----The Hogwarts Weekly----

October 3rd

Staff:

Editorial, Just Ask, G.O.S.S.I.P., News Flash: ducky-doll

Letters to the Editor, Classifieds: hermioneharry4ever

Charming Charms: silverdragon

Hogwarts On Broadway: NiKiTa-G

News Flash: princess*n

News Flash: Chelle (not penname)

Spotlight On...: Calistal

Intern: apostophe

Editorial:

Welcome to another *cough* wonderful week at Hogwarts! I am your friendly editor, Hermione Granger and due to the popularity of the previous editions of The Hogwarts Weekly, we're back and this time with a much bigger team! This time, we're going to cover a whole range of activities, events and plans on the Hogwarts Calendar and our staff have been busy delving deep within our school to bring you the best scoops as fast as they come! Please congratulate everyone for working so hard (yes, even our Gossip Queen Parvati) for I know you'll be as pleased with the final product as I am. Though I had doubts at the start for how well a bunch of students would be able to co-operate on a project such as this, I have been proven wrong and now to present to you... The Hogwarts Weekly!

Hermione Granger, 5th Year Gryffindor

Editor

Letters To the Editor: ( These are taken from the last issue of The Hogwarts Weekly)

Mudblood-- Can you tell Lavender to Cut the ****? She's being annoying as hell. But I suppose it is better than hearing your hand shooting up in the air to answer a dumb question. Oh, and before I forget. Don't forget to brush your two front beaver teeth! Hahaha!

- Whatever

[ An Editors Note-- Malfoy, Can you remember when you got cursed five times at the same time last year? Well, if you don't stop it, You'll wake up with curses similar to those, and in the Hospital Wing!]

Lavender-- I loved the Make-Me-Over article! I followed every one of your tips, but someone still called me ugly and fat? Do I weigh that much? Oh well.

- A Slytherin.

Hermione- Tell Lavender the Oliver Wood is MY man. She has a certain black haired boy with glasses to fuss over! Remember-- Oliver Wood is my man!

- Parvati

[ An Editors Note-- Paravati, I'm not playing telephone. Go tell her yourself. You are only around her twenty- four /seven!]

Hermione-- It's fun to use " Ask Hermione" for my entertainment! You still need to give me the answ... uh, help me with my homework! It's much more better than working on that Spew stuff!

- Your favorite red head.

Hermione-- I love Harry! Can I have his picture? You should have his picture! When I just got the newspaper I went to the Quidditch section, and almost died of unrequited love! I know he loves me, so it'll be ok to give me his picture! I promise.

- Hannah Abbott.

[ An Editors Note-- Why ask me? I'm not giving Harry Potter pictures away! If you want a picture, then maybe if you'll go away and leave Harry, then you'll get one. Now, stop bugging me about the Harry Potter pictures! I have none to give away, and I'm not a photographer, but a friend of Harry's]

Hermione-- Please, please get Parvati back! I miss the gossip circle! I mean where would all of us be without the gossip that we live on!

- A gossip queen.

News Flash:

The Hallowe'en Ball
That's right everyone- it's nearly Halloween which means it's nearly time for the annual Halloween Ball! Last year's Ball was a complete success- everyone had an amazing time and the dance skills shown (particularly by Fred Weasley) were very impressive!

So where and when? Well the Ball is going to be on Halloween (obviously) and will start at 7:00pm in the Great Hall, which may I add, Professor Dumbledore assures me will look pretty spectacular itself. The dresscode is fancy dress and rumour has it that there will be great prizes awarded to the best dressed or more likely, most creatively dressed... think back to a couple of years ago when Oliver Wood came dressed as the latest model broomstick... complete with inflatable Puddlemere Player on top... ah you have to miss the guy. *cough*

Anyway, as I was saying... the ball is not to be missed and if you do, I will personally come and hunt you down! Can't wait to see you there!

Michala Bloom,

7th Year Ravenclaw

The Quidditch Match ~ Gryffindor vs. Slytherin
The first Quidditch match of the season was Gryffindor vs. Slytherin. Since Oliver Wood graduated (sadly), he left the spot of Keeper and the position of Quidditch Coach and Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team open. Ron Weasley is now the new Keeper of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, and Harry Potter is the Captain and Coach. Also, since Marcus Flint graduated as well, Draco Malfoy is the new Captain, and a new girl, Cleema DeRatero, is the new chaser.


The match started quickly. Gryffindor scored a goal 4 minutes into the game. A minute later, there was a foul because Fred or George Weasley hit the bludger directly at Draco's face. "It was a mistake, honestly," Fred or George Weasley said after the game, although with a wide grin.

Anyways, back to the game. 10 minutes later into the game, it was 50-0 for Gryffindor. Ron Weasley did some spectacular moves and was blocking it very well until a bludger hit from Slytherin hit him in the face, which ended up with another foul. Gryffindor scored yet again and finally Cleema scored, bringing the score to 60-0. Finally, 30 minutes into the game Harry Potter dived in for the Snitch ~ or was he? Draco Malfoy followed him down, but it ended up that Harry Potter had pulled a WRONSKI FEINT!

Harry Potter then did a spectacular loop and made a left towards the end of the pitch to the Slytherin posts. He was flying with tremendous speed and caught the Snitch in a blur. He cried, "I'VE GOT THE SNITCH!" and the match was over!

Gryffindor won by an amazing 210-10. Afterwards, when asking for a comment from Malfoy, he just spat on the ground and walked away. Ron Weasley called, "DON'T SPIT ON THE GROUND! YOU'RE MAKING IT MORE FILTHY!" which started the festivities for their tremendous victory. Let's hope that they continue this kind of play and they win the House Cup again!

Nicole Reczek

4th Year Gryffindor

Potion Explodes!!

Today in Potions, fifth year Gryffindor student Seamus Finnigan blew up his third potion of the term. This time not only were his newly grown eyebrows singed off again, but with his varnish removing potion, he turned Professor Snape's hair green.

Professor Snape, who by all accounts was livid, penalized poor Seamus fifteen points toward the house cup and gave Seamus two detentions. Many Gryffindor students disagreed with the harsh punishment but Seamus said that it is worth it to see Snape with green hair.

Ginny Weasley

4th Year Gryffindor

Hogwarts on Broadway:

Hey guys, yes its me Madalina!

Well most of you wouldn't be aware of this yet but...

HOGWARTS IS DOING A MUSICAL!

Yes, that's right, our school has taken the plunge and a group of us 'muggle born' have organised to do a Hogwarts rendition of 'THE WIZARD OF OZ'

I assume most of you guys wouldn't have a clue what 'The Wizard of Oz' is all about so I am going to give you a basic outline of the play/musical.

Basic Story Outline

The play begins with the main character Dorothy and her dog Toto, being caught up in a twister and her house being transported to the magical 'munchkin land'. There she meets the good witch of the north 'Glenda' and all the Munchkins that live there. Glenda tells Dorothy that, when she arrived in their land her house fell on top of the Wicked Witch of the South and killed her. The Wicked Witch of the West arrives at Munchkin land and tries to get the ruby slippers that once belonged to her sister (The Wicked Witch of the South) but Dorothy now has them, and she has to protect them by never taking them off. To get home Dorothy has to follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City, but she is followed by the Wicked Witch of the West and has to try and escape from her. Along the way she makes friends with, Scarecrow, Tinman and the Cowardly Lion, who eventually help Dorothy, escape the Wicked Witch and get home to her family.

The following is a list of the Characters you can audition for.

Main

-Dorothy (sing, dance, act)

-Scarecrow (sing, dance, act)

-Tinman (sing, dance, act)

-Cowardly Lion (sing, dance, act)

-Glenda the good witch of the north (sing, act)

-Wicked witch of the west (act)

-The wizard of Oz (act)

-Toto (umm...bark?)

Extras

-Munchkins

-Emerald City residents

More Characters will be announced at the auditions that will take place -

THIS FRIDAY AFTER DINNER IN THE GREAT HALL!

All interested please be there on time.

Hope that I will see YOU there!

Madalina Blackmore

Gryffindor 6th year

Charming Charms:

Enchantments, spells, hexes, magic tricks - whatever you may call them, they all fall into the same general category, and that would be CHARMS!

I, Sarah, will be your CHARMing (this will be the last time I EVER ask Professor Flitwick for advice on jokes!) personal guide on this magical journey, delving deeper into enchantments than even the darkest corners of the Standard Book of Spells series dare to venture. Prepare yourself to uncover the secrets of the naughtiest charms, the funniest charms, and even the charms deemed 'unsuitable' for school textbooks.

Since my introduction to the magical world, I have been fascinated by the vast diversity of universally-practiced charms available, and have often found that there is nothing more entertaining than sitting in an empty room with little more than the bare necessities of a spell book and a magic wand (although its always nice to have the company of several chocolate frogs), and experimenting until your wrist physically refuses to "swish-flick" any longer!

I thought I'd start off with something easy, because not everybody is born with the innate talent to wreak havoc with the mere flick of his or her wrist.

One afternoon I was wandering aimlessly around the library when I came across a tattered old spell book from the RESTRICTED SECTION, that had been left lying around. Whilst flicking through, a certain spell caught my eye… Now, I really shouldn't be spreading this around, but any charm that allows one to HEAR THROUGH WALLS is far too good to keep all to oneself! In fact, I should drop my voice to a whisper as I say that this charm counteracts the common soundproofing spell, which surrounds most of the common staff haunts around Hogwarts; namely areas such as… THE STAFFROOM!

Are you itching to hear Professor McGonagall dish the dirt on Professor Trelawney? Do your gossip glands salivate at the sound of Professor Sprout ranting about which first year she'd like to bury up to his neck in compost? If so, read on…

CHARM NAME: Sneaky Ear

DIFFICULTY RATING (out of five, where one is easiest and five is hardest): 1

YOU WILL NEED: Your wand

WHAT TO DO: Stand outside of the room you wish to eavesdrop on, preferably in an inconspicuous position where you will not be disturbed (or caught!). Tap gently and rhythmically on the wall of the room with your wand, whilst reciting the following words: "Eustacious Partitio".

The sound barrier created by the wall should immediately dissolve, leaving you a clear earway for whatever was going on behind the wall… This charm may also come in handy for eavesdropping on parental conversations at home, and also scandalous late-night gossip sessions in your neighbouring dormitory!

Warning and disclaimer: I cannot take any responsibility for any problems incurred (e.g. exploding walls), injuries or ailments (e.g. being knocked unconscious by the bricks from the exploding walls), or even for any post-traumatic distress incurred as a result of the nature of what you may overhear… Always remember, eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves!

Yours charmingly (until next time),

Sarah Pumpkin,

6th Year Ravenclaw

Just Ask:

Welcome to 'Just Ask!' This is your personal adviser here, Hermione. Well it's another week which means another week of trauma, depression, love-struck students and of course, another round of pathetic, mindless questions that I will endeavour to answer to my best capabilities! To start the ball rolling...

Mudblood,

There's this really annoying girl who won't leave me alone- reminds me of a cross between a hyena and a donkey. What should I do?

-The Almighty Sex God

Draco, do you seriously expect me to answer your question when first of all, you addressed me as 'mudblood' and secondly, when you addressed yourself as 'the almighty sex god'. I don't think so.

-Hermione

Hermione,

Hi, it's me again. You mentioned in response to my last letter that I should decide for myself whether I want to risk the friendship or not... but I can't! I'm in love with her but I can't risk losing her. Help! Is there any way I can possibly find out if she feels the same way without actually telling her?

-Still confused and depressed and now nervous

Dear Still Confused and Depressed and now Nervous,

Does she have any friends you're close with? Why don't you ask them? Or hint at 'so who do you fancy right now?' (quite casually). If you're still stuck, you can always confide in me, and I'll do my best to find out for you.

-Hermione

Miss Hermione,

Why do girls always have to stuff up perfectly fine friendships by deciding they fancy their friend? It always happens to me and it's not fair!

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I have no idea.

-Hermione

Hermione: I um... am in a rather authoritative position at hogwarts and have influence over students and their success. I feel a moral duty to prepare them for the rigors of life, however, my intentions are often misconstrued as acts of cruelty or even vengence. While I accept this burden quietly, I do at times wish the students, other than those in my own house - who are at least intellegent enough to have acertained my motives on thier own, understood my reasons for being 'challenging'. You have demonstrated a modicum of intelligence in the past, perhaps you could illuminate your more moronic classmates.

Yeah right... perhaps YOU could illuminate my moronic classmates yourself. This is an advice column, not a 'Your-Wish-Is-My-Command' request column. Pfft!
-Hermione

Hermione: I have a best friend who constantly refuses to help me with even the smallest of favours. All she ever does is tell me to do it myself, all I wanted was to just look at her potions essay. could I maybe look at your's instead?
P.S. I know who Harry likes.

I think your friend is a very smart person. Perhaps he/she and I would get along well. As for the essay? I don't think so buddy.
PS. I don't care who Harry likes.

Hi Hermione,
I have a godson who constantly injures himself fighting You-Know-Who and playing Quidditch. How could I make him stop?
-A long haired man

Hi Snuffles,
Quite simply... you can't. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
-Hermione

Dear Hermione,
I really really really like this guy. He's really cute, and he plays a lot of Quidditch although he likes other things as well (I hope), and overall I really like him. But I don't know if I should ask him out since he's concentrating more on Quidditch, schoolwork, Quidditch - and...did I mention Quidditch? What should I do? I don't know how he'll respond!
From,
You-Know-Who

Dear You-Know-Who,
First of all, I commend you on your 'excellent' choice of nickname.
Secondly, I want to know why people think I can read minds and tell them whether the object of their affection returns the feelings. I can't. Get over it. You think I don't have love-life crisis' (I don't but I do have my own problems... for example not being able to borrow the book I need in the library because somebody ELSE didn't return it!)
Moving on from that though, try asking him out- what have you got to lose? The worst he could do is say no and if the guy is as good as you make him out to be then he wouldn't be that insensitive.
-Hermione

Well that's about all the questions I have time to answer this week. Don't worry, there will be plenty more next week and don't forget, if you have anything you need answered, don't hesitate to leave it in a review!
Until next time,

Hermione Granger

5th Year Gryffindor

G.O.S.S.I.P:

Gossip. Rumour or talk of a personal, sensational or intimate nature.

I, Parvati Patil, Queen of Gossip, Lady of Gryffindor and Princess of Fashion present to you... G.O.S.S.I.P! My weekly contribution to The Hogwarts Weekly (Still can't believe I got Hermione to do the advice section!)

In this column you will learn all the truths about what really went on this week at Hogwarts! As I have such a high status in the school grounds, I've managed to delve into all the most scandalous issues of the last few days and even better, found out who started some of the not-so-true rumours!

Did you hear about Harry fancying the pants of a lucky Hogwarts girl? Colin Creevey, self-proclaimed president of the Harry Potter Fan Club, has started a betting pool for who the lucky lady could be. Odds so far are as follows:

Cho Chang 2:1

Lavender Brown 3:1

Parvati Patil (That's me! May I remind you that I am the only witch to have been on a date with Harry) 5:1

Ginny Weasley 5:2

Lisa Turpin 6:1

And one stray vote for Seamus Finnigan

With the vote on Seamus in the Harry's Queen Runoff, one wonders if he rides his broom side saddle or not.

An interesting piece of paper happened to cross my path yesterday in Muggle Studies. It was from a certain editor of the Hogwarts Weekly sending it all the way across the room to Lavender Brown, close associate to yours truly. From memory, it read:

'Hi Lavender,

I need help getting ready for Hogsmeade this weekend. What colour should I wear? Purple or green?

Thanks!

-Hermione'

Now, what I would like to know is when did Hermione and Lavender become so buddy-buddy? More to the point I'd like to know since when did Hermione want to start colour co-ordinating herself? Last time I checked, she didn't care what she wore because there was nobody to impress. What's brought around this sudden change? I must believe that there is now somebody to impress? Anyone have any ideas on who this fellow could be? Perhaps I should start a betting pool for Miss Granger as well?

On a more confirmed note, a certain pair of Gryffindors were spotted outside just before Charms class last Wednesday... snogging!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it was Angelina Johnson and Fredrick Weasley! Though there are no surprises there, everyone was beginning to wonder just how long it would take these two. They've been dancing around each other since anyone could remember and it's about time they got their act together. What's next instore for the cute little couple? Another swingin invite to the Halloween Ball? They can dance the pants off each other (literally!)

While we're on the subject of Weasleys... the youngest one Ginny, has confessed to having a huge crush on Harry Potter, who seems to be making quite an appearance in the Gossip ranks this week. However we already knew that Ginny rather fancied our star seeker, we're not too sure whether she still does. What do you think? Maybe when she picked up his quill for him last night in the common room she meant to ask him out too? Maybe she was just being nice?

There are too many maybes! I want answers! If you have seen or heard anything out of the normal (or even just the normal that you can spice up as much as you darn well want to) just leave it in a review and I'll delve into it myself and get the real deal!

Until next week, have a good one and remember 'G.O.S.S.I.P is the best!'

Keep reading!

Parvati Patil

5th Year Gryffindor

Spotlight On... Fred Weasley!

Hello and this is Calistal. I am a reporter, and I am doing 'Spotlight On...'. I interview people here at Hogwarts. This week, I am interviewing Fred Weasley.Yes, thats right, one of the famous, or not so famous,depending on on who you are, Weasley twins. Here we go...

Calistal-Now Fred, I know you are used to always being considered as a twin but, do you ever wish that you weren't a twin?

Fred-Well, not really. It's alot easier to suffer through punishments when you have a brother to make do all the work...*grinning* even if Mum finds out about it.

Calistal-Well, that is certainly a good thing. Off that subject, what was yours and your brother's best prank?

Fred-Well, that would have to have been the time we took Mrs. Norris and gave her a potion that made her gold and red, and that also made anyone that touched her turn gold and red, and not be able to stop singing the praises of Gryffindor...that was really funny.

Calistal-Oh and would I have loved to have seen that. What was your best prank?

Fred-My best prank? Well, lets see. That would have to have been the time I charmed Snape's chair. He came in the next morning, sat down at the Head Table, and a bucket of water was poured on him. If that wasn't enough, shampoo was being lathered into his hair, and he couldn't do anything about it. Then a muggle water hose came out of thin air and sprayed him down. Best prank I've ever pulled.

Calistal-*wiping tears out of eyes from laughing* Oh my God! *snort* Can I get a memory picture of that after the interview is over, Fred?

Fred-I don't see why not...

Calistal-Thanks. You're an angel, Freddie-boy!

Fred-Wow, I don't think anyone has ever told me that before. Sweet! Well, whats the next question?Keep 'em coming. I'm missing Potions, Snape was furious...it was very funny!

Calistal-Yeah, well...HEY! I'm supposed to be asking the questions around here, you big fluffy teddy bear!

Fred-.......

Calistal-Um, did I say that out loud?

Fred-I know that no one has called me a big fluffy teddy bear before...

Calistal-Okay, now I must tell you something...

Fred-What is it?

Calistal-I...*mumble*

Fred-What was that? I didn't catch it.

Calistal-I said that I...forgot to take my medication and I really didn't mean to call you a big fluffy teddy bear...

Fred-Oh well then. I guess you had better go and take yor medicine and I gotta go to Transfiguration...

Calistal-*shaking Fred's hand* Well, thanks for letting me interview you. It was a pleasure.

Thus ended my interview with Fred Weasley, the big fluffy teddy bear. *Fred comes in* "I am not!" *Fred leaves* I did get that memory picture, it is very funny. Okay, I'm leaving now...See you next week when I interview Hermione Granger. That should be fun...*wanders off*

Calistal Potter

6th Year Gryffindor

Classifieds

For Sale:

4 slightly used heavy MAROON jumpers. Only worn once (on Christmas) varying sizes. Contact Ron Weasley, 5th year Gryffindor

Harry Potter's broken watch. Anyone want it? It'll be an official artifact when he dies! Contact Colin Creevey for this artifact!

Transfiguration tests. Copies of the transfiguration tests for the last 6 years (she can't keep make up new questions EVERY year). Contact Fred and George Weasley, 7th year Gryffindors

One pair of sneaky old pair of socks. Works good on keeping Sneakoscopes quiet. Contact Harry Potter to buy.

Help Wanted:

Tutor for Potions. Must be smart or at least good looking. Help me with potions essays and such. If you're a girl and good looking, that will help. No bushy-haired know-it-alls who won't share their homework need apply. Contact Ron Weasley, 5th year Gryffindor

Needed-- A helper! Anyone who is over fifth year may help. Must be caring, brave, non-violent, and loves animals! You must have good grades to apply-- in order to skip class. I need a boy and girl who'd love to take the position! No seventh year red-haired twins are wanted! - Rebeus Hagrid. Care of Magical Creatures professor.

Someone to Date Hermione! She stays too much in her books! Plus, Parvati and I need some time in the Dorm without her being there to ridicule us! Perfect Ideal person-- Someone whose funny, interesting, and the MAIN POINT-- YOU NEED TO KEEP HER OUT OF THE DORM! Contact Lavender Brown OR Parvati Patil. Gryffindor Fifth Years

Services Offered: Pictures taken - I will take your picture for you (I will try and get you with Harry Potter) Contact Colin Creevey, 4th year Gryffindor.

Need a Tutor? No need to look around for one! I tutor in every subject, just not flying. I will not give any answers to Ronald Weasley or Harry Potter, so don't ask! - Hermione Granger 5th year Gryffindor

Wanted!!! Any volunteers to work on The Hogwarts Weekly. Must be able to string a few sentences together, in English preferrably. If interested in writing a column for the paper, please contact the editor, Hermione Granger at this e-mail address: ducky_doll@hotmail.com

All help greatly appreciated!