Hello. This is an AU idea I had. I wanted a fresh start on this account so this is the story I'm going to write in the future. Reviews are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

So this is Erin's POV but it can happen that you'll see Jays POV too sometimes. I'll let you know when that's the case though. I'm excited to write this story and hope you'll like it too!

My eyes fly open and my heart immediately sinks into my stomach. It's been three years now. The bedside next to me is empty. He probably figured it was best if I'm on my own for a couple minutes after I wake up. I love that about him. He always knows exactly when I need my space. The scent of bacon sneaks into my nose as i sit up in bed. I check my phone to see if it's actually been another year, tears springing into my eyes as I look at the numbers on the screen.

December 16th, 2023.

I take a deep breath, forcing back the tears and get out of bed. He is already waiting for me, a perfectly decorated breakfast table in front of him.

"Good Morning babe." He says with a sad smile. He knows exactly what's going on inside of me today and I love him for that.

"Good Morning." I say softly with a smile. He makes it easier for me. He always has, ever since I met him. When I thought I was all alone in this world.

I sit down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck as he puts his arms around my waist, kissing my forehead. And breathing immediately is easier for me. His brown eyes already ask the question without him saying the words.

"I'm okay, David." I sigh softly but he knows it's a lie.

"It's okay if you're not though. And it's also okay if you want to cry or scream or not go." He says with a concerned look.

I have to go. I owe him that.

"But I owe it to him. He was the first person to ever believe in me." My voice breaks and tears pool in my eyes once again. I take a steadying breath and continue "I appreciate your support but I haven't been there on any of the anniversaries so far. I'm gonna go get ready babe. I love you." He leans forward slightly pressing his lips on mine as I get off his lap.

"I love you too." He replies softly.

My phone rings as I walk into the bedroom to get dressed. I know it's a text from Kim without even looking at my phone. She tried and I'm thankful but I couldn't see them these past few years. I didn't want to and she accepted that. But it didn't stop her from asking me if I'd come every year.

'Hey hun, I know you're getting over this the way you need to but I hope you know that we're here. Always. Think about it. I bet Hank would love to see all of us together today. Love you.'

I smile at her message. We grew apart over the years but she was still my best friend, she always will be. I put my phone to the side and start to get ready for the 3rd anniversary of the day that Hank Voight died and I officially lost the last person that was family to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks once again for what feels like the 5th time since we got into the car. I have been watching out of the window for the entire drive so far, so i turn to him. I know that he's scared. I've had a hard time the past two years, especially on the anniversary date. He's been so sweet and loving and supportive, I owe it to him to try and be better.

"I'm fine, honey. Yes this day is always hard, and it probably always will be, but it's easier when you're here. Thank you." I put my hand over his right hand that's resting on my thigh. He grabs mine and kisses it gently tickling me with his beard. I take another deep breath. We're almost there.

...

"We're here, Erin." He says quietly, still holding my hand in his. He's the only support system I have left ever since Hank died. I mean, it's not like people didn't offer their support. But in this moment he was all that i needed.

"Erin! Wait!" Kim screamed after me as I run out of the hospital waiting area. A shocked Will Halstead looking at me.

"Yes Will! I just destroyed the fucking vending machine! You can stop staring now!" He puts his hands up in defence, not saying a word as I pass him storming out of the hospital. The hospital that I watched my whole family die in.

"Erin! Would you please stop! You can't deal with this grief alone! If you're not talking to me then at least talk to Jay!" She cries from behind me. I immediately stop and turn to face her.

"What in the world makes you think that out of all people I'd talk to Jay about this?!" I spit out.

Her face turns red and she knows she's crossed a line. "I just figured since you two always had a special bond." I pull my eyebrows up, I can't believe she just said that, knowing that the only person that has been there for me since I left IU was my boyfriend, David.

"I'd rather talk about it with my BOYFRIEND but thanks for your concern Kim." I turn around to leave and just hear a shaky "I'm sorry, Er" from her. I know she means well, but right now I just need to get out of here.

"You can do this. Do you want me to come with you?" David offers but I just shake my head.

"It's fine. I think I have to do this by myself. But thank you." I say leaning in to kiss him before I get out of the car.

After taking a few minutes to collect myself, I make my way over to Hank's grave. I can already see the unit from further away. Breathe Erin, you can do this. Suddenly a loud voice from behind me pulls me out of my thoughts, "Hey! I'm sorry I'm late hales, traffic was cra-" he immediately stops as I turn to face him. Shock written all over his face. "Erin?"

We just look, more like stare, at each other for a few moments. It felt like hours. His eyes still green and beautiful but without the sparkle they used to have. He looks a little older or maybe just tired. But still as handsome as he always looked. His hair is a little wet because of the snow and his little curls, that he hates so much, are coming through.

"Hi Jay." Is all I can get out. That seems to snap him back to reality as he starts blinking fast.

He slightly shakes his head "woah, wrong partner." he says laughing uncomfortably as I look down to the ground. I force a smile and look back up at him.

"I guess so." I say softly and give him another little smile. He doesn't say more. Just looks at me the way he always looked at me and I know that, after these few moments of eye contact, he already knows what's going on inside of me. And once again on this day I feel the tears shooting into my eyes, ready to betray me.

I feel so vulnerable when he looks at me like that; it's like he has access to all my thoughts, even though I don't want him to. Unable to take his gaze any longer, I blink away the tears and break the silence.

"I think we should-"

"Yeah." He interrupts as I nod into the unit's direction, who are probably just waiting for the two of us. We awkwardly make our way over to them, gaining surprised looks and confused faces. Although I figure the surprised looks are meant for me and the fact that I actually showed up. And me walking over to everyone with Jay next to me definitely caused some confused faces.

I'm the last one to arrive at Molly's and once again I gain surprised looks. Ruzek suggested we have a drink when we left the cemetery and I said I would join them. But they probably didn't expect me to actually come. I haven't been here for years but it still looks exactly the same, except for Herrmann's hair which is now completely grey. It feels like it was just yesterday when we all used to hang out here after work. Well I guess they all still do, just without me. I haven't been here in years.

Hermann looks at me like he just saw a ghost, mouth hanging open. I wave at him with an inaudible "hey". I haven't really talked to anyone in the team yet. We all greeted each other at the cemetery but that was it, really. I sit down next to Kim and mumble a quick "hey guys" and they do the same, trying to make not as awkward as it probably should be. And to my relief, picked up where they just stopped their conversations before I got there.

I'd now made it through 2 rounds of drinks, everyone talking and sharing memories. It was either about something funny that happened with Hank in the past or about their personal lives. Sometimes I could only listen because it happened when I wasn't there anymore. But I was fine with it. The only thing they asked me about was my job, not my personal life. They probably knew this wasn't a good day for those questions and I was glad about it. Especially since it felt like my body was on fire every time his eyes flickered over to me from across the table. So I tried to speak as little as possible, but his gaze still found me even when I wasn't talking.

"So, Lindsay! Are you happy with your job?" Ruzek suddenly ripped me out of my thoughts.

I jump as I hear my name dragging my eyes away from Jay's. I cough to give myself some time to think about my answer.

"Yes! Absolutely. I mean, you all know that I loved being a cop. But this? Being in the shelter; giving women and children a safe place, safety, security and hope? This is what I was meant to do all my life." I smile, and it's probably the first genuine smile today. From the corner of my eye I can see him smile too. And I know that he genuinely means it.

"That's amazing Erin, I'm happy for you." I hear Kim's soft voice say next to me while she gently puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks Kim." I say honestly and turn to look at her. After this point the awkwardness was mostly gone and we just had fun and celebrated the life of Hank Voight. Alvin was the first one to leave, saying he had to get his daughter Michelle to the airport early in the morning. Kevin followed not long after because he wanted to enjoy the rest of the night with his girlfriend. Kim left about an hour after, she was too tired to try to keep up with Adam.

"Alright, please make sure that he gets a taxi when he leaves okay?" She said in her concerned motherly voice. "And if he starts to talk about me and our kids...record everything he says! Thanks!" She laughs and gets on her way to get home to their twins.

At this point there are only Hayley, Jay and a really drunk Ruzek and I left at our table.

I figure I should get on my way too, since David texted me if I was alright half an hour ago. I get my phone out to ask him if he could pick me up.

'Hey babe, I know it's late but would you mind picking me up?'

It only takes about 20 seconds until he replies.

'Of course my love. I miss you like crazy. I'm on my way'

'Thank you, I miss you too.'

I don't notice the bright smile on my face until I look up at Jay who's staring at me. A sleeping Ruzek next to him and no sign of Hayley. My smile drops and I look at him confused.

"Where's Hayley?" I ask obviously surprised.

"She had to take a phone call. Her dad and her are pretty close so whenever something happens or he needs help with something he calls her." He says dryly and I can tell that something is wrong with him.

My phone vibrates again and I look down.

'I love you.'

I smile again. And look up when I hear Jay coughing. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or not but he certainly has my attention now.

"Sorry." He says with a simple smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He's pissed off, I can tell, so I just smile back.

He nods in the direction of my hand which is still holding my phone. Eyebrows raised.

"Impressive ring." He says and my heart sinks into my stomach as I look down at the beautiful diamond engagement ring sitting snugly on my left hand.

That was chapter 1! Hope you liked it! If you did leave me a review and let me know please :) I honestly appreciate those. If something is confusing please let me know too so I can clear things up for you. I get that it might be confusing at first but I'll fill everything that happened out in the first few chapters, promise! ;)