The chaos of raindrops is a wondrous thing that tricks us all.
I liked watching their careful ferocity that wouldn't harm anything if it were a single raindrop but had extreme power in their vast numbers. There was no pattern to their attack, no indication of just where the next drop would strike until it did.
As a child, I had often looked out my bedroom window when there was a thunderstorm. The lightning and thunder did nothing to deter me from the sight of the drops of water suspended in whirls of wind.
Abnegation were not supposed to do anything for their own gratification. My mother had often caught me staring out the window eagerly. I always told her that I had seen movement outside and was looking to see if they needed help. I don't think my mother ever believed me because I never found anyone braving the rain but she let it pass, telling me to help her in the kitchen when I was done looking.
I don't think I would ever be 'done' watching the rain fall, but I had always left my perch soon afterwards to help my mother in the kitchen moments later. Caleb had never approved of my fondness of watching the rain either; he had always reminded me that I could have helped someone in the time I spent on myself.
Caleb always reminded me that I did not truly fit in Abnegation, not like everyone else did. The selflessness of Abnegation reminded me of home and everything I had grown accustomed to, but it wasn't the faction in which I could imagine my future.
I wasn't selfless. I wasn't any of the characteristics Abnegation prided themselves on, and everyone in Abnegation knew it no matter how hard I tried to hide it for my parents.
.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~.
I had made my choice, and it had been Dauntless. Probably the most selfish decision I would ever make in my life. I was choosing myself over my family; my emotions over my parents' hurt.
The shock of her own change of faction was dulled by the idea of Caleb, the perfect Abnegation Caleb, changing faction to Erudite. While my change had been drastic, his had been shocking.
The Prior family was halved now. There were only my parents left to return to their little Abnegation house when they had hoped that there would be four. Their little puddle of raindrops that had once been slightly chaotic could only ever be orderly now. There were only two of them, two people that fit in Abnegation without a hint of a doubt, selfless and caring yet hurt by their own thoughtless children.
I felt horrible for my decision, but I knew that I was making the right one. Just like I was sure Caleb knew that he was making the right one for himself. This was the one time we were allowed to be selfish and we had both taken the opportunity to do so.
Yet we were giving up so much. We would never be able to openly visit our parents again, never inhabit the rooms were grew up in again. It was like losing our entire childhoods at the blink of an eye in an attempt to create a better future which may never even come true.
It was both silly and ridiculously hopeful, but it was a hope that had yet to die within my mind. That was the entire point of the Faction system, wasn't it?
Faction before family, ensuring we found our own place in society where we felt at peace with ourselves and fit in, right? If I really believed that I wouldn't be feeling as guilty as I did now as I joined the crowd of Dauntless running out of the room, I wouldn't be feeling the urge to turn around and send one more glance towards my parents, then another.
I was going to the Faction that fit me most, just as Caleb was. My mind told me that I shouldn't be guilty for my decision, but the tumbled mass of emotions within me told me otherwise. Each memory with my parents was like a little raindrop, but I was still behind the safety of the window. I could follow my decision to run with the Dauntless just like I had always dreamed.
I was sure my parents would understand, because they were Abnegation. They always understood and cared for other people before themselves. That was just how my parents had always been.
.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~.
Learning that the Factionless were so organised was truly shocking. Were those really the people Abnegation took pity on for not having homes? The people that Abnegation took pity on and gave food and clothing to?
The Factionless didn't really need any of the help Abnegation gave them, but they took it anyway as they bided their time, waiting for something no one else was privy to. I doubted even Erudite with all the knowledge they prided themselves on, knew of the Factionless' deception.
The ruffled and generally unkempt Factionless were the most prepared for everything to come, armed and ready for the future to get better because they would make it so. They didn't believe in the Faction system, so they weren't fooled by the fragile peace that had been a cover for plans that had only recently been revealed.
The Factionless were scattered and chaotic, yet more unified than any of the factions because they all wanted the same thing. The one thing that united them was their goal, and not just similar characteristics, which in the long run made them much more loyal to each other.
They were all equals. They were all in the same situation: cast out from their various factions with no loyalty to the system that governed. They all knew what they wanted, and nothing would deter them from that idea.
I couldn't help but compare them to the chaotic raindrops I had admired when I was a child.
.~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~.
AN: Written for The Diversity Writing Challenge - D90 [The chaos of raindrops is a wondrous thing that tricks us all.]