Title: Settle For Less
Warnings: Angst. Romance. Slash.
Summary: But then Zack would remember that he couldn't keep Seeley. That one day a nice woman would come along and snatch the strong man away. And Zack didn't want to keep Seeley from that. He didn't want to keep Seeley from his dream. From a wife and a family.
Author's Note: It's been a while since I've posted a story for Bones, but I thought I might. Saw Bones. Missed Zack. Poor thing was forgotten. Enjoy!
Seeley Booth the kind of person who would marry, have children, and live to see his children have more children.
Zack knew that, but he sometimes pretended that Seeley would stay with him. He knew it was irrational to think that way, but he did. It only hurt when he remembered that he was pretending, which was a pain, literally.
Every time he saw Seeley, Zack got warm and he smiled, thinking of what might happened next. The agent was open with his interest, no matter who it was. He sometimes came up to the squint and kiss him full on the lips. Sometimes it was only a hug. Sometimes it was a blinding smile.
But then Zack would remember that he couldn't keep Seeley. That one day a nice woman would come along and snatch the strong man away. And Zack didn't want to keep Seeley from that. He didn't want to keep Seeley from his dream. From a wife and a family.
Which was why he had almost cried when he saw the agent and the agent didn't smile at him. Didn't acknowledge him at all, actually. Because Zack knew. He knew that Seeley had thought about marriage. He only got sad when he thought about marriage and Zack knew that he shouldn't keep Seeley away from that. He didn't want to make Seeley unhappy just for his own happiness.
That was selfish.
And even though Angela and Hodgins had both told him that love was about being selfish sometimes, he couldn't bring himself to be this selfish.
This was all justifying why Zack was standing in the snow, facing Seeley Booth.
"I thought you didn't like the cold," Seeley whispered, confused.
"The cold numbs the pain," Zack whispered. But Seeley had heard him. Confused, he stepped forwards, putting a hand on Zack's arm.
"Pain?" he asked. "Are you hurt? Why didn't you say anything before?"
"Nothing like that."
The agent stopped, a worried look taking over his face. "Then what is it like? Why are we out here? Zack?"
Zack let out a humorless laugh and shook his head. "We're out here so that when we part, we won't be awkward." He had planned this so that it was in between the parking lot and the entrance of the Jefforsonian. That way Seeley could leave with his car and Zack could go back inside. He wouldn't go home tonight. It had been almost two months since he had slept in his own bed, he wouldn't go back to it just yet. He would sleep on the couch of Dr. Brennan's office, if he could.
"When we part?" Seeley asked. "Aren't we going back to my place?
Zack wanted to yell. To scream. To grab Seeley and warn everybody that the man belonged to him. No one else.
But that was childish and foolish. Zack wasn't those things.
He needed to start now, or we would just go back home with Seeley and he would completely forget about this. Push it off until another day.
"I love you," he began. He didn't know where to go from here, but he thought that needed to be said.
"I love you, too," Seeley whispered, a faint smile gracing his lips. But then it turned to a frown. "Zack, what's going on?"
Zack smiled, letting his sadness show just the smallest bit. "You want a family," he whispered, just loud enough for the other man to hear. "You want a marriage, a family, and everything in between. I can't give you that."
There was a pause when Seeley understood what was going on. It was like he had just figured out the murderer was the child's mother. It was horrifying but needed to be unveiled. Zack saw it and hoped that the man wouldn't act on impulse. He spoke before he could give the man a chance to do so.
"I've seen the ways you looked at family. I've seen your smile when someone talks about marriage. But then you frown. Because you can't get it from me. I want you to be happy, and if that means letting you go so that you can have that family, I'll be willing to do it. I love you, Seeley, and I don't want you to settle for less when you can get so much better."
Before the tears fell, Zack turned around. "I'm sorry," he whispered into the ground.
He took a step forward before he was pulled back into warm, inviting arms.
"No."
"N-no?" Zack asked, confused. "What do you mean 'no'?"
"No, I'm not settling for less when I settle for you. I'm actually reaching beyond what I have ever imagines I'll get. You're perfect for me, Zack, and I don't think you realize that." The arms around Zack tightened and Zack leaned back just the slightest.
"I may want to marry, but I will wait until I can marry you. And anyway, Parker loves you. I can have my family now, if I want. So please don't leave me. I will handcuff you and take you home if I have to."
"Home?"
Zack felt the rumble of laughter against his back and Seeley kissed his neck. "Home. Where you will move in with me and we will have a happy life living together. Understand that?"
"Yeah. Home."
"Good. Now can we get out of the snow? I'm cold and I know that a bed could be had with you in it."
"Yes. Home."