Title: Five Proceedings of the We Hate Cordelia Club
Spoilers: Through BtVS:Choosen and AtS:You're Welcome
Warnings: None
AN: Rest assured that I'm still working on Tinman (or OA, depending on which archive you read), pecking away at it bit by bit. Unfortunately I'm just very thoroughly uninspired at the moment and it's a tough go.
In the meanwhile I present this, a little idea that stopped by a few weeks ago. Maybe I've just missed them--by accident or ignorance--but I'm very surprised not to have seen anthing written around or about this key aspect of Xander and Willow's lives. Please let me know if there are other stories about the WHCC.
AN2 This is unbeta'ed. Please be harsh in your criticism.
"I call together this executive session of our new club," Willow said as importantly as she could, puffing out her chest. She desperately tried to lower her naturally high-pitched voice to something more suitably pompous for the occasion.
Jesse and Xander, who also were sitting cross-legged on the floor beside Willow's bed, stopped their tussling and rolled their eyes at how serious their best buddy Willow was being about this. It didn't matter they hardly knew what she was saying.
"What's zecutive?" asked Jesse.
"EX-zecutive!"
"Willow, it's just a club."
Willow directed at venomous glare at Xander. "It's important, Xander!" Her face was scrunched and red with anger, little fists balled at her side. "How else can we get back at that meanie-bikini?!"
Xander couldn't help but smile. She was so darned cute when she was angry.
On the other hand, Jesse, quickly bored again, looked like he'd rather be playing with his Tonka trucks. "A club's gotta have a name. What are we going to call it?" he asked in a petulant tone.
Willow relaxed, sat back and nibbled on the inside of her lip as she tried to figure out a name. "Well, we're doing this 'cause we hate Cordelia, right? We'll just call it the 'We Hate Cordelia Club'."
Xander nodded and thought for moment, silently counting out on his fingertips. He suddenly smiled. "That means we're WHaCCy!" He rolled on the floor, laughing. "Get it?" he said between gasps, "Wuh-Ha-kee? WHaCCy!"
Jesse started to get up and leave when Willow reached over and yanked him back. He reluctantly settled down. "But what are we going to do?" Jesse's voice had now acquired an annoying whiny note.
"We tell each other about all the mean things she's done," promptly answered Willow.
"Yeah, so? We do that already," replied Xander.
Willow grinned wickedly. "But this time we figure out how to get back at her! And we make plans and we really do it." She nodded her head quite firmly, indicating her resolve. Then she looked up at both boys and primly said, "And I get to be President."
"Hey!" Jesse got up and pointed at Willow. "Girls can't be President! How come I'm not president?"
Willow frowned, genuinely perplexed at Jesse's offense. "Because I hate her the most."
"No, I do!" Xander loudly pointed out.
"Then you have to run everything." Then Willow smugly added, "Besides, we'd have to have the meetings at your house."
"You can be president," Xander quickly amended. "But what do I get to be?"
Jesse jumped in before Xander had a chance to make a claim. "I'm vice-President!"
"Now there's nothing left." Xander slouched, dejected that, once again, he'd never get to be anything cool.
Jesse teased Xander. "You can be the secertary and do all the stuff like my dad's does, writing and and taking orders and stuff,"
Xander was on the verge of tears.
"I know, you can be treasurer!" Willow told him enthusiastically.
"Treasure? I don't want to be the money."
"No, no, no! You count the money," Willow explained patiently. "It's like, ummm, like being the banker in Monopoly."
Xander's face crinkled in a big grin. "Oh, that's easy."
"So, treasurer, how much money do we have?"
Xander fished around in his pockets and looked at the small pile in his hand. "We have...um, forty-five cents, a match-box car... and yesterday's chewing gum." He held out his hand to show off the loot they had.
"So I had this idea, y'know, after what she said those things about your drawing."
Willow was pleased Jesse was much more enthusiastic now that he had executive power.
"First, we get a squirt gun," Jesse started to explain, "and some ink, and we wait over by Mrs. Congleton's door, and then when Cordelia comes around the corner blabbing to her friends..."
---
"Old news?" Willow looked across her bed at her two best friends.
Xander shrugged. "I got nothing." He looked at Jesse. Jesse shrugged in return.
"New news?" asked a hopeful Willow.
The boy's eye's went wide and their bored demeanor changed immediately.
"Man, did you see what she was wearing today?" Jesse was virtually panting, and there was a definite drool factor.
"Woo-hoo!" Xander loudly agreed, whipping his hand back and forth like he'd just touched something scorching hot.
The boys started excitedly talking about the low-cut dress Cordelia had been wearing earlier that day.
Willow, however, was less than enthused by this "new" news. She grit her teeth and counted to ten. "Guys, we're the Hate Cordelia club, not the Lust after Cordelia Club!" She puffed out a breath in disgust.
The boys broke off their yakking, both blinking at this odd concept of Willow's. Then they shared a knowing look, smiling at Willow's naivete. Jesse nodded for Xander to tutor Willow.
"We can both hate her," Xander said, patiently explaining the mystery of men to Willow, "and lust after her. We're men, we can do those sorts of things." Jesse was nodding his head in vigorous agreement.
Still disgusted, Willow banged the table with the gavel she had found at the flea market, adjourning the meeting before things got even more out of hand.
---
"I call to order this session of the We Hate Cordelia Club," Willow intoned.
"Isn't this getting kind of old, Will? I mean, we're in high school, and it's just the two of us, and, and...I don't know. It's like, what's the point anymore?"
Willow took hold of Xander's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know Jesse's gone. All the more reason to continue. He'd want us to as, as a way to, ah, to, to... honor him, yeah."
Xander, rolling his eyes, was less than convinced.
"We still hate her, right, Xander?" Willow asked a bit desperately.
Xander made a face. "Well, yeah! After what she said this morning at the mall, how could I not, but--"
"Then we're on," she firmly proclaimed. "So, treasurer, what are our funds?"
Xander sighed. He reached in and dug some coins out of one of his pockets. In another pocket he found a dirty and crumpled-up bill. He poked around at the small pile in his palm.
"We have, um, five dollars and sixty-three, no, sixty-four cents."
Willow's face twisted in disappointment. "Is that enough for a can of spray-paint. I was thinking we could tag her car."
"Willow!" Xander was genuinely surprised. That was unbelievably mean of her.
"Just kidding. Sort of."
They both went silent as they tried to think of what they could do with their five dollars and sixty-four cents.
Xander snapped his fingers. "How about some ice-cream instead?"
Willow's frown quickly turned upside down. "Sounds perfect! Meeting adjourned."
Beaming brightly, Willow linked arms with Xander and off they went.
"When do you think Buffy will get back?" she asked for the zillionth time that summer.
---
"This is boring." Xander kicked at a headstone. "When is this guy ever going to rise?"
"Anybody bring cards?" asked Oz, "I'll bet even fifty-two card pickup takes on new dimensions of excitement in a graveyard at night."
Willow was over sitting on top of a nearby crypt, idly swinging her feet. "I know! How about a meeting of the We Hate Cordelia Club?"
Xander's annoyance with Willow's suggestion was quite clear from the sudden tension in his posture. "She's still my girlfriend, Will." Xander frowned. "At least I think so. Look, just because she's off in Mexico for the summer doesn't mean we should keep harping on it. Besides, it doesn't really work if only one of us hates her. And even you don't really hate her anymore. Do you?"
Willow made a sour face as she looked away from Xander. "Well, I suppose you're right. But I still don't really like her either."
Oz had been looking back and forth between the two. "What's this? You guys had a Cordelia...Hate?...club?"
Xander turned to Oz. "Yeah. It was a thing," he said before looking significantly back at Willow. "A long-time-ago thing." Xander watched Willow to be sure she got the message.
Willow ignored him and eagerly went on to explain everything to Oz. Xander huffed and stomped off a few paces.
"...and we'd have these meetings and we'd figure out how to get back at her, and we'd make plans, and yeah, I know it sounds kind of lame now, but back then it was really kinda cool 'cause it was us against the Cordettes, you know, an us and them thing, and--"
"No, that's cool, I'm down with it. So like real meetings, huh?
"Yeah. And I was president. And I had a gavel." Willow looked at Xander, still standing off a few yards, watching impassively.
Oz followed Willow's gaze and also waited for Xander.
Xander sighed. "Treasurer."
"So how does this work?" asked Oz.
"Well, first we'd get together--at my house usually--and then I'd call the meeting to order. Like this: I call to order this session of the We Hate Cordelia Club. And then I'd say, Old news?"
"Y'know, I could never figure that part out," admitted Xander, finally rejoining them and sitting down next to Oz so they both faced Willow.
"Neither could I, but that's what you're supposed to do. New news?"
"Isn't that kind of redundant?" Oz whispered to Xander.
"Just go with it," advised Xander. Oz nodded sagely.
Since the boys had no new news Willow spoke up. "I nominate Oz as a new member of the club."
"Seconded," Xander automatically answered Willow in a tired voice.
"But I don't hate her," Oz pointed out.
"Neither do I. Just keep going, it's easier in the long run." Again, Oz nodded sagely.
"Nomination accepted. All those in favor?" called Willow, immediately raising her hand. She looked at Xander, who had his hands shoved in his pockets. She glared.
Xander slowly raised his hand.
"The ayes have it. We welcome our new member." Willow gave Oz a quick and discreet hug, along with a peck on the cheek.
"That's it? No ceremony, no certificate, no kinky bondage sex rites of passage?" Willow blushed to her roots.
"Vampire." Xander pointed across the way.
"Meeting adjourned," hastily said Willow.
---
The trip up from Africa had been long, rough, very uncomfortable and very tiring. After a much needed nap, Xander saw he wasn't scheduled to meet Giles for yet another hour. Prowling around the quarters given him at the Council House, he was pleased to discover the kitchenette space included a fully stocked refrigerator. He grabbed a bottle of a local ale, which he carried back with him as he got started on unpacking his duffel bag.
Halfway through his shirts he heard a light knock on his door. "Hey Will!" He grinned broadly, immediately gathering her up in a crushing hug. "I didn't think you were getting in until tonight." Xander finally released his best friend in the entire world, setting her gently back on her feet.
Fairly breathless from the embrace, Willow laughed a little and then explained how she was able to get an earlier flight. He put his arm around her waist and led her over to the sofa by the open window. He remained standing while she sat, tucking her legs up under her.
"Can I get you something? Beer? Wine? Juice? The Council doth amply provide." Xander waved at the refrigerator.
Willow cocked her head while she took a moment to consider. "Some red wine would be nice."
Xander fetched a bottle and glass, opened it and poured for her, handing over the glass when he was done, and sat down on the sofa across from her. Before taking a sip, Willow held the glass up into the sunshine streaming through the window, watching the shifting sparkles as the burgundy liquid rolled about.
The two friends got to chatting for several minutes, exchanging meaningless yet necessary pleasantries, avoiding more serious topics for the moment. But more quickly than they would have thought possible they finally ran out of things to say.
Finally Xander asked, "How's Rio?" Willow looked at Xander through the glass, hiding her own face. She knew what he was really asking.
"We're good, I think. I hope. It's just so difficult sometimes, we're so different, and, and..."
Xander reached across and squeezed her free hand. "You guys will be fine. You'll find your way, whichever way that is, and if all else fails, well hey, you'll always have the Xand-man." Willow squeezed back, perhaps more firmly than she had intended. "I know, Xand. And thanks." In a sudden shift of mood, Willow let go of Xander's hand and quickly sat up straighter. "And what about you? You look great! Africa seems to be good on you. All tan and tough and rugged, like Indiana Jones crossed with James Bond, only even more cool!" Willow's smile shone with pride in her Xander.
Xander waved his hand and scoffed, "Ha! They're just pansies by comparison!" They shared a laugh and then settled down as Xander became more thoughtful. "You're right. It has been good. I miss you guys, but y'know, being on my own for once, showing I really can do the job. It's all good." Xander returned Willow's proud smile, remembering all that he'd accomplished in Africa, almost virtually single-handedly.
But following the good memories came the bad. His expression grew pensively dark as he stared at the floor. "Well, mostly good. I've lost a few. Some really great girls." Xander gave a quick look back up at Willow. "You would have liked them, Will, especially Latia."
Willow maintained her smile even as it became a sad one. "I know I would have."
Xander bobbed his head, but said nothing further. Willow, looking upon him with soft eyes, spoke into the silence. "That's not the only girl you lost, is it?"
"I'm no--What do you mean?"
Willow set her glass down and glanced away, avoiding Xander's stare. "I also heard the news, Xander. About Cordelia."
Xander's shoulders rose and fell with a deep indrawn breath. He set his beer down on the floor and brought his hands up, pressing fingertips against his forehead, hiding his face. His voice was muffled as he spoke. "Yeah. That--it...It hit me harder than I would have imagined. Y'know, it's just, it's just..." He in fact does not know what it just is, except that it just still hurts almost as much as the day he got the call from Giles.
When Xander let his hands fall into lap Willow noticed a shininess in his eye. Willow slid across the sofa and pulled him into another close hug. "I'm so sorry." She felt Xander shudder against her and held him even tighter.
"Cordelia dead," he mumbled into her shoulder. "Two words I never would have thought could be together, even back when we hated her. It's so unreal, so unconceivable, like it just doesn't seem...? Like she's just going to burst through that door any second now and start insulting us for the losers we still are, then light up the room with one of her smiles as she tells us about the latest spring fashions."
Willow released him and he fell back against the sofa, eye closed, letting his head roll all the way back. Xander heard her rustling beside him and he turned his head slightly and peered through a partially opened eye. He saw a look he recognized, one of her "I've got a good idea" looks.
"Let's do it, Xander! One last meeting!"
"Huh?" He sat up straighter. He had no idea what she could be talking about.
"The We Hate Cordelia Club. Let's have a meeting. The last one."
Xander shook his head uncertainly. "I really don't think this is the time for something like that."
"No, Xander! It's the perfect time, you'll see!" Willow was practically bouncing with enthusiasm.
Though reluctant, he knew he could never refuse her. They shifted about as Willow got herself ready. She rapped her knuckles on the small end table beside her end of the couch. "I officially call to order this last session of the We Hate Cordelia Club. First, old news."
"Will--" Xander began plaintively. He got 'The Look' again in return for his feeble effort. Xander sighed. "I still don't what that means. Either way, I don't think there is any."
"New news."
"Corde--?" Xander chokes slightly, unable to finish her name. "She counts?"
"Yeah." For a moment Willow also looked like she might fall apart, but she gathered herself and continued, managing to keep the waver in her voice to a minimum. "Treasurer, what do we have in our funds?"
Xander slowly dug out his wallet and also pulled a few coins from one of his pockets. He flicked the coins about in his palm with his finger, then counted up the various bills. "We've got eight dollars and twenty-seven cents, thirteen pounds and forty. Thirty Euros. And four Rands."
Willow solemnly nodded her head, as if somehow it all really mattered.
"In light of the new news, on the agenda today I move that we dissolve, permanently and forever, this esteemed and august organization."
Xander smiled and shook his head. Nobody could do overly pompous and make it work like his Willow. She looked at him again, silently chiding him for his lack of protocol. With a start he realized what she was waiting for and lifted his hand. "Seconded."
"A motion is put before the group. All that say aye?"
'Aye', said Xander, followed in turn by Willow.
"I see a quorum is in attendance and a majority vote aye. The ayes have it, the motion carries. Forthwith, I, Willow Rosenberg, President of the We Hate Cordelia Club, and Xander Harris, Treasurer of said organization, do declare at the close of these proceedings this body is officially dissolved."
Xander nodded his head for a moment, then looked about, giving Willow a rueful questioning lift of his brow. "Now what?"
"A toast, I think." Willow twisted around to pick up her glass from the table and raised it. Xander held up the bottle he retrieved from the floor. They reached across the space between them and clinked them together softly.
"To Cordy," said Xander in a shaky voice.
"To Cordelia." Willow whispered.
They each took a sip then set down their glass and bottle and leaned toward each other to hug tightly again, supporting each other. After a minute or so Willow felt Xander nod his head against her shoulder and they broke apart, smiling sadly, gazing at each other with care, feeling just a tiny little bit better.
In the ensuing silence Willow rapped three times on the table.
"Meeting adjourned."
fin