Fast and Furious 101
Hey this is my first fanfic ever, and Im only writing it to mock a movie that, while accurately portraiting certain parts of the import 'subculture', also has numerous stupid scenes only the true enthusists would notice. And of course the people that just spend a lot of time listenting to the true enthusiasts. Oh yeah I don't own this movie, I wouldnt want my name near it actually, dont get me wrong I liked it, when it came out I loved it, but after seeing it so many times and owning the dvd, I quicky began to notice to many stupid things that were just kinda funny. For the record I do know what I am talking about. I have owned (in this order): a 1993 Nissan Sentra that my buddies and I swapped an SR20DE into, a 1995 Subaru Legacy sedan AWD with a full rally suspension with remote resevoirs, skid plates, case hardened transmission work, a plethora of performance parts, Electromotive TEC II stand alone engine management, roll cage, and some other misc. stuff, a 1998 Acura Intega GS-R with intake, header, exhaust, cam gears, underdrive pulleys, digital ignition system, wires, plugs, polyurethane engine mounts, Koni Adjustables with Ground Control coilovers, SSR competition wheels, and a cool nifty stero system too :) And finally my newest and soon to be greatest ride, a 1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX turbocharged and All Wheel Drive from the factory, by the end of the summer I'll be in low 12's. Next summer Im reaching for the 10's. haha I've owned all these cars in the 3 years I've had a legal drivers lisence. Go figure. Anyhoo on with teh story, like I said I own NOTHING related to the story, ie: characters, brands, franchizes, Universal, the great RJ Devara, Craig Leiberman, and other import people icons.
-Fast and Furious 101-
(A/N: this is gonna be jumping around from different scenes in the movie)
Brian- I need naaawsss....I need nawwsss...my car topped out at 140 mph...
Harry-You know most people would be happy with that...
Brian-Dammit I need NAAWWSSSS!!! I need one of these...one of the big ones...and Harry, I need it by tonight...
Harry-Sure thing boyo....though one can will be more than enough since the amount of nos injected is totally related to the injector plates and not the amount of large, chromey bottles...Have it by tonight...sure it'll only take six hours just to set up the dvd player to the nitrous control unit and stand alone ENGINE management, not to mention rip apart the heater vents and control to install gauges and switches and custom fabricate the parts for it but sure why not you dont need to be concearned with teh little details...stupid pig.
Vince-Talk to me jessie this aint working brother..
Jessie- its your fuel map man, its got a nasty hole...thats why your unloading in third
Leon-I told you it was third
Vince-shut up
Jessie-just tune the nos timer, leghten the injector pulse another millasecond, you'll run 9's.
Vince-Really?
Jessie-Sure...why not? I mean even though the Nos timer wouldnt relate at all to the MAP having a hole in it...speaking of which how does a hole develop in a MAP?
Vince-You tell me...
Jessie-Its not in the script.
Vince-Damn...
Crowd-oooohhhh daaayyymmmnnnn
Jessie-I see a cool air intake, a NOS fogger system and a T4 turbo dominic, It has direct port nitrous, an AIC controller-
Dom-Yeah and a stand aloen fuel management system. Not a bad way to spend 10 thousand dollars.
Random Onlooker-Hey...isnt that the Non-Turbo motor out of a RS/GS model eclipse?
Brian-um...no...no it isnt.
Random Racer-Hey...why are the cam gears on the other side of the engine? and why does it say Chrysler DOHC on it? Isnt it a mitsu? And why would you install a NOS fogger system and a direct port?
Brian-um...I really couldnt tell you.....
Onlooker-Hey...since when do turbos use cold air intakes leading to their intake manifold first, instead of the turbo?
Racer-There's a turbo there? (peers at headers....) nope, no turbo...
Brian-um.....
Edward-See that shit...he's got enough NOSSS in there to blow himself up...period...
Racer-Any nos could blow something up....
Dom-Yeah...
Brian-So what do you say, am I worthy...
Dom-I dunno, I didnt understand WTF jessie was talking about....can't you tell bythe expression on my face?
Brian-Um....
Dom-But your in, lets go!
Dom-You almost had ME? You never had me...you never had your car! Granny shifting, not double clutching like you should....Youre lucky that hundred shot of nos didnt blow the welds on the Intake! As it is I dont know why your floor fell out of the car....
Brian-um...wouldnt double clutching a turbo car just blow the center bearing out of the clutch?
Random racer-FOo! you aint even really doubleclutching...You only double clutch if you had no syncros!
Brian-Synch-what?
Dom-You say sommin bout my momma?
Dom-Your the last person Id expect to show up...
Brian-Yeah well I figured since my car magically got back into good condition I'd thought I'd get into your good graces...
Dom-How did it get this good running again...and how did you get a new floor board in the car?
Brian-I still dont understand how the nos coulda blown the floor out to begin with...
Dom-Oh...
Dom-Alright...what the hell is this?
Brian-This is your car.
Dom-My car? I said a ten second car, not a ten minute car.
Brian-say...doesnt that black eclipse have the same body kit as mine?
Dom-Um...guess its pretty popular.
Brian-Guess so...
*Scene where it pans over the Supra's car parts*
Dom-Wow....look at all the pretty parts...
Letty-is that a RACTIVE air filter?
Leon-god i hope not
Vince-those look like RACTIVE spark plug wires....
Jessie-maybe Dom's on a tight budget?
Brian-whats that snail shaped thingy for?
Dom-Thats the turbo...it does...stuff....and yea....
Vince-what the hell? did we get sponsered by Toucan industries or soemthing?
Letty-I didnt think ractive even made stuff for a supra...
Brian-Hey...doesnt that blue eclipse in teh shop have the same body kit as mine did?
Dom-hey it does...daymn people arent getting very imaginative with them....
Brian-who you racing?
Jessie-some fool in a honda 2000....
Brian-Jessie dont do it, I betcha he's got more than a hundred grand under the hood of that car...
Jessie-Uh huh.
Tran-What the hecks that white boi talking about...maybe if I platinum plated every nut and bolt and chromed everything and tossed a coupla's bags of money under the hood for good luck...and how can they say Honda2000 but not add one letter and make it correct and say Honda S2000?
Racerdude-How bout I race you for that sweet piece of ass?
Letty-You want ass goto hollywood boulavard, you want an adrenaline rush it'll be too large...right here right now...what do you say?
Racerdude-...you got it.
(engine's revving)
Letty-
racerdude-hey...didnt you have Corbeau racing buckets in before?
letty-hey...i did...when did the buckets get replaced with the stock seats?
Racerdude-i dunno.
Random onlookers-Hey...that eclipse has teh same body kit as that eclipse over there....
random onlooker 2-hey...youre right...oh daymn! look at that supra! its got ractive shit all over it!
random onlooker 3-hey check out the babes!
random onlooker 4-OH MY GOD....i saw an eclipse...with the same body kit as the others...
random onlooker 5-oh shit...i saw one with a different front bumper...thank god there is varity after all...
random onlooker 6-Yeah...a honda prelude is gonna beat the Toyomoto sponsered, 10 second street trim Lexus SC300 with a 2JZ-GE motor with a ball bearing T4 turbo, six cylinders, 3.2 literes, and rear wheel drive...
Random onlooker 7-look at all the pretty rice....
Random onlooker 8-hey...is that the same eclipse as before...?
Random onlooker 9-hey...did anyone notice how that 240SX had racing seats one minute and stock seats the next?
Randomonlooker 10-i think everyone did...
kay tahts it people, there is actually a lot more...but as I started to write this I quickly realized taht while humorous to me, it may not be to others, and the fact is as I started to point out all the little things, more and more came to mind, and it scared me. So thats it. Bear in mind I actually liked that movie, but there was just too much bullshit to make it serious. For those of you not in the know...a person who would use RACTIVE equipment on a super high wheel hp supra...should be sent for mental evaluation.
Praise be to Craig Liberman for letting the viewers see his insanely beautiful Toyota Supra with its T66 turbo, and Bomex body kit...pray be to the god of Bomex...I hope you speed over your rival
Praise be to RJ Devara for letting veiwers see his Honda S2000 with its Veilside Millenium S2000 body kit, and Comptech Supercharger. And much hate to whoever thought that stupid ninja star scheme was better than teh blue/black to red chromoflair shift paint job it originally had.
peace-
Brian
Hey this is my first fanfic ever, and Im only writing it to mock a movie that, while accurately portraiting certain parts of the import 'subculture', also has numerous stupid scenes only the true enthusists would notice. And of course the people that just spend a lot of time listenting to the true enthusiasts. Oh yeah I don't own this movie, I wouldnt want my name near it actually, dont get me wrong I liked it, when it came out I loved it, but after seeing it so many times and owning the dvd, I quicky began to notice to many stupid things that were just kinda funny. For the record I do know what I am talking about. I have owned (in this order): a 1993 Nissan Sentra that my buddies and I swapped an SR20DE into, a 1995 Subaru Legacy sedan AWD with a full rally suspension with remote resevoirs, skid plates, case hardened transmission work, a plethora of performance parts, Electromotive TEC II stand alone engine management, roll cage, and some other misc. stuff, a 1998 Acura Intega GS-R with intake, header, exhaust, cam gears, underdrive pulleys, digital ignition system, wires, plugs, polyurethane engine mounts, Koni Adjustables with Ground Control coilovers, SSR competition wheels, and a cool nifty stero system too :) And finally my newest and soon to be greatest ride, a 1998 Mitsubishi Eclipse GSX turbocharged and All Wheel Drive from the factory, by the end of the summer I'll be in low 12's. Next summer Im reaching for the 10's. haha I've owned all these cars in the 3 years I've had a legal drivers lisence. Go figure. Anyhoo on with teh story, like I said I own NOTHING related to the story, ie: characters, brands, franchizes, Universal, the great RJ Devara, Craig Leiberman, and other import people icons.
-Fast and Furious 101-
(A/N: this is gonna be jumping around from different scenes in the movie)
Brian- I need naaawsss....I need nawwsss...my car topped out at 140 mph...
Harry-You know most people would be happy with that...
Brian-Dammit I need NAAWWSSSS!!! I need one of these...one of the big ones...and Harry, I need it by tonight...
Harry-Sure thing boyo....though one can will be more than enough since the amount of nos injected is totally related to the injector plates and not the amount of large, chromey bottles...Have it by tonight...sure it'll only take six hours just to set up the dvd player to the nitrous control unit and stand alone ENGINE management, not to mention rip apart the heater vents and control to install gauges and switches and custom fabricate the parts for it but sure why not you dont need to be concearned with teh little details...stupid pig.
Vince-Talk to me jessie this aint working brother..
Jessie- its your fuel map man, its got a nasty hole...thats why your unloading in third
Leon-I told you it was third
Vince-shut up
Jessie-just tune the nos timer, leghten the injector pulse another millasecond, you'll run 9's.
Vince-Really?
Jessie-Sure...why not? I mean even though the Nos timer wouldnt relate at all to the MAP having a hole in it...speaking of which how does a hole develop in a MAP?
Vince-You tell me...
Jessie-Its not in the script.
Vince-Damn...
Crowd-oooohhhh daaayyymmmnnnn
Jessie-I see a cool air intake, a NOS fogger system and a T4 turbo dominic, It has direct port nitrous, an AIC controller-
Dom-Yeah and a stand aloen fuel management system. Not a bad way to spend 10 thousand dollars.
Random Onlooker-Hey...isnt that the Non-Turbo motor out of a RS/GS model eclipse?
Brian-um...no...no it isnt.
Random Racer-Hey...why are the cam gears on the other side of the engine? and why does it say Chrysler DOHC on it? Isnt it a mitsu? And why would you install a NOS fogger system and a direct port?
Brian-um...I really couldnt tell you.....
Onlooker-Hey...since when do turbos use cold air intakes leading to their intake manifold first, instead of the turbo?
Racer-There's a turbo there? (peers at headers....) nope, no turbo...
Brian-um.....
Edward-See that shit...he's got enough NOSSS in there to blow himself up...period...
Racer-Any nos could blow something up....
Dom-Yeah...
Brian-So what do you say, am I worthy...
Dom-I dunno, I didnt understand WTF jessie was talking about....can't you tell bythe expression on my face?
Brian-Um....
Dom-But your in, lets go!
Dom-You almost had ME? You never had me...you never had your car! Granny shifting, not double clutching like you should....Youre lucky that hundred shot of nos didnt blow the welds on the Intake! As it is I dont know why your floor fell out of the car....
Brian-um...wouldnt double clutching a turbo car just blow the center bearing out of the clutch?
Random racer-FOo! you aint even really doubleclutching...You only double clutch if you had no syncros!
Brian-Synch-what?
Dom-You say sommin bout my momma?
Dom-Your the last person Id expect to show up...
Brian-Yeah well I figured since my car magically got back into good condition I'd thought I'd get into your good graces...
Dom-How did it get this good running again...and how did you get a new floor board in the car?
Brian-I still dont understand how the nos coulda blown the floor out to begin with...
Dom-Oh...
Dom-Alright...what the hell is this?
Brian-This is your car.
Dom-My car? I said a ten second car, not a ten minute car.
Brian-say...doesnt that black eclipse have the same body kit as mine?
Dom-Um...guess its pretty popular.
Brian-Guess so...
*Scene where it pans over the Supra's car parts*
Dom-Wow....look at all the pretty parts...
Letty-is that a RACTIVE air filter?
Leon-god i hope not
Vince-those look like RACTIVE spark plug wires....
Jessie-maybe Dom's on a tight budget?
Brian-whats that snail shaped thingy for?
Dom-Thats the turbo...it does...stuff....and yea....
Vince-what the hell? did we get sponsered by Toucan industries or soemthing?
Letty-I didnt think ractive even made stuff for a supra...
Brian-Hey...doesnt that blue eclipse in teh shop have the same body kit as mine did?
Dom-hey it does...daymn people arent getting very imaginative with them....
Brian-who you racing?
Jessie-some fool in a honda 2000....
Brian-Jessie dont do it, I betcha he's got more than a hundred grand under the hood of that car...
Jessie-Uh huh.
Tran-What the hecks that white boi talking about...maybe if I platinum plated every nut and bolt and chromed everything and tossed a coupla's bags of money under the hood for good luck...and how can they say Honda2000 but not add one letter and make it correct and say Honda S2000?
Racerdude-How bout I race you for that sweet piece of ass?
Letty-You want ass goto hollywood boulavard, you want an adrenaline rush it'll be too large...right here right now...what do you say?
Racerdude-...you got it.
(engine's revving)
Letty-
racerdude-hey...didnt you have Corbeau racing buckets in before?
letty-hey...i did...when did the buckets get replaced with the stock seats?
Racerdude-i dunno.
Random onlookers-Hey...that eclipse has teh same body kit as that eclipse over there....
random onlooker 2-hey...youre right...oh daymn! look at that supra! its got ractive shit all over it!
random onlooker 3-hey check out the babes!
random onlooker 4-OH MY GOD....i saw an eclipse...with the same body kit as the others...
random onlooker 5-oh shit...i saw one with a different front bumper...thank god there is varity after all...
random onlooker 6-Yeah...a honda prelude is gonna beat the Toyomoto sponsered, 10 second street trim Lexus SC300 with a 2JZ-GE motor with a ball bearing T4 turbo, six cylinders, 3.2 literes, and rear wheel drive...
Random onlooker 7-look at all the pretty rice....
Random onlooker 8-hey...is that the same eclipse as before...?
Random onlooker 9-hey...did anyone notice how that 240SX had racing seats one minute and stock seats the next?
Randomonlooker 10-i think everyone did...
kay tahts it people, there is actually a lot more...but as I started to write this I quickly realized taht while humorous to me, it may not be to others, and the fact is as I started to point out all the little things, more and more came to mind, and it scared me. So thats it. Bear in mind I actually liked that movie, but there was just too much bullshit to make it serious. For those of you not in the know...a person who would use RACTIVE equipment on a super high wheel hp supra...should be sent for mental evaluation.
Praise be to Craig Liberman for letting the viewers see his insanely beautiful Toyota Supra with its T66 turbo, and Bomex body kit...pray be to the god of Bomex...I hope you speed over your rival
Praise be to RJ Devara for letting veiwers see his Honda S2000 with its Veilside Millenium S2000 body kit, and Comptech Supercharger. And much hate to whoever thought that stupid ninja star scheme was better than teh blue/black to red chromoflair shift paint job it originally had.
peace-
Brian