The idea for this story popped into my head one night while I was downloading Twilight...So....I hope you enjoy and then REVIEW!!
All reviewers get a metaphorical toffee apple and some simile chocolate =)
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Bella: I had never given much thought to how I would die
(Deer appears)
But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a pretty good way to go...
Deer: Why am I hearing voices? I hear a creepy man-voice! AHH! She talks about death! AHHH! DEATH IS NEAR!!!
(Rustle noises in the bushes)
AHHHHH!! Etc. RUN! *runs*
OWWWW THAT FREAK BIT ME!!!
Edward: Heehee! DEATH TO DEER! YOU SHALL ALL DIE!!!
Deer (I pet-named him Jamison): Ack *dying* I said death was near *dies*
Edward: *shrugs* Waste of a good deer *starts to eat the deer*
Director: Annnnd – CUT! Edward, you can stop eating the deer now
Edward: Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy? *whines*
Director: That's the 8th deer you've eaten today!!
Edward: So?
Emmett & Jasper: You is gonna get fat!
Edward: NOOO! *tackles Emmett and Jasper*
Director: SECURITY!! THEY'RE FIGHTING AGAIN! Cut to next scene!!!
Bella: So I can't regret my decision to leave home, I would miss Phoenix, I would miss the heat –
Edward (appears from behind an Edward shape cactus): Long sleeved T-shirt? And a shirt over the top? Not exactly warm-weather friendly...
Bella: *hits self on the head* There are those damn voices the deer warned me about...Hey! Um...Director Person...Why am I holding a cactus?
Director: Bella...
Bella: Oh...Oh! Sorry...emm...I would miss my loving erratic hare-brained mother-
Emmett: She has a rabbit in her brain? Oh...em...gee...That's awful!
Jasper: And isn't Bella's mum meant to be Albino? Where did her albino-ness go?! WHERE?! WTF?!
Carlisle: Language young Jasper language
Esme: Shut up Carlisle
Carlisle: Yes dear *hangs head*
Director: How did you all end up in this scene?! This movie will need ALOT of editing...now can you all be quiet? Just for a little while...please?
Cullens: Yes Ms Director Woman Sir
Bella: -and her new husband
Emmett: *opens mouth to comment but receives a deathglare from the director and promptly shuts his mouth again*
Phil: Come on! I love you both but we have a plane to catch!
Bella: But they want to go on the road so I'm going to spend some time with my dad, this will be a good thing....I think.
(Depressing yet awesome music plays)
Edward: Safe?
Jasper: Safe.
Edward: Thank god, I thought Emmett was going to explode from not commenting
Bella: *sits herself in Edward's lap* Hey Eddie-dearest
Edward: What do you need money for?
Bella: Soy Latte
Edward: You do remember that we don't eat or drink right?
Bella: Don't you dare question me Edward Cullen!
Edward: *gets out wallet*
Bella: *takes money and skips away*
Director: BELLA!! BELLA!! COME BACK!! YOU'RE NEEDED FOR CREEPY NARRATION!! ISABELLA!!
(10 Minutes of the Director running around frantically)
Bella: (is literally being dragged kicking and screaming by the ankles into the studio) NO!!! I DON'T WANNA!! *grabs doorframe and hangs on*
Director: Bella. We are 2 minutes into the movie and you're giving up...ARGH!
Bella: Actually...I just thought it would be more dramatic if I flailed and screamed and stuff...heh-heh?
Director: Bella...Just narrate...Go!
Bella: Oky doky Ms Bossy Director Lady
Screen Reads:
TWILIGHT!
MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Edward Cullen is gay.
Director: Alright. Who messed with the screen?
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*swings swirly watch* After you have read this chapter you will review, then you will go read ALL my other stories and review those too!
My love to all those who read my weird scribbles!
Zee
xx