Emmett Gets Dirty

By: twilighters-anonymous and I-really-do-bite

DISCLAIMER:I had the copyright to Twilight, but I told Rosalie that she was ugly, then I blacked out, and Rosalie gave the copyright to Stephenie Meyer…so technically she owns it…not I.

A/N: This is a one-shot written by Connie aka I-really-do-bite and Kelsey aka twilighters-anonymous. One day we were at Connie's house and we were bored, so the outcome of that boredom was this one-shot! Kelsey thought of this one-shot a long time ago but never wrote it, so we decided to write it together! Yay procrastination and teamwork! (Yeah it just took me, Kelsey, like 2 minutes to spell procrastination. Connie had to help me.) Set after Breaking Dawn.

(Emmett's POV)

"Rosie! I'm bored!" I whined for the umpteenth time.

"So? Go play with Jasper or something!" She was busy painting her nails, so she wouldn't help me get rid of my boredom by doing some cardio.

"No! Esme gets mad at us when we play too rough! It's no fun!" I continued to whine until I heard the front door close softly and the voices of Edward and Bella returning home.

I smiled evilly, now I could have some fun!

"Rosie, I think I know what I want to do…"

"Whatever! Just…" she waved me out of the room "LEAVE! Oh, and get that mirror and give it to me before you go."

I sighed, rolling my eyes before handing her the mirror from the dresser next to the door.

I walked downstairs; this would be more fun if I could see Edward's reaction to my evil ways.

Downstairs, Edward was laying on one of the couches with Bella lying on top of him, her head resting on his chest. I sat down in the recliner opposite of them.

"Hey you guys! What's going on?" I said acting completely normal, while hiding my thoughts from Edward by singing "The Phantom of the Opera".

"Not much, Emmett. Just hanging out, enjoying each others' company, that sort of thing. What's up with you?" Edward asked suspiciously, he knew something was up.

"Oh, you know the usual. I'm bored and Rosalie doesn't care. So, I thought I would come down here and see what you two were up too." I decided it was time to start my fun. In my mind I pictured what I would like to be doing right now with Rosalie, only I made sure to imagine us in the back seat of Edward's Volvo. I watched as Edward's eyes grew big and his jaw dropped.

"Well, we aren't really doing anything, Emmett. We were really just talking. Not much excitement down here." Bella said sweetly, completely oblivious to what was going on. I continued my onslaught of pure torture to Edward. This time I changed the scenery to his piano.

"That's okay, Bella. I'm just fine with listening to you two talk. You're usually very entertaining." The scene changed once again, this time to Edward's room. In my mind, Rosalie and I were currently against the wall and were moving to the bed.

"We're not that entertaining. We're lying down, so I won't be falling anytime soon." Bella was still oblivious to the mental scene being exchanged from me to Edward. Now, Edward was getting mad, annoyed, and disgusted. He didn't know if he should throw up, if he could, scream at me, or punch me. I decided it was time to change his emotions and focus on the disgusted part. Whoever said Jasper was the only one who could manipulate Edward's emotions?

The scene changed drastically. I was still in Edward's room, but Rosalie wasn't with me. Edward's eyes got impossibly huge; they looked as if they would fall out, right then and there. Bella finally noticed something was defiantly going on when she looked at Edward and saw his face. I was having a hard time holding back the round of hysterics that was building up in the bottom of my stomach.

"Edward?! What's wrong?" Bella asked, a little panicked.

"Emmett! Stop doing that!" Edward growled at me. Oh yes, my boredom was defiantly gone.

"Why, Edward. I don't have any idea as to what you mean." I said innocently. I briefly considered adding Bella to my little fantasy, but I decided against it, thinking of my safety. Oh, what the hell? I'm a vampire, it's not like he could do any real damage.

"EMMETT CULLEN!! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT THIS INSTANT!!" Edward roared at me. Oh, yes, this was fun.

"What am I doing that is upsetting you so very much, dear brother of mine?" I asked him sweetly. I could practically see him fighting to restrain himself.

"You know exactly what you are doing!" He was getting up from the couch, lifting Bella off of him. I could tell he was getting ready to pounce.

"Edward! Please tell me what is going on!" Bella had enough of not knowing what was happening.

"Emmett is…thinking very…inappropriate things." He explained.

"What kind of 'inappropriate things'? Doesn't he always do that? Why are you getting so mad now?" At the moment Bella was very confused. In my head, Bella, Edward, and I were still going at it.

Suddenly, as the position in my mind changed, Edward smiled a tiny bit. I bet he didn't even know that position was possible, he probably was thinking about trying it once Bella was a vampire and without me. Just as quickly as the smile appeared, it was gone again. Bella was still waiting for an explanation as to why Eddie was so irate.

"Bella, Emmett is picturing the three of us…together," he explained to her, at a loss for words.

"I still don't understand. We're together right now."

"I mean he's imagining us together together." He was desperately trying not to say it.

"And? Please go on." By now Bella knew what I was doing, she wasn't that naïve. Now she wanted to hear Edwardo as much as I did.

He let out a frustrated sigh. "He was thinking about the three of us…HAVING SEX TOGETHER!! Happy now? I've said it! I hate you for this Emmett!" After he said this he stomped out of the room. I ceased my mental images and doubled over in laughter. After a few seconds, Bella soon joined me. Once we were in control, she walked up the stairs to go find Edward. I decided it was best to go find Jasper and tell him. I would never forget this!

THE END!

A/N: So that is the story!! When I mentioned the word "pounce" Connie jumped off the couch we were on and pounce on the floor like a cat. It was quite funny. Well, I guess that is all. Be sure to read both of our stories! My name is twilighters-anonymous and Connie's name is I-really-do-bite. We both had a lot of fun writing this together. Maybe we'll write something else together. But for now, toddles! BTW this is on both of our pages.

--twilighters-anonymous and I-really-do-bite