It didn't use to be this hard.
Albus couldn't take his eyes of Gellert and all he could think of was that he truly didn't know when exactly the feelings in his fluttering stomach, his prickling fingers, his erratic heart had become such a constant, that ignoring them was such a sheer impossibility.
It had been nearly 34 years ago, when Gellert had swept into his life (quite literally, since he had blown into their little cottage without so much as a knock in search for his aunt) and made it his permanent place of residency. Albus had known from a very early point in their friendship that Gellert Grindelwald would have a bigger impact on his live than maybe anyone else, for better or for worse. Now, after all this time, he was fairly certain that he could count himself lucky to have found the one person among wizardkind who could truly match his intellect, someone so passionate that his mere presence could relight the fire in Albus heart and transfix him, draw him in, like a moth to the flame.
"You're staring." Gellert didn't even need to turn around properly to make the observation. He only threw a glance at Albus out of the corner of his steel-blue eyes a slight smirk tucking at the corner of his mouth.
"I was lost in thought", Albus replied, as was his habit. He hated it when Gellert caught him staring, which seemed to happen more and more frequently as time went by. It made Albus feel like he was at a disadvantage. After all, he had always known that out of the two of them, he was the one who was more emotionally invested in their relationship and he had always carefully concealed just what the nature of his feelings for the other wizard were. He wasn't so foolish as to think that his feelings would ever be returned in such a manner.
Finally, Gellert seemed to be finished tying his cravat and he turned on his heels, spreading his arms wide and looking at Albus with a questioning gaze.
"You look … hmph … good. Very elegant."
Albus had the strong desire to take out his wand and throw an Aguamenti at himself, just to get his brain back into working order. For indeed, Gellert looked stunning. He was wearing tailored pants, a tailcoat and a dark blue, embroidered cravat around his neck with a matching handkerchief in his breast pocket. It was the first time Albus had seen him in anything but a traditional wizard robe, since Gellert had in fact, never worn any muggle clothing. That was why Albus had been ready almost ten minutes before him, while the other man was struggling with his neck cloth.
"Elegant, you say?" Gellert spun around again and inspected himself in the large mirror on the wall of his hotel room. "You are right; I do think I had some misconceptions about muggle clothing. Maybe their evening-wear has its merits. And after all, we have made greater sacrifices for our cause, have we not?" Gellert shot a cheeky smile at Albus, who huffed out an annoyed sigh. Gellert was of course, talking about the fact that, a few years ago, Albus had put a stop to their constant traveling by joining the British Wizengamot permanently. He had quickly rose through the ranks and was now in a position to introduce legislation, instead of only being able to vote on their passage, something that has served him and his German ally well.
There was, of course, something else Albus had sacrificed for their cause, but he knew that Gellert was not talking about that particular matter and quickly forced his own thoughts to return to the present.
A present in which a very handsome Gellert was currently admiring his tailcoat clad self in a mirror in a hotel room in Berlin. The Wizengamot was currently not in session and Albus had seized the opportunity to resume his traveling with Gellert, meeting wizard and muggle leaders and population alike and giving speeches in favor of their cause to free wizard kind from the shackles of their self-imposed secrecy.
"I cannot believe you talked me into this", the blond man asked irritably, but with no real malice in his voice. "Buying these to meet Reichspräsident Hindenburg tomorrow was one thing, but going to a muggle vaudeville has to be one those thoughts of yours that struck you in a bout of insanity."
"You love my more insane ideas, do not deny it."
"Indeed, I do", Gellert picked up his tophat from the mantelpiece and put it on in a flourish. Then he swung both of their coats over his arm, before striding over to Albus.
"What are you waiting for?"
"You, you insolent prat", Albus attempted to put heat behind the statement, but the little twitch of the corners of his mouth gave him away.
"Shall we?" He held out his hand, trying not to put too much thought behind the action.
"Lead the way", Gellert replied with a smirk.
He put his hand in Albus' and with a single step to the right, they took off.
They arrived in a deserted alleyway. Snow was blowing in all directions as the two wizards displaced the air upon their sudden arrival. The narrow alley they were standing in was completely deserted and scarcely more than a gap between two large buildings. Gellert reached between them and shook out the two coats he had brought along, throwing the larger of the two over Albus' shoulders before slipping into his own quickly. It was a cold night and Gellert had already started to shiver.
"That year in Italy hasn't done your tolerance of lower temperatures much good", Albus remarked, while leading their way out of the alley and onto the open street, where plenty of passersbys were hurrying through the snow to get to whatever form of entertainment they had chosen for that particular December evening.
The two wizards blended in well and quickly they arrived at their destination. The house looked innocent enough from the outside. The entrance was elegant in its modern simplicity and there was no red carpet leading up to it. The door swung open, but no one walked out, so Albus and Gellert quickly walked up to it, before it could swing closed again. As they walked in, they realized that such a worry was unnecessary. A tall man in opulent evening wear had apparently noticed their arrival through the glass windows in the door and was holding the door open for them.
"Willkommen hier im Varieté Obscure! Ich bin der Direktor. Darf ich Ihnen ihre Mäntel und Hüte abnehmen? (Welcome to this Varieté Obscure! I am the directore. May I take your coats and hats?)", his smile was easy and unforced, but practiced and Gellert visibly took to him immediately and even though his smile remained a touch condescending in front of the muggle, he handed over his coat and hat willingly.
The director hung their belongings on an already full coatrack and gestured for them to turn into the next corridor, where there were several open windows to little booths, where the entrance fees for the evening where collected by young women in opulent stage make-up but modest clothing. Albus supposed that they were dancers who would perform later in the evening.
Gellert took the lead walking up to the little booth, but then faltered upon realizing that he did not have any muggle money.
Albus couldn't help the grin that crept on his face. Gellert was a genius and a brilliant rhetorician, but he tended to be so caught up in the bigger picture (even more so than Albus) that everyday obstacles often slipped his notice until it was too late.
Luckily, Albus had prepared for their night of muggle entertainment. He took out several Reichsmark and handed over the exact ticket price to the girl, who simply handed them a little slip of paper, with a short "Genießen Sie den Abend (Enjoy you evening)".
"You know how to handle German muggle money? I never bothered to learn how to and I am German!" Gellert joked indignantly.
"I have told you time and time again over the years, Gellert, if we want to lead them, we should try our best to understand them and their customs", Albus answered.
Their steps laid them down a short corridor, which walls were clad in red velvet and to a heavy equally red velvet curtain. They each drew back one site of the curtain and stepped through into a waft of heavy sweet-smelling fog that obscured the scene in front of them.
They were among the last guests to arrive, so the hall before them was already filled with the voices of excited, beautifully clad men and women, who were either sitting at the round tables, sipping champagne and talking animatedly, or buzzing around them to find free places. The lightening in the audience was dimmed by the fog and tinted in red, but a few floodlights were already pointed at the still empty stage.
"Let's find ourselves seats on the sites", Albus spoke in Gellert's ear and indeed it didn't take them long to find two free seats next to each other within viewing distance of the stage. As soon as they had sat down, a little man walked up to them. His head barely reached Albus' torso while sitting down, but he carried a large platter with champagne glasses. He placed two of them in front on the table before buzzing away again.
Albus toasted Gellert, before taking a few sips. He looked around their table. The man sitting directly across from him was large, in his early fifties and contributing enthusiastically to the heavy fog hanging above their heads, if the relish he was smoking his pipe with was anything to go by.
Soon Albus's eyes were drawn to Gellert again, who was thankfully not gazing back at him, instead curiously taking in the atmosphere around them. The audience itself was indeed already a sight to behold. There were people from all walks of life in the room. Beautiful ladies accompanied by women and men alike, men in elegant tailcoats and in more informal shirts, former aristocracy and newly rich bankers, poets and politicians, they could all be found here. Yet, Albus only spared them a passing glance. All the young radiant beauty in the room could not outshine the man sitting next to him.
"You're doing it again", once again Gellert didn't even need to turn around and once again, ALbus found himself at a loss for words to explain himself.
"Don't fret so much, Albus", Gellert murmured distractedly because in this very moment, a young woman had appeared in their line of sight. She was clad in a simple, yet flattering red dress that played around her curves and her brown eyes were framed by thick lashes. She was beautiful by any standard and Gellert who had never had any qualms to appreciate beauty were he found it, took her sight in hungrily.
She, too, was carrying a silver platter, yet no champagne glasses were in sight. What was on it could only be seen, once she had bent down a little and lowered it to their eyelevel. Albus' eyes fell on the white powder andhe new enough about muggle culture that he didn't need to think hard to recognize it as cocaine.
Gellert, on the other hand looked at the platter with masked confusion in his eyes.
"Kann ich den Herren etwas anbieten? Dies ist wie alles andere im Preis inklusiv. (Can I offer you anything? It is inclusive like anything else tonight.)" Her voice was surprisingly husky for a woman who couldn't be older than twenty-five and she was eyeing Gellert with unmasked interest. Albus felt a stab in his heart and his pulse spiked. Yet, this only seemed to enthrall Gellert more, who looked up to her through his blond curls.
"Hm, warum nicht (Hm, why not)", Gellert already reached up to take the cocaine from her, but Albus swatted his hand away, smiling apologetically at her.
"Nicht heute aber danke. (Not today, but thank you.)"
"What was that?" Gellert shot at him, for the first time truly aggravated.
"That was cocaine, a muggle drug and one that I am not too sure you would take to." Albus shot a pointed look at him.
"You would have made a good teacher", Gellert grumbled, but there wasn't any real malice left in his voice.
"So people have told me multiple times. Look the show is starting!" Albus had spotted the director glancing around the curtain five seconds before he strode out onto the stage. Raising his arms wide in welcome and coming to a stop with a flourish of his tailcoat and a twirl of his black cane.
"Meine Damen und Herren! Willkommen im Varieté Obscure! Was für eine Vorstellung wir heute für Sie vorbereitet haben! Genißen Sie den Anblick der exotischsten Tänzer, der delikatesten Schönheiten und der atemberaubendsten Skurrilitäten, die unser schönes Berlin zu bieten hat! (Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to Varieté Obscure! What a show we have for you tonight! Enjoy this evening full of the most exotic dancers, most delicate beauty and most breathtaking absurdities that our beautiful Berlin has to offer!) "
The small music ensemble in front of the stage started to play a fast tune, the director left with a deep bow, to be immediately replaced by a tall, slender woman in a long black evening gown. She started to sing, but even her husky, sensual voice could not distract from the fact that on her chin was growing one of the fullest beards Albus had ever seen, including his own very respectable facial hair.
After she had finished her song, a group of women in tight leotards and short skirts danced onto the stage. They started dancing around each other and forming pyramids. The show was enthralling, the movements of the women sensual and delicate and Albus felt the sweet mist and the champagne dull his senses until he didn't see each of them anymore. They were a single entity and Albus watched as the huge creature on the stage changed shape and form, coiling in around itself to rise again a few seconds later. He was so hypnotized that he was actually surprised when after just after a few minutes the women left the stage.
The music slowed then and now sounded like some of the tunes Albus had heard on his travels through the orient. At first, he thought the stage remained empty for several seconds, until he spotted a man, walking on the stage. His torso was perfectly parallel to the ground and it was only a few inches above it, since the man had his head between his ankles. He seemed to be tall, even though it was hard to judge in the bend over position he was in and he had piercing keen yellow eyes that steered at the crowed through heavy lids.
"Godo, die Schlange! (Godo, the snake!)" The director announced the new artist from the side of the stage.
"The snake" started crawling up a pole, slithering around it and through the smallest cracks of the various gadgets the group before him had left behind.
"Magnificent", Gellert once again captured Albus' attention. "I have to concede to you, Albus, muggles do know how to put on a great show without magic. "
Albus gave an uncharacteristic snort and shook his head.
"You have never seen something like this before, don't pretend you ever had any ground to argue on."
"True, true", Gellert said, his voice fading when once again, the waitress in the red dress came to their table. She replaced their empty champagne glasses with full ones, while she was standing deliberately close to Gellert. When she was straightening her back again, Albus saw her slip a little matchbox into Gellert's breast pocket.
Albus pursed his lips and kept his eyes on Gellert, who seemed oblivious, even when she left again. But after a minute, he didn't seem to be able anymore to keep his facial expression in check. A huge grin broke out on his face and he took the matchbox out and slid it open to reveal a little slip of paper to himself and Albus that read "Triff mich später hinter der roten Tapetentür. (Meet me later behind the red backdoor.)"
"So I do not need my magical prowess to enchant women after all!" He sounded triumphant.
"No indeed, it seems you do not", Albus didn't mean for his answer to come out that clipped, but he couldn't keep the irritation out of his voice. Gellert raised an eyebrow at him, his grin only getting wider.
"Of all the people you need to envy Albus, she is not one of them. She's only a muggle girl. Nothing could ever come of that."
Albus felt his stomach give an unpleasant lurch and he turned away sharply, so that Gellert could not see his expression. He had become incautious, his mind slowed by the strange fumes. His eyes fell on the large man directly in front of him and it took him a few seconds to realize that the man's hand reached under his own waistband and that his expression was one of self-indulgent ecstasy while he was watching Godo slithering around the stage.
Gellert had followed Albus' gaze and was now looking at the man in disgust.
"Let's get out of here for a moment", Gellert said, while already rising from his chair. Albus quickly followed even though he still couldn't keep the irritation off his face and they made their way to the other side of the room. After only a quick search, they found a red backdoor that led them out into another narrow alleyway. Albus realized that that must have been the red door the girl had meant in her little note and his breath hitched.
Gellert shut the door behind them resolutely and then sharply turned around to look at Albus.
"What is the matter with you tonight, Albus? This was your idea, yet anytime I show any enjoyment, you react as if I told you you could never have sweets again in your life!" Gellert sounded truly aggravated, but there was a calculating glint in his eye, one that Albus had seen many times and that now gave him pause.
"You cannot guess?" Albus asked flatly.
Gellert took out the little matchbox and opened it again, looking at the little note inside of it.
"We are behind the backdoor", he stated.
"Yes."
"You did not want me to come here with her?"
"No"
Gellert raised his chin, now looking at Albus and his thin mouth curled at the sides.
"Do you want to be here with me?"
Albus needed to swallow three times before he could get the one word out.
"Yes"
Albus only got a glimpse at Gellert's wide, radiant grin before the other man charged at him, pressing their bodies together against the high brick wall behind the taller man and sealing their lips together with more force than was strictly necessary.
It was elevating in a completely different way than their usual shared conversations. Yet the manner in which Gellert kissed him was so very consistent with his behavior in everything else he did, forceful and demanding, yet so very elegant that it almost felt gentle that Albus felt himself melt into the touch. Everything about their kiss reminded Albus about why he had fallen in love with the German so many years ago.
Gellert put his hand on Albus neck and pulled him forward. His tongue didn't so much sweep over Albus lips, it pushed against it, demanding entry, which was happily granted. Their hands were already all over each other and Albus felt, for once, that he did not need to think a situation through and that after he had held himself in check around Gellert for years. He simply drowned in the lingering sweet taste of champagne on Gellert's lips, let himself be guided by the hands that were now feeling all around his body. He opened his eyes for a moment and his vision was shrouded in golden curls.
He felt something rise up in his throat and was surprised to find that a laugh was bursting out of him, smothered by Gellert's lips that were also curled into a smile again.
The blonde man drew back a little, scattering a few gentler kisses on Albus' mouth and throat, before stepping back completely.
He held out his hand again for Albus to take, who for a moment, could only stare at it.
"Come, let's apparate back to our hotel", Gellert said, his voice a little raspier than before.
"But … our coats."
"They can wait. We can get them tomorrow."
Again, a laugh burst out of Albus chest. His head still felt like it was wrapped in cotton, but he could feel a realization dawning. Something had just fundamentally shifted between the two of them. He wrapped Gellert's hand in his own and before the younger wizard could make a move, Albus stepped forward and disapparated.
It didn't have to be that hard.