Authors Note: In case you were wondering I put Vitus as Riff Raff's last name its because there is a file on rhpf that has Richards notes that where Riff Raff's name is Joe Vitus was crossed out. This is the first of a few rants I've been working on for Riff but I don't know if I should continue. Who ever thinks I should continue write Hoopla in your review! This is for my friend 'Mr. Hand' becuase she got annoyed at me for posting "Seven Ways Frank N. Furter is Irresistable" (I forgot how to spell Irresistable... or however its spelt!). So Mr. Hand, my dear friend, this is for you.

Disclaimer: Nothing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show is mine, its all the wonderfu; Richard O'Brien's, oh and Twentieth Century Fox too.

From The Desk Of Riff Raff Vitus: By Blood-Sucker-1428

From the desk of Riff Raff Vitus,

This is the ramblings and rants of a disgruntled servant.

Though there are many things that get on my nerves here in this castle on this primitive planet there is only one thing that utterly annoys me every waking hour of my time on this planet. That is Frank N. Furter. The follow reasons is why I, his humble servant, despise him.

Fist if all; what do I have to say when he tells me to do some meaningless chore? 'Yes Master!' I am so sick of saying that day after day! When I finish these… chores do I get a "Thankyou Riff Raff" or "Have a break Riff Raff"? No, I either get told to leave with a flick of the wrist or sent to do some other meaningless chore. I am sick of hearing Franks voice, I am sick of his face and I am dead sick of making his damn creation for him. In fact, I'm just sick of him all together!

I am up all night fine tuning his 'muscle man' while he's in bed doing what he does every night with total strangers and by the time I pack up and get to my bedroom it's time to do the 'handy man' jobs! This one I'm not complaining overly about, at least I get to see my beautiful sister. Oh yes, my sister. She is forced to do what your everyday earthling maid does like clean the rooms, make the beds, cook the meals. Mind you she's not very good at it, but she shouldn't be forced to do this work. She above this kind of work. Did I mention we don't even have one of those…. vacuum cleaners, now how is she suppose to clean these carpets without a so-called vacuum cleaner?

Now what do I do? I fix the broken things. Your thinking oh that's not hard!.. You have NO idea how many things are broken around here. Everywhere I turn, some things not working or a shelf has fallen down or the roof is leaking. I wish that once, just ONCE Frank would get in a proper handy man. I'm a scientist not a damn handy man!

And then there's the whippings. Now that doesn't happen often, only when I do something 'wrong' like, muck up on the creation or say leave a mess in the lab because I was to tired to clean it up because I've been up for 48 or more hours without sleep, but it does happen, and when it happens… it hurts! I've still got scars on my back from the first time he got the whip out on me, and that was a long time ago.

I'm telling you, if he wasn't the damn prince of Transsexual I would kill him right now with my bare hands! But that doesn't matter because I've got a plan! The 'Master' is getting a little out of hand. Now being a general I've got the right to send us all back home if things get out of control. So if I wait patiently for just a little longer, wait for things to get really out of control, then I can take control and send us back home to our moon drenched planet of Transsexual. Oh when that day comes, I will be savouring every last moment. I told Magenta it was a good idea to pack the laser!

The 'Master' will have control no more.

General Riff Raff.


Author's Note: Again if anyone thinks I should continue my rants say Hoopla in you reviews!! PLEASE REVIEW!!... please Oh and Im going on camp in a few days so if I dont reply to your reviews straight away I will soon enough!