Lost
Tonks is living in the Muggle world and thinking back to her last days with Remus and her friends.
Tonks sat staring out of the window; she was at work, which for Tonks consisted of doing as little as possible. It's not that she was work shy, just bored. It was the same thing day after day, not like when she had been an Auror, catching dark wizards and undertaking stimulating assignments. Now, she hoovered up spit for a living. Tonks was living in the muggle world. She had lost her ability to perform magic and morph. She was as hopeless as a squib.
She had not had any contact with the magical world since shortly after Dumbledore's funeral. Given time she could have recovered from the loss of this great man, on top of Sirius slipping through the veil the year before and Harry's departure for the Horcruxes. But when Remus left she lost all her will.
At Dumbledore's funeral he had admitted he loved her. They had sat hand in hand as Dumbledore's body was enveloped by the white tomb, a promise that things were going to be alright. The promise was short lived. Somewhere between the funeral and Fleur and Bill's wedding, Remus had reverted to his beliefs that he was too old, too poor and too dangerous to be with her. He had shut himself away refusing to discuss the situation any further with Tonks. Molly had tried desperately to convince him that he was good enough for Tonks but Remus wouldn't believe it.
As she stared out of the window she remembered the series of events that had led to her leaving her world and taking residence here.
It was the morning of Fleur and Bill's wedding. A huge white tent was erecting itself in the field bordering the Burrow's garden. Molly was darting around in a blind panic checking everyone was ready and knew what to do. She couldn't find Fred and George so she rounded on Ron.
"Where are those brothers of yours?"
"I don't know! I saw them earlier in the garden. They said they were making decorations."
Molly dashed to the garden to see Fred and George firing multiple spells towards an ever increasing flock of golden birds.
"Fred, George. What in Merlin's name is going on here?
Molly was standing hands on hips. She looked like steam would erupt from her ears any second now.
"They won't stop. Fred did it."
"No! George did it."
"I don't care who did it. Just stop it!"
There were now at least five hundred golden birds swooping round the garden with more appearing every second. Molly screamed for Arthur. Arthur came bustling out of the kitchen.
"Yes dear?"
He froze at the site of the now close to a thousand birds in his garden.
"Oh no, your father's been immobilized!"
"No dear. I'm fine. Fred and George's handy work? Yes?"
Fred and George were nowhere to be seen amidst the golden flurry in the garden.
"You have to do something dear. The wedding will be ruined. What will Fleur's parents think? Her mother will be here any instant."
Luckily, some of the guests had already arrived including a couple of wizards from the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad. They cleared up the situation in no time, leaving the twins exposed for Molly to give them an ear bashing before marching them into the house to don their dress robes.
Tonks arrived with Hermione shortly after the birds incident. She had not wanted to go, but Hermione convinced her to make an extra special effort so Remus would realize what he was missing. She wore a pale pink, full length dress, made of Chinese silk. It was embellished with tiny enchanted silver stars. Her usual bubble gum pink hair had been replaced with a shade that matched her dress, which she had lengthened and twisted up onto her head.
Ron came out to meet them. He was astonished to see Tonks looking so feminine. She looked quite attractive.
"Bloody hell! You look great Tonks"
"Thanks Ron. Is Remus here?"
"No, not yet. I expect he'll be here soon."
Hermione cleared her throat.
"Alright Hermione?"
"Fine! Ronald!"
She stormed past him into the Burrow. He raised his eyebrow to Tonks.
"What's up with her?"
Tonks explained that he might have said she also looked nice. Ron reasoned that he'd seen Hermione scrub up before at the Yule Ball and only commented on Tonks because he'd never seen her in a dress before. Tonks shook her head. Why were men so exasperating? Why did they always miss the point and were so totally oblivious to anything around them that didn't involve Quidditch?
It was almost time for the ceremony to start. Everyone had taken their seats. Bill was waiting at the front under an archway of delicate silver arrows, which sprang from the ground and met in the middle, where they pierced a large pink love heart, exploding it into a cascade of petals only to start the process again. Charlie had taken leave from the Dragon reservation in Romania to be Bill's best man and Molly was fussing over Mrs. Delacour whilst they waited for Fleur to arrive.
As the enchanted harp began to play everyone fell silent as Fleur virtually floated down the aisle to Bill. Harry leaned towards Ron.
"You're going to have to stop gawping at her like that. She's going to be your sister-in-law in about half an hour."
Ron smirked at Harry. He couldn't help it. He was a fool for her Veela charms. He vowed to have more control once she was related to him, until then he was going to make the most of watching her standing there, dressed in white with the sun reflecting off her perfect blonde hair.
The ceremony was short, depriving Ron of ten minutes drooling time. The arrows from the archway shot out into the sky leaving a sparkling trail behind them which spelled out Mr. and Mrs. Bill Weasley. Everyone cheered and clapped as they went into the great white tent.
Inside the tent was a beautiful marble floor. The canvass walls were swathed in golden silk that reached up to the ceiling, where hundreds of fairies shimmered. The guests wandered around the circular tables looking for their names, which were floating above their place settings. Tonks spotted her name dancing over a table close to the top table. The place to her right was displaying Remus' name. It was empty. She hadn't seen him yet. She waited for the rest of her table to arrive. Her dinning companions were Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna and Alastor. Tonks asked Alastor to switch seats, leaving him next to Remus. As they all sat down their names disappeared but Tonks and Alastor's names exploded into fits of angry sputters, hissing and screeching, causing everyone to turn to see what the commotion was all about. Hermione spoke.
"Perhaps you had better switch back."
Tonks and Alastor returned to their respective seats and their names fell silent and disappeared like the other ones had done. The rest of the guests went back to what they were doing, making Hermione relax; now they were out of the spotlight. Everyone was seated, when Remus made his way over to the table. He bade a general hello to the table and sat down. Tonks played with her fork until the speeches began. The frivolous atmosphere waned as Arthur began his speech.
"Firstly, I would like to thank you all for coming and celebrating this special day with Fleur and Bill, especially in light of recent events and the lamentable passing of the great Albus Dumbledore. I know no one more than he, would want us to make merry at this time and be united in our bonds of love and friendship."
Tonks glimpsed at Remus, who lowered his glance to his lap when she caught his eye. There was a short silence for Dumbledore's memory and the speeches continued lightening everyone's mood.
Tonks' table ate their meal in relative silence, with Remus and Tonks not exchanging a single word. It became too much for Tonks who reservedly rose from her seat and made her way outside. The whole table glared at Remus as did Molly from the top table, who had been watching him throughout her meal. He took his napkin from his lap, carefully folded it and placed it onto the table. He then followed Tonks out to the field.
Tonks was sitting beneath an old Oak tree. She had taken her hair down and removed her shoes and was sobbing to herself. As Remus towered over her she sniffed back her tears, but didn't look at him. He crouched down beside her.
"Don't cry Nymphadora."
"Don't call me that. You know how much I hate my name!"
"I apologize. I never meant to hurt you. I'm no good for you. Please don't hate me."
"I don't hate you. I wish I did. I'd feel a damn site better than I do now. What hurts is the way you have totally ignored me these passed few weeks. I thought I meant more to you than that."
"It was not intentional, I couldn't face you. I really do care about you Tonks. I wish I could be with you and it breaks my heart not to be so. I've been collecting my thoughts and have decided to travel to Romania to finish Greyback."
Tonks jumped up. She begged Remus to not to go. He refused to hear her pleas. She told him she would go too. His mind was set on going alone. He apologized once more and without another word, Apparated. She couldn't go back into the reception. She didn't want to be around anyone, so she summoned her cloak and morphed. She took the form of an older witch with long, straggly black hair, a crooked nose and narrow grey eyes.
She Apparated to Hogsmede and rented a room in the Hog's Head. Her crone like appearance blended in well with the strange folk who drank there. The barman handed her a large key and directed her to a room at the top of the stairs. She bought a large bottle of firewhisky and took it to her room. She sealed the door with Colloportus to make sure she wasn't disturbed.
The room wasn't very big. In fact it was only just larger than the bed it housed. A small table was squeezed between the bed and the far wall and there was no window, just a cracked mirror hung on a rusty chain. Tonks didn't care how dismal the room was she just needed to be alone. She sat on the bed and devoured the whole bottle of firewhisky.
When Tonks woke up, it took her a minute to remember where she was. The solitary candle which lit the room had almost burned away, leaving most of the room in complete darkness. She felt for her wand, knocking the empty bottle of Firewhisky to the floor where it smashed. It resounded through her head, which felt like she had been hit between the eyes with a Bludger. Her fingers found the end of the wand. Tonks cast Lumos around the room, its light bounced off the mirror. She inched along the bed and shakily stood up to face her reflection. She gasped in shock at the old nag before her.
"Blimey. I look like I should be down Knockturn Alley."
She grabbed her cloak and left the Hog's head. The bright sunlight shocked Tonks as she had no idea what time it was owing to the windowless room she had awoken in. The sun was high over Hogsmede, so she deduced it must be around about noon. Tonks wasn't well enough to Apparate so she decided to walk for a while. She was nearing Honeydukes sweet shop when she saw Alastor. She walked passed him confident in her disguise.
"You can't fool me that easily Tonks."
Tonks didn't argue. Alastor Moody was one of the greatest Aurors around and with his magical eye not much escaped his attention. She morphed back to her usual appearance minus the pink hair. It wasn't a pink hair kind of day.
"Everyone's been looking for you. Harry's leaving today. If you want to say goodbye I believe he is at Dervish and Bangs picking up a couple of items for his journey."
He hobbled away, leaving Tonks alone again. She couldn't not see Harry before he left. So she turned back and ran to the end of the street to see Harry leaving the shop that sold magical equipment. He was with Ron and Hermione. Hermione ran over to meet her.
"Tonks where have you been?"
"Around. Look I just wanted to wish Harry a safe trip. It's a really dangerous quest Harry and I hope you know what you're getting into."
Harry admitted he had no idea of what lay ahead but it was something he had to do. They asked Tonks to join them in the Three Broomsticks for a drink. She politely declined, gave Harry a loving hug and watched the three of them traipse up the street. Tonks felt truly abandoned. Everyone she got close to had gone or was leaving. She started to think what was she hanging around for?
Her parents weren't in when she arrived home. She cleaned herself up and sat at her dressing table, starring at her natural shade of brown hair. There didn't seem any point in changing it. She pulled on her jeans and her comfortable Wizard Sisters top and flopped on her bed. She must have fallen asleep almost instantly, but woke with a start late into the night after a nightmare involving Greyback ripping Remus apart.
Tonks had to convince him not to go. She snatched her wand and broomstick and flew to Remus' house as quick as she could. She banged on his door, screaming his name, but no answer came. She aimed her wand at the door and performed the unlocking charm. Tonks pushed it open and charged into the house. He wasn't anywhere to be found. He had already left. She sank to the floor of his bedroom clutching his pillow. It smelled like him. How was she going to live without him? It was that moment she decided she would leave too.
It was getting light. She left her broom and made her way to Remus' kitchen. There she stepped into the fireplace and taking the Floo powder shouted for Diagon Alley. Dusting herself down, Tonks walked through the crowds of witches and wizards towards the vast bronze doors of Gringotts Wizarding Bank. Inside one of the Goblins called her over to whom she handed her key off her necklace and requested the withdrawal of her balance in Muggle money. The transaction was carried out quickly and efficiently.
Tonks forced the wads of paper money into her jeans along with her wand. She stepped back out into Diagon Alley and headed left, up past Flourish and Blott's and the Apothecary to the Leaky Cauldron. She didn't recognize anyone in there, so made her way out to the Muggle world without consequence.
So here she was, years later living and working as a muggle. She had her own family and a couple of new friends but she felt incomplete. She didn't have the courage to return home. She had received an owl a couple of years ago to say that her parents had died at the hands of an unknown Death Eater. She tried to revive her magic so she could go back but it was useless. That was the only contact she ever had with the magical world.
A voice brought Tonks out of her trance like state. A voice she hadn't heard in a long time. A male voice and it had called her Tonks. She slowly turned around to see Neville Longbottom standing in the doorway of her workplace.