Jealousy

So here's the deal. I had you. For all of those glorious days when we were at school, and for a very short while after the war. I had you to myself. I could kiss you when I wanted, hold you when I wanted, wake up next to you every single morning. I could see your smile every single day. I could see the way the sun made your hair shine that brilliant colour, see your eyes shine when you spoke, hear your beautiful voice telling me that you loved me. I had you, and damn did I love you. And what did I go and do? Lose you. Let you go. Let you run away. After everything, after it all, I let you leave.

I lie awake every night and you just run through my mind, over and over. I can't get you out of there. I don't know what was wrong with me, what could have possibly let me think that letting you go would be the better option. So much for that. I haven't smiled since you left. I wish I could undo goodbye. I forever hate that word. How long has it been now? Nearly 8 months sounds about right. I've tried several times to move out, I've tried to be proactive about it but I just can't do it. The fact that my heart seems to be in pieces and yours is quite whole gets me too. The fact that at the moment, you're quite happily dating some idiot.

What was it you said to me? That night? You were crying, and every tear you shed broke another part of my heart-so I ask myself why again, did I let you go?-and as I was walking out the door, you told me it was better to have lost and loved, then to have never loved at all. It was like. . .you understood. I didn't want you to. I wish you had fought me, forced me to change my mind. What a pathetic reason it was, leaving you. At that time, I was low. I was really depressed and the only thing I wanted was to move on from the war, get on with my life but it was like everywhere I turned there it was. I needed to escape, and I felt as if I couldn't with you there. On one side, I didn't want to hurt you by leaving, but on the other, I knew you would be better off without me bringing you down emotionally like that.

I sound like such a sap. But god, Ginny, you just make me crazy. This is regret. This is disappointment. This is sorrow, grief, distress. I don't know what to do with you. Seeing you happy with someone else. . .it means there is no possibility of 'me and you' anymore. If you're settling with this guy, it's the end for me. What an idiot he is, anyway. A journalist-I mean, come on. I can't stop thinking about the two of your together. The future. . .well, it's yours, isn't it? The past is ours and it's beginning to seem like a fading memory. I'm so insanely jealous of him being with you.

These thoughts continue to swirl around as I make my way through the day, work was slow so they let me go and as I make my way towards the apparating point, I briefly muse over what I will eat for dinner. What a lonely life Harry Potter leads. If anyone could see him and how he is at home. . .so much for The Boy Who Lived, the great hero. Look at what I've become, depressed over some lost love and too pathetic to do anything about it.

When I get inside the house, I jump as I notice the figure on my couch. For a second I think the feminine figure is you, but no. As Hermione stands up with a small smile on her face, my heart drops a thousand floors and I fake a smile.

"Hey, how'd you get in here?" I ask though I'm sure I know how.

"Alohomora. You really should use a more protective spell you know, anybody could get in, Harry!" She admonished and I dumped my bag on the couch and slumped down next to it. Hermione hesitated a second and then joined me, sitting on the edge and giving me a look. "Harry, listen. I have news,"

I looked over at her, not entirely bothered about this 'news' until I actually heard what it was. Hermione looked as if she was unsure where to start, and there was a slightly unsettling feeling in my stomach. I raised my eyebrows and waited for her to continue.

"It's about Ginny," At the mention of your name, my heart did several flips within my chest and I'm sure it showed on my face as Hermione's expression changed slightly. "She's okay right? How's Luke doing?" I spat his name as if it was venom in my mouth and Hermione sighed.

"Fine. Listen, Ginny said she was going to tell you, but I thought you should be prepared. They're moving in together. Tonight, actually, though Luke doesn't know it yet. She said he was working late or something and she was going to surprise him at his place-you probably don't want to hear that, I'm sorry-but I thought you should know," She looked at him, putting on that analysing face that she was ever so good at. I looked away, not wanting her to see the turmoil that was going on inside. This was it. I couldn't possibly stand by and not say something, not when I was feeling so miserable.

"Where is she?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"Hermione, please. Where is she? At her place or his?"

Hermione hesitated, biting her lip and looking uneasy.

"I'm your best friend. You of all people-and by all people I mean Ron, you know he's blind to this sort of rubbish-know what this is doing to me, or you wouldn't be here. Please, I have to make this right. Where is she?" I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight, and this seemed to do the trick.

"At her place but she won't be for much longer Harry, so go qui-"

I was already gone.

When I arrived on the spot outside her front door, I hesitated for a fraction of a second before opening the door and going inside. There were boxes everywhere with some packing themselves. A box over by your bookshelf was slowly being filled by books that were finding their own way in. You must have heard the door because I heard a movement from the hallway, and then your voice.

"Luke? Please don't tell me that's y-"

You stopped in your tracks, the cushion in your hand dropped to the floor but you quickly recovered.

"Harry! What are you doing here?" You smiled that smile that knocks me off my feet and picked the cushion up. I moved across the room till I was two steps away from you. Your smile never faltered and you instead just looked at me.

"Please don't do it," Was all I could manage and your look changed instantly from pleasant and welcoming to what I'm sure Ron would describe as deadly. I had never before been on the receiving end of this death glare, when I had ended things last time it was sadness. Now, it seemed to be anger. And boy, did you flare up quickly.

"Harry Potter, how dare you come into my home uninvited after 8 months of separation and awkwardness between us and you think you can just tell me what to do and I will drop everything and do as you say? Are you barking mad?" The cushion you had picked up was now in danger of being torn apart as your hands formed fists and the cushion went with them.

"Ginny, plea-"

"Don't Ginny me! You have no right, Harry, no right at all! Unless memory fails me, you were the one who got rid of me, who didn't want me anymore because of your stupid ideas and thoughts about me being a better person without you-that was all your idea! None of that was me and you want to waltz back in here like none of that happened? Like I haven't found someone and might actually be happy with him?"

"Don't. You're not happy, I know what you look like when you're happy. It's what you looked like when you were with me. And I know-" I raised my voice as you went to shout again and you settled for throwing the cushion at me instead. I ducked it expertly. "-I know that I was the one to end it. You don't need to remind me of that Gin, I remember that every single day,"

"Oh so what is this then? I'm supposed to feel sorry for you, and take you back with open arms? Sod off, you've got no chance at all," These words hurt, but I had to say my piece, I had to get it out, whether I had a chance or not.

"No, that's not what this is. I know I ended it, and if you knew how much I regretted it and wished it had never happened we wouldn't be standing here. I just-I can't watch you do this when I know you're not truly happy. I know you; don't say it's not true because I do. You aren't happy," I lowered my voice as you sat on the chair next to you, looking away from me and out the nearby window.

"What do you care anyway? Luke is good to me. It's not love, I'll admit that, but he's sweet and isn't going to run away from me," You looked up at these words, and I saw the tears in your eyes. My hopes raised just that tiny little bit.

"You don't know that. It kills me that you're with him, Ginny. Every time I think about your hand in his, about him saying your name, about him lying next to you in bed. All I have are my regrets, and I may have no chance at getting you back and that kills me just as much, but you have to believe me when I tell you that you are making a mistake," I moved over to where you're sitting and knelt in front of you. You refused to look at me and I grabbed your hands.

"Harry-you can't do this, you can't be here. Please, you've got to go, I have to pack-"

"You don't have to do anything," I reached up as a tear fell down your check and brushed it away. Your eyes closed at my touch and I turned your head to face me. You kept your eyes closed as I leant up and closed the gap between us. The kiss was soft and when you didn't pull away I cupped your face in my hands and kissed you harder. In that second, I was the happiest I had been in a long time and I sensed it was the same for you. You moved your arms around my neck and I pulled you up on your feet. You broke away but I didn't let you go, and instead pulled you into an embrace so tight that there was no risk of letting you leave.

"I've missed this," You whispered into my shoulder and your breath felt warm against my skin.

"I've missed you," I whispered back and you pulled apart to look at me.

"What does this mean?" You asked and I smiled slightly.

"What do you want it to mean?"

"Stop being so cryptic. You're the one who left, you tell me what you want," So you were still slightly angry. There was me thinking my loveable charm (yeah, right) had won you over.

"I want you," I said simply, my hands cupping your face again and you sighed deeply. "I want you more than I can say. It's always been you, Gin,"

It seemed to be the use of my nickname for you that did it, and you kissed me again, firmer this time, desperate. I responded with equal urgency and pulled you as tightly to me as I could. I couldn't have you close enough, I couldn't kiss you enough. It seemed too easy, that I had got you back within the space of an evening. Luke crossed my mind for a second, and I laughed inwardly somewhat cruelly at his expense, for he had just lost his girlfriend without even realising it but when I came back to what was in my arms, the girl I was holding, the woman I wanted to be with forever, I realised I couldn't care any less about him. I was happy.

Thank you again for the new reviews, you people are amazing. This is a bit depressing. I don't like writing Harry like this, but a few songs gave me the inspiration for it and maybe someone out there will like it. Who knows! Enjoy anyway, thank you again :)