Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with Marvel nor am I associated with Disney and all those nice lawyer types.
Notes: This is Phil Coulson/Female Clint Barton.
The Long Way Round
"I'm pregnant. I'm keeping it."
Phil looked up from his paperwork. "What? You're pregnant? Congratulations." Phil hadn't known Clint had started a relationship with –
"It's yours." Phil's brain stopped.
"We had sex once." And used condoms, and Clint was on birth control.
"Once is all it takes. Yes, you're the father. You're the only one I had sex with in the last six months."
"Oh." Phil stared. "I guess I'll pull you off field duty."
"Yeah. This sucks."
"I don't know what to say." Clint grunted, her arms crossing over her breasts.
"No, denials?"
"I trust you." It was true.
"Okay. We'll talk later. I just thought I should let you know. Medical's confirmed it."
"Thank you." Phil was still reeling from the news and watched her go. A father, he didn't think he'd ever be one with his job. Now and with Clint. Dear God.
"Ms. Barton?" The nurse called with an uncertain voice. Phil stood with Clint and walked with her toward the nurse. The nurse glanced at Phil then turned to Clint. "Ms. Clin-Clinton Barton?"
"Yeah. My dad was an asshole; I don't go by Francis, which is still a guy's name. Just call me Clint or Barton." The nurse nodded and again glanced at Phil. "He's the dad."
"Phil Coulson." Phil introduced.
"Come with me, please."
"Ready to see if it's a boy or girl?" Clint asked Phil, she sounded nervous and excited. Phil knew exactly how she felt.
"I just want a healthy baby." Phil replied honestly. So much could go wrong; the last thing he cared about was a particular gender. Clint smiled at him. Her eyes crinkling as she did so.
Phil smiled back.
The child was a girl.
"The ultrasounds aren't a hundred percent accurate." The nurse said apologetically as she handed them their son in a bright pink blanket Clint had brought. Clint glared; she looked deadly despite being clearly exhausted.
"We understand." Phil replied for her as Clint just took the baby. The nurse smiled and left the room in a hurry.
"Most of the onesies aren't pink." Phil said as Clint stroked the baby and tried to get him to breastfeed.
"I hate you so much right now. This is your fault."
"My fault? How is this my fault?" Phil replied.
"You wanted that ultrasound."
"I said I didn't mind knowing. It was up to you."
"Whatever." She glanced at him. "What do you want to name him?"
"Francis, we could call him Frank?" Phil threw out because Clint had agreed on using his last name.
"Francis? Francis Barton Coulson." Clint tried. "We could call him Junior."
" How about Frank?" Phil tried with a laugh. Clint smiled at him, though she suddenly looked completely exhausted from the birth.
"Yeah, Junior is kind of a dumb nickname." She handed him their son. Phil didn't think he could love him anymore than he did at that moment.
Despite Frank, Phil and Clint were not together. It a rough start but they eventually worked a visitation and support schedule with their jobs being what it was. They still dated other people and at work didn't mention having a child at all.
"Daddy!" Frank called as he toddled to him from behind Clint's current boyfriend. He was a civilian. The man smiled tightly at him.
"You must be Phil then." He said.
"Yes." Frank tried to push past him but the man did not relent from the doorframe.
"Today is not your day." Phil glared.
"He's my son and Clint had to go out on assignment. I have the right to pick him up."
"Fran." The man stressed. "Put me in charge of him. I don't have to let him go to you."
"Daddy!" Frank called again, sounding on the verge of a tantrum.
"Clint." Phil said sternly. "She hates being called Fran, Frannie or Frances, with an e. Her name is Clint and that's my son. Now move." He shoved him aside with more strength than he knew was expected. Frank ran to him.
Frank snuggled against him. Phil gave him a quick look over. "Don't think I won't be telling Clint about this."
"Like she'd believe you. You're her ex." The man sneered. "She likes me."
"She knows you're not stupid enough to hurt our son. That's different." Phil ignored him and went to his own apartment.
He did tell Clint about her boyfriend's behavior. Clint broke up with him on a day Frank was with him.
"You didn't have to break up with him." Phil told her after she broke the news to him.
"He was an asshole anyway." Clint told him as they drank coffee when she came to pick him up that evening. "A bit controlling. You have the control thing down but know when you need to be an ass. You aren't one in general."
"Thanks." Phil laughed softly at the back-handed compliment. Clint just sipped from her coffee.
"I suck at dating. The job, you know how it is."
"Yeah. I haven't had a successful date since college I think." Clint laughed now.
"Don't exaggerate, Phil. You had a good date with May a few years ago."
"That was for a mission."
"Still counts."
"Only because I don't have enough good dates to pick from." Phil countered but didn't argue against it.
"One day we'll find the one."
"Or someone good enough."
"To good enough." Clint raised her mug. Phil met it.
"To good enough."
-
Natasha brought a different element to their little dynamic. Clint and Natasha hit it off like a house on fire. Frank adored her and when Clint started dating her, a fact which surprised him as much as Clint, started calling her Aunt Nat.
When the house finally burned to the foundation, Clint and Natasha's sexual relationship fizzled though their personal relationship could be counted on as a one of the deepest friendships Phil had seen. Strike Team Delta was a legend at SHIELD and at home Phil, Clint, and Aunt Natasha existed in an easy harmony
Phil and Clint still were working on find Mr. and Mrs. Good Enough, but if that person never turned up Phil was content with what he had if it stayed the way things were.
A failed mission, too many lost agents, and a sense of personal failure led Phil and Clint to once again sharing a bed. The sex was frantic and barely pleasurable but it made them feel alive. Frank was a good refuge for them both as they rebuilt at work.
Two months later Clint came to his office and sat down in front of him without a word. Phil looked over at her. Her expression was hard and she looked pale.
"Are you okay?" He asked concerned. "Is Frank okay? Did Lisa call?" Lisa was their permanent nanny for when they were out on assignment. Phil's personal cell was off.
Clint shook her head, her short bob moving with the movement. She licked her lips. She opened her mouth to speak, then drew them into a thin line. "Clint?"
"I'm pregnant." She said softly. Phil stared.
"What?"
"Surprise!" She said with fake jubilation.
"Is it-is the baby mine?" It was two months after all.
"Yeah. Two for two. We have to have some record going on." Clint said after a moment.
"Are you keeping it?"
"I don't know."
"Oh."
"I gotta go. See you later, Phil."
"Clint, wait!" Clint shook her head and kept heading out. Phil didn't order her to stay, it would've been a violation of his professional capacity.
That evening Phil went for a walk. He got dinner at a Chinese restaurant. He made conversation with a woman named Miranda. She was a cellist.
"What do you think?" Clint asked a she spun around in the dress. Frank looked at her with a smile. He shook his head to get his dark fringe out of his eyes. Phil's fingers itched to trim it. Clint liked to keep his hair somewhat long; Phil would have preferred a cleaner cut.
"You look pretty, Mommy."
"You think Mommy looks good covered in apple sauce."
"You do look good in apple sauce." Phil added seriously. "It's a gift." Clint glared before laughing. "You look fine."
"Not fat?"
"You look good, Clint. Go have fun." Her pregnancy was barely visible despite being four months along. "You deserve it."
"Great. Thanks." She smiled widely. "I'm just nervous. He's a good guy, Phil. You're going get along with him."
"It's not what I want, Clint." Phil said. "You deserve someone who makes you happy."
"So do you. Don't think I haven't notice you talk to Miranda." Phil felt his face heat up. "Just let me know if it gets a bit serious. We'll introduce her to the kids then."
"Thank you." Phil had thought of it but wondered if Clint would allow it easily. Clint's personal phone rang.
"That should be him." Clint said. She ran to phone. She made an affirmative hum as she answered. Phil turned to play with Frank again. When Clint came back she reached for her shoes. "He's downstairs. I'm heading out, okay?"
"Bye, mommy!" Frank said as she kissed his forehead.
"See you, Phil."
"Be safe."
"Always, sir." Clint replied.
"Daddy, why aren't you and mommy together?" Frank asked him suddenly as Clint closed the front door.
"Not all mommies and daddies are together, Frank."
"Oh. Do you love Mommy?"
"I care about her very much." He replied instead. Frank looked unhappy.
"Mommy loves you."
"Not that way, Frank. There is more than one kind of love."
"Kay." He said simply and went back to coloring.
The baby was born in June, a girl this time. Clint named her Edith after her mother. Phil was in Paraguay on a mission and didn't meet her until she was almost two months old. Miranda asked him to move in with her after he came back.
Phil declined. He spent their first 'break' together with his daughter.
"This is still stupid." Clint told Phil softly as she looked down at her Howling Commando uniform. Edith screeched in excitement as a group of fairies passed them. She was dressed in a miniature Captain America costume, Frank was dressed as Bucky. Phil just smiled politely in his Dum-Dum costume. "You're such a nerd, Phil." Though her tone was laced in affection.
"I'd say fanatic is more like it." Tom replied from behind them. Phil raised a brow at him. "Come on, Phil. I've seen your collection."
"Hey, you can't beat the classics." He replied instead. Tom laughed. "You would have dressed us in Star Wars uniforms."
Tom raised his hands. "I plead the fifth."
"Daddy's lying." Tom's daughter called from next to him. "He dressed me and Mickey up last Halloween as the characters from Star Wars."
Clint started a half-hearted rant against their devotion. Phil had barely struck down a Merida outfit on their daughter after all. As Clint took the children to the next house on the block he and Tom spoke.
"I'm glad you and Clint have a good relationship." Tom told him softly. "I look at you two and wish I could have something like that with my ex-wife."
"Clint and I were never really exes."
"I know, but children usually make things harder, not easier. You two get along really well. That's all I'm saying. You should know how rare that is."
"I know." Phil looked at Clint. "My mom and dad didn't get along to well after they divorced. When Clint told me she was pregnant I hoped we wouldn't have that. I know how lucky we are. I'm glad you're comfortable with it all."
Tom had been dating Clint since before Edith's birth after all.
"You haven't given me a reason not to." Tom replied. "How are things with Miranda?"
"Fine." Phil replied. "She's travelling with her orchestra at this moment. It's a pretty much long distance relationship with us. If she's not on tour, I'm usually out on assignment." Tom nodded. "I think that's why it's worked out so far, really."
"I think that's the hardest part." Tom said. "I don't know how well I'm going to do when Clint goes back on active duty."
"Have you and she talked about it?"
"Of course, but it will still be hard."
"It's worth it." Phil reassured him.
"I hope so." Tom said as Clint and the kids approached them with their new candies in tow.
-
Clint and Tom dated for three years before their relationship ended. They stayed friends. Miranda and Phil kept up a rocky relationship that Phil couldn't stay away from. They ended their relationship for good when Frank was eight and Edith four.
Then Loki happened and it didn't matter at all.
"You asshole." The Avengers turned in shock to look at Clint. "You fucking asshole."
"Excuse me," the woman next to Phil began. Her voice filled with offense. "Who do you think you are? He's recovering-" Clint turned to her.
"You, shut up. This isn't about you. You're not even supposed to be here. Your clearance level isn't high enough." Clint glared at Tony. Phil just stared, half drugged. "But you, you asshole. How dare you die? Do you have any idea what the fuck you put us through? Do you know what I had to tell them?"
Phil blinked. "Are they okay?" His voice was slurred and heavy. It was as if he finally understood that Clint was talking to him.
"No! You fucker. They're devastated and you better pull through because I am not telling them their father is dead twice." Phil stared vacantly then nodded. "And you owe me three months of child support now. I can't afford that stupid daycare you wanted by myself forever so hurry up and get better." Clint turned and left with an indignant huff.
Everyone stared then looked at Phil. Miranda, the cellist, spoke first. "Child support? Phil?"
"I have-have kids with Barton. It's above your clearance. I couldn't tell you."
"You had a relationship with Clinton "I'll stab you in the eye if you so much as flirt with me." Barton?" Tony asked.
"We had sex twice." Phil clarified. "Natasha had a relationship with her." Everyone turned to Natsaha. She shrugged.
"Then how do you explain the –"
"Clint got pregnant from each time." Natasha said as Phil stared, trying to answer through the fog of drugs he was on. "Which is why Clint and Phil are not allowed to sleep together anymore. Each of you will need to sign a security clearance form before you leave Medical."
"What she said." Phil replied and sounded tired. He turned to Miranda. "Couldn't tell you. Please stay." She looked at Natasha.
"It's true. It's a security risk with the children." Natasha explained as Phil drifted out of consciousness. When he woke up Miranda wasn't there but Clint was. Her face was slightly splotchy but she looked like herself.
"Clint?" Clint looked at him.
"Hey, Phil."
"I can't owe you child support." Phil said after a moment of silence. "My paycheck-"
"Stopped when you died." Clint stopped.
"Oh." That made sense. "Do you really need-"
"No, Phil. I don't. They're not going to daycare right now anyway. I'm not on active duty at the moment. I'm on leave. The kids are staying with Tom while I'm here."
"Are you back with Tom?" He asked. It would make sense. Clint needed someone who cared for her.
"No. We're just friends, Phil."
"Okay, that's good."
"Why is that Phil?" Clint asked she looked at him with a hard to read expression. Phil knew he was smiling despite himself. The drugs made it so hard to fight it though.
"Because he's a good guy. And you need someone like him." Clint smiled at him.
"Go to sleep, Phil. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah."
"I love you." Had he said that?
"I love you, too." He thought he heard Clint say softly. "We'll talk about it later, Phil. Sleep get better."
"Kay."
When he woke up Miranda was there.
They broke up for the last time.
He and Clint finally got together.
Phil didn't find the 'one' but he thinks Clint was more than Mrs. Good Enough.
It wasn't a perfect life but it was a great one. Thing certainly improved from his near death experience, especially after Phil had a vasectomy.