Disclaimer: We don't own the WWF, just the monkey and our fictional characters.

The Monkey in Matt's Brain?!

By I Hear Voices In My Head GottaKiss*Jeff Bzzzzzz! Mickey Beccera opened his eyes and yawned noisily. "What?" he said, looking at his clock. "It's only nine in the morning. Why am I awake?" After a deep thought, he said happily, "Wait a second! I only wake up early when I have a new plan to scheme!" So he got up and went into his secret laboratory. (P.s. It's not Dexter's Lab. It's his cousins.)

"Ahhhh," Mickey said, stroking his new 'MB' machine. "It's so lovely. It's so beautiful. It has the same initials as I do. It is…the Monkey Brain!" (Evil, maniacal laughter.)

Suddenly, his Pearl Jam rockin' friend, Eddie Vedder, popped out. "Hiya, Mickey!" he said loudly, swinging his long brown hair. "What is your new project on?"

"Well," Mickey explained, "Whoever I shoot this ray too, they would get an evil, maniacal monkey stuck in their brain forever. That monkey will tell them to do anything wrong, and the host will actually believe it is right!"

Eddie Vedder was confused. "Is there an antidote to the monkey? And what is his name?"

"His name is Uzzel, dear Eddie, and the only antidote is…"

(BEEP!)

"…and none of you people heard that."

Eddie was still as confused as ever. "Uzzel? What kinda name is that?"

Mickey stood up proudly. "A retarded name!"

(Dun dun DUN!) (Drum roll)

And suddenly, we go back to our little retarded friends…

… "Taka! Funaki! Get your dirty hands off of me!" Vince snarled.

"Meng-o-wa." (Translation: You're awfully pretty, Vinny-Mac.)…

Mickey laughed again. "Yes! I hold those retards in my hands! I OWN the WWF now! Ha! Vince will always be my prisoner. Now all I have to do is find the right person to infect with Uzzel…"

He looks into his crystal ball, which is actually one of those kids Magic Eight Ball thingies. "Oh magic crystal ball, please tell me of one who will be Uzzel's most imperfect soul mate!" He shakes it. Up floats the answer: You suck. Try again later.

"Awww!" Mickey complained. "I need to know now!"

"Hey, Mickey?" Eddie asked. "What if you give it to the person who likes me the most? Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a…"

Mickey immediately brightened up. "You're right Ed Ved! But who likes you?"

"Matt Hardy," Eddie said proudly. "Plus, Uzzel despises Matt. He told me right now. You see, I have sheep in my head, and he knows Mr. Monkey Uzzel (Ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a) and Mr. Monkey thinks Matt Hardy is a fag gay ass loser know-it-all cry baby suck up Lita lovin' trashbag skanky ugly curved up nose dumpster!"

"Oh. Thanks, Eddie Vedder. You know, everyone should have a sheep friend like you."

Eddie smiles. "Why thank you. Finally, someone appreciates me for being a sheep man."

Mickey rubbed his hands together. "Yessssss," he said evilly, like Megatron. He grabbed his 'MB' machine and typed in the name 'Matt Hardy fag gay ass loser know-it-all cry baby suck up Lita lovin' trashbag skanky ugly curved up nose dumpster'.

And suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and a big BOOM.

And a hundred miles away, Matt Hardy, in a room playing with his violin, is struck with a bolt a lightening…