Confession
by:
nexa alex
Disclamer: I don't own a thing... swear! It's all Clamp!
*******************
And I don't own the music either. Just so you know - Jesse McCartney
It was my last day in Tomoeda. Sakura and Tomoyo had arranged a party with all our close friends. So it turns out as me, Sakura, Tomoyo, Eriol and Meilin.
We were at my house, currently on my living room. Sakura, Tomoyo and Meilin insisted and we're now playing with my playstation. They were playing Singstar – a game Meilin made me buy so she could play with it.
I was on the back of the living room with Eriol, he was reading while I was playing some chords, trying to find the best tune so a song could come to my head.
Tomoyo and Meilin were on battling now, they were both with a mic on their hands, singing cheerfully with all their might.
It doesn't even seem like it was my farewell party. I've just hit my nineteen mark, Mother already told me she will not give me one more day. She already gave me a spar year to find a wife, and will not wait one more second. She knows Sakura and knows she's the one I love. But she's not a patient woman, and she wants me engaged before I turn twenty, so that by the time I turn twenty-two i should be sure that the woman I want to marry is the one I've been having a relationship for more than two years.
And still, the woman I love is completely clueless about my feelings for her. I don't know if she loves me as well, but I think… well I'm just too much of a coward to tell her, and she is way too good for me and I really don't want to ruin our friendship…
"Syaoran! Hey buddy! They're callin' you!" I heard Eriol voice boom in my head.
"Syaoran get up here!" my best friend cheerful voice called.
I smiled at the green eyed beauty and complied with her wish.
When I was there she made me sit, still with the guitar in my hands, and she sat by my side.
"Syao! Sing for me?!" she asked with pleading eyes, everyone went and sit around the couch, waiting for my answer.
"Sure…" the time when I was shy about my music had past a long time ago.
"Hey, sing the one you showed me yesterday." Eriol said with a glint in his eyes.
I open my eyes, surprised. No way, I'll sing that song.
"You have a new song?" Sakura asked, her eyes shining.
"Oh, I love that song, play it Syaoran, you can't go away without showing Sakura and Tomoyo that song!" Meilin said, in a teasing tone.
"Oh please Syaoran, please!" I couldn't resist when she asked me that way, besides I won't be here tomorrow, so why not? And looking at Tomoyo I knew Eriol had already told her for who that song was. So I agreed.
"Okay." I put myself comfortable on the couch, and so did everyone.
As my fingers run through the cords I started.
I shouldn't love you
but I want to,
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you
but I can't move
I can't look away
And I looked into her eyes, her green eyes, the ones I would never forget. Not when they showed me so much, not when they had taught me so much.
And I don't know
How to be fine, when I'm not
Cause I don't know
How to make this feeling stop
That was so true, I really wanted it to stop, I really didn't want to feel this way. All my jealousy moments, all that moments when she made those little things that made me go crazy with the wild thought of kissing those lips, caressing that face or just hold her close to me…
Those were things I really didn't want to do, cause it were things that I could not explain, no when I was suppose to only feel friendship and nothing more toward her.
Just so you know
this feeling is taking control of me
and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let it win now
I thought you should know
I tried my best to let go, of you
but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
There was so much moments that I just wanted to hold her and pour all those feelings into words and tell her all I feel for her. I can't count the times I just wanted to kiss her, there was so much inside me, and it was killing me to try and hold them inside. Not be able to tell the one I love that she's the one, that it is her who you want by your side all your life. Cause I don't even know if she feels exactly the same, if she wants to me to feel this way or if she just wants for me to be her friend. All this doubt, all this uncertain… it's… too hard.
It's getting hard to, be around you
There's so much I can't say
and do you want me to have the feelings
and look the other way
And I don't know
how to be fine, when I'm not
Cause I don't know
How to make this feeling stop
I don't get it… how are suppose people to pretend to be alright when they're not? How are some people capable of pretending? I'm already going crazy with this. I know I love her since we're kids, for more than 10 years, but just when confronted with the idea that I would never more see her, when my mum told me I should go back to Hong Kong, just then I understand that I love her, and that I always did.
Just so you know
this feeling is taking control of me
and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let it win now
I thought you should know
I tried my best to let go, of you
but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
I should tell her… I should say that all the care, all the worry, the concern, the friendship, the devotion I had to make her happy… all that was my love for her. Always there but never spoken. And now I realize, that if it wasn't there… it was like I was empty.
This emptiness is killing me
and I'm wondering why I waited so long
Looking back I realized,
it was always there just never spoken
and I'm waiting here
been waiting here
mmmm.....
Just so you know
this feeling is taking control of me
and I can't help it
I won't sit around
I can't let it win now
I thought you should know
I tried my best to let go, of you
but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
Oh…
Just so you know
At this moment I looked into her eyes, her wide open eyes I knew she had understood, that she had seen it behind the lyrics. She knew what I meant, and that I meant it for her.
Oh…
I thought you should know
I tried my best to let go, of you
but I don't want to
I just gotta say it all before I go
Just so you know
A/N:
Hey there!
It's been a while uh? And yes I'm alive!!! xP
I'm sorryyyyy, but life has been in the way... And I apologize already for the poor poor story I'm posting in here... xP...
And I don't even know when I'll be ending this... it will be a two-shot... If you have any idea you would like for me to put in these tell me...
And a review or PM with your opinion will be very welcome. =)