I have no possible, legitimate justification for why this oneshot exists. I'll tell you that now, because this thing is off the wall. I do, however, blame it on Hector and Eliwood's arguement over the spar record. Eliwood mentioned numbers class, I began to wonder what the rest of school had been like for them, then I thought about MY middle and high school experiences, and then I came up with this. That still isn't justification though, maybe you can think of a good reason. Anyway, I made Marcus the teach because he's the only guy to be the game's starting tank character twice! Count em'! That's right FE 6 & 7, so he's officially the oldest tank that never gets good in my book. Other than that, imagine all three FE worlds we have thus far, make all the characters roughly the same age, and stick them in the same class room that Eliwood mentioned in FE 7. You have to origins of this oneshot. Now, please enjoy.
"Psst! Hector! Wake up!"
Hector's snoring came to an abrupt halt as his eyes fluttered open and he yawned, stretching in his seat. He blinked slowly and looked at Eliwood.
"Wha' izit?" he asked sleepily.
"Numbers class is over, you can wake up now," Eliwood answered.
Hector immediately sat up, fully awake now that the most boring class of the day was over, a broad smile on his features.
"Oh great," he said, "Is it lunch time?"
"Nope," Eliwood said, happy to help his friend out, "it's time for health class."
Eliwood yelped as Hector smacked him in the back of the head and began to gag, "You woke me up for that?!"
"Well yeah," Eliwood answered, rubbing his smarting skull, "you told me to wake you up when numbers class was over."
"But not for this! Great, now I'm awake, there's no going back…" Hector grumbled, placing an elbow on his desk and resting his cheek against an open palm. He half closed his eyes and watched as Marcus put the abaci away. He was in full boredom mode.
"Sorry Hector, I didn't realize you didn't like this class," Eliwood said, his tone sincerely apologetic.
"Who in Elibe likes this class? Ah never mind, don't worry about it, now that I'm awake I'll have to sit through it like everyone else," Hector said dismissively. He just hoped this would be quick and painless.
Hector nudged Ike, who was sitting on his left, "Hey Ike, what are we talking about today?"
The other blue haired boy shrugged, "I dunno. I never pay attention to this class. Hey, you owe me a spar today."
Hector laughed, "Yeah I do, and so does Mia, but let's do it during lunch."
Ike nodded and turned back to the front, there were too many rules in weapons class to make spars any fun...like, 'no bleeding'. He leaned forward and poked Rhys in the back,
"Hey, we'll need you during lunch. Tell Mia to come with us if she wants to get her spar in with me."
Rhys glanced over his shoulder and nodded slightly before looking back ahead, he didn't want to get caught talking during class. Ike gave Hector the thumbs up and looked back at Marcus as he turned around to face the class.
"Ahem," he said, clearing his throat, "Now that numbers class is over, I want to remind you that we'll be having a test next Monday. It'll be over times tables two through ten, make sure you don't forget. And now without further ado, it's time for health class."
A collective groan arose from the class, this was the time of day everyone dreaded, and it didn't help that it was before lunch. Marcus simply grinned and slowly paced back and forth as he looked out over the class. There was Hector, giving him the 'we hate this and you know it' glare, and there was Rhys, furiously taking notes, head bent low over the desk. He laughed inwardly as he saw Florina, cowering in the back. The poor girl, she'd arrived late today and ended up with Raven and Sain on either side of her, and Gerik in front. He stopped pacing in front of his podium and turned,
"As I was saying, it's time for today's health class. The subject for today is-"
"Marcus! Matthew put gum in my hair!" Titania wailed, interrupting the beginning of his speech.
Marcus' head snapped to the left as Titania whirled around in her seat and tried to strangle Matthew, who simply laughed,
"Hey, I can't help it, your hair's everywhere! My gum just fell out of my mouth!"
"Liar!" Titania shouted, finally grabbing the boy and hauling him closer with one arm, desk and all, as she ripped the gum out of her hair with the other and stuck it in his mouth.
"Ew, gross!" Matthew spat, the gum landing on the floor this time.
"That's funny, I thought so too," Titania countered, "And next time you mess with my-"
"Alright Titania, that's enough," Marcus said, interrupting her tirade before she could get a full head of steam, "And Matthew! Any more of that and Titania will be the least of your worries.
"Yes sir!" Matthew said jauntily, snapping a mock salute. He grinned as Titania turned back around in her seat and looked over at Leila. The girl rolled her eyes and hid a smile, Matthew was such an idiot.
"Anyway," Marcus said, starting his speech over again, "As I was saying, the subject for today is one all of you are probably familiar with, or have at least heard about at some point. It deals with your bodies."
Marcus smiled as several students squirmed in their seats; he loved this part of teaching, building up 'educational suspense' as he liked to call it.
"Now some of you may have already noticed, but as you get older, you will begin to change. You're muscles will probably get bigger, and you'll most likely get the urge to start talking to certain people that you've never talked to before. You also may start to…"
Hector's head hit the desk as Marcus continued on with his monologue, the old man was dragging this out on purpose, he knew it. He looked up and found Ephraim looking at him from across the room. Hector sat up and opened his mouth wide, pointing one finger down his throat as he stuck his tongue out and rolled his eyes back. Ephraim smirked and nodded before Lyon smacked him lightly on the arm,
prompting him to turn back around and at least pretend to pay attention. He looked over at Eirika and laughed, his sister was turned completely around mouthing something at Seth. He poked her and she too turned around, her face slightly red.
After another fifteen minutes of droning, Marcus finally ended his lecture on the topic. As he came to a halt at his podium once more, his eye caught Eirika, who was again turned around in her seat.
"Eirika, I am up here, not in Seth's desk. Would it help if I made Seth follow me around for the duration of the lesson?"
Eirika let out an 'eep' and turned back around; this time her face was more than slightly red. Marcus shook his head and smiled, it was amusing how safe kids felt when they were surrounded by their peers, even if they stuck out like a male Pegasus knight.
"So, are there any questions? Any questions about class changes?" he asked.
A ripple of laughter traveled through the students as he put emphasis on the last two words. After a moment of silence, Ewan raised a tentative hand.
"Yes, Ewan?" Marcus said, gesturing to the magic user.
"Is it true," Ewan began, "that some people class change twice?"
Another twitter of laughter raced around the room, once was bad enough, but twice sounded like nonsense. Marcus waited for silence before answering,
"I've never seen it, but yes, some people do go through two class changes."
Silence reigned supreme. It was true? A few kids nervously shifted in their seats before Eric raised his hand, a smirk on his face.
"I heard that some people never change classes," he said without waiting to be called on, his smirk now directed towards Eliwood.
This time it was Marcus who laughed, "Now that I have never seen or heard of. There would have to be something seriously wrong with you to not change classes. However, some people do need a little push to get it started. Master seals are the most well known for this task."
Eric sulked at the fact that his inquiry had been shot down as the rest of the class gasped quietly at the mentioning of this thoroughly adult item. After a moment of nondescript chatter, Vanessa raised her hand.
"Yes, Vanessa?" Marcus called out, pleased that they were taking so well to the subject.
"I heard that some Pegasus knights, after going through a class change, start gravitating towards wyverns," she said in all seriousness.
Florina 'eeped' and pushed her desk back against the wall, the very thought of riding a wyvern set her on edge.
Marcus looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully and stroked his goatee, "Once again, that is something I've never seen, but I do recall hearing about it. However, I think it's more a matter of taste than an involuntary change."
Vanessa nodded, Florina let out a sigh of relief, and Veda snorted scornfully, the very idea of a Pegasus knight riding a wyvern was absurd.
"Any more questions," Marcus asked hopefully. This was going well so far.
"Yes," Skrimir said, surprising everyone. He rarely spoke.
"Why have I never heard of these 'class changes'" he asked.
"Well, laguz are a bit different. They don't actually go through a class change, but that's because they are much stronger than beorc. Remember our linguistics lesson earlier today Skrimir, laguz means 'seed of power'," Marcus answered.
Skrimir smiled. Seed of power, he liked the sound of that. Another hand shot up.
"Yes, Eirika?"
"What did you mean exactly, when you mentioned talking to new people," she asked, casting a glance at Seth over her shoulder.
Marcus smiled, "Well, like I said, after you class change you'll start noticing people you previously haven't. You'll want talk to them, get to know them, give them your support. Now, you don't have to change classes to start feeling these urges to talk to people, but if you haven't felt them by the time you do change, you certainly will after."
"What do people talk about?"Jill asked.
"All sorts of things! Some of you may have ridiculous, rather funny conversations," he said, pausing for a moment to stare at Gilliam and Garcia, who were arm wrestling on Garcia's desk, "and some of you may discuss more serious matters."
At this he glanced over at Ike and Soren, who were busy swapping lunches. The definition of swapping was a bit askew, seeing as Soren was swapping his nothing for Ike's something, but it still applied.
"Anyway," he continued, "the basic thing to remember is that you'll be strengthening bonds of friendship. Anything else?"
Innes quickly raised his hand," Yes. Is it true some classes are better than others?"
He cast a glare over his shoulder in Ephraim's general direction.
"No," Marcus said in a heartbeat, "no class is better than another. I cannot say that enough. While one person may be more skilled than another of the same class, it is impossible to say that one class is better or more useful than another."
Innes' default frown deepened, he was going to have to prove that wrong.
"Do people ever class change early?" Mist asked curiously.
"Hmmm...that's a good question Mist. I've never heard of that, but I suppose it may be possible. There's a first time for everything," Marcus replied.
At this Hector nudged Ike and jerked his head towards the far corner of the room, "Hey, I heard Jaffar class changed when he was only five years old."
Ike turned slightly and examined the kid in the corner. He was staring straight ahead as Nino incessantly bombarded him with questions. Ike could see that the guy wore twin daggers on either side of his belt, but he'd always assumed it was for show.
"Five? You think so?" he asked after a moment.
"I dunno, but he's one freaky guy," Hector answered, "I always see him skulking around in the woods when I walk home with Eliwood."
Ike shrugged, "Doesn't really matter to me."
He turned back to the front, he could deal with misfits, his best friend was Soren after all. He raised his hand just as Marcus finished answering a question from Lyon about the legendary 'S' rank in weapons that was supposedly attained once you class changed. Apparently it really existed, but Ike had missed the paladin's explanation.
"Yes Ike?" Marcus asked, surprised. Ike usually kept to himself.
"Is it possible," he began, "For someone else to make you class change?"
Marcus laughed," Well, I think it'd take the work of a deity, but like I said before, there's a first time for everything. Maybe someone's got special plans for you, eh Ike?"
"Just wondering," Ike asked, his attention now focused on Micaiah, who was looking at Sothe reproachfully as he played cards with Volke and Colm in the other back corner of the room, completely oblivious to the lesson.
After a few moments of silence, Marcus clasped his hands together on front of him, "Alright then, anymore questions? Going once, going twice-"
"Yeah! I've got one," Gatrie blurted out, "Is it true that when you class change you get to use more weapons?"
"Yes, actually, once you class change you're permitted to take up a new weapon, sometimes two," Marcus answered, a bit of pride in his voice.
"Cool! I'm gonna use bows," Gatrie shouted, pretending to pull back an arrow and fire it at Shinon.
"You idiot," the other boy said, "You can't use bows."
Gatrie's features fell, "I can't?"
"No," Marcus agreed, "You just wouldn't be suited for them, although I think you'd make a fine candidate for the triple weapons class."
Gatrie perked up at this, "Really? Cool!"
"Besides," Marcus said, slowly looking around the room, "I think…Lyn would make a good archer."
Lyn looked up from her conversation with Rath and Kent, "I would?"
"Yes," Marcus nodded," and something tells me you've been practicing with a bow."
Lyn laughed, "Well, Rath was showing me how to fire one last weekend. Then I showed him some swordplay, he said it looked too hard to do on a horse though."
Marcus snorted, "Oh Elimine, you'd be surprised by what some people can do on a horse. Like Rath's father, I remember him from my days as a school boy."
"Don't remind me," Rath said pointedly, bringing an end to the paladin's short bout of reminiscing.
"Alright alright, I'm getting off track anyway. The point is, Gatrie, that yes you can use more weapons. Some choose not to though, and focus on a single skill. Now, are there anymore questions?"
"Yeah, when's lunch?!" Boyd called out after a minute of silence, eliciting a laugh from the rest of the class.
Marcus sighed and gave Oscar a look, who shrugged apologetically. Boyd was out of his control.
"I'm taking that as a resounding no. In that case, class is dismissed for lunch. BUT," he said, raising his voice over the clamor of dozens of kids scooting their chairs back, "we will be having a short class changes quiz in two days, so study up on it. You're dismissed, be back in an hour, and remember, tomorrow we discuss vulnerary and elixir abuse!"
The class let out a groan at the prospect of hearing what they'd been told for the past three years ever since they'd learned about the special medications, but it was halfhearted, it was lunchtime after all.
"Agh, come on Ike, let's go beat each other senseless until we can't remember the last hour of our lives," Hector said, taking a hold of the other blue haired boy and hauling him out the door, Eliwood, Soren, Rhys and Mia following close behind.
Ike laughed, snagging his wooden sparring sword on the way out, "Heh, sounds good to me Hector, sounds good."
I think I'll go beat my memory into oblivion as well. To those who were disappointed with me for not including more characters, I apologize, but I think I threw in a good mix. By the way, Eric's question came from me finding it asbolutely hysterical that he's STILL a cavalier in FE 6, which takes place at least fifteen years after FE 7. Anyway, as you probably noticed, there were a lot of other puns, gags, etc. dealing with game mechanics, supports and the like. I actually really enjoyed writing this, no matter how bad I rip on it for being a crazy idea, so please give me what you've got. I want to hear it all, if you liked it or not so much, any review would make my day. Thanks, and to those who read ToaHaHD (what an acronym!) the next chapter should be up relatively soon. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I hope you found it as entertaining and amusing as I did. Good night all, and don't forget to vote for the Emblem Awards!
Twilight Rurouni