A/N: Okay, this is a songfic, something I haven't tried before. But this song gave me a little inspiration for some Huxon, so I thought I should honour it by dedicating my fic to it. The song used is 'Rain, Rain' by Cher.
Sam pulled herself out of bed, putting her silky dressing gown on before going downstairs, switching the kettle on, desperately in need of a caffeine injection if she's expected to make it into work. Opening the fridge she grabbed the carton of milk before shutting the door again and turning back to the kettle, picking up two mugs off the draining board.
She glanced back to the fridge momentarily; belatedly realising something had caught her eye. Walking the short distance back to the fridge, closely inspecting one of the many pieces of paper stuck to it with a magnet. She took it off, it was a short note, reading 'Just popped out to the shops, see you later. Abi xx' she was about to pin it back when she noticed a photo id had been covering. It was a picture of her and Phil, taken during the short period they'd been an item.
Everywhere I look I see rain.
A tear creeping into her eye at the happy sight captured on camera, she took the photo off, attempting to throw it in the bin, though not being able to bring herself to do it, instead tucking it in her dressing gown pocket. She hadn't realised how much she'd missed that brief time she'd spent close to him until she'd seen a scene from it again. It saddened her to think he was so close to her every day in some ways, yet so far away in others. Why was it that was the way it had ended up?
Why am I here if you're there?
He was the closest person she had sometimes, why did it she put him just out of reach despite the fact he would jump at the chance of holding her in his arms?
So far away it's not fair
She missed him when they were apart, but when they got close it just didn't seem to work. She didn't know what was best; did her love for him run stronger than her gut feeling that she should stay clear?
To be without you like this
Being apart was too painful at times, though being together made her fear the worst, would she be hurt irreparably if he left her?
I miss you more than you know
She thought of him every day, dreamt of him every night. More and more time passed and instead of becoming closer to Phil, their relationship only drifted further away. But their friendship grew, which was more important?
The nights are long the day's slow
She missed being held by him, held so close, so tight, that she believed no one could hurt her. She'd never found that feeling with anyone before. Had she really thrown away the one person that made her feel like she could fly?
Without the warmth of your kiss
Was it so wrong to wish the relationship hadn't ended? Well, in Samantha Nixon's book it was. She'd taught herself never to regret anything. Could she break her own rule for Phil?
Wish you were back here with me
Sam moved over to the kettle as it boiled, glancing out the window she saw her next door neighbour gardening, his wife bringing him a morning coffee with a kiss. She couldn't she have what every other woman had. Why was it that she would never be able to see her love out in that garden?
Cause out my window
All I see is
Nothing was good enough any more. Everything in her life seemed to have faults. Was Phil the one person that could fix that?
Rain, rain in the sky
Everywhere I look my eyes see
Rain, rain fallin' down
A tear hit her face. When did she become so dependent on a man?
Crying as it hits the ground
Rain, rain in my heart
Every day that we're apart
She needed a new focus, something other than Phil. Her vision flicked back to the window, noticing water droplets on the window. It didn't take her long to work out what they were, seeing her neighbours run indoors, covering their heads as the water feel faster and heavier, the garden completely obscured from her vision now, the window covered in rain. Why did Mother Nature always ruin the happiest scenes?
Rain, rain
Falling rain, rain
Rain, rain
Only rain, rain
She looked down to the floor, running her hand down her side, gently finding it's way into her pocket, pulling out the photo she'd just hidden there. Was the rain the best thing to destroy that happy scene? Sam took a few steps towards the back door, opening it, ready to throw the picture when she looked up, sun beaming down on her, a rainbow shining brightly in the distance. Were her and Phil meant to be?
The sun is strong when you're near
Smiling to herself, she took that as a sign, replacing the photo back in her pocket. Though something felt wrong. The sun was still shining, why did she feel like she was being hailed on?
But when you're gone it disappears
She pulled off her dressing gown, draping it over a chair before heading towards the living room, intent on finding the other photos she held dear. Would they all provoke such strong thoughts?
Behind an ocean of blue
Sometimes she'd call him up and feel close to him again, like they were still the couple in love they deserve to be. Some might say destined to be. But could that feeling ever be real the moment there was no receiver to hide behind?
The telephones not good enough
There are times Sam'd feel like if they were having that conversation face to face something would happen that might not be able to be taken back. But would that be a good thing or a bad thing?
It can't reach out it can't touch
Me like the way you do
Sometimes she thought maybe he was that tap on the door. But I'd always be one of Abi's friends, the person she hoped for never materialised when she was at her weakest. When he could win her over with just one look.
Wish you would knock at my door
She never thought she'd feel this way. Never. It was like only he could complete her, and nothing she tried to replace him worked, not even chocolate. Was that normal?
Cause only you can stop the pouring
Rain, rain in the sky
Everywhere I look my eyes see
Rain, rain fallin' down
Glancing down at the box she'd pulled out from under the sofa she decided to bite the bullet and open the box she'd kept shut for so long. Yet another tear trickling down her face as she saw the face she'd missed so much. Her father. The man that had meant most to her. Was it because he was no longer with her that she was feeling a closer, more powerful connection to Phil these days?
Crying as it hits the ground
Rain, rain in my heart
Every day that we're apart
And ever day she didn't have a man in her life, she felt more and more like the entire Pacific Ocean was falling on her at double speed. Who was it that could stop that?
Rain, rain
Falling rain, rain
Rain, rain
Only rain, rain
Pulling another photo out of the box she traced her hand down her father's cheek, gradually remembering the location they were stood in. it was a little country village he used to take her every year, her favourite escape. Would taking some time away make everything clearer?
Maybe I'll go outside
Would taking a trip there open her mind? Sort out what it was she wanted?
And walk beneath the clouds
Make a visit to the place that held so many of her memories. Maybe recapture some of the time she missed with her father. But which male did she want to be her guardian angel now?
Pretend it's you that's watching over meMaybe it wasn't her that was stopping her from letting Phil close. Could it be that memories she needed to bury were holding her back?
This isn't the only thing that comes
Between us now
Well, the sooner she went to that village the sooner she could find out, right?
Baby soon we'll be together
Glancing around the room again she saw the clouds descending upon her street once again, the rain starting as abruptly as it had previously ceased.
Everywhere I look I see the rain
Everywhere I look I see the rain
But is either man she loves near her?
But I don't see you
Could it be that the two people she needed most had abandoned her?
You're not near me
Was she alone now?
I need you
With no company but Mother Nature to console her?
Rain
Or was she closer to her father and her love than she'd ever been before?
It'll never be the same
Could re-ignited memories provide the structure for future ones?
If you don't stop the rain