"Last rule as a Paramedic. Never take a shift home with you." These words were often uttered around the Ambulance Station whenever Observers joined the team on shouts. Dixie had said them often enough over the years but today was a case of "easier said than done."
Jeff and Dixie had thought they had seen it all in all their years of experience, they had dealt with shootings, stabbings, collisons, entrapments and amputations but nothing prepared them for this. This day is one they will never forget and is the shift they will take home with them. It was never going to go away and they knew it.
Jeff lay on his back staring up at the ceiling, the pair had decided to go to bed hoping sleep will make them feel better. They had said their goodnights before leaving to their own rooms. Now he was on his own, he could not stop his emotions from showing. As he shuffled around in his bed, there was a faint knocking on his door. Jeff sniffed quickly and ferociously wiped at his eyes before he spoke.
"Come in." He called trying to keep his voice strong.
As his door opened he flicked on his bedside light which not only illuminated his tear soaked face but hers as well.
"Oh Dix, come here princess."
Jeff threw back his duvet and moved to one side as Dixie ran towards him shedding fresh tears as she got into Jeff's bed throwing her arms around him. The pair clung to each other as they cried, no words were spoken between them, there didn't need to be, they knew what was going on in the others mind. They knew what was upsetting them so much.
EARLIER THAT DAY...
"Holby control to 3006."
"3006 receiving. Go ahead control."
"Entrapment and casualties at Holby Pavilion. Number and ages unknown at this time. Three crews and Fire service are being dispatched."
"All received and on our way... DIXIE WE HAVE A SHOUT BABE."
Jeff zipped up his coat and got into the drivers seat while Dixie ran round the side throwing two cups of tea away in the bin. Once she was in and belted up, Jeff headed out.
"What we got then?"
"Holby Pavilion, entrapment."
"Holby Pavillion. Do we have a Pavillion?"
"Yeah, bloody hell Dix you have lived here for over seven years, how can you not have heard of the Pavillion?"
"The same way you had missed the giant Sainsburys at the bottom of the Green."
Jeff shot Dixie a look before smiling at her. "I never go that way so why would I know. You do the shopping, it is your wifely duty."
It was now Dixies turn to shoot him a look of warning before she spoke. "Seriously though Jeffrey, what is at the Pavillion that could cause an entrapment?"
"Some fat sod probably got stuck in the sauna."
"Jeff!"
"Kidding, just kidding. I used to be a member of the gym there when the kids were small. They have a swimming pool, spa, gym, cafe and a massive soft play area. I used to take my two there after work, they loved it but doesn't half give you a workout."
"Somehow I can't see you climbing rope ladders and that. I bet it was a sight."
"Don't knock it til you have tried it babe. Once we are done with whatever waste of time call this is, I challenge you to a lap of the play equipment."
"We will look a right pair. Two middle aged people dressed as Paramedics chasing each other around a place that is meant for toddlers and young children. I do not think so somehow Mr Collier."
"Only because you know I will win." With that Jeff pulled up outside the building. "Aye up, looks like more than one fat bloke was stuck in the sauna. Maybe it's two."
"JEFFREY"
"Three fire crews, it cannot be good Dix."
"Doesn't look that way mate. Come on kid, lets get going."
Both grabbed their kit and jumped out of the ambulance heading over to the crowd. As they got closer they heard mass hysteria. People were screaming, crying, frantically begging to be let back in. It was then that Jeff realised what had happened and what they were walking into. Before he had a chance to warn Dixie she was being spoken at by the fire chief.
"Are you Dixie Collier?"
"Yeah. What have we got?"
"We are still trying to stabalise the structure, there are huge numbers still inside."
"Right so what happened?" Dixie asked puzzled.
"Play apparatus collapsed. Whole structure is unstable, we need to secure it before we can let you lot in."
"Aye."
"Childrens soft play area has come down." He said once more before walking off.
Dixie stood there stunned, had he really just said that? She looked on as he left her, it was said so matter of factly as if it were normal. How many times has this happened in her career? None.
Slowly she turned to take stock of what was in front of her. Parents were cradling their children close, others were trying to get the Paramedics attention to treat their little ones. It was the begging that got to her, the look of desparation on the faces of the parents whose children were still unaccounted for, who were still inside...trapped...helpless...alone...scared.
Dixie felt a weight on her shoulder, lookimg around she met Jeffs gaze. He gave her a half smile to reassure her but they both knew this was one shout they were never going to forget and hope they would never see again. She opened her mouth to try to speak but no words came out, she was moving her jaw but that was it.
Jeff could see her anguish, even though this was killing him inside he tried to remain strong for her. Dixie always suffered with shouts that involved children, as did he, but he needed her focussed, doing what she does best.
"Dix, focus mate."
"Jeff... all..."
"I know Princess, I really do but you need to snap out of this and get stuck into helping. I need you to focus, to take charge of your team. I know you can do this."
Dixie took a deep breath and numbly nodded at her partner who still had his arm on her shoulder. She scanned the area and took in once more the scene before her...
They had stopped crying but the tears were as fresh as the memories that had caused them. They remained lying together in Jeffs bed cuddling one another before Dixie broke the silence.
"How does something like that happen?"
"No idea Princess. No idea."
"How does a structure like that just give way? Surely it would have been checked?"
"It could have been any number of things. Loose bolt, worn joints, age of the apparatus, vandalism..."
"Jeff do not say that. Who would vandalise something like that and put all those little lives at risk."
"Disgruntled employee."
"All of those lives Jeff. All those toddlers and babies. All those parents seeing the bags praying their child wasn't the one inside. Some had only been alive for a few months, weeks even. How..." Dixie broke down once more as she spoke seeing the small lifeless children that they couldn't save. The ones that died. She held onto Jeff tightly as he rubbed her head and back. It was a sight no adult should ever have to see, parent or no parent...
The crew were assembled in the Rec Room waiting for Dixie to debrief them. An awkward silence hung in the air, many of the 16 strong crew were parents themselves and had already phoned home to check that all was well with their families. Even Norman was lost for words at the tragedy they had all witnessed, the one they couldn't prevent.
"What is Dixie doing Jeff?" Norman whispered.
"Talking to the top brass I think mate."
"Is she OK? I mean this happened on her watch."
"What are you saying? That she caused it"
"No. Just it must be harder for a supervisor as she has not only witnessed it but also has to put her team first in the aftermath. That must be challenging for her."
Jeff reflected on Normans words, she would be really struggling right now and probably needed him. One thing Dixie was is professional, she would put her crew first. Jeff was just about to go and see her when she entered the room. She looked pale, with blood shot eyes and was shaking. As much as he wanted to help her, he knew she had to do this alone.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting." Dixie began, she tried to keep her strong Northern tone but it was not working. " I would like to thank you all for all your efforts out there today, it was a tough one. The Police and Fire Crews are still investigating the cause and will let me know what they have concluded. I have spoken with the men in suits and it has been agreed that everyone who attended receive counselling. Your appointments are here. You all have three sessions to attend. I am going to look at the rotas and cover your shifts while you attend these. It has been a horrible shift and I think it is best we go home to our families and be with them. If ever you want to talk, I am here for you."
Dixie handed out the appointments and left her crew to retreat to the safety of her office once more...
"You were really brave talking to the crew like that Dix."
"I was bricking it "
"Nah. You were great."
"Thank you Jeff."
Jeff wasn't thrilled to be seeing Ben the hospital counsellor again, nor was he pleased to be going alone. He had ranted about it to Dixie earlier while she was spreading herself thinly to cover the shifts. He hadn't noticed Dixie talking again.
"You will behave tomorrow wont you and take this seriously?"
"Of course I will."
"Promise me Jeffrey. The last thing I need is a complaint about your attitude."
"I said I will and I will."
"Be sure you do"
"When are your appointments babe?" Jeff asked while moving around in the bed changing his position.
"After everyone has had theirs."
"Why?"
"Because that is how it is Jeff."
Jeff sighed before reshuffling once more in his bed, sleep was needed whether he would get any or not was the next hurdle.
"Suppose we should try and get some sleep Dix."
"Guess so. Night night handsome." Dixie replied before giving Jeff a kiss and getting out of his bed.
"See you in the morning Jeff."
"You too Princess. I am here if you want a hug, doesn't matter what time it is. If you need me, I am here."
"Cheers mate. Night."
And with that Dixie left Jeffs room and headed back to her own. Sleep was needed but was hard to find. Each time they closed their eyes scenes from the shift flashed before them, sleep was a pointless endeavour.
Dixie gave up at 3am and went into the kitchen. She wasn't surprised to find Jeff sat at the table holding a mug of tea flicking through the paper.
" Made you one too."
"Thanks. You been here long?"
"Long enough to make two teas. I had a feeling you would be up as well."
"This isn't going to go away is it?" Dixie said as she sat opposite her husband.
"Nope." Jeff replied as he pushed away the paper and sat back in his chair. "It will get easier though. Time is a healer."
"Not for those poor parents though."
"Maybe not but we just have to hope they will be getting the help they need as well."
"I never want another shift like that again. I would happily see Irene and her randy cats for 12 hours than that ever again."
"As much as she irritates the hell out of me. I will have to agree with you there Dix."
Dixie nodded before taking a sip of her tea adding one final thing.
"At least that will be a shift we don't take home with us."
A/N - Guess where I went today? Yep. Soft Play and it creaked like hell!