Hiru no Tsuki Silver Sun

by Kayochen

Some alternative lyrics to 'Hiru no Tsuki', Melfina's song. I always found the real English dub to be a bit mediocre, so I had a shot at writing my own lyrics.

This is a weird thing I did in my spare time. It didn't exactly take much effort. I just felt a strange sense of dissatisfaction when listening to the English dubbed words of Hiru no Tsuki. They are okay, but they're nothing special, and I feel a much better job could have been done to translate them more literally. So here's my attempt! You'll notice that some of the lines are similar to those used in the translation, those are the ones that I thought good enough to keep.

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Hiru no Tsuki (Silver Sun*)

All is still,

One sweet summer's eve**,

The wind through the leaves

Is soft and fresh.

Flowers sway,

As if in a dream.

This whole world seems

To know me.

Calmness lulls me.

This serenity;

Someone please find me,

***The words with which to describe,

This world in which I hide****.

All is still,

One sweet summer's eve,

The wind through the leaves

Is soft and fresh.

Tell to me,

A story if you can,

Locked in white sands.

Like moonlight****.

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*The literal translation of the title is 'Daytime Moon' but I thought 'Silver Sun' was a bit snazzier.

**It's actually supposed to be a summer's day. Midday to be precise, but eve sounds better and it fitted into the rhyme. So I cheated a little! ^ ^;

***You may well be scratching your head at this point wondering how the Hell you cram all those syllables into the one line. 'The words' replaces 'Ohhmm' in the official song.

****I was debating between this line and an alternative 'This feeling deep inside.', which is more faithful to the Japanese, but I thought it a little too cliché. Please tell me if you think that would suit it better.

*****Okay, okay! Anyone who knows the original words will know that this is FAR from the real meaning, but it was the best I could fit into a verse with such a limited number of syllables.

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So please read and review, and be sure to mention whether you thought this was better or worse than the proper English dub. I won't be offended by criticism (I do like a little praise though, hintyhintyhintyhint). ^^

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