Sleeping Cutie

Once upon a time, there was a conceited jer—I mean, prince who didn't give a damn about anything other than himself and banging hot chicks. Now, this conceited jer—I mean, prince had a brother. This brother got fed up with the conceited jer— I mean… Oh, who am I kidding? He was a conceited jerk. The brother got fed up with the conceited jerk. So, the brother—did I mention he was younger than the jerk?—sent the jerk off into the woods, much to the latter's dismay. This is where we start our story.

"B-but, Luddie~~," the jerk whined, "I dunnwanna! I wanna stay home and feed Gilbird and find some hot chick to bang and maybe get drunk off my ass later! You should join me and loosen up a little! Why do I have to go into the woods? They creep me out! Awesome people such as I shouldn't need to go off into the woods! Are you even listening? Ludwig!"

Prince Ludwig sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "Brother, this is for your own good. Muter und Vater are getting tired of putting up with you with your irresponsibility. You do not own up to your duty as next in line for the thrown. They're questioning if you'll ever settle down with a wife and produce an heir. With the way you're going, I doubt they'll give you the thrown. This is for you, bruder. Hopefully you'll reflect a little in the forest, and when you make it out you'll settle down. We're all worried for you." All Gilbert could do was pout. Patting his shoulder, the younger brother led the jerk into the woods a little, as not to get lost. "Good-bye, Gilbert." Ludwig turned and made his way out of the forest.

The conceited prince stood gaping after his brother for what seemed like forever, not believing his family would actually leave him out in the middle of the woods. "Well, that's no fun," he said aloud to himself after a while. It was eerily quiet, like every animal was sleeping. "Awesome," he said aloud. "Awesome!" A little louder. "Awesome!" Loud. "AWESOME." A yell. "AWESOME!" A shout. "AWESOME!" A scream. Birds scattered in the surrounding trees. Dead silence. Might as well explore, Gilbert thought to himself.

He set off in a random direction going on for what seemed like hours but it felt like he was getting nowhere. He trudged forward. By the time he came to his senses the sun was long gone. He had left home just after sunrise. His stomach growled. Damnit, he thought, where the hell can I find food in here? It's a wasteland!

Right now he was in a rather creepy part. The trees were twisted and dark, blackened dead leaves scattered the ground. An owl hooted nearby. No sign of food anywhere. Well, this isn't awesome. Doing a three-sixty, he surveyed more of the area. Directly to his right he spotted a barely visible trail behind twisted shrubbery. Upon further inspection, he saw that the shrubbery spanned about a hundred feet and had a height of about fifty, save the thinned area he was standing before. A deadly hedge.

Figuring "what the hell; there's probably food up ahead", Gilbert forced his way through the hedge, escaping with only minor cuts. I bet unawesome losers before got so dead going through there, but they aren't as awesome as me – of course, I've always been super awesome so the hedge liked me and hoped my awesomeness rubbed off on it. Yeah.

Looking ahead, he saw the trail lead down a few hundred feet before stopping before a large, dark mass Gilbert couldn't make out. Sighing about how unawesome this was, he moved forward. If there isn't any food involved in this, I think I'm gonna die unawesomely in this damn forest, the prince thought to himself. After what seemed like years, he came before the dark mass and saw that it was a draw bridge surrounded by matching watch towers. What the hell is a castle doing out here?

… Wait… castle… that means there's food in there! And hot chicks to bang! Gilbert made his way across the drawbridge – which ended up longer than he expected – and ended up in a tunnel that led to a massive doorway. He kicked at it, hoping it would budge, but all it resulted in was making himself realize just how unawesomely dead-tired he was (and he swore, though that is minor). Gilbert sighed and sat at the base of the doorway, deciding that getting in the castle and his hunger pains could wait for the morrow.

Within seconds he was asleep.

A/N: So I, jojo, wrote and finished something for once! It just always happens to be prucan...