This is a short one piece I wrote based of the song Older by Colbie Caillat. I just felt like the lyrics really gave a good picture of what Rory was probably thinking when she was trying to decide what to say to Logan. This is nothing more than what Rory's thought process might have been before she said no (which I so wish she hadn't.)
I don't own Gilmore girls, or colbie caillat's songs or lyrics. I only own the specific arrangement of these letters into words into sentences and paragraphs, if that.
Waited all my life
for this day to come
I feel like letting go, life goes on
Wasting
no more time
So much to be done
Everything works out
So they
say
Over my shoulder, it's tough getting older
Yeah,
yeah...
(Chorus)
Seems like nothing is black and white
anymore
Shades of grey and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's
tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to
go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's
kinda tough getting older
Here before my eyes, many roads
ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance
What
lies down the road
Feeling so confused, turned round
On and on,
on and on
yeah yeah...
Chorus
Waited all my
life for this day to come
I feel like letting go, life goes
on
Over my shoulder (on and on)
It's tough getting older (on
and on, on)
Yeah, yeah...
Chorus
Every little girl dreams of this day. We dream of how it might happen, of who it might be, of what he'll say, of how you'll feel. Yet, here I am, and all I can think about it how I have no idea what to say. My mind seems to be paralyzed. He wants me to marry him. Marry him! I want to jump, like we did in the past, but you can't just jump into a marriage, can you? I mean, this is our entire lives we're talking about, not a 5 minute free fall through the air at some silly event. This has real, everlasting consequences.
The word marriage scares me more than I ever though it could now that it's a real, living breathing possibility in front of me. It's not the fantasy we build up in our minds; it's a person you're agreeing to commit yourself to for the rest of your life. I can't help but feel like it's boxing me in, closing off so many doors. I mean, when you're married you can't just up and follow any job you want. You have to think about your husband, your kids. Oh god, kids? I can't even begin to think about having kids right now. He can't possibly want kids, can he?
There is so much I want to do with my life. Will I still be able to do it all as Mrs. Logan Huntzberger? Is this the life I really want?
I thought I loved him. I really did. But how can I love him if I can't even figure out what to say when he asks me to marry him. Shouldn't this be obvious? Doesn't everyone automatically say yes when the person they love and have been with for 2 and a half years asks them to marry them? We've been through so much together. It seems like the perfectly reasonable, logical conclusion.
Except I can't stop feeling unsure.
Damn it. Why do we have to get older? Why does life have to keep changing and moving? Why can't we stay in the pattern we're in? It's a really good pattern, it was working. Why does everything have to change?
I can't even formulate my thoughts enough to make a decent pro/con list. All I can think about is how I can't seem to think about it.
So I say no.
And he walks away.
It sucks getting older.