Author's Note: This is my first attempt in a while, really, at decent fanfiction. I apologize beforehand for anything anyone might find offensive, unpleasant, or just plain contradictory to their own interpretation of Evangelion and End. Also, I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, Studio Gainax does; if I did own it, all the characters would have an incredibly odd sense of humor (as I do).

Enjoy, if possible. (Don't mind the odd narrative style, btw. It's only for this chapter.)

(End of a Beginning: one more final [i need you])

The sea was still.

Two stared out over the sanguine expanse before them, and waited.

One's hair was red, and the other's was brown.

One was female, and the other was male.

One's eyes were blue, and the other's were brown.

Time crept slowly, as it will when you wish for something to happen.

And still, all was silent except the gentle murmur of the Sea.

And the quiet tears of the only Ones now left to the reddened world.

Chapter 1: Piecewise

piecewise (\ˈpēs-ˌwīz\) adv. – with respect to a number of discrete intervals

Or persons telling a story.

It's like weaving a quilt.

Lots of little pieces make a coherent whole.

The whole may be unexpected, but it will be interesting.

January Twenty-Second, Anno Domini Two Thousand and Sixteen.

sHiNjI – "He"

Shinji Ikari, only son of Gendou Ikari and Yui Ikari, former pilot of EVA-01, former keystone of the Instrumentality Project, and former ward of Misato Katsuragi, stared out over the Sea of LCL, hoping, praying for a disturbance in the monotonous break of the waves.

He had thought that once Lilith fell, people would return to the way they once were.

He had been wrong.

Almost a month had passed since Lilith released him and Asuka from the grip of the Egg, and no one had arisen from the Sea.

In a dreary litany, he reviewed what Rei and Kaworu had said of themselves as Adam and Lilith, their innocent red eyes seeming to strengthen him even as they lied to him:

We are the hope that people will someday understand each other.

We are also the words "I love you".

That hope is false, thought Shinji fiercely.

False eyes. Red eyes. Broken red eyes.

Red.

The color he hated.

The color he wanted to love.

Color of eye.

Color of hair.

Asuka.

He looked over at her. She had not retreated back into herself, as she had done after her suicide attempt, but he didn't – he couldn't – want to talk to her. He saw her again and again, rejecting him a thousand times, in the insane mishmash of ideas and feelings that had been Instrumentality.

But she had touched him.

At the last, when he had lost all hope of redemption, she gave him something kind, which was more than anyone else had given him before.

He studied her motionless form for hours. Eventually, he followed her into sleep.

sHiNjI – "I"

I jerked out of sleep with a foul taste in my mouth. Of course.

I haven't tasted anything good since I died.

I couldn't laugh, not even a little.

From the look of the plain, it was night once again. The pale sand of the beach almost glowed in the reddened moonlight. It would have been beautiful, if all thoughts of beauty had not been chased from my mind.

Asuka was in the act of stepping into the Sea.

Only one conclusion could I draw from this.

She wants to rejoin her mother

Of course. Smashed Unit-02, holder of Kyoko Sorhyu's soul, had released its ethereal baggage once the EVA – Series had brutalized it.

Very natural for Asuka to want

that

I scrambled up out of the sand, and smashed Asuka back onto the shore.

My eyes were tearing up, whether from fury or inconsolable despair, I don't know.

I won't be alone. I won't be alone. I won't be alone. I won't be alone. I won't be alone NOT AGAIN!

She seemed to scarcely recognize the face in front of her, stopping her from seeing her mother again, in that painful dance that seemed to be missing something even though it promised wholeness…

Once she realized what had happened though, the quiet confusion gave way to uncontrollable rage.

I could scarcely hold her down. She was striking out with every part of her body, cursing me in Japanese, German, English, any language that came to her mind.

"SHINJI! SHINJI IKARI! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! EGOISTISCH KIND! LASS MICH LOS! ICH MUSS ZURUCKGEHEN! I – MUST – GO – BACK! VERDAMMEN SIE SIE! VERDAM-"

I put my hand over her mouth, but she bit it. I hastily withdrew it, and slid off her. She marched forward to what she had been doing. I felt that I would go insane… again… if she was lost to me, and I became alone AGAIN! But I couldn't stop her without killing her, which I couldn't do again. Again again again. I've been on a track all this time. I lose everyone, and I don't die.

Why can't I die.

Because I'm a coward.

But this pain is like the world on my shoulders. Now I know how Atlas felt. I have nothing to live for.

So why live.

If she steps back into what she thinks is heaven, I am in absolute hell. There is no redemption from it. If I return to the LCL, all of them will be occupied by someone else… no Rei to love me this time, or Misato to care for me… I will be alone.

I am decided. Death is nothing to pain. I am nothing to everyone. So death and I will be together at the last.

And with a black look, Asuka stepped

AsUkA – "She"

Asuka, already chest-deep in the LCL, gave Shinji's retreating form a dirty look.

And stopped, the LCL licking her wounds.

The look in his eyes was the same one she had had in hers after Arael had violated her mind.

NO HOPE, they said, NO HOPE.

Can I leave him like that?

Will he be alive, later?

She tried to fool herself, with rationalizations, and justifications, but the horror that her teenage eyes had seen would not let her fool herself entirely.

If I leave, he will kill himself.

If I die, he will kill himself.

If I merge with the LCL again, he will not follow me, he will kill himself.

Feverishly her mind flicked through the possibilities, what she could do to distance herself from this One she both hated and loved, but not kill him, and eventually only one option presented itself.

If I want him to live, I must stay.

But do I want him to live?

Is the love or the hate stronger?

She couldn't answer herself.

And so, ferociously, she dove into the heart of that black mass of pain and pleasure that was her relationship with Shinji.

As she turned in on herself to find the root of it, she thought,

I'm looking for my choice.

Would you love me for it, mama? Whatever it is?

She thought she could hear the faintest, Yes… from the LCL around her.

But she probably just imagined it. No, really. Completely impossible.

Maybe…

The Questioner – "I"

AsUkA – "I"

Under a spotlight, Asuka Langley Sohryu was questioned:

What do you want to do with Ikari Shinji?

I want to leave him to rot on this beach!

Really?

No! I – I don't know! That's why I'm here!

Where is here?

My mind, of course!

Really?

I… of course I… who the hell are you anyway?

I'm not sure. But you came here for yourself. You need your help now, not mine.

So I will ask again: what do you want to do with Ikari Shinji? Consider that this is not your mind, but your self.

You hold his life in your hands.

I know! He held mine in his… and look what he did with it!

You would like to have him die in revenge?

Well… I…

You what?

I… might love him. But…

But what?

He doesn't need me. It could be anyone. If I could know that it was only me, that it only ever could be me, that he would die if I left –

He will die if you leave.

But… what if once… humanity is back… he leaves me… because… because… he doesn't need… ME anymore?! What will I do?

I cannot answer.

What good are you then?!

Only you can answer yourself about Shinji. But it seems that you cannot answer yourself. To find your answer… find the part of you that is not you. That is out of place, because it shines so brightly. Ask that part. Perhaps it will answer you.

I don't see – ohhh…

ASUKA?

Ye-yes?

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

I – I think so…

YES, YOU DO KNOW. BUT CONSIDER THIS: SHINJI DOES NOT. HE HAS NO SENSE OF SELF. OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE HIM. YOU WROUGHT YOUR EXISTENCE OUT OF YOUR OWN STRENGTH, BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T BEAR TO BE HURT BY LOSING SOMEONE AGAIN. HE LETS OTHER PEOPLE DEFINE HIM, SO HE CAN AVOID PAIN WHEN HE CLASHES. YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE PEOPLE LOVE YOU. HE THINKS HE MUST MAKE HIMSELF INTO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE LOVE. WILL YOU LEAVE HIM? IF YOU LEAVE, HE WILL DIE, BECAUSE HE THINKS HE IS WORTHLESS. IF YOU STAY, YOU TELL HIM HE IS NOT. BUT DO NOT LET HIM DEFINE HIMSELF BY YOU. HELP HIM, IF YOU STAY. HE HAS BEEN CRUCIFIED BY MEN, BUT COULD NOT DIE FOR THE WORLD. HE IS BROKEN. YOU WERE MADE WHOLE.

That… that's the reason for… all the times he hurt me?

YES. HE LOVES YOU, TOO, ASUKA; HE JUST CAN'T TELL YOU. YOU'VE TOLD HIM – EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO – TO GIVE UP ANY HOPE REGARDING YOU. HE HAS LOST ALL HOPE FOR HIMSELF. YOU ARE THE ONLY HOPE HE HAS, AND WOULD HAVE BEEN EVEN IF YOU HAD BEEN ONE IN A THOUSAND THAT WERE SAVED FROM THE LCL.

How… how do you know?

I KNOW BECAUSE, DEEP IN YOUR HEART, YOU KNOW. BUT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW BEFORE.

W… what… ARE… you?!

I AM YOU. I AM THE THING THAT WAS BORN WHEN YOU TOUCHED SHINJI INSTEAD OF HURTING HIM. I AM YOUR MOTHER THAT COMFORTED YOU. I SIMPLY AM. I HAVE BEEN HERE ALL ALONG, IN SOME WAYS. IN SOME WAYS NOT. BUT NOW, I WILL HELP YOU, WHATEVER YOU DO. IT WILL BE HARD. BUT I LOVE YOU.

Asuka began to cry.

Why?

…

I don't know.

sHiNjI – "He"

Asuka – "I"

My gaze turned out of my mind. I gasped and touched my face.

It was wet, and my hand was too.

But my hand was more than that.

In disbelief, I removed the bandage holding my split arm together.

The arm was whole. But in my hand –

The scar of a stigma.

With a dizzying sensation, I recalled that some saints had been said to have been impressed with these. The marks of the Cross – the Tree of Life.

But I'm not a saint.

In my head, resonating like a tsunami: KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN – ANOTHER CHANCE AT SAVING THE WORLD. USE IT. SAVE IT A LITTLE AT A TIME – ONE PERSON AT A TIME. YOU MAY NOT BE A SAINT. BUT YOUR LIFE IS NO LONGER YOURS. IT IS EVERYONE'S.

NOW, GO FORTH. I WILL HELP YOU.

I-I'll try!

I, whole now, awoke like an earthquake in the Sea that was glowing red in the light of the spattered moon.

"Shinji? Shinji!"

I whirled around in the LCL calling for him.

He was nowhere to be seen.

Was I too late? Did I fail before I started?

NO. SHINJI IS NOT HERE. BUT YOU MUST FIND HIM, QUICKLY. HE THINKS YOU ARE GONE, SO HE WILL KILL HIMSELF. WHEN YOU FIND HIM, REMEMBER WHY YOU DID WHAT YOU DID AFTER ARAEL. MAYBE YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS DOING THIS THEN. SOMEONE SAVED YOU FROM THAT. THERE IS NO ONE BUT YOU TO SAVE HIM.

The Voice was fading, returning to my mind.

ASUKA. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE…

Silence.

I stood still for a moment, and my eye lit upon uneven footprints, leading to the severed head of Lilith, on the horizon.

Without a second thought, I began dashing for it.

I was crying as I ran. From sadness, fear, joy, freedom, I don't know.

sHiNjI – "He"

Shinji contemplated the monstrous head before him.

He had wondered why it had not rotted, the ghastly smile collapsing into an open-mouthed grimace with time, and the terrible watcher reduced to dust.

But he was perfectly fine with things as they were.

This makes it easy to die.

No Asuka/no hope. Synonymous. At least, in his mind.

Hope is what gives death all its horror. Without hope, death is only release.

He began to climb towards the dividing slash in the middle of the head.

The teeth, I'm sure, will be sharp enough to give me an end.

What would his final moments be like? Trapped in a warm cave, bleeding out slowly from the wrists, waiting to lose consciousness and –

"Shinji!"

His thought was cut off by a scream from the ground.

He looked down.

Red.

He lost his hold, and began to slide down the white flesh of the head.

He didn't even notice when he hit the ground.

Asuka.

Author's Note:

Some translations: Ich muss zuruckgehen! – I must go back!

Verdammen Sie Sie! – Damn you!

Egoistisch Kind – Selfish child

Lass mich los! – Let me go!

Would you believe me if I said that, honestly, I didn't mean to write half that stuff? It just came out. I was expecting to make it a lot more depressing. Instead, it's like – sort of happy. OK, I'm not really a great judge of quality of my own work, but I thought that was pretty all right. If I'm wrong, tell me so in REVIEWS! I like reviews! The people of my planet FEED on them (jk). This story is not done yet, but I can't give any positive date as to when the next chapter will be up. It might be this month, or it might be not till next year. It's whenever the mood strikes me. Sorry for being erratic. Thank you for reading, and always eat your veggies!

kribble the mighty

(BTW, the title should make sense if you think about it. Shinji was overestimating mankind by thinking they'd come up immediately. The color red is also a major concept. Though mainly, it's used with Asuka. Cya!)