'm doing okay, bit by bit I'm getting better, but I really do hate these annoying nobles, they were worse than you, prat and I thought nobody can best you for annoying clotpole. I hope you all are doing better than here in the living. Please be well, my king.
Your Beloved Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
Well,there's nothing new but it's been two years since unicorn incident. It's winter again and Gwen is getting older and so is mother. Mother is sick and I don't think she'll make it another night. Plus it'll be christmas the next morning and Gwen is here with me, helping me when she can. I tried to show her the door but she wouldn't take no for an answer. Thank Morgana for me if she's there with you.
Anyway, Mother and Gwen notice how I haven't aged. I looked up everything to explain why I haven't aged. I even called Kilgharrah but he gave me riddles. So my last resort was the Druids. They flat out told me without riddles that Emrys means 'Immortal'. I was stunned and shaking hard. I couldn't believe it, I'll surpass everyone in this world. Then I felt huge pain brake inside me and knew that the lock inside me shattered and the unicorn was killed.
Arthur, the pain was so unbearable. I cried with loss, and I felt self-hatred for myself I knew then and there, there was nothing I can do but watch loved ones die for years and years to come.
As for mother, she knew right of the corn flower, what has happened but didn't say anything. I guess mothers always knew before the son or daughter knew. I haven't told Gwen yet but I won't bother telling her of yet. I made a potion for me to age with magic, so people won't notice.
Mother shook her head as I told her but smiled lovingly at me. As for the sickness, it was the same flu that Gaius had, a regular cold but I think it was too late. I hate it, Arthur. If mother is gone, all I'll have left is Gwen and when she's gone...I don't..I don't think I'll take it very well.
If my mother dies tonight, can you make sure she makes it back to Balinor? That's all I ask, this one selfish request. Please Arthur?
Your Beloved Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
It's been a whole another two years since Mother died. We had a foreign trade that came across the sea. They had these fruits that I never seen before. I should've stop Gwen having that feast with the new fruit. I should've stop her taking a bite, and I should've gave her more than two reasons to let me study the fruit. And now she's poison by the weird fruit I never heard of and I studied, asked the traders, about it. I even tried to use my magic on it to find the clue to make an antidote. Kilgharrah doesn't know about it.
I'm a failor. I'm the Court Warlock and Physician of Camelot but I failed to protect the queen. While she's sleeping, I'm here writing a letter to you. She'll be gone next and I won't have anyone else. I'll be alone for all eternity. Wait, Gwen's waking, I'll be right back.
She's gone now…
I'm alone now. She wanted me to show my true colors, not the ageing spell so I showed her. She smiled, Arthur. A true smile. She touched my cheek, smiling sadly. She said, ''Merlin, I'm sorry for leaving you alone. You've been a true friend since the day I met you. Since I have no heir, I name you, Merlin Emrys, the heir of Camelot. I already had it down on the scroll. Merlin, again I am sorry for leaving alone. Even if you can not see me or the others, we'll always be with you. Goodbye, my-"
And that was all she could say, she's gone and no one else that I love dearly lives. I'll try to run this kingdom fair and square and passed down legends.
Arthur, I don't think I'll make it though. I'm crying for her and mother, Gaius, Leon, Percy, Gwaine, You, Morgana, Elyan, Freya, Balinor, and Will. Did I do something...wrong? Arthur, I wish you were here. I need you. I miss you. God, I love you more than anything else. I love all the knights of the round table.
I'm scared, lonely, cold, and full and self-hatred for failing you and the others. Not saving none of you guys. And you're right, Arthur, I'm useless. With all that powerful magic, I couldn't save the lives of loved ones.
Arthur, I have a question. Why am I here?
Your Beloved Friend,
Merlin
Dear Arthur,
It's been at least fifteen years since the last time I wrote to you. This won't be the last letter to you but for now it will be.
As for the kingdom, it's gone. The nobles decided that it's time for a new era where they can look after themselves, and so did the villages. I tried to stop them, keeping the legend and life in general alive. They said that I didn't need them or that they didn't need me anymore.
The knights all left for a journey and tell stories but one didn't leave, he was the captain that Leon trained. He stayed while others left just like the others. There is no one here but him and I. My kin, Kilgharrah and Aithusa both died and It hurt me more than ever. I mourn for them, I mourn for every single one of you. I sent every single love one, to avalon in the lake but Balinor and Will.
Arthur, for now after the knight is gone, I'll mourn all over again and I'll sleep for at least twenty years with wake. But when I do wake, the dream will end and I won't have anyone. I will just keep walking. That's what being Immortal is, right? Never going back, but just keep on going to never die.
I don't like it, I just hope maybe one day we might meet again? Like the dragon said? I doubt it. Fate is cruel and so is magic herself.
Arthur, I love you and goodbye.
Your Beloved,
Merlin